Star Trek: Phoenix-X
"The Bajoran Trove Remake, Part I"
Previously, on Deep Space 9: The Prometheus-class U.S.S. Phoenix-X was docked, while Daniel and Aeris met with Sisko in the station commander's office.
"Now, Captain Daniel, Starfleet has orders for you to patrol the Flortarios system. Flortarios III is not a Federation planet but, if the Dominion manages to occupy that system, they will be too close to Federation space. Their leaders have already accepted us."
Daniel nodded. "We'll do our part in this war. But no depressing slow-motion battle sequences."
"Very good," Sisko agreed. "There are already several Starfleet vessels there, as part of your task force. Due to, what I'm told you have as, excessive untold enhancements, the Phoenix-X will assume command."
---
And now, the continuation: As the Prometheus-class U.S.S. Phoenix-X slicked itself in patrol of the Flortarios system, Captain Daniel began recording a standard ship journal.
"Captain's log, Stardate 51732.4. I'm a little nervous of this and I hope nothing goes wrong. As that stationary Sisko said, I will be the task force lead for six other starships. I can do it. Admiral Cloud has also requested all the first officers to accompany each Captain in a meet-and-greet. It will be like a Riker leg-up marathon, but without the jazz."
---
In the Messhall, Commander Gotens was looking through a PADD when Ensign Dan suddenly joined with two drinks.
"Sir, being that I'm constantly relieved of duty, I find that I simply must improve relations with my senior officers to avoid said-retractionings," the Ensign opened as he took a seat. "Therefore, please try this drink as a gesture of bettering. It's called the Bajoran Trove."
Gotens put his PADD down a took the elaborately-decorated cocktail. "Well, I have been meaning to garner more respect from the lower deckers after that one time I led a bunch of them into a dark cave. Very well." He inhaled it first before taking a gulp. Ensign Dan tensed, waiting for the inevitable before Gotens reacted, "Not bad, in an easily-oppressed kind of way."
"It's supposed to disperse your emotions. The chemicals mixed in do all the work. Think of it like a feelings detox."
The Commander nodded. "Cathartic and believable, considering the intensity of Bajoran Majors."
"Daniel to Ensign Dan. In an effort to tamp down your relieved-based fraternizing, I would like to meet you in my Ready Room at your leisure. Let's go! Move, move, move!"
---
Meanwhile, on Flortarios III, in the bushes, outside the White House of Commons, two shadowy Flortarians lurked in impropriety.
"Okay, do you have the phaser rifle?" Mellinook inquired.
Pablokinya carried something over. "Yes, in this plastic shopping bag. We're going to kill all those Starfleet people, aren't we? After they came here to protect our kind?"
"You know we are an illicitly motivated population! Besides, it's just for show. We go in through this heating duct and crash the party when they move into the Reception Lounge," the other man credited. "We are not to kill. Just kidnap one of the leaders."
The bag-carrying man slunked. "Damn. I knew I shouldn't have worn layers."
---
As the Phoenix-X took orbit of Flortarios III, the Ferengi BOB found Commander Gotens still in the Messhall, going over PADDs in preparation.
"Big meeting, eh?" BOB opened as he took a seat.
Looking out, perspectively, Gotens began, "It was William Hazlitt who once said, first impressions are everything."
"Wasn't he societally excommunicated? But, you're right, beginnings are as important as middles. Anyway, what are you reading?"
Gesturing to his PADD, Gotens replied, "Oh, these are the profiles of the Captains and starships in our task force—" But the Trill's stomach suddenly rumbled. "Ugh."
"Whoa! There's a bucket under the table if you have to— you know," BOB reminded. "Mouth-expel like a Ferengi mother?"
Gotens noticed. "Oh, thanks. Wait, is that the Captain's? Never mind. I must be nervous about this meeting. Perhaps going over the command list will ease me." Pulling up the PADD, he noticed, "Wow! Look at this. The Captain of the U.S.S. Hijinx is Betazoid and was said to have captured and dragged a Maquis ship through the length of the Badlands."
"That's amazing," BOB realized. "Aren't they the ship that nearly collided with the U.S.S. Voyager?"
The Commander recollected, "Off screen, yeah." Then, deviating in reverie, he tangented to a perplexed BOB, "Ahh, that reminds me of the time, in my second host, Elena, when I Trill-freightered around the galaxy for half a slip of latinum before my own near-collision with a symbiont transport." BOB blinked. Gotens explained, "It was almost a forced-joining smorgasbord."
---
Meanwhile, Ensign Dan met with Captain Daniel in his Ready Room. Daniel arched a brow from behind his desk.
"As a lower decker, main crew officer, your tasks are still typically menial, tedious and out-of-the-way, right? I must also assume that gives you good fly-on-the-wall skills."
Ensign Dan perked. "Is this about the live pig in the transporter room? Because I swear we are now looking at other ways to cut bacon."
"It's not that. I need you to be my information officer at this meet-and-greet for third-party note of officer idiosyncrasies, so that I know what to expect from this fleet when things get non-pig dicey."
The Bajoran nodded, seriously. "Permission to manufacture a tense baby-birthing situation to test everyone's mettle?"
"How would you even do that? Never mind. No. Just do the thing."
Shrugging, he added, "But I have fluid sacs already prepar—"
"No!"
---
In the Messhall, a deadpanning BOB took a sip of his Slug-o-Cola as Gotens continued combing through his PADD, more enthusiastically this time.
"Oh! This ship. I've been on the Jenova before, during its first-season rough patch," the Trill elated. "Seasons is how we measure officer growth in Commander circles, you see."
BOB arched a brow. "Are you okay?"
"In fact, I remember getting into a little quarrel with a one Captain Iviok, during my last host, Rikonen, via his Andorian lack of a sense of humour."
The Ferengi sighed, before getting up to leave, unnoticed. "Yeah, you're okay."
"So, I sends out a probe, I sends it, and I sends it blue smoke-traily, you see, on account of I thought it looked nice. But he disagreed! For he, himself, was blue."
---
Meanwhile, on the Bridge, Flortarios leader President Creeton was speaking on screen.
"I know that Mellinook is plotting some way to get back at me for dismissing his legal-revolution and knowing things is how I became a leader on this illegal-invested world."
Armond squinted, attempting to comprehend. "Aaand this Mellinook is his own leader of some underground rebellion fighting against your illicit trade value superintendence?"
"Exactly! We sent you a whole crime-infested packet. Didn't you get the bloat-packed malware? Now, if you could keep sensors on the building, please?"
The Lieutenant Commander shrugged. "Seems highly irregular but very well."
"Also, where is your Captain? I was pre-pomped and circumstanced an hour ago!"
---
In the transporter room on Deck 3, Captain Daniel stood at the transport pad before Ensign Dan entered. "Where is Commander Gotens?" Daniel impatiented.
"Honestly, I have no idea where anyone is at any time."
Armond's voice then rang through. "Bridge to Daniel. The President is asking for you, like some kind of nagging political bobcat."
"Then are ya'll ready to beam down then?" Ensign Billy asked from behind the transporter console.
Daniel sighed. "Oh, fine. Ensign Billy, after we go, please find the Commander and tell him to join us as soon as possible. He knows there's an angry Tellarite soccer team waiting to use the room after us."
---
Meanwhile, in the Messhall, the Talaxian named Heelix took a seat at Gotens' table as the Commander continued on, unwaivered, "And, you know, Iviok gaves me this weird look of which I don't knows if thems Andorians have these looks or if saids-Captain was having indigestion. So, I says, hey! But he just looks at me, grunting. Grunting!"
---
On Flortarios III, in the White House of Commons, in a conference room, twelve Starfleet officers sat at a long table; six commanding officers and their first-in-commands. Flortarian leaders Prime Minister Clingten and President Creeton entered to greet everyone.
"Thanks for coming to our fancy shindig," Creeton welcomed, admiring the food and silverware spreads nearby. "Oooh, it's fancy! Slug-o-Cola."
Entering late, Captain Daniel and Ensign Dan nodded to all. "Sorry for the delay. Thadiun Okona saw me downstairs and needed help in choosing an eye patch."
"First of all, I'd like to thank everyone for assisting us during this tough time of Dominion-pinning," Clingten offered as Ensign Dan took a seat and Daniel positioned himself at the head of the table. "We can't possibly maintain clandestine operations in this climate."
Daniel nodded. "It's the right— somewhat questionable— thing to do, as well it's nice to meet the new fleet. Now, onto all the things." He stopped as Ensign Dan's tapping on a PADD became interruptingly noticeable. "Uh, Ensign, what are you doing?"
"I'm taking note of your lateness."
Shaking it off, Daniel continued. "That's not— Nevermind. Let me formally introduce myself. I am Captain Daniel of the Phoenix-X and we are all under purview of what has been dubbed as Task Force Epsilon. Its continuing mission, to protect the Flortarios sector and all its solar orbital pointless monuments." But Ensign Dan's blunt-based PADD-tapping continued on. "And—" And on. "Would you please put that away!?"
"Ye— Yes, sir," the Ensign replied, hiding the PADD under the table to everyone's shock.
Daniel rolled his eyes at the chatter. "Oh, we all have annoying lower deckers. Now, on to introduce ourselves." He pulled up his own PADD. "First is Captain Harley Menrow of the U.S.S. Crucial. He's human and likes to take long walks on the beach."
"Ohh, the seashells I find," Menrow boasted. "I'll even canvas Antedean beaches."
Continuing, Daniel read on in surprise, "Next is Captain Aries Wasyati of the U.S.S. Ixion. This says he hates annoying Ensigns?"
"It goes without saying," Wasyati murmured offering a suddenly nervous Ensign Dan an ugly look. "We may or may not stock giant fly swatter-type mesh sticks on every deck."
Daniel kerfuffled, "I like that idea. Now, we have Captain Michael McCary of the U.S.S. Tsunami. He's three-quarters human, one-quarter Klingon and likes to sing."
"Once. I did that Klingon opera shtick once and now it's on my permanent record," McCary complained. "Unrelated, but is Ava Maria not a ballad commemorating that Typhoid woman?"
Thinking, Daniel replied, "Yes. Yes, it is." Then, turning, "Next is Captain Iviok of the U.S.S. Jenova. Well, it doesn't say anything about you here?"
"Hmph!" the Andorian grunted.
Daniel went wide-eyed. "I see. Approved." Turning again, "And, now, Commander Andrea Reynolds of the U.S.S. Hijinx. She's Betazoid and likes to walk around her ship in her— Oh my gosh!"
"It's consensual," she elaborated, winking. "Except for that one time during Vulcan pon farr month."
The Captain struggled. "Rrright." Then, finally, "And, last, but not least, Captain Yuffie Samya of the U.S.S. Dropzone. She's human and likes martial arts-based sports."
"The punchier, the better," she confirmed, while socking her fist into her palm to a scared Ensign Dan. "We also have anbo-jyutsu kick weeks on the ship. We're the foremothers of Starfleet butt padding."
---
Back aboard the Phoenix-X, Gotens was then joined by Lieutenant Kayl and two more Talaxians, Meelix and Peelix. "So, I says to the blue guy, I says, you want to go to warp? Destabilize the second generator!"
"Well, there ya'll are," approached Ensign Billy, dispersing the others. "The Cap'n told me to tell you to get down to the planet. You're late for your meet'n."
Noticing, Gotens added, "Hey, your hairstyle reminds me of a young officer I once met on Flortarios III. For, you see, it was in my last host, I was posted down on the planet during the—" He noticed a confused Billy. "During the quarrels, Ensign. Well, there we were, under attack from giant maple syrup orange projectiles..."
---
Back in the Flortarios III Conference room, Daniel's explanation of the Ixion's route was interrupted by Ensign Dan's snoring.
"Pay attention!" Daniel demanded to a startled lower decker. "Now, does anyone have any questions?"
Menrow raised a hand. "Yeah. Are you a Changeling from the alien depotismic force fueling said devastating war against the Federation?"
"Zzzzzz," came Ensign Dan's return to loud snoring. "ZZzzzZZZZzzz!"
Daniel, trying to rip through it, replied, "In actuality, tolerance, being a Federation staple, is the main reas—"
"ZZZZZ!!" Ensign Dan roared, unconsciously. "ZZZZZ!!!!"
Then, snapping, Daniel yelled, "Ensign!! Just for that, there will be no explanation nor exposition for any glaring incongruities!" Calming his vibe, he then switched to, "Well, now that the formal stuff is over, we can now make our way into the Reception Lounge."
"Ugh. Your voice was sooo boring and—" Ensign Dan began before noticing an approaching and angry Captain Daniel after everyone had left. "Don't worry about it, Captain. I'll patch things up with them, lower decks style."
---
Entering the busy Reception Lounge, Captain Michael McCary, the Klingon-human hybrid, took notice of Ensign Dan.
"Ah, Ensign," he intercepted. "I've been wanting to meet with you. I am in command of the U.S.S. Tsunami, the ship with the most ghosts on boastable toast." Realizing, he added, "For some reason that's a brag."
Pointing up, Ensign Dan jumped right into, "You know, my Captain really isn't incompetent. Admittedly, he has his faults, like the time he banned shoes because the carpets were getting scuffed."
"What are you doing now???" Daniel hushed after leaving Commander Jarell and coming over to pull the Ensign away to the corner of the lounge. "I don't need you messing with my anything. Just observe!"
Rolling his eyes, the Ensign replied, "I'm observing your trainwreck of a reputation. You want wartime personnel to follow a man they're at war with? Your schmooze needs to over-butter their heated biscuits."
---
Meanwhile, on the Phoenix-X, Ensign Billy arm-hooked an oblivious and rambling Commander Gotens to the transporter room on Deck 3.
"So, I says to him, I says, 'The left way is the hardest way'. But he hated being says'd to! Absolutely hated the says'ing." Gotens continued as Billy lightly shoved Gotens onto the transporter pad. "So's, I gots fed up and phasered the rock—"
---
Seconds later, Gotens was incognizantly transported into the Flortarios III Reception Lounge, where everyone was in mid-mingle.
"—But the rock didn't explode. It just got bigger!" he pleaded. "It was awfully contrived."
Daniel approached, subduing public attention. "Commander, so good of you to make it. Not that I'm judging what's good or not good. I'm not theocratic or totalitarian, is what I'm trying to say." But, suddenly noticing Commander Melyot approaching Ensign Dan, Daniel was quick to tear away. "Oh, no! He's going to ruin me if he talks to a Klingon!"
"I babysat a Klingon once," Gotens tangented dreamily to himself as he was then left alone. "This was in my third host, Laumar, you see. I was on mind-altering painkillers and unknowingly agreed to the Mar'Po'Popn's Challenge. Something they got from the Ancient Brits."
---
Meanwhile, on the other side of the Lounge, Captain McCary joined Captain Samya.
"You know, the Phoenix-X crew acts really weird. We're under their command? As if!" the woman of Japanese descent articulated. "Hopefully, I said that right."
McCary nodded. "It would seem so, and who is that Trill over there chatting away so much? He's like a more intense Calvin Hutchison?"
---
Melyot was just getting comfortable with Ensign Dan when Daniel suddenly cut in.
"Commander! You know, I have my own Klingon exchange officer on my Bridge too," Daniel relayed.
The other man turned. "Fascinating. We are a mighty but questionable bunch. It's hard to believe at all we would Worf ourselves to Federation ships but, here we are, getting constantly denied suggestions en masse. Anyway, do go on."
---
Captain Andrea Reynolds, the Betazoid, joined Commander Gotens curious of his midst-ramblings.
"—The little guy bit me!" Gotens went on, from a near-stitchable series. "Just because I was in a mid-species tolerance challenge, he just had to amp things up with a potential nehret infection."
Reynolds examined him. "Are you alright, Commander? Your thoughts seem to be firing at an incredible rate, especially for a man of male leanings."
"And therein lies that challenge. I had to consider what the kid was thinking and feeling, despite my stereotypical misgivings that they were knee-cap bitey animal things."
---
Noticing, Daniel tore himself away from Commander Melyot.
"But you were about to go on?" Melyot drooped.
Then, approaching Commander Morris and pushing a chatty Ensign Dan away, Daniel interrupted with, "Ahh, first officer of the Tsunami? That toast ship?"
Morris nodded. "Why, indeed, yes. Thank you for noticing despite no ship-specific markings on me. Why Starfleet burned ship patches, I'll never know."
"Oh, yeah," Ensign Dan went on, nearby, having moved onto Lieutenant Commander Esreck. "The Captain trades officers between departments all the time. Mainly for game."
In another end of the room, President Creeton was speaking with Captain Menrow. "I've never really met Daniel in person but now I'm glad I haven't. He's going around the lounge like a nervous little nymph! And we have nymphs on this planet. It's this whole thing."
"As a Starfleet officer, tasked with supplying your government with confidence, I must question, what have we got ourselves into?" Menrow elucidated.
---
Back with Gotens, Reynolds of Hijinx found her mental discoveries somewhat troubling as she assisted the Commander to a sitting position on the floor.
"Help! Someone. This man needs medical attention," she called out. "Also, a little more bourbon for me, please."
Gotens rambled, "So, I says to her, I says, 'You know, you make me sick!' But all she did was respond with a mad rage for merely being says'd to! Apparently, misogyny is looked down upon now?"
"Commander, are you alright?" Daniel questioned as he came over. "You look like a Talarian drunk on Klingon opera?"
Then, Ensign Dan pushed his way through the crowd. "Make way! Let me through. Commander Gotens? You look like a Nanokin on an overdone Section 31 head trip?"
"Oh, I'm fine, but not as fine as I could have been had I used those gymnastic skills I practiced all that previous Trill host life. Skills many Trill learn, mind you," Gotens admitted, unconvincingly.
McCary walked over. "What's wrong with him? He looks like an android hopped up on cyborg and artificial heart implants?"
---
On the other side of the room, both Flortarios III leaders observed the situation from afar.
"Just what we need, the Phoenix-X crew coming to task," President Creeton snarked. "I wouldn't even trust them with our money laundering."
Prime Minister Clingten high-fived him. "Haha, nice! We abhor them now. That's our new thing."
---
Back in the crowd around Gotens, Ensign Dan suddenly snapped his fingers.
"He's reeling from the Bajoran Trove," the Ensign popped. "Somebody get me some of that fruit from the artificial sugar drug table."
Captain Daniel snapped. "Ensign, this is no time for those summer platters you're strangely known for. Stop infecting us with subordinate-based antics!"
"Anyway, back to my adventures. You see, next, I pressed the button and we lifted off," Gotens redirected in mid-story-tell. "As expected, we played Magic Carpet Ride by Steppenwolf, per regulations."
Shaking his head, Ensign Dan replied, "Captain, I can reverse the effects of the drink— which appear to be enhancing instead of pacifying his reverie due to him being a Trill." Then, recalling, "Oh, and somebody get me the wine. The more alcohol, the better to fight for control over his frontal lobe!"
"—We even almost flew into the Paramount mountain," Gotens continued. "Nearly killed one of their money-grubbing franchises."
Moving quickly, everyone watched as Ensign Dan collected more and more items to then dismantle his communicator and carefully wire it all together over a large, stemmed cocktail glass. "The Bajoran Revver was an adrenaline-raiser we discovered during the Occupation when developing new bombs to kill Cardassians. I suspect it to have the opposite effect here."
"More drink-related shenanigans!" Daniel critisized as he waved his hands to the oblivious Trill's face. "Holy crap. Phoenix-X ridiculousness must source from our lower ranks?"
Reynolds observed, "So much so that the Commander is off on another track of mind. Like some kind of alternate-looking Enterprise running amuck."
"Got it!" Ensign Dan called as he sent a communicator-powered electric shock through the liquid mixture and then served it to Gotens. "As a science officer, I get to add this Bajoran Trove reaction data to the species index. Isn't that great?"
After gulping and absorbing in mid-sentence, Gotens' fog began to fade. "Then we encountered this one fast hedgehog and—" Losing his train of memory, he blinked and refocused on everyone. "Wait. What was I saying? Where am I?"
"You're in the White House of Commons, a confusing mash-up of known political structures with multiple bowling alleys and cat sanctuaries," Daniel explained, helping Gotens to his feet.
Everyone then applauded, impressed. "Good work, Ensign," Captain Samya of the Dropzone appreciated. "Perhaps solving a one-man microcosm is indicative of battling an incalculable war-based macrocosm."
"Yes, excellent work, Ensign Dan!" Captain Menrow of the Crucial echoed as he and others shook the Bajoran's hand. "Your years of oppression have finally given you, what I assume is, officer-level respect."
Captain McCary of the Tsunami approached Daniel. "We were wrong about you, Captain. You've got an adequate crew, worthy of recognition of being a crew. Short term conclusions are hella satisfying."
"What do you mean wrong?" Daniel squinted, unnoticed. "Also, thanks?"
Gotens blinked. "What is happening? I could have sworn I was on the verge of a storytelling masterpiece any fan fiction author would have dreamed?" He gestured. "The A and B plots were about to intersect!"
"Please, stop with the writer pretentiousness. The lesson here is, in fact, that Ensign-nonsense will infect those of us in command if we don't supress it immediately," Daniel addendumed. "It's clear this fleet is just as susceptible, so more Changeling-like authoritarianism may be needed afterall."
Creeton and Clingten walked over as all the other Captains dispersed. "We love the Phoenix-X crew now! How are you with supplementing tax evasion and terrorism funding?"
"Uggh. You guys too?" Daniel struggled. "Just a second, please," he ordered before turning to the apparent day-saving Bajoran. "Ensign Dan. You. Are. RELIEVED!"
Gotens snapped his fingers in recollection. "Ahhh, that's what I meant to do instead of accept said-drink. From now on, it's hard candies for me. Sorry, Captain."
"Nobody apologize to anyone!" came the sudden shout from a renegade legal-obsessed Flortarian named Mellinook, bursting out of the heating vent with a phaser rifle aimed at everyone. "We sat through all these pointless shenanigans and it has made us perpetually sick. Therefore, you are now in a classic hostage situation, like so many before!"
TO BE CONCLUDED