Episode 66

Star Trek: Phoenix-X

Stardate 45632.3 - Elim Garak meets up with his boss in a dark and mysterious office. They are both part of a secret group called the Obsidian Order.
Tain: "Welcome."
Garak: "I've just returned from the meeting."
Tain: "So how did it go?"
Garak: "Apparently, Section 31 wants to build one of their secret ships in our space."
Tain: "I want to know exactly what this 'ship' is."
Garak: "All the schematics are on this data-rod. It is called the 'Pheonix-X'."
He hands it over.
Tain: "Ugh! The X at the end is too premature!! I refuse to help this Federation."
Garak: "But this ship is different. In fact, I was so impressed by its difference I already accepted the operation!"
Tain: "What?? Just for that, I exile you!!"
Garak: "Oh, Tain. You say that every week. But we all know you never will, because you're my father."
Tain: "I told you never to speak of that! Now get out!!"
He throws the data-rod at Garak, prompting Garak to leave.

Three years later, Garak finds himself working on Deep Space 9; where he has been exiled since then. Enabran Tain searches his Office all over for the data-rod.

Dejar: "Face it. You will never find that thing."
Tain: "But where--?"
Dejar: "According to the logs, you threw it at your son just before you exiled him."
Tain: "Crap!! We needed that to enhance our fleet ships."
Dejar: "Speaking of Garak; perhaps it is wise to get rid of him, for he may be a danger to your personal security."
Tain: "Indeed. I plan to get those Flaxans to do it."
Dejar: "What about me??"
Tain: "A female assassin? Hah! That's the craziest thing I've ever heard."
He approaches her.
Tain: "There is a different mission for you. I want you to go to Terok Nor and sabotage Bajoran-Cardassian relations. Now go!"

She impersonates a Scientist and boards Terok Nor, a.k.a. Deep Space 9. There she finds Garak posing as a Tailor.

Garak: "Ah, how can I help you?"
Dejar, reaches for a knife: "You can die--- Err..."
She glances over and notices an exquisite dress to Garak's left.
Dejar: "...Divulge me in this dress. It is magnificent!"
Garak: "Wait a second. I know that tone of shock in your voice... You've been hanging around Tain. You're from the Obsidian Order!"
Dejar: "Quite observant, Garak. Perhaps there is something you can help me with. I'm looking for the blueprints to a ship called the 'Phoenix-X'."
Garak: "Normally I wouldn't give or even admit I had such a valuable piece of information. But now that you've brought it up, I would like nothing more than to get rid of it."
Dejar: "Oh?"
Garak: "You see it's brought me nothing but bad luck. When I first moved in here, I slipped on the data-rod numerous times for being on the floor. Let's just say, I know more about back injuries than any other Tailor."
Dejar: "You're the only Tailor in this Century."
Garak: "Ah, so you see my predicament."
Dejar: "Just give me the data-rod."

Garak and Dejar go searching all over for the data-rod, from the Tailor Shop to his Quarters. There is no sign of it anywhere.

Dejar: "Ugh! How can someone live in such a mess??"
Garak: "I don't understand. I was sure I had it."
Dejar: "Forget about it. I have some Cardassian-Bajoran relations to sabatoge. It will be a thing of destiny."
Garak: "Will you be acquiring the dress?"
Dejar: "Hmm. Yes... and maybe you and I could aquire something of our own later..."
She winks at him as she's walking away.
Garak, shutters in fear: "UhHhHh... --I hope this exiled thing doesn't catch on."

Dejar passes Quark's Establishment, where a Ferengi works to serve his customers. Three weeks later, a certain Human takes a seat at his Bar.

Quark: "Ah, Chief O'Brien! You're not planning on doing anymore timeshifting are you? Because I've had enough to deal with with those revised Rules of Aquisition!"
Smiley: "Unfortunately, I am not your Chief O'Brien."
Quark: "Wait a second. The Chief would never say that."
Smiley: "I am his mirror double, from the Mirror Universe! And I'm here to inquire on any Starship Schematics you may have."
Quark: "You're just in luck. I happen to have this data-rod on some Starfleet ship called the 'Phoenix-X'. I found it in a suit I bought off Garak some time ago."
Smiley: "Excellent! That'll do more than fine. I've already got the Defiant Schematics, but with this I'm sure my people will win in our rebellion!"
Quark: "Your Mirror Universe sounds interesting. Perhaps I’ll visit it sometime."
Smiley: "You should! Our mirror-Quark was killed in the rebellion and it would be nice to have a replacement."
Quark: "Heh... On second thought, just take the data-rod."

Smiley gets up and leaves, eventually returning to his own Universe. There, it takes four years to have a version of the Pheonix-X created and a crew selected for command.

Armond: "Nice ship we've got here. But why did it take so long to get built?"
Red: "I believe finding the parts was the most difficult."
Kayl: "I'm just looking forward to many more years together!"

Suddenly, they have a cross-over episode, which leads to their destruction. The only person that survives is the Commander. He speeds away in a small ship.

James: "Hahahaha! They'll never get me!"

Six and a half years later... the real Phoenix-X, in the original Universe, recall that crossover episode they had six and a half years ago. The Bridge is in awe of reminiscence.
Seifer: "Those were great times, right guys?"
RaeLuna: "I do not know. I was not there."
Amp: "Yeah, I wasn't there either."
Seifer: "Really? What about our first recycled Borg encounter? The introduction to the X-Continuum?"
RaeLuna: "Negative. We joined the crew later on."
Amp: "That last one sounds like a Q-Continuum rip-off."
Seifer: "It was. Oh and it was great!"
RaeLuna: "I am... sorry, we did not get to experience those encounters."
Amp: "Yeah."
Seifer, shrugs: "It's alright guys. We've still got tons more to go, together. Like that one over there."

He points to the view-screen, where a vessel of some sort has approached. They are hailed and the view-screen clicks on.

>James: "Greetings."
At that moment, Captain Cell enters the Bridge.
Cell: "This is Captain Cell of the Federation Starship Phoenix-X. What is going on here?"
>James: "I am James, from the S.D. Raptor. Do you know where else I'm from?"
The Captain thinks for a second.
Cell: "Panama?"
>James: "Wrong! I'm also from your mirror-vessel. The same one you destroyed six and a half years ago!"
Cell: "Well now. Isn't this is a pleasant surprise. How have you been doing all this time?"
>James: "You don't get it. I'm here to destroy you back for what you did!!!"
Cell: "Oh come now. You don't really mean that."

Suddenly the view-screen clicks out to a view of the Raptor (mirror). The crew of the Phoenix-X are left alone, and quickly call a meeting of the senior staff.

Everyone takes their place in the Briefing Room.
Cell: "He doesn't really mean that, does he?"
Seifer: "I think he does, Captain."
RaeLuna: "Why else would he have disconnected the viewscreen like that?"
Cell: "Hmm... good point."
Kugo: "Why are we just sitting here? We should be on the Bridge defending the ship!!"
Omega: "Perhaps. But one could also beg the question of, why are they not attacking us?"

Meanwhile, in the Briefing Room of the Raptor...
Dain: "Sir, why are we not attacking them??"
James: "I will decide when we attack!"

Back on the Phoenix-X, the crew start to shift in their seats nervously.
Lox: "A mirror-universe? That other vessel must really dislike us to come all the way from another universe."
Cell: "Well, we did have our mirror-doubles destroyed. I mean, they were mirror-doubles!!"
Seifer: "I think it's more than that, sir... I recognize that James guy."
Cell: "What 'chu talking 'bout, Seifer?"
Seifer: "It was five years ago, but my original Symbiont was stolen from me and replaced by this... Seifer Symbiont."
Lox: "You're a Trill???"
Kugo: "Um, yeah, Doctor. We all knew that!"
Seifer: "Anyway, it is from my misty recollection that this James guy was the one who stole it from me."
Kugo: "You mean, the Gotens Symbiont?"
Seifer: "Indeed. I fear, with the knowledge he has with my old Gotens Symbiont, he may have the means to disable the Phoenix-X. That would explain his confidence."
Lox: "Great! That means the past has come to haunt us. The past!!"
Cell: "Relax, everyone. I'm sure we can handle this. If you recall, we practically get attacked every week, as if on an episode basis."
Kugo: "I'm not sure if I'm comfortable with that analogy, but if you say so Captain."

Suddenly, the Phoenix-X is shot at by the Raptor. The crew rushes to the Bridge, as the Raptor spins around to another angle.

James: "Hah!! Excellent shot."
RaeLuna: "Thank you."
James: "Also, did you notice that you have a mirror-double on that ship?"
RaeLuna: "Yes."
James: "That must be very disturbing for you."

The Phoenix-X locks a tri-focal beam onto the Raptor, beginning to drain their energies. But the Raptor repulses the beam with a neutralizing agent distributed through their power systems. The beam dissipates.

Cell: "Uh! What happened?"
Amp: "It looks as if our focal-beam is ineffective against them."
Cell: "That was annoying. RaeLuna, lock onto the Raptor and fire the Slipstream Torpedoes!"
RaeLuna: "Yes, Captian. I noticed my double on the viewscreen earlier. Perhaps this will be an interesting challenge of tactics."

She fires, and two blue Torpedoes blast out into space. The Raptor quickly dodges them and speeds over the Phoenix-X. Once they're above, they lock a forced-Tractor Beam through the shields and into the hull. The computer's are suddenly linked up, giving way to the Phoenix-X's control.

After that, James and his mirror-team beam onto the Bridge with weapons.
RaeLuna: "So, that was an interesting challenge of tactics."
Cell: "Crap!! How did we get taken over so easily??"
James: "I'll field that question. When I stolen the Gotens Symbiont, I placed it carefully within my significant other here... Lex."
Lex: "Hi."
James: "She was able to tell me your Commander Seifer's access codes."
Cell: "What??"
He turns to Seifer.
Cell: "Those are to be changed every day!!!"
Seifer: "They are?? Since when?"
Cell: "Since the beginning of Starfleet Protocols!"
Seifer: "Crap... I haven't changed mine since six and half years ago."
James: "As you can see, Captain; I regain the upper hand. Only this time, instead of destroying you like I promised, I have decided to take you hostage and sell you to the Alliance as slaves."
Cell: "You won't get away with that. I'll stop you with my Omni powers!!"
He begins charging his powers, flowing with energy-bands. But James just snaps his fingers and the mirror-RaeLuna walks over and places futuristic hand-cuffs on Cell's wrists.
Cell: "What the??"
James: "That's right. With the help of my mirror RaeLuna, I've been able to master your freakishly powerful kind with Omni controlling devices. Thank you, RaeLuna."
RaeLuna: "It was a pleasure."
RaeLuna: "What the?? I'm the real RaeLuna!"
RaeLuna: "Not true. We are both real to our respective Universes."
RaeLuna: "Well, I'm at least the good one!"
RaeLuna: "Yes, but being bad is so much more good."
RaeLuna: "--Err, I am bad. I can be bad aswell!"
RaeLuna: "I don't think so. You have not gone to bad-school."

She goes around, continuing to hand-cuff everyone. Later, the controlling party reconvenes in the Briefing Room.

James: "Excellent. Your bad-school was a perfect help to this mission."
RaeLuna: "Thank you. That duplicate bitch was no match for me."
James: "Whoa, whoa! Since when did we allow the use of swearing?"
RaeLuna: "I believe it accentuates my bad-ness."
James: "Very well. Just do not speak it around me. I have feelings, you know."
Lex: "Are there any other duplicates on this ship to that of our crew from the Raptor?"
James: "Only one. I believe our Omega android has a duplicate here."
Omega: "He is right. I have seen my duplicate, and it was not an ideal sight."
James: "Haven't you seen yourself in a mirror before?"
Omega: "Negative. Androids do not look in mirrors, unless we are somehow brought to a mirror-universe. The presence of that duplicate model here is like being in the Hexen manufacturing warehouse all over again."
James: "I'm sorry to hear that. But at least we've got the entire Phoenix-X crew hand-cuffed and placed in crowds on the lower-decks. They won't have any way to gain an upper hand against us."
Dain: "I've locked out the computers in those sections, and the voice commands should be offline as-well."
James: "Excellent!! Then let's go onto the next part of our mission. Let's cross-over to the... Mirror Universe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

The Phoenix-X goes to the Mirror Universe.

James: "Ah! We are here. Excellent."

More specifically, the Phoenix-X approaches a phenomenon known as an Iso-Star. It is a small ball of energy in space flowing with currents of lightning, that of which when approached it sends said Starship to the Mirror Universe.

James: "Ah! We are here. Excellent."
He walks over to a comm. panel and calls Lex.
James: "Lex, please bring Seifer up here into my new Ready Room."
A few moments later, Lex and Seifer enter the Ready Room where James has been waiting. Upon entering, it is obvious to James that Seifer is in incredible pain from just being here in the Mirror Universe.
Seifer: "Ugghh! Why did you bring me here???"
James: "So it's true. You can't survive in the Mirror Universe..."
Seifer: "You have to--- take me back--"
James: "I was looking at your medical file, and apparently your Symbiont was genetically enhanced three years ago through the influence of the multi-dimensional plain."
Seifer: "Ugh! Since then my Symbiont and I have had slightly different Quantum signatures---"
James: "Thus throwing up control of yourself to either you or your Symbiont. I see now."

Just then Seifer falls to his knees in suffering, to which James smiles at. It is then Seifer is taken over by his conscious Symbiont, who bursts out of his stomach in gory detail.

Sym: "Hhhheeerrrrre's Johnny!"
James: "Oh, that's disgusting. Someone get the Doctor up here!"
A few moments later, Doctor Lox is brought up to mend the hole in Seifer's stomach, but the little Symbiont, sack-like in shape and size... using its four ends as tiny arms and legs... has already escaped. James follows it to the Bridge.

Lox: "Commander! Are you alright!?"
Seifer: "I... uhh... I don't know. I feel somewhat empty."
Lox: "Your Symbiont just took a run on its own. It's on a mini-rampage!!"
Seifer: "Maybe it's for the better. I'm nothing without my Symbiont..."
He looks down disappointed.
Seifer: "You call that a patch up job?"
Lox: "I'm a Doctor, not a sewist. Besides, you've got to do something about your Symbiont. Get it back!"
Seifer: "No, Doctor. What host am I, if my Symbiont doesn't even want to stay in me? My name isn't Seifer anymore. You can call me by my first name, which is---"
Lox: "No, Commander. You're still Seifer. You still have a part of that Symbiont within you. I can even see it right there, sticking out of my bad sewing job. You've just got to realize that!"
Seifer: "No, Doctor!"
Lox: "No, Commander!"
Seifer: "No, Doctor!!!"
Lox: "Fine! You're right. You aren't the Seifer I once knew..."

Meanwhile, the Symbiont takes his place on the Captain's chair on the Bridge of the Phoenix-X. The ship has just rendezvoused with an Alliance Cruiser of the Klingon persuasion.

Menchez: "We are the Alliance Cruiser B'chnah! What may we help you with today, little whoopee-cushion?"
>Sym: "I offer you the crew of the Phoenix-X as slaves!!"
>James: "What the--?? That was going to be my offer!"
Menchez: "Slaves, huh? You know, for a little being of whoopee-cushion proportions, you offer a pretty good deal."
>James: "You idiot! That's supposed to be my deal. I'm offering the crew of the Phoenix-X as slaves!!"
Menchez: "This little one is obviously more dominant than you. Perhaps you've got your command structure confused?"
>Sym: "How dare you contradict me, James?? I order you hand-cuffed and brought to the lower Decks with the others!!"
Menchez watches as the Bridge-crew is dumbfounded.
>Sym: "Who do you want to be lead by, a powerful dictator as myself or this pathetic humanoid who is too far from his feet!?!?"
The Klingon watches as the Bridge-crew realizes the truth and takes James away, kicking and screaming.
Menchez: "Excellent work, little whoopee-cushion! I have even more respect for your constantly-sat-on kind!"

James is thrown onto the lower Decks with the crowds. Cell, Kugo, RaeLuna, Amp and Omega notice his entrance.

Kugo: "Well, well, well. Looks who's been demoted."
James: "It was that stupid Symbiont of Seifer's!! This happens every-time. Every single time!!"
Cell: "It's over, James. Tell us how to regain control of the ship."
James: "How am I supposed to know? Do I look all-knowing to you?? Am I some kind of knowing-of-all person???"
RaeLuna: "It would seem as if he's lost his voice authorization to the Seifer Symbiont."
Cell: "Then it's up to us. We're going to have to use our women's intuition to solve this case. Since I am not a female, I will leave that up to Kugo and RaeLuna."
Kugo: "Sir, you can't possibly let us do all the work?"
Cell: "Can't I...?"

He shoves RaeLuna and Kugo over to the Tubolift doors, just as the other RaeLuna and Omega step out to check on everyone.

RaeLuna: "What's going on here? I demand order!"
RaeLuna: "Uhhh, he did it."
She points to some random guy.
Ensign Dan: "Huh? I was just walking by."
RaeLuna: "Well you're relieved of duty."
Ensign Dan: "But I'm not on duty. In fact I'm in captivation!"
RaeLuna: "I said you're relieved!!!!"
While that RaeLuna is not looking, the good RaeLuna jumps up and kicks her into the side-wall. Omega is shocked and afraid.
Omega: "Oh no! I can't fight, I'm a Councilor Android!"
Kugo quickly finds the de-activation button on the Omega and turns him off. Then the good Omega walks over.
Omega: "Excellent work, Lieutenant Commander."
Kugo: "Well I was once a female assassin."
They both turn to see that one of the RaeLuna's have been knocked out, but which one is a mystery.
RaeLuna: "I'm the real RaeLuna."
Amp: "How can we be sure?"
RaeLuna: "We were wearing different clothes!"
Amp: "I accept."

Meanwhile, the mutated Symbiont paces the Bridge of the Phoenix-X.
Dain: "That's some good pacing, sir."
Sym: "Finally. My power has come full force. In my position with this newly found independence, there will be no stopping me! I could even become the Emperor of the Alliance! Who is to say that I needed a symbiotic relationship with a host? That was just slowing me down. I had all this potential and it went to waste for years. I could have been commanding Fleets and leading armies! How time hath spent in the recesses of mislead obsessions..."
Dain: "--Uhh, sir. Someone is trying to re-direct Main Control to another area of the ship."
Sym: "What!? Beam the Phoenix-X crew to the Alliance Cruiser."
Dain: "Okay, done."
Just then, the B'chnah hails.
>Menchez: "Excellent! We have received the slaves... and very promptly I might add. How you never cease to amaze me, never ceases to amaze me."
Sym: "Your acceptance of my registration into the Alliance is all I need."
>Menchez: "That I can do. But why are you locking a tractor beam onto my vessel?"
Sym: "I'm afraid I have no idea what you're talking about. Perhaps you've been smoking some sort of drug... or altered substance."

The Phoenix-X emits a tractor beam onto the B'chnah.

>Menchez: "Let go immediately! The Klingon's find such attachment distasteful and revolting."
As the B'Chnah begins dragging the Phoenix-X through space along with it, the senior staff bursts into the Bridge; Cell, Kugo, RaeLuna, Omega, Amp, and Lox.

Cell: "It's over, Seifer's Symbiont!"
Sym: "You're here--- but how??"
Lox: "I'll field that question. You see, since I was roaming free around the ship. I was able to create a safe-haven for other escapee's, namely my crewmates right here."
Sym: "Do you have an auto-biography too, or are you available on weekends!?!?"
Just then, Commander Seifer enters the Bridge from the Briefing Room. He's made up his mind about taking the Symbiont back.
Seifer: "It's over, my Symbiont!"
Sym: "Heh, you think you're going to stop me? You're nothing compared to me! Who do you think was forefront in the intelligent thinking all this time? Me! It was I who took to the task of running you when you were stupid enough to lose your last Symbiont. I am you!!"
Seifer: "That may be true, but it's also not true! If living with you is what I'm cursed with, then I take ease in the fact that living with me is what you're cursed with. For in the end, the tolerance is forefront by me and without that you're nothing. Nothing!"
Sym: "What did you say??"

The Symbiont jumps off the chair and begins biting Seifer's shins. Meanwhile, the B'Chnah drags the Phoenix-X towards the Iso-Star. Bolts fly out onto the energy-charged vessels, stressing them both between Universes.

The Commander quickly kicks the attached Symbiont into the wall, and continues kicking.
Seifer: "Take that! And that!"
As soon as the Symbiont is knocked unconscious, Seifer picks it up and puts it back into his stomach.
Seifer: "There you go, little buddy."
Lox: "Aww, they're so cute when they're unconscious."

There's a giant jolt and both the Phoenix-X and the mirror B'Chnah are dropped into the original Universe.

Cell: "We're back! RaeLuna, lock onto our crew and beam them onboard again."
RaeLuna: "Yes, Captain."
Cell: "Seifer, are you alright?"
Seifer: "I'm good."
Cell: "Then lets see if we can't send---"
RaeLuna: "Captain! Sensors are showing another vessel coming through the Iso-Star. It looks like... the Defiant or something?"
Cell: "Hail them."
>Smiley: "I see you've roughed up the B'Chnah a little. We were just passing by."
Cell: "Actually, their systems seem to be in pretty goo---"
>Smiley: "We'll take it from here."
Cell: "Yeah but---"
>Smiley: "I said we'll take it from here. The Rebellion didn't get this far without taking over other people's situations for nothing. In fact, we may need to rethink our name... Rebellion sounds so... mirror-actualized."
Cell: "Very well. You can take the mirror Raptor and its occupants back as-well. If we had to take in all the mirror bad-guys too, this Universe would be packed!"
>Smiley: "Then I suppose this is goodbye, Captain. It was one hell of an adventure together."
Cell: "It certainly was, Smiley."
The view-sceen the clicks off.

Stardate 59001.6 - The Phoenix-X returns to Deep Space 9 for some definite character crossover. There, a fleet of Cardassian Ships have made a temporary stop. Cell, Seifer and Kugo walk down the Promenade.

Seifer: "So I changed my access codes and my Symbiont has been fully reintegrated into my systems."
Cell: "That's a relief. I'm not so content with him taking my place on the Bridge."
Kugo: "I don't think I could see any other Captain at the command of that Bridge. Sir, you are as much as an experiment as the experimental technology onboard the Phoenix-X."
Cell: "Err-- I guess that's a complement."
Seifer: "I always viewed our situation on the Phoenix-X as a conflicting tie between our loyalties to Section 31 and the Federation."
Cell: "I always saw it as my mortal haven before I would realize my Omni powers and become the ultimate super-being."
Seifer: "There's that too."
Just then, two Amp's run over.
Amp: "Guys! I wanted to introduce you to Amp."
Amp: "Hi."
Amp: "He was created by the Rebellion from the Mirror Universe to fix things. Where I am a virus program, he is an anti-virus program."
Amp: "They let me go, so Amp and I were wondering if I would be allowed to serve on the Phoenix-X with you? Maybe join the crew?"
Cell: "Hmm... well, I don't see why not. Two Amp's have got to be better than one, right? You're accepted."
Amp/Amp: "Yes!"
They both high-five each other, but since one of them is a virus program and the other is an anti-virus program-- they both cancel each other out and dissolve into nothingness.
Cell: "Oh crap. I shouldn't have accepted him!"
Seifer: "Kugo, is there any way we can revive Amp?"
Kugo: "I may be able to restore him, using left-over elements from both Amps."
Cell: "Get to work immediately."

She nods and runs off. Meanwhile, Cell and Seifer enter Quark's Bar where they run into Garak.

Cell: "Whoa! Cardassian in the house."
Seifer: "Sorry, buddy. Didn't mean to run into you like that."
Garak: "Not at all, gentlemen. I used to live on this station as a Tailor, so I am accustomed to the bump-ins."

They walk past, and Garak takes a seat at Quark's Bar.

Quark: "Those two from the Phoenix-X?"
Garak: "Indeed. I've never met them before."
Quark: "Don't bother. They never tip!"
Garak: "I'm surprised a ship I allowed the go-ahead to be built, was able to last this long."
Quark: "Just goes to show you, the annoying never go away."
Garak: "Didn't you move to Bajor six years ago?"
Quark: "Yes. I was just visiting, and thought I'd open this small establishment for old times sakes. Didn't you move to Cardassia seven years ago?"
Garak: "Yes. And now I'm just visiting. Say, Quark, what do you have in a Kanar taste?"
Quark: "I've got Kanar. You think you finally become a humanitarian and you know all there is about drinks!"
Garak: "Heh. Let's toast, Quark."
Quark: "Alright. What shall we toast to?"
Garak: "I was thinking... the Phoenix-X, maybe."
Quark: "No, no! We should toast to Deep Space 9."
Garak: "Yeah, but the Phoe---"
Quark: "We're going to toast to Deep Space 9."
Garak, shrugs: "To Deep Space 9."

They toast their drinks and drink it down. Deep Space 9: The greatest space station in the galaxy!