Episode 26

Star Trek: Phoenix-X
Secret Shuttles, Part III

(The Xena approaches the Scorpion. Aeris hails them)
Aeris: We have contacted the Cardassian Government and they have said that they are not responsible for your actions.
*Karette: Well, we have contacted the Federation Government and they have said that they are not responsible for your actions.
Aeris: No they didn't. You're a liar.
*Karette: No, you're a liar.
Aeris: Stop copying me.
*Karette: No you stop copying me.
Aeris: Do you want me to fire on you?!
*Karette: Do you want me to fire on you?
Aeris: No!
*Karette: No?
Aeris: Arrgghh.
*Karette: Arrgghh.

(The Timeship flashes further back in time with the Phoenix-X accelerating at Transwarp away from it. The Phoenix-X returns, cloaked and undetected)
Red: Commander! I'm picking up something on sensors!!
Armond: Good! That means you are not sleeping on the job. I commend you for that.
Red: Thank you, sir. ...You...you don't know how much that means to me...
Armond(rests his hand on Red's shoulder): Well Red... I meant every word of it.
(They are about to have an emotional moment)
Shane: --Uuhhh. So what's on sensors?

(The Timeship cloaks as the Pheonix-X relevant to this time period and a Cardassian ship relevant to this time period swoop in firing like crazy at each other. Everyone on the Phoenix-X and the Timeship just watches)
Tellus: Look how arrogant and immature the Pheonix-X is in this time period. They shoot first and don't even ask questions later.
Meloneus(gets on the transporter pad with a gun): Okay. Time to blow some heads! We'll shoot first. No time for questions--
Tellus: Where are you going?
Meloneus: I told Klokian to take me back to this time period so I can save my wife from a plasma explosion on my ship.
Tellus: Wow. That's a really noble and honourable thing to do.
Meloneus: I know. So don't tell anyone. Remember; we're bad guys.
Klokian(gets on the transporter pad): Klokian send you back here only as favour for helping Klokian to get Timeship.
Tellus: Where are you going?
Klokian: Klokian go and cripple Phoenix-X from inside.
Tellus(nods): Oh okay. I'll just stay here aaannd... look at some Cardassian playalien magazines...
(He looks through one)
Tellus: Wooh! Look at the scales on that baby.

(Matt enters the Bridge of the cloaked Phoenix-X)
Armond: Lieutenant. We have a dire mission for you.
Matt(wines): Oh man. I don't even know what "dire" means.
Armond: Computer. Define the word, "dire".
(The computer acknowledges)
*Computer: The Computer will not misuse its purposes on such ill-advised drivel.
Matt: ...What does "drivel" mean?
Armond: Nevermind. We detected Meloneus and Klokian beaming onto the Tarak and the Pheonix-X.
Matt: Is 'Tarak' the name of the Cardassian ship?
Armond: Yes it is. In English it means, "to borrow one's wife for the night".
(Shane enters the Bridge)
Armond: We need you and Shane to beam onto the Pheonix-X and the Tarak to stop Klokian and Meloneus.
Shane: I still don't see why you need two people for that.
Armond: Quiet! You have to do it. Half the crew is missing and everyone else on the ship is actually working.
Matt: I was studying the Phoenix-X's database.
Shane: I was recording music for my career.
Armond: Exactly! You two have been wasting your time.
Shane(turns to Matt): He might be right. This could be a serious problem.
Matt(shrugs): What should we do?
Armond: I just gave you a mission!! Hurry up and do it!
Shane: Let's do that mission that Armond guy was talking about.
Matt(nods): Okay. But this is highly irregular. We should talk to that Armond guy when we get back.
(They leave)
Armond: Arrgghh...

(Vector 3 and the Runabout transport into the vast nega-verse. They just sit there, in front of the Iso-Star)
Wallace: Nice star.
Daniel: Shut up! And let me know when the computer beeps.
(The computer beeps)
Wallace: The computer beeped, sir.
Daniel: Aahh!!! --I mean-- What is it?
Wallace(checks his panel): Alien vessels native to this universe are approaching us. They are Jem'Hadar.
Daniel: Take us out of here, Mr. Wallace.
Wallace: I can't. The Primary Energy Coil Distributors are in a reverse molecular flow to that of this universe.
Daniel: What the heck does that mean? Nevermind. Just scan that star the way the Trill did, so it can take us back.
Wallace: I can't. The star that brought us here also pushed us too far from it for our scans to have any affect on it.
Daniel: Arrghh... Stupid Wallace and his stupid contradictions... --Okayokayokay! I'm the Captain. I'll figure out what to do... After I regenerate in my gelatine state.
(He walks away)
Wallace: You can't! The Doctor said that if you change shape, you'd cause temporal effects that would kill us all.
Daniel(scratches his head): Oh yeah... --How did you know that!? ...Oh yeah, you're part of that Section 31 group...
(Daniel just stands there looking out the viewscreen at the Iso-Star)
Daniel: You know. You're right. That is a cool star.

(Night is confined to Quarters, so he activates the communications computer)

(Outside the room)
Elly: Did we disconnect the computers in Night's room?
Yeltso(shrugs): Who knows.

(Lex from the Runabout goes on screen)
*Lex: Seifer! We have just about rebuilt our energy coils to match this universe's.
Night: You don't belong in this universe. No one does!! Except for the Gotens Symbiont in James' stomach. But other than that; no one does!! Except for all the other people in this universe. But other than all the people in the universe; no one does!!
*Lex: I know. I have taken the nega-Gotens prisoner.
(She shows James locked up behind a force field)
Night: Yes! I knew my old Symbiont would come to its senses.
*Lex: Now I plan to run away forever! Hahahaha!
(The screen clicks off)
Night: Oh yeah? Well you're not getting away that easily...
(The screen clicks back on)
*Lex: Yes I am!
(The screen clicks back off)
Night: ...

(No one sees Matt beam onto the Pheonix-X)
Matt: Heh, heh.
(He feels lonely)
Matt: Aww. I wish someone could've seen that.
(He peers out into the hallway as crew are running around everywhere)
*Night: Red alert. This is not a drill! I repeat. This is not a drill! Just because I said it wasn't a drill last time we had a drill, doesn't mean that it is now.
(Klokian sticks to the ceiling of the hallway, distorting in and out of sight)
Matt(watching him carefully): Oh, so you gotta cloaking device on ya, eh?
(Klokian snaps his head in Matt's direction)
Matt: Oh, so you got really good hearing too, eh? --Crap!
(The ship shakes from attacks. Klokian scurries away along the ceiling, invisible. Matt runs after)

(On the Bridge)
Daniel: Helm! They're coming around! Fire!!
Night: Captain. I have a plan.
Daniel(runs to a console): I have a better one! Maybe we can take home a prisoner.
(Daniel beams a Cardassian onto the Bridge. He is holding a playalien magazine)
Agenos: What is going on here?! This isn't mine. I deny all allegations!
Daniel: There. We have a prisoner. Let's see Gul Meloneus do something about that.
(Daniel is suddenly beamed off onto the Tarak)
Night: Damn. That was my plan too.

(Matt follows Klokian into the Nacelle Chamber at the top of the ship)
Matt(holds out a phaser): Uhhh--stop!
(Approaches a computer panel)
Klokian(hisses): ...This not you, human. ...You not fighter. You engineer!
Matt: No!
(Klokian activates an engine shut down)
Klokian: Besides, phaser not harm Klokian. Human only chance is to fight hand to hand.
(Matt begins to lower his phaser, about to take up his offer)
Klokian: Hhhhiiisssss....

(The Pheonix-X is rendezvoused with the Tarak. Night shoves Agenos onto the transporter padd to trade crewmembers)
Night: Gotens to Red. Ready?
*Red: Yes.
Night: Lower shields. Energize.
(Agenos gets beamed out)(Suddenly Night is beamed out)

Matt: You're right.
(Matt brings his phaser back up)
Klokian: Just as Klokian thought.
Matt: But I can cause fusion.
(Matt fires a phaser beam at the Nacelle. The glass shatters and blue plasma gas floods out attacking Klokian. The gas begins to spread)
Matt(taps his comm.): Activate pre-destined beam out transfer.
(The plasma rolls towards his feet, so he jumps as he gets beamed out to the other Phoenix-X)

(Wallace's panel beeps)
Wallace: The Jem'Hadar are hailing.
Daniel: Ignore it! Are the coils reversed yet?
Wallace(checks): No. Lieutenant GoyCho and his team are still working on it.

(Night exits his Quarters and beats up the guards)
Night: That was easy.
(The two girls get back up and start beating him up)
Night: Owe!--Ack!!--Ooff!!--Ark!!
Yeltso(punching): Why is he making those sound effects?
Elly(punching): I don't know. Just keep on punching.
(Night pushes them away)
Night: Oh forget it. I'll just activate the spider program.
(He taps on the panel near him. The holo-emitters in the hallway project a tall thin metallic spider. The spider speeds over and swipes the two guards away. Night runs off)

(Wallace's panel beeps again)
Daniel: Man. That is so irritating.
Wallace: Captain. The Commander has stolen the Paroga-X and has used a reverse plasma boost to push it towards the Runabout. The Jem'Hadar are threatening to destroy it if we don't surrender.
Daniel: Oh crap. He's still after the Gotens Symbiont. Can you stop the Paroga in anyway, or transport me there?
Wallace(shakes his head): No sir.
Daniel: Man! --You are so demoted later, Mr. Wallace.
(Daniel runs off)

(No one sees Shane beam onto Tarak)
Shane: Heh, heh.
(He feels lonely)
Shane: Aawww. I wish someone could've seen that.
Agenos(runs over): I saw it!
Shane: Shut up.
(Shane punches Agenos out. Shane has a hard time as he shapeshifts into a Cardassian.)
Shane: There's a Changeling Disrupter on this ship! Crud!
(Meloneus from the timeship, runs by)
Shane: It's Meloneus; going to change the timeline! Crud!

(Shane chases after. Meloneus notices he's being chased, so he leads Shane around the ship through the Infirmary, through the Mess-Hall, through the Cardassian Scales Waxing Room, and through the Brig. They run off, not noticing Daniel and Night in separate jail cells in the Brig)
Daniel: ughhh.......I'm losing my consciousness. I can't hold .......on.
Night: Captain! Captain! Can you hear me?
Daniel: Yes.
Night: I thought you lost conscious.
Daniel: I did. So don't ask me any questions.
Night: We have to get out of here. Wait there's a default in that disruptor. You can still change shape! I have a plan. But I need you to complete it.
Daniel: I'll try my best. What did you have in mind?
Night: Okay, I need you to try to get through those terillium bars. I know you can get through them. Just concentrate.
Daniel: I can't.
Night: You need to. Try!
Daniel: UGGhhhhh....
Night: That's the idea. There you go.
Daniel: Squish Squish
Night: Understood.
Daniel: Squish Squash
(Captain slides through the bars. He now is in his gelatine state like a puddle on the ground.)
Night: Captain, I need you to disable that disruptor. Go, I know you can do it.
(Captain reaches up from the puddle and crushes it with his remaining strength. He then regains his energy.)
Daniel: I'm back. Now they are going to pay.
(Captain is on his way out of the door.)
Night: Wait. How about me? Free me!
Daniel: Oh yeah. I forgot. Oopsy!
Night: Uh!
Daniel: Hey now.

(Shane finds he can shapeshift again, so he liquefies through the floors to find Meloneus. Meloneus is in Main Engineering, looking for his wife)
Meloneus: Carella! You have to get away from that plasma window before the glass shatters!!
Carella: What are you talking about, Meloneus? Have you been drinking the used containers of Cardassian Scale Wax again?
(Shane liquefies into the room)
Shane: Oh I get it. You're here to save your wife!
Meloneus: Yes I am --and oh my God, you're a Changeling!
(Meloneus gasps)
Meloneus: Gasp!
Shane: That's right! I'm Shane! The Changeling!
(He stands like Superman. Meloneus gasps again)
Meloneus: Gasp!
Shane: Stop that.
(The ship suddenly shakes from attacks from the Federation)
Shane(points): Uhh... Is the glass supposed to crack like that?
(The plasma containment chamber shatters, spilling out blue plasma all over Carella.)
Carella: AAAaaahhhh!!!!!
(Carella's bio matter destabilizes and she vapourizes)
Meloneus: Nnoooo!!!!
*Tellus: Meloneus. The Federation is towing the Tarak. I'm transporting you out of there.
(Shane liquefies out of sight as Meloneus is beamed out)

(Daniel runs really fast aboard Vector 3. He slams right through wall and reliquefies outside on the hull of the ship. He crouches and pushes away from Vector 3, into space, towards the Paroga-X. The Jem'Hadar fires at the Paroga-X just as Daniel grabs onto the hull and liquefies inside to meet Night)
Night: Hey.
Daniel: Hey, you're about to be destroyed.
(Daniel reaches for the panel and alters the course, as the torpedo misses the Paroga-X)
Daniel: You're so bent on getting your Symbiont back, that you don't even know what's going on around you!
(Night is busy changing the course back)
Night: Huh? What? I don't have time to turn around to see who's talking. Leave your name on a piece of paper and I'll get back to you.
(Daniel turns Night's chair around)
Night: Oh hey! Wow, you really came through for me. You risked causing the deaths of everyone by changing shape to come here and save my life.
(Daniel looks up and ponders that)
Daniel: Oh yyyeahhh... I did, didn't I? I guess that X material is controlled by my consciousness. When I stopped thinking about it, it stopped being a threat.
(Night uses this opportunity to hail the Runabout)
Night: Night to Runabout. You must surrender the Symbiont!
Daniel: Hey, I'm pondering here!
Night: Oh sorry. You know, you really are a true friend.
(Daniel looks up and ponders that.)
Daniel: Yeah...
(Night uses this opportunity to hail the Runabout again)
Night: This your last warning, Runabout.
Daniel: Hey, stop that!
*Lex(goes on screen): Seifer. You have to face the fact that you can't have this Symbiont back!
Night: No I don't. I don't know any facts!
Daniel: Listen, Trill. If you don't surrender yourself, I will come over there myself and surrender yourself for myself.
*Lex: No, I mean it is impossible for the Night Host to take the Symbiont back. From my new Symbiont's knowledge, he's already had 4 operations relative to Symbiosis Transfer Procedure. Another one could kill him.
Night: Oh.
(He sits back)
Night: Well never mind about all that trying to chase you stuff. I'll just have to learn to just live with the Seifer Symbiont.
*Lex: Good. Then farewell.
(The screen clicks off)
Night: I won't really. I'm gonna find a way to heal myself and come back for her...
(The screen clicks back on)
*Lex: No you won't!
(The screen clicks back off)
Night: How does she keep doing that?

(Back in time and in the other universe, all the Federation ships and Cardassian ships leave because the battle is over. The cloaked Timeship and the cloaked Phoenix-X uncloak)
Tellus: Hey! The Phoenix-X was with us all along! ...Well, at least the top two thirds of it.
Meloneus: Shut up and bring us out of here!

(The Timeship activates and the Phoenix-X follows it through the temporal jump. They flash back to their original present. The Xena and the Scorpion are just sitting there)

(On the Xena)
Aeris: It seems to be some kind of Timeship. Tractor it!

(On the Scorpoin)
Karette: It seems to be some kind of Timeship. Tractor it!

(The Xena, the Scorpion and the Phoenix-X tractor beam the Timeship)
Meloneus: Set the Timeship to go more into the future. I wanna see what happens since there is nothing else to do.
Tellus: Okay. But if space doesn't exist in the future, don't blame me.
(He taps at the computer panels. The Scorpion hails them)
*Karette: I have to beam you two out of there. We're losing our tractor beam to the two other ships and we can't let you be taken prisoner.
Meloneus: No!!

(Meloneus and Tellus are beamed out and the Scorpion retreats. The Timeship begins to flash. Armond taps his commbadge)
Armond: Armond to Transporter Room 3. If anyone is there, beam onto the Timeship before it goes.

(Matt is in the transporter room and beams onto the Timeship)
Matt: Hello? Anyone here? I guess not.
(Shane liquefies from the wall)
Shane: I am. I snuck onboard with Meloneus. So how you doin'?
Matt: I'm fine. I'm just trying to get used to all this crazy space traveling. You?
Shane: I'm okay. I just feel bad for Meloneus cause he saw his wife die.

(The Runabout warps out of there, as the Paroga-X is suddenly tractored by Vector 3)
*Wallace: Sir. The Jem'Hadar are firing on us.
Daniel: Do you have power back?
*Wallace: Yes.
*Wallace: Oh. You probably want me to fire back at them. Heh, heh.
Daniel: No. Just do the intensive scan thing on the Iso-Star so we can get out of this freakin' universe!
*Wallace: Well... okay. Can't I fire at least once?
Daniel: No!
*Wallace: Okay.

(The Vector activates the Iso-Star. The star grabs the Vector and the Paroga, and a bunch of the Jem'Hadar ships. They all disappear and re-appear in the polar-universe. The star dissipates)
Wallace: Finally, we're home.
(He looks out and sees that he brought the Jem'Hadar with him)
Wallace: Oops. Oh well. It'll take them forever to figure out and do what they have to fix on their ships to be able to move in this universe.
(The Jem'Hadar suddenly reboot their systems with inverse energy. They warp out of there)
Wallace: Oh well. I have a feeling that we'll never see them again.
(Wallace shutters, scared that he'll see them again)

(Shane and Matt continue to have a conversation)
Shane: So anyways; that's the story of my life.
Matt: Wow. It was way longer than mine.
(They both look out the window and see that there are no ships outside)
Matt: Hey. Did you notice that we leaped through time all the while we were talking?
Shane: Are you saying we were so boring that we sat here for years talking?
Matt(nods): It is theoretically possible.
(He checks the computer)
Matt: We're 23 years into the future.

(The Phoenix-X approaches them. Kugo goes on screen)
*Kugo: Matt, Shane. We've been waiting 23 years for you.