Episode 57

Star Trek: Phoenix-X
Land Wars

The Phoenix-X treks through space... awkwardly. Captain Cell enters the Bridge.
Cell: "Status?"
RaeLuna: "Everything seems to be in working order."
Cell: "Is it just me, or does the Bridge look crooked to you?"
Seifer: "Nah. It's fine."
An Ensign falls by: "Aahh!"
Cell: "The Bridge is definitely crooked. I can see it!"
Amp: "It's nothing sir. The ship just gets like this whenever we pass by this Sector."
Cell: "Oh, okay then."
He takes his seat in the Captain's chair patiently. The Phoenix-X suddenly turns sideways, and everybody falls off their chairs and onto the left wall of the Bridge.
Everyone: "Aaahh!!!"
RaeLuna, struggling: "Get your foot off me!!"
Tong: "Owe! Get yourself off my foot!"
The Phoenix-X returns to its normal position as it leaves the Sector. Everyone rolls back onto the floor in pain...
Seifer: "Uuugghh."
Cell, reverts over to his chair: "That's it!! I want to know why the hell the ship does that every-time we enter that Sector!"
Seifer: "Maybe it's poltergeists."
Cell: "Lieutenant Amp, turn us around and take us back into that Sector... What Sector was that again?"
Amp: "The Eiffel Sector?"
Cell: "Yeah. Go there."
RaeLuna: "Fools. We will just turn over again."
Seifer: "Maybe if we re-adjust our inertial dampening field in the floor gravity plating, we'll be able to travel the Eiffel Sector safely."
Amp: "Hey, I was going to say that."

The Phoenix-X re-enters the Eiffel Sector, fixing its crooked problem.

Meanwhile, on some remote Planet, a mortal uses a torpedo launcher to scare off an omni'X from taking over his Planet.
Quinn: "I'll use this. I swear!"
Throk: "Whoa whoa... okay, forget about the whole taking over your world thing. I mean, it's really too much work anyway."
He turns around and fly's off into the sky and out the Planet, never to be seen again.

Throk flys through space, passing by the Phoenix-X. Lox and Trunks sit in 10-Forward, looking out the window at the stars.
Trunks: "Doctor. Perhaps I have no purpose on this Ship."
Lox: "Ah, come on Trunks. Don't talk like that."
Trunks: "But it is true. I do not have any assigned duties, and I am not an officer."
Lox: "Oh. No, what I meant is don't talk like a robot. Your voice gets so monotone and freaky. Really, Trunks, you scare the children."

Seifer is in the Holodeck, playing a 12 Century war game. He orders his Army down a side hill to attack the enemy, GoyCho's Army, and defeats them.
GoyCho: "Sir, this kind of thing is sickening to the Human soul!"
All the soldiers: "AAAaaarrrrhhhhhh!!!!!"
Blood flys everywhere.
Seifer: "Yes! I beat you again, GoyCho! Hahaha!"
GoyCho: "Ugh! Why did I ever let you talk me into this?"
He leaves the Holodeck, as Seifer just basks in his bloody victory: "Heh, heh."

Kugo works in Engineering, at an open conduit in the Transwarp Drive. Matt walks over to see how it's going.
Kugo: "I've realigned the couplings..."
Matt: "You okay?"
Kugo: "Yeah... I just don't know. The truth is, I really don't know everything there is to know about Transwarp."
Matt: "That sucks. I mean that really, really sucks."
Kugo: "Yeah..."
Matt: "It sucks way more than a sucking suck on the suckiest day of suckness."
Kugo: "I get the point."
Matt: "It's sucking right now on the sucks suckness suckerable sucker."
Kugo: "That's enough, Lieutenant!"
Matt: "Holy sucksables!"

Captain Cell enters the Bridge, and taps his commbadge.
Cell: "Bridge to Engineering, get back to work!"
#Kugo: "Hey, how'd you know? It's like you have a sixth sense."
The comm. cuts out and Cell looks straight ahead.
Cell: "I don't need to be reminded that my powers are gone. I'm doing completely fine without them."
Just then, Ensign Dan walks by. Cell tries zapping him, but his powers are gone.

The Phoenix-X approaches a Planet. Captain Cell gets up and looks at it on-screen.
Cell: "This is what's been causing the Ship to go diagonal every time we pass this Sector?"
RaeLuna: "Yes. It seems to extend a focused gravimetric field for light-years."
Amp: "How is that possible?"
RaeLuna, scans: "...Properties of the Planet. Its core contains elements of quad-magnasite."
Cell: "Gad-zooks!"
Amp: "But that stuff isn't effective to Federation Technology."
Cell: "Hey, Amp's right. The most it does is be used as throat cleaner for people pursing singing careers."

The Phoenix-X is suddenly pulled down towards the Planet. It falls through the sky and hovers closely above the ground, a big grassy field, and starts moving forward involuntarily at 100 kph.

Cell: "What the--?? Get us out of here, Mr. Amp."
Amp moves the Phoenix-X upwards, but it is pulled back down again: "I don't get it. What's going on here?"
Cell: "Hmm... The crew hasn't been gaining weight has it? Tong, I'm looking at you."
Tong tries to suck in his belly: "No sir."

The Phoenix-X is suddenly hailed by a group of government officials sitting around a big table.
>Leffer: "We are the Meronis Leaders. You are trespassing on Meronis soil. Please leave immediately."
Cell: "Greetings. I am Captain Cell of the Federation Starship Phoenix-X. Please, we were brought down here by some unknown force."
>Leffer: "Since I have not seen you before, I will assume you are lying."
Cell: "Uh!"
>Jeran: "This is an act of War!"
Cell: "Oh, yeah? Well maybe you're an act of war!!"
He cuts the screen out in anger.
Cell glances over to Amp: "So how do you think that first contact went? Good?"
Amp just shakes his head in disappointment.

The Senior Staff meets in the Briefing Room.
Kugo: "From what we can tell, the natural gravimetric field from the Planet is holding the Phoenix-X down here."
Seifer: "Why? We never did anything to it. My feelings are hurt!"
Kugo: "Sensors indicate the field exists in the Transwarp Domain. It is holding the Phoenix-X down here because of the Engine."
Cell: "Is there anyway to get out of it? I mean, we enter and exit the Domain all the time."
Seifer: "Yeah but in those times, we initiated Transwarp. This time, it's like we were forced into it."
Cell: "Hey, I thought your feelings were hurt?"
Seifer: "Oh, uhh... I mean, --why is Transwarp so mean to us??."
Lox, pats him on the back: "There, there."
Kugo: "I may be able to realign the Conduit Initiators. But that may take a while, and it's no guarantee that it'll work."
Cell: "Understood. Get to work."

Meanwhile, in the Meronis Government Forum, the Planet's greatest Agent is called in.
Jeral: "Quinn... we need your help now more than ever."
Quinn: "That's what you said last time!"
Jeral: "--Well, I suppose we were wrong. But now we really need you!"
Leffer: "You must take down this Phoenix-X ship. We are sending out our military, but we all know that you are the person for the job."
Quinn: "Really?"

Meanwhile, outside in the hallway, a couple people are chatting.
Singe: "Hey, that Quinn guy is definitely the person for the job of taking down that Phoenix-X ship."
Pate, nods: "Yeah, for sure."

A Fleet of Fighter Pods are sent out. They take off into the sky, crossing the countryside, and approaching the Phoenix-X. Captain Cell enters the Bridge.
Cell: "Report."
RaeLuna: "A Fleet of Meronis Fighter Pods are on an intercept course. They're opening fire."

Twenty Fighter Pod's circle the Phoenix-X and blast compression beams onto their shields. The shield's weaken.
Cell: "Hahahaha! They think they can mess with me?"
The Phoenix-X blasts phasers out into sky, knocking a Fighter Pod back into another Fighter Pod; those two Pods go crashing to the ground below. Pieces are flung off, spinning.

Four Fighter Pods blast through the shields and blow a small part of the upper hull of the Phoenix-X. Hull fragments fly off, as more and more Pods surround the Phoenix-X.

Cell: "Hmm... This seems a bit of a challenge. I know! Trunks! Can you go out there and take them out?"
He approaches Trunks, who just happens to be on the Bridge at the right moment and the right time.
Trunks: "Yes. They will regret the day they were born from their disgusting organic Mother's..."
He loads his arm torpedo launcher.

Trunks rockets out the Phoenix-X and into the sky. He blasts torpedoes out at Fighter Pod after Fighter Pod, taking each one down.

Unknowingly, a quick Fighter Pod containing Quinn flys by and matches the Phoenix-X's speed. Quinn opens his hatch and jumps out, onto the Phoenix-X's shields. He takes out an energy stick and slams it into the shields, draining a hole for him to jump through.

Quinn makes his way inside the Phoenix-X, running through hallway after hallway until he's confronted by Security Guards.
Elly: "Hold it right there, you Meronis scum!"
Quinn: "Not a chance!"
He takes out an energy staff and flings it around. Elly dodges each swing and fires phasers, but the staff just absorbs the phaser blasts.

#GoyCho: "Captain, intruder alert! One Meronis scum has made his way into the ship!"
Cell: "Those scums!"
He walks over to Seifer who just happens to be on the Bridge at the right moment and the right time.
Cell: "You handle the Fighter Pods. I'll take care of that intruder scum."
Seifer: "Hey I just got here. What's going on?"
Cell liquefies and shoots himself into the ventilation.

Kugo works in Engineering, to get the Engine unhooked from the gravitic field produced by the Planet.
Kugo: "Hand me that laser tool, Ensign."
Gewdeque: "Here you go."
They work under the Transwarp Engine.
Gewdeque: "I'm really more of a non-working worker."
Just then, Quinn bursts into Engineering. He runs over to a computer console, tapping at it with intentions of sabotage. Cell bursts out a ventilation hatch and slowly takes shape behind Quinn.
Cell: "What do you think you're doing?"
Quinn: "Huh??"
Cell liquefies his left arm into a long spike and flings it out. Quinn dodges and takes out his energy staff, blocking it. Cell is shocked with energy and liquefied completely.
Quinn: "Eeeu! You're some kind of... thing!"
He makes a run for it.

The Phoenix-X slams phasers into the ground behind it, sending dirt clumps into the air. The clumps take out a gathering of Fighter Pods at the back.
Lelane: "Aaahh!! Tell my mother I love hherrrr!!!"
His Pod keeps falling.
Lelane: "Actually, she was a bitch. Tell her I hate hherrr!!!"
His Pod crashes and explodes.

Commander Seifer paces the Bridge. Two huge Meronis Hover Craft approach, about the same size as them.
Seifer: "What do I do? What do I do??"
Amp: "Pull yourself together man!"
The Phoenix-X shakes from enhanced compressed beams from the Hover Craft. They near and fly on both sides of the Phoenix-X.
Seifer: "The holodeck strategy was much easier than this."
He gets an idea.
Seifer: "I know! I'll go play on the holodeck for a while."
Amp: "No sir! You have to stay on the Bridge!"
Seifer: "Dang."

Trunks is chased by a Pod, as he rockets over the large Hover Craft, blasting torpedoes into its upper hull. He fools the Pod in his flight path, and the Pod goes crashing along the upper hull of the Hover Craft.

Just then, two more Pods fly overhead, pumping compression beams into him. Trunks is knocked back, and side to side.
Trunks: "Ugh!"

Everyone crosses over an Ocean.

Another Pod joins them, in blasting Trunks from side to side in mid air.
Trunks: "Aargghh!!! --Activate destruction pattern Delta."
He checks his systems.
Trunks: "--Destruction pattern's offline. --Repairing pattern's online."
He fights the urge to repair the enemy's ships.
Trunks: "Do not-- fix--"
He's suddenly knocked back, and ricocheted off another beam.
Trunks, stresses: "--Must prove my usefulness--!!"

Meanwhile, in the Phoenix-X's 10-Forward, Ensign Dan tries cleaning all the tables really fast.
Ensign Dan: "Must prove my usefulness...!"
BOB walks over: "What are you doing?"
Ensign Dan: "Cleaning."
BOB: "That's a crappy job. You're relieved!"

Kugo gets out from under the Engine and climbs up to the Initiator Couplings, attached to the second level Tachyon Matter Ring. She tries recalibrating them.
Kugo: "...This just isn't working."
She shakes her head.
Kugo: "I can't change their status!"
GoyCho, approaches: "Hey baby, you can change my status... my marital status."
Kugo: "Get away from me!"
She pushes him away and goes over to a console where Matt is, examining the Conduit Creation System.
Matt: "Doesn't look so good."
Kugo: "You're the original creator of this stupid Engine, tell me how to fix it!"
Matt: "Stupid? You can forget it, with that attitude."
He crosses his arms.

Cell and Quinn burst out a hatch of the Phoenix-X, and take their fight outside onto the hull. Quinn swipes his staff multiple times, as Cell liquefies around dodging and counter attacking.

Quinn activates his pressure boots and leaps off the Phoenix-X into the sky. Cell leaps off after him.
Cell: "If only I still had my powers!"
Quinn lands on a Fighter Pod as it passes by. He's taken along with it.

Cell aims himself to land on a passing Fighter Pod aswell: "Ugh!!"
Quinn jumps onto another Pod. Both Quinn and Cell jump from Pod to Pod in the sky, battling each other.

Not far off, Trunks is getting hit over and over by those compression beams. Four Pods have taken control of his momentum.
Trunks: "Argh!! ...I have had enough."
He boosts the power output in his boots and rockets away from the next two beams. He fly's overhead and pumps torpedo after torpedo into each of those Pod's.

They crash into each other, and fall to the ocean below.
Nagea: "Aaaaaaahh!! He's fighting back!"
#Rogan: "Meronis Pod 6 to Pod 8. Need immediate ass-saving assistance!"
Nagea: "Unable to ass-save Pod 6. Repeat, ass-save is un-ass-able!"

Trunks rockets over and lands on the left Hover Craft. He begins tearing the hull apart and punching into its emitters.

Seifer watches on-screen: "Whoa, Trunks is really kicking ass."
The Phoenix-X shakes from more fire.
RaeLuna: "We're losing systems!"
Seifer thinks about the enemy's movements. The two huge ships have the Phoenix-X surrounded: "I got it!"
He goes over to Tactical.
RaeLuna: "Are you going to touch me?"
Seifer: "Listen, they're going to lock tractor beams on us. Multi-polarize our shield energy the instant they do that."
RaeLuna gets to work on this.

Both Hover Craft slam tractor beams onto the Phoenix-X from each side. As soon as they hit, the shields illuminate, and energy is overloaded on the Hover Craft's generators. The tractor beams dissipate and explosions blow on both Hover Craft.

Meanwhile, an orbital satellite transmits the Battle of Phoenix-X to the Government Forum, where they watch.
Jeran: “Looks good.”
Leffer, zooms in: “No it’s not... We’re losing ships!”
Jeran: “Oh. Well, I was speaking from a hypothetical point of view.”
Ekoth: “Relax. General Quinn is on the job.”
Jeran: “Since when is he an General now?”
Ekoth: “I promoted him. He deserved it.”
Jeran: “You are such a loser, Ekoth.”

All the vessels cross back over to land, but through a large City. High skyscrapers and unusual architecture fill the City as the Phoenix-X enters it.

Quinn leaps off a Hover Car and into the air, hacking his staff at Cell. Cell leaps into the sir, but dodges the staff, swinging around Quinn and knocking him away: "Aurgh!"

Quinn lands onto the side of a skyscraper and leaps off it. He tries to hit Cell with the staff again, but Cell diverts his liquid body and hooks around Quinn. Cell captures Quinn as they land onto the roof of a building: "Got you."
Quinn, drops his staff: "You won't get away with this!"
Cell: "Oh but I already have... I already have... Moohoohahahahaah!!!"
He laughs like an evil maniac, even though he's not.

Both large Hover Craft lose Engine power, while they slow to a stop as Meronis Hover Police Units surround it and save it before it crashes to the City below.

The Phoenix-X passes under a huge bridge. Captain Cell and Agent Quinn are beamed back.
Kugo enters the Bridge: "Captain, I... can't get the Engine's off the field produced by the Planet. It's like the Phoenix-X is on some kind of drug!"
Seifer, shakes his head: "Drugs. The number 1 cause of death in the United States to this day."
Ensign Dan: "What are you talking about? The United States was joined with Canada back in 2164. It's called the UCSA now."
Seifer: "Strange how things turn out."

The Bridge is suddenly hailed.
>Leffer: "Aha, Quinn! I see you have sabotaged that vessel so confidently that you stand on their Bridge laughing at them."
Quinn just stands there.
>Leffer: "Why are you not laughing in their faces? Join me, we will point and laugh together!"
He's about to start laughing when Quinn interrupts him: "Sir! I couldn't sabotage the Phoenix-X. Their fighting abilities were relentless."
Cell, pats him on the back: "Yeah, those were some good times."
>Leffer: "What!? You failed your people Quinn... and most of all, you failed me."
Quinn: "But I don't even know you."
Cell: "Look, the point is, the Phoenix-X is stuck here because of the strange gravimetric field being produced by your Planet. We aren't invading."
>Leffer: "What do you mean by that? This is an act of War, Phoenix-X!!"
The screen cuts out in anger.
Cell: "How do you think that second contact went? Good?"
Amp shakes his head in disappointment.

Cell brings Quinn to Transporter Room 3, where they meet up with Lox.
Lox, scans: "Nope. He doesn't have any alien germs that could have infected the Phoenix-X."
Quinn: "I had a cold yesterday."
Cell: "No one asked you!"
Quinn: "Whatever! The Meronisians won't give up on taking you down. You'll find we are a resilient people."
Cell: "I will? ...Aw, crap!"

Trunks blasts the last Fighter Pod away. It crashes to the streets below... But three large Sky Cruisers climb over the City and match the Phoenix-X's course and speed. They fire compression pulses onto the Phoenix-X, causing more damage.

The ship is pounded under pressure. Seifer takes command of the Bridge.
Seifer: "Commander's Log, Stardate 57025-point-4. Kugo! Are you sure there's nothing you can do to get us out of here??"
Kugo: "I'm sorry Commander. We still really don't know all that much about our own Transwarp Engine."
Seifer: "That sucks!"
Kugo: "I know."
Seifer: "I mean that really, really sucks."
Kugo: "I get the point!"

Meanwhile, in Main Engineering two guys poke at the Engine.
Grath: "What does it do again?"
Holo: "Some kind of rice cooker, I think."

Seifer paces the Bridge in fear.
Kugo: "You can defeat the Meronisians can't you?"
Seifer: "We're out matched, by those huge Crusiers way above us."
RaeLuna: "I should have known better than to join this crew. It seems like every week, we encounter some kind of danger!"
Elly: "Are we going to die?"
GoyCho: "Yes, Elly, yes we are."
Seifer: "If only we could move."
Amp: "Don't worry, Commander. You did a great job with your strategy's earlier."
Seifer: "Thanks. Unfortunately, I'm all out."
Amp: "Don't you even have a smidge of any more strategy?"
Seifer: "Nope; all smidged out."

Parts of the Phoenix-X's upper hull is blasted by more compression pulses.
Quinn: "Hahaha! You're never going to get away now. You'll be completely destroyed."
Cell shoves him on the transporter pad: "Not a chance, Quinn. We have still have a few tricks up our sleeves."
Quinn is beamed out.
Cell: "Moohoohahhahhaa!!"
Lox: "Well done, Captain. You took care of him without the need of your powers."
Cell: "Hey, you're right. Good job, Doctor."
Lox: "Thank you."

#Seifer: "Bridge to Captain Cell. It's not looking so good. We're still caught in the gravitational Domain."
Lox, walks over: "Aren't you guys forgetting the most obvious thing? Since we're already in the Domain, just go Transwarp!"
#Seifer: "Hey, I was going to say that."
#Kugo: "Of course! ...The Conduit Initiators are already activated. We can just activate the rest of the Transwarp sequence."
Cell: "Hey, aren't you just a Doctor?"
Lox: "Yes."
Cell: "Alright then. Mr. Amp, activate the Transwarp."
#Amp: "But we'll be torn apart!!"
#Seifer: "Not if we face the Planet's core... that way we'll avoid the gravimetric field. We'll be going right through its source."

Trunks enters the Phoenix-X as it continues to be hit with compression pulses from above. They pass through the City. Amp pushes the nose of the Phoenix-X downward, causing the nose to come really close to the Cars on the streets below.

The large and distant Sky Cruisers stop firing in confusion.
Yegon: "What the hell are they doing?"
Maez: "You got me, sir."
Yegon: "That was a rhetorical question."
Maez: "Whoa, you got me good then, sir."

The Phoenix-X's nose hits Car after Car.
Amp activates the Helm: "Wohoo, we're out of here!"

Suddenly, a spacial disturbance is created over the streets, blowing the Cars and Vehicles away. The Phoenix-X stretches into Transwarp right through the ground. The Conduit goes into the Planet, past the core and releases out the other side of the Planet, all in subspace.

The Conduit ends beyond the Sector as the Phoenix-X drops Transwarp back into normal space. Lox meets Trunks in the Shuttle Bay.
Lox: "Are you okay?"
Trunks: "Yes. I have proved my usefulness."
Lox: "Trunks, when you have usefulness you don't need to try to prove it. You just do it."
Trunks: "Perhaps... Thank you, Doctor. You're advice means a lot to me."
Lox: "No problem. That's just what I do in my spare time."

Captain Cell enters Bridge.
Cell: "Send out beacons to that Sector, warning all Transwarp Ship's to stay away from it."
RaeLuna: "Fool. I will not do your bidding!"

Later, the Captain enters his Ready Room, thinking about what has transgressed.
Seifer enters: "Think the Meronisians are okay?"
Cell: "Now that we're gone, they should realize our intentions were not to take over their Planet."
Seifer nods in agreeance: "I suppose people are very paranoid nowadays. What, with random invasions and such."
Cell: "Their behavior may have been the result of a bad intergalactic history. Now the Meronisians don't want contact with other races."
Seifer: "You're right sir. But now they won't know what they're missing. The positive side of the Galaxy.... new worlds, new civilizations."
Cell: "Space battles... blowing up stuff..."
Seifer: "Maybe we can get the Federation to work things out with them in the future. I don't want to do it. I have better things to take care of... like peel this orange."
He takes out an orange and starts peeling it.
Seifer: "This one's a toughie--"

The Phoenix-X speeds through space, entering the next Sector... which causes the Phoenix-X to spin out of control. Cell enters the Bridge.
Cell: "Is it just me, or is the ship spinning to you?"
The same Ensign from before falls by: "Aahh!"
Amp: "It's nothing sir. The ship just gets like this whenever we pass by this Sector."
Cell: "Oh hell no, not this again!"

He pushes Amp to the side and personally activates the Transwarp, sending them out of there.