Star Trek: Phoenix-X
"Cardassian Sunrise"
(The Prometheus-class U.S.S. Phoenix-X soars through space. Commander Seifer sits on the Bridge)
Seifer: Why do we just sit here all day and fly the ship around? Don't we have anything better to do?
Armond: Not really.
(They just sit there, operating the systems and recalibrating stuff. There's a long awkward silence.)
Seifer: Stop it! You're making me insecure.
Armond: Sorry, sir.
Red: Commander, I'm registering another ship in the area. It's the Scorpion.
Seifer (stands): Finally! The Cardassians. We can handle them.
(The screen goes on, showing a totally different alien ship)
Armond: That's not the Scorpion?
Seifer: Yeah, this looks way better.
Daniel (enters): What's going on here?
(The screen clicks over to a hail from the new Scorpion from Gul Meloneus)
Daniel: Meloneus!
>Meloneus: Greetings, Captain. Have I told you lately how much I hate Changelings?
(Meanwhile, Shane, a Changeling, enters the Bridge)
Shane (leaves): Whoops.
(The Scorpion then approaches the Phoenix-X, firing a cascade of tetryon torpedoes. They hit and fluctuate the regenerative hull of the Phoenix-X)
Meloneus: Hahaha! Now I will have my revenge.
(The Phoenix-X launches its tri-focal array onto the Scorpion, shaking it. The Scorpion returns a dampening pulse up the tri-focal beam, dissipating it)
Daniel: Hey!
Seifer: What's going on, Meloneus? Why is your ship so different?
>Meloneus: Ohhh, to vaguely put it, let's just say I had a little upgrade.
Seifer: So you're basically saying you had an upgrade?
>Meloneus: Yeah. That's pretty much it.
(The Scorpion hovers over starboard)
>Meloneus: At first, it started out as a few racing stripes here and there, but then we decided to just redo the whole ship body.
(The Scorpion takes on minimal damage as the Phoenix-X fires quantum torpedoes at it)
Meloneus: You see, after my stupid nephew exiled me from the Cardassian government, we decided to have the Scorpion join a more elaborate, technologically advanced, pirate union. Ever heard of a group called the Fragma Alliance?
>Daniel: Yeah.
Meloneus: Oh, you have?
>Daniel: Yup.
Meloneus: You see, I really would've thought that you hadn't heard of them before.
>Daniel: Well, we have.
Meloneus: Fine. It doesn't matter. I'm going to destroy you anyway!
(The Scorpion fires three more tetryon torpedoes. The Phoenix-X ducks them, swings around and locks a tractor beam onto the Scorpion)
Seifer: Time to take out the trash.
(The Phoenix-X plants five photon torpedoes onto the hull of the Scorpion. They explode, making only a few scratches to the Scorpion shell)
Seifer: What the—? That should've worked. I did say, "time to take out the trash".
(The Scorpion shoves its own tractor beam through the Phoenix-X's tractor beam, and grabs onto them. They then orbit around, dropping the tractor beam and throwing the Phoenix-X away into the distance)
Meloneus: Hahaha! I was just remembering this funny joke someone once told me.
(The Phoenix-X stops itself from spinning)
Armond: Captain, we killed him before with a Slipstream Torpedo.
Daniel: Your point?
Armond: I really thought I just made my point.
Daniel: Right! Okay, let's load them.
(The Scorpion gets closer until the Phoenix-X moves away launching two Slipstream torpedoes. The torpedoes hit and explode, creating an intricate subspace crack around the Scorpion)
Meloneus: Nice try.
(The Scorpion's shields illuminate, leaving the ship unharmed)
Red: Captain, what if we use the Silencer?
Daniel: Do it.
(Two small jumpers are launched from the shuttle bay of the Phoenix-X. They soar around to the enemy ship, dragging their melting beams across the Scorpion's hull. There's minimal effect)
Meloneus: Hahaha!
Tellus: Were you just remembering a funny joke I once told you?
Meloneus: No. I was laughing at the Phoenix-X.
(The Scorpion fires at the jumpers, but they dodge the torpedoes and return to the Phoenix-X)
Daniel: Argghh. That Fragma Alliance equipped him well.
(The Phoenix-X rotates around to retreat)
Seifer: I feel no shame.
(A crewman hands him secret pictures of him naked)
Seifer: Aahh!!
Daniel: Wait! I want to try one more thing.
(Daniel concentrates his Omni powers towards the Scorpion, creating a sudden flash before it. A retaliation flash knocks Daniel to the floor)
Seifer: Are you alright?
Daniel: How did he do that??
(The Scorpion moves in on the Phoenix-X, firing cascades of transphasic torpedo flares)
Meloneus: Make torpedo go now.
(The Phoenix-X ducks and weaves them, speeding away into transwarp. The Scorpion is left behind)
Daniel: There's no way of beating him!
Seifer: What are we going to do? He's not going to leave us alone until we're destroyed. I know I wouldn't.
(Meanwhile, as the Phoenix-X traverses transwarp, Red, Seifer and Daniel meet with Matt in the Briefing room)
Matt (hands a PADD): The Scorpion is emitting theta band radiation that's slowly deteriorating the conduit faster than normal.
Red: We can't run forever.
Seifer: Why don't we ever use this Briefing Room?
Daniel: I know. We're usually using the Conference Room for some reason.
Matt: Uh, anyway, I have to get moving. Someone is going around taking secret naked pictures of everybody and I think they got mine.
(He leaves as Kugo and Armond enter)
Kugo: We're unable to modify the transporter to beam through their shields.
Seifer: That's a good idea. We didn't even ask you to try that.
Kugo (shrugs): No, I just said that so you wouldn't bother us to.
Daniel: It doesn't matter. They've reinforced their hull with the power of the Omni.
Ensign Dan (enters): We're all gonna die!!
(Then he leaves)
Armond: Captain, he's obviously not going to give us an honourable chance. What if we faked our deaths?
Red: That would be impossible. He'd find a way to scan past our cloak.
Armond: Not if we used the right torpedoes to mask us.
Seifer: Fake the destruction of the Phoenix-X?
Daniel: Meloneus would stop his rein of vengeance towards us. And one of us was partially responsible for his wife's death.
(Shane, partially responsible for Meloneus' wife's death, enters)
Shane (leaves): Whoops.
Kugo: Are you people cowards? Faking our deaths isn't the Klingon way!
Armond: But you're not Klingon.
Red: Yeah. I am and I'm actually for the faking of our deaths.
Kugo: Shut up! Listen. Infiltration is the key.
Armond: What are you saying, Pointy-Eared Woman?
Kugo: We can't take the Scorpion out through star wars, so maybe we can take them out from the inside. You know, sniper off each person controlling the ship.
Seifer: Haven't you been listening? We can't beam through their ship. Beaming abilities, none!
Daniel: What if we negotiate with Meloneus?
Kugo: Yeah, think about it. What does Meloneus hate the most?
Seifer: Macaroni.
Kugo: No.
Red: Changelings.
Kugo: Yeah. If we offer to surrender Shane for our lives, he might accept.
Ensign Dan (enters): Kill the Changelings!
(Then he leaves)
Daniel: That's a good plan, except I'm not going to send Shane on a suicide mission.
(The Scorpion then enters transwarp and catches up to them. It speeds along, behind the Phoenix-X, firing torpedoes. Seifer enters the Bridge)
Seifer: Hold it!
>Meloneus: What? I'm kind of in the middle of trying to destroy you.
Seifer: We have a proposition for you.
>Meloneus: We've done this before and it turned out bad, remember? I demand you to remember!
Seifer: If you leave us alone, we'll give you what you want.
>Meloneus: I don't want anything except your destruction. Are you going to give me that?
Seifer: No. We'll give you our Changeling, Shane.
(He shoves Shane in front of him)
Shane: Hi.
Daniel (enters): Excuse me. I did not authorize this.
Shane: Captain, I have to do this. It's the only way to save the ship.
>Meloneus: Well, I am partial to macaroni as well.
Daniel: No, Shane! He'll kill you for being the one responsible for his wife's death.
Shane: Then it would be justice, wouldn't it?
Daniel: Are you sure you want to do this?
Shane: Yes.
>Meloneus: Hmm. I'll be right back.
(The screen clicks off and Meloneus ponders upon the Bridge of the Scorpion)
Karette: Want me to destroy them now?
Meloneus: Wait.
Tellus: What is the matter? You've been working so hard to get a ship able enough to kill them for so long!
Meloneus: I know! But if I get that Changeling, I can have my revenge against him. I can talk to him face to face.
Tellus: Why can't you take up that qualified therapist I recommended to you?
Meloneus: Be quiet!!
(Meloneus leaves the Bridge. He makes his way to his living quarters. There, a holographic communications device in his room suddenly clicks on)
>Skrilax: Meloneus.
Meloneus: Aah!! Don't do that. What if I was changing? I have Cardassian scales in places you don't want to know.
>Skrilax: That's a little too much info.
Meloneus: You'd be surprised at what's scaly on me.
>Skrilax: Stop it! The Alliance wants to know when you'll be finished whatever it is you are doing.
Meloneus: Soon. I was going to kill this one ship I need revenge on, but they offered me something tantalizing in exchange for their lives.
>Skrilax: That's nice.
Meloneus: I was thinking of taking what they are offering and then destroying their ship anyway.
>Skrilax: No! The Fragma Alliance does not dishonour promises in lives-exchanging situations. We are very specific about issues of revenge and negotiating.
Meloneus: Really?
>Skrilax: Yes. Sometimes we even trade our revenges with each other.
Meloneus: Hmm. Perhaps I could take up their offer. I do want to know the location of the Changeling homeworld. I could interrogate it off that Changeling!
>Skrilax: Whatever! Now hurry up. If you're with us, you have to stay with us.
(The hologram clicks off)
Armond: We're out.
(The Phoenix-X drops transwarp and re-enters normal space. The Scorpion drops in right behind them)
>Meloneus: Scorpion to Phoenix-X.
Seifer: So we meet again, Meloneus.
>Meloneus: Duh. I told you I'd be right back.
Seifer: Yeah, I know. I was just clarifying the situation.
Daniel: What's it going to be, Meloneus?
>Meloneus: I accept your offer. The Changeling for your lives.
Daniel: Not so loud. I'd like the Phoenix-X to have some pride.
(Shane is shoved onto the transporter pad in Transporter Room 2)
Shane: Hey! I'm agreeing to transporting!
Kayl: Oohhh.
(She shoves Shane onto the transporter pad anyway)
Kayl (taps commbadge): We're ready for transport.
#Daniel: Energize.
(Shane is beamed onto the Scorpion. Tellus meets him in the Scorpion's transporter room)
Tellus: Welcome to the Scorpion.
Shane: You'll excuse me if I don't jump for joy.
Tellus (aims disrupter): No! You'll jump for joy or else.
(Meloneus goes off screen the Bridge of the Phoenix-X)
Daniel: Are we really just going to leave him there?
Seifer: Yeah. He never really did anything, anyway.
Daniel (nods): Red, take us out of here.
Seifer: Hey! I get to say that. Red, take us outta here.
Red: Aye, sir.
(The Phoenix-X turns around and jumps to transwarp)
Meloneus: Well your precious Phoenix-X is gone.
(Meloneus shows Shane around the Scorpion)
Shane: They're not really that precious.
Meloneus: I know you're planning to turn on me. There's no denying it.
Shane: No I'm not! I deny everything!! Besides, what could you do? I'm a Changeling.
(Meloneus presses a button on the wall, activating anti-changeling emitters all over the ship, rendering Shane unable to change shape)
Shane: Okay, I guess you could do that. I mean, if you really wanted to.
(Three Cardassian guards surround Shane, jabbing painsticks at him. Shane falls to his knees in pain)
Shane: Argh!! I'm in so much pain!
Meloneus: I know. That's why we stabbed you with painsticks.
Shane: What do you want from me?
Meloneus (leans in): First of all, you killed my wife.
Shane: No, I didn't. You got distracted when you were supposed to save her!
Meloneus: Details, details. The point is, you owe me.
Shane: I have a Quark's Bar gift certificate?
Meloneus: No! I want you to tell me the location of the Changeling homeworld.
Shane (shock): In English?
Meloneus: Of course in English! What other language does every alien in the galaxy speak?
Shane: Well, you see, I've never been to the homeworld before. I have no idea where it is.
Meloneus: What??
(Beat)
Meloneus: I'm very mad. Guards, stab him for no reason!
Shane: Hey!!
(Meloneus leaves as the guards advance on Shane)
(Doctor Lox approaches Seifer in the Phoenix-X's messhall)
Lox: Have you seen the Captain? He's been acting weird ever since Shane left.
Seifer (stares off): That's because our plan is still in motion...
(Beat)
Lox: Well, obviously.
(Shane swings around, hitting one of the guards across their face)
Ryu (falls): Aarrrhh!!
Shane: Time to sniper.
(The two other guards jab for Shane, but Shane turns fast away, being missed. He grabs the pain stick of the nearest guard, pulls the guard around and then rolls over the guards' back)
Fayen: Hey!!
(Shane stabs the painstick the guard and he are still holding, into the stomach of another oncoming guard and then elbows that remaining guard in the face. Both guards fall to the floor in pain)
Kreve: Ooff—!!
Shane: No more restraint.
(He twirls the painstick and stabs it into the control panel in the wall. All the anti-changeling emitters go offline)
Shane (drops painstick): Sorry, but I have to go blow up your ship. You understand, right?
Kreve (on the floor): Yeah, we understand. Don't worry about it.
(Shane runs to the Bridge, kicking down the guard at the entrance)
Meloneus (enters): What is this?
(Shane tucks his head into his stomach, recalling a large amount of Omni power. Bands of energy flow all around)
Meloneus: You're not Shane!?
(Shane looks up as he changes into his true form, Daniel)
Daniel: Nope. Now you're gonna get it.
(He reaches out his arm, flowing a large amount of energy towards Meloneus. The energy dies away before reaching him and Daniel is knocked to the floor by a sudden flash)
Daniel: Owe! Hey, that was supposed to work.
Meloneus: Fool!! If I was able to stop you from using your powers outside my ship, then why wouldn't I be able to stop you from using your powers inside my ship!?
Daniel: I thought it was something in your shields?
(Meloneus calmly shows him into a dark room, where three humble people are sitting, eyes closed, cross-legged in the centre, under faint spotlights)
Group: Hemmmmm...
Meloneus: They're meditating. All day and all night.
Daniel: You have Omni's in your crew?
Meloneus: Yes. They provide me with protection, while I provide them the space to grow.
(They leave the room into the hallway, closing the door)
Daniel: That really puts a wedge in our plans to screw you over.
Meloneus (nods): I know. I know.
(He suddenly has a mood swing)
Meloneus: You lied!! Now your ship will pay!!!
(The Scorpion flips around and jumps to high warp. The Daniel on the Phoenix-X changes back into Shane)
Shane: Well I guess this means I'm the new Captain.
Red: What are your orders, Captain Shane?
Seifer: He's not the new Captain!
Red: Oh, yeah. I forgot.
Armond: Commander, I'm picking up the Scorpion. It's approaching.
Seifer: Excellent. Just as we planned.
Armond: Sir, this wasn't part of the plan.
Seifer: Oh. Crap. Anyone have a new plan?
Armond: I do! Pick me! Pick me!
Seifer: Okay, I pick Armond.
(The Scorpion hovers over the Phoenix-X)
Meloneus: Finally! I will have my revenge!! Hahahahaa!!!
Daniel: You won't get away with this!
(He tries shapeshifting, but all the anti-changeling emitters suddenly come back online)
Daniel: Figures.
(He runs and leaps for Meloneus when a tractor beam from the ceiling suddenly snatches him out of thin air and suspends him in position above Meloneus)
Meloneus (turns): Hey, why don't you hang out for a while?
(He goes back to his control panel and gets it to load a more exotic torpedo set into the launcher)
Meloneus: You're just in time to witness the most mysterious phenomenon in the galaxy. Death!
(The Scorpion hovers around, firing a collage of transphasic flares. The Phoenix-X moves up, down, left and right in one area of space, trying to dodge them)
Seifer: Be careful, Red.
Red: What did you think I was going to do? Seems somewhat arbitrary.
Armond: Slipstream torpedoes loaded, Commander.
Seifer: Alright. Launch them.
(The Phoenix-X suddenly fires two slipstream torpedoes at the Scorpion, but all of a sudden they run into a couple oncoming transphasic flares. An overwhelming explosion and a deep crack in subspace suddenly occurs near the Phoenix-X. The Scorpion rumbles a little, from the shockwave)
Meloneus: Whoa.
Daniel: No!!
(The brightness of the unusual explosion fades away leaving a rough distortion to normal space, and no signs of the Phoenix-X anywhere)
Daniel: No!!
Meloneus: I'm sorry, Captain. But that's the way things go.
(He disengages the weapon's interface and leaves the Bridge. Daniel is left hanging prisoner to the tractor beam, alone in the dark. Later, he is awoken)
>Skrilax: Meloneus!!
(The view screen clicks on)
Daniel: Do I look like Meloneus? Because, if I do, you better send me to the ugly planet while their Mr. Universe contest is still on.
>Skrilax: That contest was over days ago. You better get Meloneus while his membership is still good with us.
Daniel (perks): Really? Well, uh, Meloneus told me to tell you that now that you've upgraded his ship, he doesn't need you anymore.
>Skrilax: What!? He'll pay for that with his life!
(The screen clicks off and the room goes dark again. More time goes by before Meloneus re-enters the Bridge)
Meloneus (laughs): Wake up!
Daniel: Hey, your precious Alliance called. You're in big trouble, Mister.
Meloneus: Shut up! I have to check off the destruction of your ship on my life's goals list.
Daniel: Let me guess. It was revenge for when I had your first ship impounded.
Meloneus: Now you're starting to understand. I have two more goals left to pursue. Space bungee jumping and find the location of the Changeling homeworld.
(He checks off on a PADD)
Daniel: Those are stupid goals, and you still want that location?
Meloneus: Yeah. You see it all happened a long time ago...
(Meloneus looks back to his childhood. His Mother drags him along the sidewalks of the one of the busy city streets of Cardassia. It's dark, cold and it's raining)
Lorinna: Come now, Melly. Let's get a move on.
Baby Meloneus: But Mama, I want a wowwy pop!
Lorinna: How can Mama get you a wowwy pop when you never put down that rattle!
(Baby Meloneus looks at his baby rattle)
Baby Meloneus: But I wuve my rattle, Mama.
(They make it to a hover-bus stop where two Changeling men are, shapeshifted as Cardassians)
Yojo: These Cardassian people seem like the kind who would co-operate with the Founder people if we ever wanted to declare war over the Alpha Quadrant.
Kayna: Nah. The female Changeling would never go for it.
Yojo (points): Hey look, a baby rattle!
Kayna: Interesting. Let's get it!
(The two Changelings shapeshift back into their normal forms and steal Meloneus' baby rattle from him. They run off)
Baby Meloneus (cries in the pouring rain): Waaahhh!!!
(Meloneus sheds a tear from recalling his memories)
Meloneus: Ever since then, I've been trying to find what they stole from me...
Daniel: I'm sorry, Meloneus. I didn't know.
Meloneus (cries): Well now you do! Just leave me alone okay!
(He disengages the tractor beam and Daniel drops to the floor. A bunch of guards run in and comfort Meloneus)
Daniel: Here. This is the location of the bloody Changeling homeworld already.
(He goes over to a star chart on one of the screens and points to a tiny spot)
Meloneus (walks over): Here? And all this time I thought it was here.
(He points to another tiny spot right beside the other tiny spot)
Daniel: It used to be. They moved the planet by shapeshifting giant angel wings out the sides of it.
Meloneus (cries): This is all happening so fast. I have to go there right now!
(He activates the transporter system and beams Daniel out into space. The Scorpion flips around and warps out of there)
Seifer: There he is.
(The Phoenix-X de-cloaks port to Daniel and beams him onto the Bridge)
Seifer: Are you okay?
Daniel: Yeah. I figured you guys faked your deaths, but I wasn't sure if you succeeded.
Seifer: Neither was I until I opened my eyes.
Armond: We cloaked as soon as the explosion distorted the sensors.
Daniel: So, you decided to go along with your own plan, eh? I'll see that you get a reprimand in your permanent record for this, Armond.
Armond: But, sir? It saved the Phoenix-X and got Meloneus off our backs.
Daniel: But nothing! You have the Bridge, Commander.
(In the turbolift, Daniel meets Shane)
Shane: What about Meloneus? There's still a good chance he'll find out that we're still alive.
Daniel: No, I think he'll be a little too busy to notice that.
(On the Bridge, Armond checks long-range sensors)
Armond: Commander, I'm registering the Scorpion. It's leaving the sector.
Seifer: Finally. I thought I was going to have to sleep with my light on tonight.
Armond (checks): I think it's being chased by the Fragma Alliance? They must've turned against him for some reason.
Seifer: Haha. Typical bad-guys-chasing-each-other comedy. Also, that means we're in the clear. Red, take us away.
(There's no one sitting at the helm)
Seifer: Hmmm.
Red (enters): Sorry, I'm late. I was busy killing the person responsible for taking naked pictures of me.
#Matt: Uhh, Matt to Bridge. There's a little mess on Deck 8 that I think Doctor Lox should take a look at.
(Kayl responds to the emergency as Red takes the helm. Seifer has a seat upon the command chair)
Seifer: Oh, fine. Now, let's get back to the usual flying-the-ship-around-all-day thing.
Red: Aye, sir.
(He engages the engines, making the ship go fast. There's a long silence on the Bridge again)
Seifer: Well, at least it's not awkward anymore.
Armond (nods): That's true.
(The Phoenix-X continues to soar through space)
