"Flortarios III"
(On the Phoenix-X, in the Ready Room)
#Ensign Dan: Captain, receiving a communication from Starfleet command.
Daniel: Put it through to here.
>Admiral Cloud: Captain, have you ever heard of Flortarios III?
(Dun-dun-dun!)
(Meanwhile, in the mess hall, BOB and Night Gotens eat at a table)
BOB: See that humaaan over there?
Gotens: Yeah. Damon Smith.
BOB: He's a scientist here. The Xena picked him up from Flortarios III and dropped him off here to help study the anomaly.
Gotens: Oh, that anomaly that appeared out of nowhere?
BOB: Yeah.
Gotens: I remember now. How do you know so much about the people on board? You'd think you check their background.
BOB: Yeah, well, as a Ferengi, you meet a lot of people. It's just what happens.
Gotens: Heh, heh. Hmm. He just glanced at us. Do you think he can hear us?
BOB: Definitely.
#Daniel: Commander Night Gotens and ...BOB... report to my ready room, please.
(In the Ready Room)
Daniel: Took you long enough.
BOB: Well, you never said immediately.
Daniel: Have you two ever heard of Flortarios III?
(Night and BOB look at each other in surprise. Dun-dun-dun!)
(Later, on the Bridge, BOB, Night and Daniel enter from the Ready room. The Phoenix-X is studying an anomaly)
Damon (at sensors): Well, this anomaly isn't as interesting as I thought.
Daniel: Maybe you shouldn't have come?
Damon: Yeah, well, you know these anomalies. They're always anomaly-ing.
BOB: That doesn't sound very scientific.
Ensign Dan: Captain. Receiving a communication from Starfleet Command.
BOB: Well, it's about time. Now maybe we can know the plans to our next mission.
Daniel: On screen.
>Cloud: Captain Daniel.
Daniel: Well, whaddya want?
>Cloud: It seems you have a spy on board. He is helping the Alpha Quadrant Jem'Hadar gather information about our mission to intercept a trade.
(Everyone looks at each other)
>Cloud: We have identified him. He is the Ferengi to your right.
Daniel: Security, escort BOB to the brig.
BOB: What!? This is preposterous! I'm not a spy!
(BOB is dragged into the turbolift)
BOB: I'm not a spy!!
(The door closes)
Daniel: Puh! Ferengi's.
Damon: Whoa...
>Cloud: Alpha Quadrant Jem'Hadar have been stationed on Flortarios III. You are to go over to Flortarios III. It is a capital trade planet. The Jem'Hadar say they're over there to trade tulaberry wine, but from our sources they're accepting a pack of Starfleet weapons from a Ferengi troop. We have concluded that part of that troop to be the Ferengi on your ship.
Damon: They think the Jem'Hadar are accepting Federation weapons?
Ensign Dan: Looks that way.
Daniel: I guess we'd better stop them.
>Cloud: You know the procedure. There is also a chip that the Jem'Hadar has. I want you to get it. Admiral out.
Daniel: Helm, set a course to Flortarios III, warp factor 6. Night, prepare a security-away team, and report to transporter room 3.
(The Phoenix-X arrives at the planet. Meanwhile, in Transporter Room 3)
Daniel: I will beam down first. I'll signal when for you guys to beam down.
#Lieutenant Armond: Captain, someone is beaming out of Transporter Room 2. I can't override it.
Daniel: Hmm. Energize.
(He beams out)
(On Flortarios III, in a room, a Jem'Hadar Third enters the room and sees the First and Second talking)
First Ruk'Tenon: Did our spy contact you?
Second Cag'Vit: Yes, he has miraculously escaped and has reported that the Federation will intercept. Remember what he looks like?
First Ruk'Tenon: Yes, who could forget such an ugly face. Ah Third, you are here. I want you to lead the others and have them surround the area of our trade. We will capture the Federation team and the Ferengi.
Third Tunn'Kort: Yes, First.
(On the Phoenix-X's Transporter Room)
#Daniel: Daniel to Phoenix-X, Okay beam down the preset coordinates.
(The team beams down)
(It's after hours on one side of Flortarios III. At a small base, BOB approaches the door and talks into the screen)
BOB: I am the spy from the Phoenix-X. I'm here to lead the trade.
(Two Ferengi look at each other)
>Wenk: I didn't know the spy was a Ferengi.
>Kehmeh: Neither did I. Let him in.
(Door opens, BOB walks in)
(On a nearby street, someone is sneaking around. Third Tunn'Kort sees and quietly follows)
Third Tunn'Kort: Hhmmm...that looks like some kind of human...
(On another street, a hover transport, holding a big crate, arrives and stops. Six Ferengi come out and one is BOB)
BOB: Well?
Kehmeh: They'll be here.
(Five Jem'Hadar approach with weapons, including the First and Second)
BOB: Do you have the chip?
First Ruk'Tenon: Yes, right here. Second, check the crate.
(Cag'Vit checks crate)
Second Cag'Vit: They're in there.
Gotens: Hold it right there.
(Seven Federation officers approach)
Gotens: Ferengi, Jem'Hadar drop your weapons, or prepare unbelievable pain!
(Wenk aims at the Commander)
Wenk: It is Eleven against seven... Drop yours.
(BOB turns around and points a weapon at Purn)
BOB: Ten against eight... Drop yours.
Wenk: Traitor! Traitor!!
First Ruk'Tenon: Who are you? We were supposed to meet the spy from the Phoenix-X!
Wenk: You aren't the spy?
Damon: No. I am.
(Out of the shadows the Human approaches with a weapon)
Second Cag'Vit: Ugh, the ugly face!
Gotens: Oh my God. It was him all along!?
First Ruk'Tenon: This is enough!
Damon: No, this is enough. We are going through with this trade, BOB. Drop your weapon!
(Tunn'Kort emerges from the shadows pointing a weapon at Damon)
Third Tunn'Kort: No, drop yours.
(Tunn'Kort then transforms into Captain Daniel)
First Ruk'Tenon: A Changeling!
(Second Cag'Vit fires at Commander Night Gotens. Night ducks and fires back, stunning him. Everyone starts firing like crazy. The Ferengi, except BOB, run into the hover transport)
(The transport starts moving out. Night turns and shoots the vehicle. The back end explodes. Daniel leaps and tackles Damon to the ground. A bunch of torpedo rifles go flying through the air from the explosion and BOB catches one. He opens fire at the Jem'Hadar)
(On the Phoenix-X)
Red: I'm detecting an explosion at the site.
Armond: Beam them out now!
(Federation officers with commbadges are then beamed out, but BOB, Night, and Daniel are left. The Jem'Hadar capture them and hold them in a cell in an underground base)
Wenk: At least we're alive.
Kehmeh: That is not one of the Rules of Acquisition!
BOB: I guess we did good? Not including this captured part, though.
Daniel: Yeah. Damon thought he was free to make his transmission with the Jem'Hadar because he thought we thought you were the spy. You beamed down pretending to be the spy and I was mistaken as the Third. Good thing we knew that Damon was the spy.
Gotens: The who was the what now?
Daniel: Never mind. We're done that part. Now, we have to find a way to get the chip that's in their hand. There is some kind of important info on it.
(On the Phoenix-X)
Kugo: They're gone.
Armond: Keep scanning! And are you free tonight? Would you like to go out?
Kugo: It appears your temporary command is giving you Kirk-level overconfidence.
Armond (pulls sleeve up arm): My God. I think it's in my veins now.
(In the small holding cell on Flortarios III, Daniel, Gotens, BOB, Ferengi dealer Wenk and another Ferengi dealer Kehmeh all sit)
Kehmeh: You guys messed up our trade!
Wenk: Yeah!
Daniel: Be quiet. I should just attack you with an ear swab.
BOB: Wait. Everyone, gather around. I have a plan. Captain, aren't you a god to the Jem'Hadar?
Daniel: Why, yes.
BOB: So why don't you do something godlike?
Daniel: You're lucky you've got brains, BOB, because damn, you're ugly.
(He explains to the Jem'Hadar that he is a god. The Jem'Hadar lets him go but not the other prisoners. The Captain turns into Jackie Chan and beats the guards up. He later frees the others)
Daniel: You guys, grab their weapons.
Gotens: Captain, I think I can reach the Phoenix-X from this console.
Daniel: Make it so.
(An angry Flortarian troop begins arriving. Daniel steals the chip from one of the knocked-out Jem'Hadar's hands)
Daniel: Commander, close those doors.
Gotens: On it.
BOB: I don't think those doors will hold off very much longer.
Daniel: Take your positions and get ready to defend yourselves. How is it going, Commander?
Gotens: I've almost broken through their computer. I just have to contact the Phoenix-X.
BOB: They are busting through the doors.
(Boom Boom! The Flortarians break in. Phasers go firing everywhere.)
Gotens: I've got it.
Daniel: Five to beam up. Now!
(Later, in the Phoenix-X's Brig)
Elly: Get in there!
Damon (thrown in): Owe! That hurt!
Elly: Be quiet!
Damon: I want my lawyer! I want Matlock! You won't get away with this!
Elly: Yes, we will.
Damon: Argh! If only I wasn't out-smarted by the Phoenix-X crew. Crud!
(Lieutenant Elly looks at him, weirdly)
(On the Phoenix-X, Bridge)
Armond: Captain!
Daniel: Greetings. Are you flirting with Kugo again?
Armond: No, sir.
Daniel: I think you were!
Gotens: That's not important.
BOB: Yeah, what's important is that I'm not a spy and you've acquired the chip with which we never knew why we needed it.
Daniel: Yes. Another addition to our collection.
(He throws the chip into a basket of other chips)
Gotens: Wait. Did you label that?
Daniel: Nah. And, by the way, good work BOB. I'm sorry the guards had to be so rough on you earlier.
BOB: Ah, it's alright. My face can't get any uglier.
Daniel: Oh, BOB, no. No, you're fine.
(He quickly changes the subject)
Daniel: Well, everyone. I say we just leave the mess on the planet for the Enterprise to fix. Heh, heh, heh.
(Everyone just looks at him)
Daniel: Helm, take us out of here. With attitude!
Red: Yes sir!
(He throws the chip into a basket of other chips)
Gotens: Wait. Did you label that?
Daniel: Nah. And, by the way, good work BOB. I'm sorry the guards had to be so rough on you earlier.
BOB: Ah, it's alright. My face can't get any uglier.
Daniel: Oh, BOB, no. No, you're fine.
(He quickly changes the subject)
Daniel: Well, everyone. I say we just leave the mess on the planet for the Enterprise to fix. Heh, heh, heh.
(Everyone just looks at him)
Daniel: Helm, take us out of here. With attitude!
Red: Yes sir!
(The ship jumps to warp)