Episode 79

Star Trek: Phoenix-X
Fantastic Method

The Phoenix-X speeds through a rogue Borg conduit. All around is a bluish-color.
Ensign Dan: "I like it. There's a calming quality to the ominous glow."
Kayl: "Your uniform is blue too."
Ensign Dan: "What!?"
He quickly looks down at his collar.
Ensign Dan: "Ahhh. Calm."
Cell: "Let's not forget why we're really here. We have to investigate this Borg conduit and see where it goes."
Seifer: "We know that. Why do you keep reminding us every fifteen minutes, exactly? And here's a guess, Borg space?"
Cell: "Answer 1 - because your minds wander about fourteen minutes in; Answer 2 - I'm hoping so, so that we can make use of these Transphasic torpedoes. Heh, heh."
Kayl: "Yeah, but aren't we lacking in defenses? We got Janeway's Borg-killing weapons, but not her Borg-protecting shields."
Captain Cell stops to think for a second.
Cell: "Damn! And I got my killing face ready and everything."
He reverts his face back to normal.
Seifer: "That's what you get when you put your excitement over the personal well-being of your crew."
Cell: "I did that last week and I got two free tickets to the musical theatrical version of Photons Be Free."
Armond: "Captain! Your talking has misdirected your attention from the viewscreen!"

He points at the screen, which shows the conduit dissipating and normal space emerging. The Phoenix-X drops out of transwarp and sits in space.

Cell: "Oh my gosh. Where are we?"
Red: "The Delta Quadrant."
Seifer: "Captain, I've heard rumour that this Quadrant is a Quadrant of complete obsurdity."
Cell: "Noted. Armond, are there any signs of the Borg?"
Armond: "No, sir."
Cell: "So we wasted this trip for nothing?"
Seifer: "It's for the best. Every second we spent in the Alpha Quadrant was a risk that our secret technologies would be discovered... especially since we continually brag about them."
Cell: "You mean YOU continually brag about them! --Red, take us back to Federation space! And this time, no stop-offs at the Klingon Empire!"
#Kugo: "Lieutenant Commander Kugo to the Bridge. The Transwarp drive needs to be reconfigured before entering Transwarp again. The excessive use of the Borg transwarp conduit burned out our transwarp coils."
Cell: "Stop saying transwarp so much!"
#Kugo: "I'm sorry, sir, it's just that we needed to use the coils to compensate for the deteriorating conduit."
Cell: "Deteriorating...? As in, the Borg don't even use it anymore? You could have said so!"
#Kugo: "Oh, so now you care about what goes on down here. It's always the Bridge that gets all the attention!"
The comm signal cuts out.
Seifer: "She's actually more pleasant today."

Ensign Gewdeque approaches Kugo in Main Engineering.
Gewdeque: "I just don't get it. The warp plasma conduits are malfunctioning as well."
Kugo: "Well, it looks like I won't be attending my meditation tonight."
Gewdeque: "You meditate?"
Kugo: "Yeah, well, it's better than spending the night drinking with the Klingons."
Gewdeque: "I should make some life changes as well... Hm. I wonder if Commander Seifer is single?"
Kugo: "Life changes, Gewdeque; not life mistakes."
Amos, walks over: "What is this I hear of you not drinking anymore? We Klingons need a female with us, or it just gets awkward!"

Commander Seifer enters the Captain's Ready Room.
Cell: "You know, Seifer - it's really great that we got Kugo and Kayl back. It's like we were missing them for some time."
Seifer: "But Kugo was always here, sir."
Cell: "Yeah, but her spirit was missing. Also, I never pay attention to my crew."
Seifer rubs his forehead.
Cell: "Is everything okay, Commander?"
Seifer: "Err, I'm not sure. I have this splitting head-ache, and a sudden desire to fly the ship between two pulsars."
Cell: "Two pulsars? Something about all this sounds suspicious. Come on, let's go see the Doctor."
Seifer: "But I thought I needed help?"
Cell: "We'll contact Starfleet Medical and have them talk us through it."

The two enter Sickbay, where Lox is adding wheels to an Ensign's feet.
Lox: "There you go. Now you won't be late for your duty shifts."
Jimmy: "Yeah, but, standing is completely difficult now."
Lox: "We never agreed to a dismantling, so you'll have to live with it somehow."
Jimmy rolls away, as Cell and Seifer walk over.
Cell: "We want you to contact Starfleet Medical and have them walk us through a standard medical examination. If possible, we'd like some foot massages too."
Lox: "Why; what's the matter?"
Seifer: "I've been getting dizzy and having headaches. Also, my Trill spots are running."
Lox: "Oh my. Sickbay's been getting these calls all day today! ...People complaining of chest pains, or head throbs, or bone displacements."
Cell: "Well then, where are all the patients?"
Lox: "I sent them away! I can't have my Sickbay all cluttered up. I get claustrophobic, you know."
Cell: "There must be some explanation to all this. I've got it! We have to adjust someone's cortical implant to perceive interphasic visuals! Or... talk to Lieutenant Commander Red, because he has the ability to see interphase!"
Red, enters Sickbay: "Hey Doc, that cure you gave me really works. I no longer have that born ability to see those interphased alien ships that are pretty much everywhere in Federation space."
Lox: "I wasn't trying to cure you; I was trying to increase your Klingon forehead ripples!"
He storms out.
Red: "Well he made me a better person for it. All Doctors should try to be more like him."
Seifer: "But he doesn't brush his teeth..."
Red: "I said, ALL DOCTORS SHOULD TRY TO BE MORE LIKE HIM."

Meanwhile, two Srivani scientists stand at the Bridge of their vessel, staring out at the view-screen.
Lelina: "The experiments have begun. Minor ones on most of the crew; major ones on our select subjects. They won by our raffle draw!"
Kelauni: "What is the point of that raffle draw? No one ever really knows about it."
Lelina: "I know about it."
Kelauni: "Whatever! We must focus on our mission at hand... the taking of advantage of these people; this, Phoenix-X crew."
Lelina: "Is it ironic that we're experimenting with a crew who's mission is to experiment on things?"
Kelauni: "You know better than to get personally involved with your test subjects. Remember what happened last time with the Fantome species?"
Lelina: "Yeah, they kept playing musical notes at me for some reason. We were forced to go into a rock'n'roll showdown! I learned of it through the Starfleet database."

The Captian and Commander enter Stellar Cartography, where Amp and Kayl are reviewing the Delta Quadrant maps.
Amp: "Can someone please tell me why Starfleet only sent one ship to map this Quadrant? All we have is a straight line of known area, until it stops halfway through."
Seifer: "I don't think Starfleet 'sent' a ship here; they just got lost."
Amp: "Oh, so now Starfleet's lazy?"
Kayl: "Yeah. They started a whole new military wing, called MACOS, for the sole purpose of serving breakfast to the Admiralty before meetings."
Cell: "I used to have a MACO servant when I was Admiral... Then they demoted me when I challenged him to a rock'n'roll showdown for my amusement."
Seifer: "Back on topic - We actually just came to see if one of you were willing to tamper with the interphase cloak. We didn't want to risk us dying from an explosion, what, with us being the most important officers on the ship and all."
Cell: "It's quite possible that this ship is full of interphased alien intruders! Janeway ran into them a while back."
Amp: "Janeway!? She was supposed to approve my Virus program for distribution to every ship in the fleet! I'd love to get back at her. I'll just link my program to the Phoenix-X's Interphase cloak."
#Computer: "Warning. Interphase cloak now corrupted."
Cell: "It had it coming."

Both Cell and Seifer remain in Stellar Cartography with Kayl, while they monitor Amp's visuals on the large view-screen. Amp walks aimlessly throughout the ship.
Amp: "Oh my gosh! I can see interphased alien's working on all of the crew! They have devices sticking out of everyone's heads!"
#Seifer: "Alright, Amp; this is very important. You must not make any eye-contact with any of them, or they'll know you can see their hideous tasks."
As Amp enters a Turbolift, one of the Srivani walk over and place a suctioned device, resembling a toilet-plunger, upon his forehead.
Amp: "Hey baby. How about you and me take that thing to my Quarters for a little scientific experimenting of our own? Rrrrrr."
*Lelina: "They can see us. Abort mission! Abort mission!"

Meanwhile, one of the Srivani increase the devices strength on Kayl's body.
Kayl: "AAaaarrRRGGgghHHH!"
*Telane: "Wait, did you say Abort, or Extort? 'Cause I thought Extort."
Seifer: "Hey, what's wrong with Kayl?"
Cell: "It looks like she needs to be taken to Sickbay, but there's no one else here to do it..."
Seifer: "You mean, we, the Commanding officers, must be forced to do physical work? This is obsurd!"
Cell: "Just do it. --Cell to Armond. I want you to flood the Phoenix-X with anyon particles."
#Armond: "Aye, Captain. I also have completed the re-categorization of your Klingon opera---"
Cell: "Ahem! ...ixNay on the ingonKlay."

Captain Cell enters the Bridge of the Phoenix-X, just as the view-screen reveals shots of the hull and several Srivani alien craft suctioned onto it.

Red: "Of all things sacred in Bajoran culture!? We've been invaded!"
Cell: "Intruder alert."
Red: "Yes, I know. I am very alerted to these intruders!"
Cell: "No, I mean I want the computer to initiate the blinking red lights and siren throughout the ship!"
The computer suddenly dims the lights throughout the ship and puts Red Alert on.
Armond: "Sir, your talking has misdirected your attention from that alien just phasing into our universe!"
Everyone looks over to see a Srivani female appearing on the Bridge.
Kelauni: "Greetings. I represent the Srivani people. We're here on a peaceful mission of hurting your kind."
Ensign Dan: "Heyyy. I want that phasing ability!"
Kelauni: "Sure, you can have it... Have it never! You're relieved!"
Ensign Dan: "You can't rel--"
Cell: "You heard her!"
Ensign Dan walks off the Bridge, grumbling to himself.
Kelauni: "As you can tell by my authoritive nature, I will not be relinquishing my experimentations with your crew anytime soon."
Amp: "But you just aborted?"
Kelauni: "We often change our minds, and then quickly change them back. Think of it as one of those hilarious alien quirks that every species has. Only we do it once day, and today's has just been used up."

Down in Engineering, Kugo continues to work on the Transwarp engines. Unfortunately, her struggles stem elsewhere.
Gewdeque: "Any luck fixing those engines?"
Kugo: "The drive should not have undergone so much damage. The Phoenix-X actually should have come out of that conduit, unscathed."
Gewdeque: "There has to be some other answer to all this... Welp! I'm off to drink with the Klingons."
Kugo: "But they don't start until 1900 hours!"
Gewdeque: "I need to get a head start to meet their level of drunkeness."
She leaves as Omega enters.
Omega: "I have come to report that I have been having android dreams of doom and horror upon the plasma conduits."
Kugo: "Wait. Did you say plasma conduits?"
She goes over to the computer to run scans.
Kugo: "By the way, Omega. You ever felt like your cells were destabilizing?"
Omega: "Once, when I accidentally fell into the fire caves of Bajor. Luckily, I was blessed by the beings that lived there and set free."
Kugo: "Because... I'm feeling sort of like that right now... Sort of, really right now."
She suddenly falls over, with her skin fluctuating in waves. The Srivani scientist working on her stands over her fallen body in uncertainty.
*Easien: "Hmm. Perhaps that was too much Cytokinetic injection? I know! I'll just counter with some ketrecel-white."
She injects some, making Kugo twitch.
*Easien: "Uhhh, better I don't put that in my report."
She runs away.

Later, both Kayl and Kugo are lying on biobeds in Sickbay. Nurses, Doctor Lox, the EMH, and the KMH work around them and with other patients. Captain Cell and Lieutenant Commander Armond enter.

Cell: "Report."
Lox: "It would seem that both Kayl and Kugo have undergone some extensive biological trama and alterations. While Kugo has experienced changes to her cellular structure, Kayl has endured developments to her cerebellum."
Armond and Cell walk over to Kayl and Kugo.
Cell: "If Kugo's down here, then the Srivani have found a way to counteract the anyon particles."
Armond: "We put so much effort into generating those, and now it's all gone to waste."
Kayl: 'Don't worry. You'll find a way to stop those aliens.'
Armond: "Ahh! Who said that!?"
He looks around in fear.
Cell, points: "It's Kayl! She's communicating telepathically!"
Kayl: 'That's right. I seem to have this new-found ability.'
Cell: 'But how? Oh my gosh. Now I'm doing it!'
Kelauni, walks over: "I'll explain. You see, we Srivani have been trying to generate telepathic ability for our kind for decades now. When we stumbled upon your USS Voyager, we found a suitible test subject in Human beings' brains that fit our own profile - a Lieutenant Ayala."
Cell: "I've heard of him. He was always just standing around, twisting nobs and pushing buttons."
Kelauni: "Well, we could not complete our experimentations with him due to his lack of engaged thought. So we moved onto Kayl when you landed here in the Delta Quadrant. She was the perfect subject; not to mention the first successful one. All our previous subjects had turned into compact and lightweight salt-like distilled cubo-octahedral solids."
Cell: "But what about the other people that don't have telepathic ability? How is she able to communicate with them?"
Kelauni: "Simple. Kayl's ability boarderlines the telekinetic, allowing her to reach into another person's mind for two-way communication. Soon, we will adapt the same techniques to our own kind and nothing will stop us Srivani from evolving to the next level. Nothing!"
She arches back and spreads her fingers.
Kelauni: "MwahahahHAHAHAhahahahAHA!"
The crew watch as she fades away to her phased level of existence.
Lox: "Good exit."

Lieutenant Commander Armond goes over to Kugo's bed.

Armond: "You don't look so healthy."
Kugo, grabs him: "Scan the plasma conduits! You have to scan the plasma conduits!"
Armond, pushes off: "No way. That's your job! Just because you're sick, doesn't give you the right to delegate your tasks to me. I have delicate Tactical console fingers."
Cell, walks over: "No wait. I think she's trying to tell us something."
Kugo: "Stiudnoc amsalp eth nacs. Stiudnoc amsalp eth nacs."
Armond: "But you were just saying that frontwards."
Kugo, slaps him: "Stiudnoc amsalp eth nacs!"

Later, Cell, Armond and Seifer open a plasma conduit on one of the lower decks, and scan it.

Seifer: "I'm not getting anything, sir."
Armond: "And to think, Starfleet technology saved lives before."
Cell: "Hmm. Before we left, Kugo also mentioned Omega having android dreams of horror. There's something familliar about that... I know! Run an interphasic scan on this conduit!"
Seifer: "Okie-dokie. But if it explodes, I'm yelling out as many swear words as possible."
He pulls out an interphasic scanner from his back pocket and begins using it on the plasma conduit.
Seifer: "I'm reading a life-form..."
He stops it above a small worm-like creature. Armond begins adapting the scans to the internal sensors on his tricorder.
Armond: "It looks like an interphasic organism... a parasite. Internal sensors indicate that they're all over the ship."
Cell: "Where could these things have come from?"
Armond: "It's possible that they could have originated from the new Interphase cloak. Section 31 had it shipped through space before it reached Regula I, didn't they?"
Seifer: "Yeah, it was originally constructed on Thanatos 7, using the interphasic fusion process. The government was supposed to eradicate those organisms 14 years ago, but I guess never got around to it. Lazy bastards."
Cell: "Why weren't these things affected by the flood of anyon particles?"
Armond: "It's possible that the organisms have a natural repellant to the particles... and a natural attraction to organic cellular peptides."
He shines the scanner onto his arm, where one of the organisms has been feeding. He then flicks it off.
parasite: "eeeeeeeeeee!"
Seifer: "Poor little guy. Ah well. We haven't had any killings all day, so we might as well get started. An interphasic pulse should take care of 'em."
He taps at his scanner.
Cell: "Wait! These things seem to be in partial phase with our interphase variance. Is there any way we can alter them to be in partial phase with the Srivani's variance?"
Armond: "Sure... but if they start feeding on the Srivani's cellular peptides, it'll take at least a few days before the effects take effect."
Cell: "As long as the Srivani are being attacked on some level and at some rate. Muahahahahahahaha!"
They all stand up in a civilized manner and then leave.

Kugo: "So what's the verdict, Doc?"
Doctor Lox walks over to Kugo's bed, holding a medical tricorder of readings.
Lox: "According to this, your DNA has been reverted to its original state."
Kugo: "What? But they were always in their original state??"
Lox: "This is hard enough as it is. I'm a Doctor, not some medical reporting guy..."
Kugo: "Just spit it out!"
Lox: "You're reverted into a Vulcan. And these readings tell me that you were born a Vulcan to begin with."
Kugo: "That's impossible. My parents were Romulan, and I grew up on Romulus."
Lox: "The readings don't lie, Kugo. You were defintely born from two Vulcans. It just took the Srivani's tampering with your cells to uncover it - because, well, I never do DNA scans on the crew, as that is extra work. --Oh, and I found that you've been taking ketrecel-white. Bad Kugo! Bad!"
He walks away.

*Kaulani: "How did the infiltration of Captain Cell and Commander Seifer's meeting go?"
Two phased Srivani meet in the corridors of the Phoenix-X.
*Easien: "Not perfectly well... You see, on my way there I ran into Ensign Dan and I just had to test out the reverse-puberty experiment on him. I couldn't help myself. I'm like a kid in a candy store here!"
*Kaulani: "Great! Now we'll never know Cell's offense against us. Meh... It's just as well. Knowing things is far too over-rated nowadays."
One of the interphasic parasite's jump onto Easien's arm.
*Easien: "Hey, what's that?"
*Kaulani: "I don't wanna know."
*Easien, falls to her knees: "AAAAHHHHH!!! IT'S BITING ME!!!!"
Kaulani takes out one of her devices and begins scanning the creature on Easien's arm.
*Kaulani: "What a fascinating creature! I suppose I can put my newfound values aside for just a few minutes... Dammit, will you hold still?"
*Easien: "AAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!"

Cell: "Captain's Log, Stardate 61048-point-3. I've successfully unleashed my interphasic parasites of doom upon the unsuspecting Srivani enemy. All other modes of retaliation have become not executable... especially that plan to interphase cloak the Phoenix-X so that all the Srivani will suddenly find themselves in cold space. --Wait. That plan was never rejected! I have to go now. End log!"

The Captain quickly calls a meeting in the Briefing Room, explaining his new idea to the crew.
Seifer: "Sorry sir. The physics of that plan just don't add up."
Armond: "Although, theorhetically, the interphasing of the Phoenix-X should make the Srivani and the parasites all visible and tangible."
Cell: "Great! Then let's do that instead."
Kayl: "Captain, wait. I'm sensing waking consciousnesses... many of them.. all over the ship."
Red: "Who released her from Sickbay? I bet it was that pitiful Doctor!"
Lox: "I thought you liked me now?"
Red: "A Klingon's appreciation only lasts for a few minutes."
Cell: "No worries. Kayl's premonitioning is nothing more than an idle imagining - I assume."
Amp, tired: "Ugghh... I've been running off that interphase cloak for the whole day already, and it completely burnt out five hours ago. You guys haven't seen the horrors I have! The HORRORS!!!"
Seifer: "Can you see them now?"
Amp: "No! And thank the holographic gods that I can't. You organic beings are so disgusting! Omega knows what I'm talking about. Go ahead and tell them, Omega."
Omega: "...I do not know what to say."
Armond: "Wait a second. Are you telling us that the interphase cloak is dead? Kaput? Six-feet-under?"
Kugo: "He is. And the only way to get it online is to cold restart it from the device itself."
Cell: "That shouldn't be a problem. We'll just stroll on down to Engineering and execute that simple task. Hah! And Kayl said it couldn't be done."
Kayl: "No I didn't."
Cell: "You know what you said."

The crew get up and make their way to their ship posts. Captain Cell enters the Bridge, finding a ravished, exhausted, and clothing-torn Kaulani.

Ensign Dan: "Uhh. Are you alright?"
Kaulani: "Help us! You have to help us!!!"
Cell: "If you guys retracted the Telurian plague, you're on your own. The secret cure of that pathogen stays within the bulkheads of the Phoenix-X, and the Phoenix-X only."
She falls to her knees in exhaustion.
Kaulani: "It's... it's... it's the interphasic organisms... We ran some tests on them and they mutated. We just wanted to experiment on their DNA. They mutated and are now 300 times their original mass! They're eating my people!"
Cell: "Yuck. That's disgusting."
Kaulani: "No kidding! We're willing to end our experimentations on your kind if it'll just end the violence! As with most people, our will to change doesn't happen until after something horrible happens!"
Cell: "Alright, alright. Don't get all your undergarments in some sort of a twisting position."
Armond: "Captain, I have a suggestion. We could activate the interphasic pulse. It may still take out the organic creatures."
Cell: "Very well. But if this doesn't work, it'll be your head in the food decompiler!"

Lieutenant Commander Armond taps at the tactical console, profusely. All of a sudden, everyone on the ship is suddenly pulled to the floor in utter pain. Some kind of magnetic hold keeps them there.

Armond: "Uggh! The pulse- is having an adverse effect on us!"
Cell: "Your head, Armond! Your head!"
Seifer: "What's- causing- this!?"
Kaulani: "It must be the our interphasic devices! They're all dressed up around every member of your crew!-"
Seifer: "So-!?"
Kaulani: "-So your pulse obviously polarized the devices, causing a magnetic pull to the gravity plating in your floor!-"
Cell: "Dangit! -That's always happening-!"
Seifer: "Why are you on the floor then?-"
Kaulani: "I'm wearing one of our corsets to correct my posture! I can't help it- I'm a woman of elegance-!"
Suddenly, the android Omega enters the Bridge, finding everyone being pulled to the floor.
Omega: "I seem to have come at a bad time. I should go."
Cell: "No wait! Omega-, the Srivani are being- slaughtered as we speak. You have to find a way to stop those mutated organisms!-"
Omega: "Mutated?? Omega did not sign up for that."
Kayl: "Sir,- Omega can generate a focused interphasic pulse and aim it at each organism-."
Suddenly, the holographic virus Amp enters the Bridge.
Amp: "And I can get the interphasic cloaking device online!"
Everyone looks over, to find that his program is destabilizing. He gets weak and his hands pass through objects, thanks to the device stuck to his forehead from earlier.
Amp: "Nevermind.-"
Omega: "So much for your remaining hope. I will, instead, prepare coffins for all Srivani. Do you prefer torpedo caskets, or anti-matter storage pods?"
Seifer: "Just give 'em the salt-like distilled cubo-octahedral solids!"
Kaulani: "...I never got to- tell Telane that I've been experimenting on her reproductive organs. -She's been inactive for about three years.-"
Cell: "Stop wallowing in self-pity. Come on people-, we're Starfleet officers. We always know what to do!-"
Everyone just looks around to each other for answers, but end up shrugging their shoulders instead.
Cell: "Fine. -We'll just consult the computer, presenting the problem as a hypothetical situation-. --Computer. Assume for a moment that the ship has been invaded by interphasic aliens called Srivani.- Their obsession with experimenting- has led to the altering of the biological DNA of small interphasic organisms infesting the Phoenix-X.- Now the organisms have grown 300 times their size and are attacking the Srivani in interphasic space.- What do you do? What do you do?!-"
#Computer: "Pressure... too much to... handle... Aborting calculations... Aborting!"
Red: "Someone forgot to deactivate the computer's emotion chip."
Seifer: "Wait, I've got it! Omega can reconfigure his visual cortex to match the interphasic scanner!- That way he'll be able to see all the Srivani and the organisms-!"
Cell: "Very well.- But if this doesn't work, it'll be your head in the food decompiler.-"

The android alters his visual sensors until he can see the large organisms throughout the entire ship as he walks through it. Each organism is either chasing down a Srivani scientist, or roaming around aimlessly.

Omega: "Now it is up to the android, or mechanical-like person, to save a Starfleet crew for a change!"

He turns and faces one of the 9-foot tall organisms and initiates a focused pulse. The organism disentegrates in complete and total pain! Omega continues on, saving Srivani after Srivani, while making his way down each deck toward Main Engineering.

Omega: "Kugo, are you okay?"
Kugo, on the floor: "I'm fine-- Omega. I just couldn't- get to the cloaking- device quick enough-. It must be my- weak Vulcan genes-."
Omega: "But aren't Vulcan's three ti--"
Kugo: "--I said, WEAK VULCAN GENES."
Omega: "Yes, Lieutenant Commander."

He goes over to the interphase cloak and activates the cold restart. After a few moments, the entire ship cloaks out of sight in normal space. The lighting throughout the ship dims, and all the organisms and Srivani become visible and on the same interphasic level as everyone else.

Ensign Dan: "I can stand up again!"
Both Yeltso and Ensign Dan find that the magnetic effect has worn off the devices around their bodies.
Yeltso: "That's great, Ensign Dan. But why is your voice all squeaky?"
Ensign Dan: "What?? ...I umm have to go now..."
He runs out of his quarters.

Throughout the entire ship, Srivani and Phoenix-X crew alike work together to destroy each organism with phaser blasts. Meanwhile, on the Bridge, Cell pulls off a metallic brace that encircled his head.

Cell: "Yuck! What was that thing for?"
Kaulani: "We wanted to see if we could locate your Changeling brain."
Armond: "Captain. It looks like all the organisms can be easily defeated by employing phasers!"
Cell: "That's impossible. No one's used phasers in years! It's always been rifle this, or psionic blasts that."
Armond: "I use a phaser to shave?"
Cell: "Oh. Carry on then."
Kaulani, limps over: "Well, Captain. I now know the error of my ways. In fact, I am pledging to not run anymore experiments on intelligent beings..."
Cell: "Good. It was a hard lesson, but after several deaths of others, it was learned."
Kaulani: "...that are wearing a hat. Hah! So long Captain!"
She quickly transports out of there with her crews; and suddenly her ships detach and fly away also.
Cell: "Hey!"

Later, the Phoenix-X prepares to re-enter the Transwarp conduit. Lieutenant Commander Kugo meets with Captain Cell, Commander Seifer and Doctor Lox in the Briefing Room.

Seifer: "Those annoying Srivani! They think they own the galaxy."
Kugo: "Well, they're gone now, and that's all that matters."
Seifer: "There's one thing I don't understand, though. If the Srivani experimented with the organisms, how were all the other organisms on the ship affected by the same experimentation?"
Lox: "The Srivani manufactured a virus that was contagous to the other organisms. It caused them all to become big and hungry. The same virus is causing some of the crew to lose their hair."
Cell: "Are you saying my crew will have to wear wigs from now on?"
Lox: "Only until I get my hair manufacturing device online. One of the organisms knocked into it during all the commotion."
Cell: "Uhh. Anyway, how's the Transwarp drive looking?"
Kugo: "We should have Transwarp capability in just a few minutes. I have to admit though, that having control of my engines again is such a relief."
Cell: "Don't get too used to it, pointy-eared woman. The Phoenix-X is bound to get mixed up in more crazy adventures where the engines will become an obstacle once again. It's enivitible!"
Kugo: "Sir, permission to transfer to another ship? The Titan perhaps?"
Cell: "Denied."

The Phoenix-X enters Transwarp and heads back to the Alpha Quadrant. Meanwhile, Armond and Kayl throw the last of the body-bracing technology devices into a pile in the Cargo bay.
Armond: "Well, that's the last of them. Make note that interphasic pulses have adverse effects on interphasic technology."
Kayl: "Noted. What do we do with them now?"
Armond: "I have a feeling a certain 'Section' of the Federation will want to get their hands on them."
Kayl: "Starfleet Administration? Starfleet Operational Support Services? Starfleet Materiel Supply Command? What, what, what?"
Armond: "If you don't know - I'm not telling you."
Kayl: "That's okay. I can just probe your mind for it now."
She stares intently at Armond, reading his mind.
Kayl: 'I know what you're thinking...'
Armond: 'Ahh!'
Kayl: "Figured it out. --But won't these devices just disappear again when the Phoenix-X decloaks?"
Armond: "I suppose you're right. This pile will become an invisible tripping hazard... and the only floor signs we have are the 'wet-floor' signs. Not to mention that they're 300 years out of date."
Kayl: "If people are dumb enough to trip over something that's invisible, that's their own fault. Let's go."
She grabs his hand and leads him out the Cargo bay.

>Lasha: "I never thought I'd see you again."
When the Phoenix-X drops Transwarp, Kugo hails her contact on Romulus on a secret channel, from her quarters.
Kugo: "Tell me the truth for once, Lasha. Was I, or was I not a Vulcan when our mother first adopted me."
>Lasha: "So you've found out the truth, huh? Yeah, that's right. You were a Vulcan. Mother changed your DNA to save your life. I watched for the off-chance that I would become your enemy later on in life and would need something to hold against you."
Kugo: "Well, now's your chance."
>Lasha: "I know. That was the point I had just made."
Kugo: "Oh. Then I suppose this conversation is over."
>Lasha: "Indeed it is, Kugo. But let's not forget who has the upper hand here... me! Vulcans are a small and dimwitted race of fools. They just don't get it; what, with their obsession with logic and no-emotion. One day you'll realize that, Kugo, and I'll be there to see it. Lasha out!"
Kugo: "Oh yeah, well--! ...Oh. You're already gone. She certainly knew how she hated me."

Captain Cell enters the Bridge, where Seifer is petting a last remaining 9-foot interphasic organism.
Ensign Dan: "Captain on deck!"
Cell: "Uhm... Seifer, what the hell is that thing doing here?"
Seifer: "The crew and I just couldn't kill him, sir. Look at his osmotic tentacles and everything. He's so cute. --I named him, Osmoty."
Cell: "I want that thing off my Bridge immediately!"
Seifer: "He's not hurting anyone - and look, he disappears when you de-cloak the Phoenix-X. --Computer, decloak the ship."
Suddenly, the ship decloaks, the lighting onboard returns to normal levels, and the large creature disappears.
Seifer: "Now, re-cloak."
The ship cloaks again, dimming the lights, and re-emerging the large creature. It suddenly leans over, opening a huge mouth and consumes Ensign Mark entirely.
Cell: "Great! Now I have to notify his family! Do you know how much I hate doing that?"
Seifer: "But sir, he'll only need one Starfleet officer a day. We could even feed him Klingons??"
Red: "Oh no you don't."
Cell: "I'm sorry Commander, but you know how I feel about pets. He goes."
Seifer, shrugs: "Fine. --Come on, Osmoty. We'll drop you off on the Enterprise."

THE END