(On the Pheonix-X; Sickbay)
Lox[human]: Doctor, please give the hypospray with 50 cc's of Edenilin Perodene.
Doctor[hologram]: All right.
Lox: Administering solution. Doctor, please finish this patient.
Doctor: Right. Phazers set to kill.
Lox: No! What the heck do you think you are doing?
Doctor: I'm finishing this patient off.
Lox: I meant, close the incision.
Lox: Memo, have Lieutenant Kugo take a look at the Doctor's holomatrix.
(Doctor Lox walks to his office.)
Doctor: Computer, please play some music.
*Computer: Specify choice.
Doctor: How about some early 21st century music? Let's hear those Hanson
*Computer: Please choose track.
Doctor: Play the remake of MMMBop, YuMMMy.
(The music plays.)
(In the Captain's Ready Room)
Captian Daniel[changeling]: So our people are dying?
*Constible Odo[changeling]: Yeah. And there is nothing I can do. Weyoun 6 expects me to rebuild the Dominion for the benefit of all.
Daniel: Go for it. I'm sick of this war.
Daniel: Oo. Hold on Odo. I have an incoming transmission on the other line.
*Admiral Rebola: Captain. Starfleet has developed a new technology and we want the Pheonix-X to test it out for us.
*Admiral Rebola: This has to be top secret. No one below the council has word of this and it can't go beyond the hull of your ship. Got it? Good. I'm sending you the information now by priority link. Good day.
(The admiral severes communication.)
Daniel: Ummhuh. Yeah, and you too....*&^*(&.
*Odo: I beg your pardon.
Daniel: Sorry, that was Admiral Rebola.
*Odo: What did she want?
Daniel: I'm not at liberty to say. Sorry.
*Odo: I understand. I better go now. There are rumors about Ambassodor Clonton
and his secretary Monisha Lewiscie.
Daniel: Oh, okay. Daniel out.
(The screen is out)
*Lieutenant Commander Armond[human]: Captain, there are some files for you straight from the Starfleet Priority Link.
Daniel: Oh okay. Send them all to my console in the Ready Room.
(The files load up to the captain's console.)
Daniel: These look like files for a weapon of a sort. It says here that it uses slipstream technology for the effect. Mmmm. There is a sound clip. Let's hear it.
*Computer: Slipstream Torpedoe. Capable of folding space upon impact.
Daniel: Hmmm. This can really be an advantage over the enemy. We must start construction now. Daniel to all senior officers. Please meet me in the conference room.
(Meanwhile, aboard a Romulan Warbird on the other side of a Star.)
Captain Plutark: Soo...that's what Starfleet is up to now. Slipstream Torpedoe. Hahahahahaha. Hahahahahaha. Hahahahahaha....Cough...cough.
(On the Pheonix-X)(Conference Room)
Daniel(standing at the head of the table): Starfleet has given us Slipstream Torpedo technology.
Ensign Dan[bajoran](raises his hand): I thought we were here to talk about the new Starfleet Edition Underwear.
Commander Gotens[trill](standing in front of the viewscreen): We are, but look at this first. This is how the Slipstream Torpedo supposedly works.
*(On the screen an image of the Phoenix-X fires at a another Phoenix-X image. The torpedo hits the ship and a scatter of lightning surrounds the entire ship. Pieces of the ship suddenly bursts into small fragments, until the entire ship bursts into tiny fragments. The debree just floats among the other ship)
Lieutenant Commander Red[klingon](sitting at the table, studying the screen): Can the torpedo really do that?
Gotens: Yup, there's not even a Warp Core breech. Once on impact, the torpedo opens a subspace slipstream conduit. That conduit tears the ship apart.
Lieutenant Wallace[human]: Is that safe for us? What if one malfunctions on our ship?
Gotens(glances at the Captain): Good question. I would be very delighted to answer that thought provoking question if I were not too busy stalling the answer with a long unnecessary remark that leads to me handing it off to the Changeling Captain. Captain?
Daniel: We haven't built it yet, but we do have Starfleet's go on this. Now all we have to do is follow the instructions they gave us and build it. I have full confidence in you guys as a close-knit crew that can affix equipment together but not maintain it together, resulting in a guaranteed large explosion every time.
Ensign Dan(a tear falls): That's, that's so beautiful.
Lieutenant Kugo[vulcan]: Can the Phoenix-X really generate enough power to open a slipstream conduit?
Lieutenant Kayl[human]: Yeah, what is Slipstream? I haven't heard of it before.
Armond: Neither have I.
Daniel: I admit, I haven't either. It almost sounds like Transwarp technology, even by looking at the specifications. But clearly, it's a weapon of mass destruction.
Armond: Is there a defense against this?
Gotens: You mean like shields? Not that we know of.
Kayl: This is crazy, it's suicide! Wallace is right, it could destroy us too!!…does the underwear come in soft cotton?
Gotens: I've looked over the specifications and blue prints. The model is safe to build. In fact, it's simple. Trust me. Oh, and the weapon is safe to build too.
Daniel(looks around): You guys in?
Daniel: What!? Iiiii caaaaan't hear you!!!
Daniel(nods): That's more like it. Dismissed.
(On the Romulan Crusier behind the star)(Bridge)
Captian Plutark[romulan]: Hahahahahaha. Hahahahahaha. Hahahahahaha-
Tense[romulan]: Captian! You can stop laughing now. The whole Romulan Senate already knows about Starfleet getting the Slipstream Torpedo.
Plutark: Oh. What did they say?
Tense: They said, let it go.
Plutark: They did!? Too bad! We go through all the trouble of intercepting the message, and we get a 'let it go'!? I'm sorry, but I will not stand for that!
Tense: You won't?
Plutark: No! But I'll sit for it.
(He sits in his chair)
Plutark: Did you intercept the Slipstream Torpedo Technology blueprints?
Plutark: Good. Get to work on it. I want those weapons too.
Tense: Yes sir.
Plutark: Koli, hail the Isotope.
Koli[romulan]: On screen.
*Gul Meloneus[cardassian](on screen): What do you want? I told you, the next time I see you, I will kill you. I am seeing you, but I am not killing you! I must be impared in some way or another--
Plutark: I have a new weapon. Na na na na naaaa naaaa, I am willing to share it with you, if you call off your wish to kill me.
Plutark(taps on the control panel): Bring your ship to these coordinates. The Pheonix-X won't pick up your signal.
*Meloneus: Pheonix-X!? I have a desire to destroy them. Moohoohhahahaa, now I will come for pleasure. Isotope out.
(The screen goes out)
Koli: Why do you wish to share the technology with them, when you could just kill them with it?
Plutark: Meloneus will bring a cloaked fleet because he suspects a trap. When he finds out that it's not really a trap, he will trust me. Then I will be ally's with him. For a Romulan, gaining a friend like that could be useful in the future. Plus we can test this weapon out on that Starfleet ship out there.
(On the Pheonix-X) (In Sickbay…)
(The doors swoosh open and Gotens walks in)
EMH[hologram]: Don't worry little Ferengi. We'll take good care of you.
(The EMH puts a hyposrpay against BOB's neck)
BOB[ferengi](jumps up): AAAaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!!
(BOB runs away)
Gotens: What was that all about?
EMH: May I help you?
Gotens: Yeah, where's Doctor Lox?
EMH: Doctor Lox is resting at this moment.
Gotens: Why? Isn't he on duty?
EMH: Yes, but he was accidentally poked in the ribs with a freno pin. His legs are temprilaroly paralyzed.
Gotens: Oh my gosh, who did it?
EMH: Well….uhhh…are you suggesting it was me!?!?
Gotens: No, I--
EMH: Well what are you doing here, Mr. Perfect!?
Gotens: I need the Doctor to take a health analysis of the workers in the Slipstream Chamber. That's where we take care of the new weapon.
EMH: Well I can do it. I promise I won't mess things up.
Gotens: Okay. Don't worry, there's a holo emitter in the control room.
(The two walk out of Sickbay)
(The Phoenix-X hovers in space, half a light year away from the star)
*Daniel: Captain's log, supplemental. The merchandise is being created successfully, I will be expecting it very soon; we put quality cotton in these underwears. Oh, and the Slipstream Torpedo is being created successfully too. I've asked Armond and Wallace to get to work on a defense system against this weapon. They say they are progressing. I have yet to get a report on it. They imply something about manipulating the Tachion Plasma in our Transwarp Core. We've located a class 5 comet to test the weapon on. Other than all that, it's all good. Unless there's a fleet of Cardassian Battleships planning to attack us. Like that'll ever happen hahahahahahahahaaa!! Ooops, Computer, end log--
(Gul Meloneous and his cloaked fleet enter the system undetected.)
Meloneous: Hail the Romulan Warbird on the other side of that star. Set the frequency according to the Star's radial output.
Paladis: Channel is open.
Meloneous: On screen.
*Plutark: Ahhh, so you came my friend.
Meloneous: Cut the crap. I want to see this weapon.
*Plutark: Patience, Patience my rigid-faced companion, the goods are being made right now and is almost done.
Meloneous: Inform me when it is done. Gul Meloneous out.
(On the Romulan Warbird)
Plutark: Well, it must be that time of the month for him.
(On Meloneous's ship)
Meloneous: Where is that Starfleet vessel?
Paladis: It is half a light year away sir.
Meloneous: Good, keep close watch on them. I want to know their every move.
(On the Pheonix-X)
(On the Bridge)
Daniel: Daniel to the Slipstream Chamber. How is everything going?
*Kugo: We're just cleaning up.
Daniel: So you are done.
(The Captain hears something big and metallic drop in the background)
*Armond, Kayl, Kugo, and BOB: Ensign Dan!
EnsignDan: Ensign Dan reporting for duty?
*Armond: You're relieved.
Daniel: So everything is set?
*Kayl: Yes sir.
Daniel: Very well, stand by for further orders. Daniel out. Daniel to the Commander.
*Gotens: Yes, Captain.
Daniel: How are you doing with the safe guards?
*Gotens: Everything is done.
Daniel: Well, let's hear it.
*Gotens: Well, we manipulated and harnessed the Tachion emmisions we need from the core. These emmisions should act as a barrier and neutralize the weapon when coming in contact.
Daniel: So have you figured out how to ignite the torpedoe?
*Gotens: I've figured that out also. The emmisions are set and regulated by a polar conduit. The conduit could change it's charge when time, therefore destablizing the barrier of the guard and imploding the bomb.
Daniel: Good idea. Meet the Slipstream team in the Weapons bay for the final putting-together. Daniel out. Daniel to the Slipstream Chamber. Meet the commander in the weapons bay.
(Meanwhile on the Romulan Warbird)
Wreky: Captain, the weapon is complete.
*Plutark: Great, load it up and meet me on the bridge. Plutark out. Open a channel to Gul Meloneous.............Gul Meloneous. Our construction is complete. We are ready to test it out on the Pheonix-X.
*Meloneous: Great. I'm heading with my fleet to intercept them cloaked. Hold off till we are in position. We will then decloak. At that time fire the weapon.
Plutark: Ahhh, a surprise attack. I like that. Okay, inform me when you are in position.
(On the Pheonix-X; Bridge)
Daniel: Everyone to their stations. When is that comet going to intercept?
Kayl: Interception in 1 minute.
Daniel: Ready weapon. Set Polar Conduit to implode upon impact.
Gotens: Lock and Load.
Kayl: Comet ahead setting mark 5-2-4-8.
Daniel & Gotens: Fire.
(The Torpedoe fires ahead of the comet. It explodes. A vortex opens distorting the view.)
Daniel: Can I get a clearer view on it.
Kugo: What you are seeing is just the distortion of the comet being pulled between spaces and time.
(The comet is the broken into space particles.)
(The console beeps)
Walace: Captain, I'm reading spacial anomalies on the port, starboard.....they are everywhere.
Gotens: This is common when there are--
Walace: Cloaked vessels.
Daniel: Red Alert. Ebassive maneuvers. Attention all hands, we are under attack. Stations.
(On the Cardassian fleet of Meloneous)
Meloneous: Meloneous to Plutark. We are in position. Fire now.
*Plutark: Firing weapon now.
(On the Pheonix-X)
Armond: The Cardassian Flagship is transmitting to another ship at the other side of that star.
Daniel: Why didn't we notice them before?
Armond: The sun's radiation masked them from our sensors. Without a direct sweep, we couldn't detect them.
Daniel: Very well.
Walace: That ship just fired at us.
Daniel: Can we get out of here?
Walace: Not enough time.
Gotens: How about seperating?
Walace: Not enough time.........brace for impact!
Daniel: Shields up.
Walace: That weapon they shot is of Slipstream.
(The shot fired to the Pheonix-X impacts the bridge. The bridge's hull is breaking up)
(The Bridge is shaking and everything is flashing because of power shortage.)
Daniel: Erect a level 10 force field around the bridge.
(Walace, laying on the floor, reaches up and presses some buttons on the console. A force field is erected.)
(The bridge's hull is totally stripped. It's like the bridge is being covered by a window)
Armond: Shields down. Another hit like that and we'll be destroyed.
Daniel: That's it. Bring the weapons online. Initiate Multi-Vector Seperation.
*Computer: Initiating Multi Vector Seperation. Specify target.
Daniel: Romulan fleet.
*Computer: Specify attack sequence.
Daniel: Omega M-37
*Computer: Commensing seperation and attack.
(The Pheonix-X seperates into three vectors. It starts to attack the fleet.)
Gotens: How many ships are there?
Armond: 14 accounted for.
Gotens: How many are taken out so far?
Armond: We have just destroyed 9. 3 are retreating to the Gamma Quadrant.
Daniel: What about the other two?
Walace: We are still engaged to one. The other is heading towards the ship that fired on us.
Daniel: Well, finish it off!
Kugo: That slipstream blast has nearly taken propulsion offline. It's hanging on a thread.
Daniel: Reroute all non-essential systems to the tri-focus array. Computer, initiate attack sequence tri-focus attack.
(This is the attack when the ships get into a triangle position and focus their power to the center of the triangle and shoots it to an enemy.)
*Computer: There is not enough power to complete attack.
Kugo: It must be the force field that is holding containing this bridge. If we shut it down, then we'll have enough power.
Daniel: Okay, everyone out of the bridge. Get to a part of Vector 1 that is safe. On the double.
(Everyone leaves the bridge)
Gotens: But how are we going to initiate the attack.
Daniel: The ship is voice activated remember.
(The Captain pauses because the computer doesn't respond)
Gotens: The voice command in this section must be knocked out.
Daniel: There is only one way. I must be on the bridge to activate it.
Gotens: But you will be killed. There is no way you'll survive.
Daniel: I'm a changeling remember.
Gotens: I still cannot let you go. You're like a cousin to me.
Daniel: Yeah, in what life time was that?.......just kidding. Anyways, it's an order. You will restrain yourself. You have command if I am not able.
(The Captain returns to the bridge)
(The Captain turns his feet into giant magnets)
Daniel: Computer, lower force field and divert power to the weapons. Re- initiate attack sequence.
*Computer: Attack sequence has been initiated.
(The three vectors go into triangle formation. They focus their energy and fire to the ship. The ship is destroyed)
Daniel: Computer, put yourself together.
(The ship goes back together)
(Meloneus's ship sets a course for the Romulan vessel.)
(The Captain goes to navigational controls and sets a course to intercept at maximum impulse)
Daniel: Senior officers report to main engineering. I want the slipstream torpedoe online. They are going to pay. Computer, engage cloak.
(The Pheonix-X cloaks. But because there is no hull around the bridge, it seems the Captain is flying through space)
Gotens: Captain, torpedoe is online.
(The Pheonix-X slows to a stop to a position facing the two enemy ships)
Daniel: Computer, decloak.
(Plutark on his vessel)
Plutark: Ah! It's the Pheonix-X. Attack!!!!
*Meloneous: Yeah, same here.
(On the Pheonix-X; bridge)
Daniel: Firing torpedoes now.
(The Slipstream torpedoe is fired at the two ships)
(On the Romulan vessel)
Plutark: Destroy that torpedoe now!!
(The Romulan vessel destroys the torpedoe......it opens a conduit between the two ships.)
Plutark: Get us out of here.
*Meloneus: Yeah, same here.
(The two ships attempted to escape. But the slipstream conduit also engulfed part of the star. The star was being torn between spaces. The ships were straining to be released from the conduit.)
(On the Pheonix-X; Main Engineering)
Kayl: Captain, readings show that the slipstream conduit is making the star unstable. I predict that it will go nova in one minute.
*Daniel: That isn't good. I need all the power you can muster down there.
(The Captain takes all available power and to propulsion.)
(On the Bridge)
Daniel: Computer, erect a force field around the bridge. Transwarp 5, engage.
(The ship warps out of the system)
(The star goes nova and destoys the ships and the whole system. The explosion sends shockwaves of fire and energy.)
Daniel: Computer, increase speed to Transwarp 8.
(The wave is 1 meter behind the Pheonix-X and catching up........it eventually dies out.)
Daniel: Computer, all stop. Stand down red alert. Attention all hands. Mission accomplished and threat abolished. Let's get to work on fixing this ship up.
(The Pheonix-X treks through space)
*Daniel: Captians log, stardate 52339.1. It's been a week since the Slipstream Torpedo incident. We've just finished repairing the outter hull of the ship, replaced the fifth nacelle and I had Lieutenant Walace pull a little more security around communications. We've also been learning a little more about the Slipstream Torpedo and adapted some features of it's subspace qualities to our own Transwarp engines. We'll also be having a visit from Admiral Rebola.
(On the Pheonix-X; Bridge)
Lieutenant CommanderArmond(reading the panel): Uuhhh...Kayl?
Lieutenant Kayl: Yeah?
Armond: How do you spell Pheonix-X?
Kayl: ...P-H-O-E-N-I-X-dash-X, why?
Armond: Then why on the hull of the ship is it spelled ...P-H-E-O-N-I-X-dash-X?
Kayl: Oops, I think Ensign Dan was part of that repair team.
Armond(turns off the panel): Better not let the Captian see this.
Captian Daniel: What?
Kayl(walks away): Uhh... you're nose is lop sided.
Daniel(covers his nose): Uh--return to your posts.
(In Transporter Room 3)
Admiral Rebola(beams in): ...
Commander Gotens: Hey baby, are you religious? 'Cause I'm the answer to all your prayers.
Rebola: Do I know you?
Gotens: Yup, I met you that one night on Trill during my last host, Rivera. I might I say, that night you
were look'n so fine that God could've snatched you up and sacraficed himself to you.
Rebola: Heehee, really?
Gotens: But not now, you're all old and wrinkly. Eeeuuu, get away from me.
(On the Bridge)
Captian Daniel: Okay, who's ear swab is this? Kugo?
BOB: That would be mine, Captian.
Daniel: Well...can I borrow it?
BOB(steals it away from him): No!
Daniel: Okay, okay, jeez. It's not like I can't shapeshift into one. Get this Bridge cleaned! The Admiral is going to be here! She wants to see how the Slipstream Torpedo is functioning.
BOB: Oh yeah, that Subspace weapon that we're not supposed to have?
Daniel: What are you talking about?
Rebola: Yes, what are you talking about?
Daniel: Admiral! How long have you been standing there?
Rebola: Long enough to know what you are shapeshifting into tonight.
Daniel: That's not all I'm shapeshifting into tonight...know what I'm say'n? Ay? Ay? Heh, heh...
Gotens(falls to the floor laughing): Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! HA!!!
BOB: Uhh...anyways, I've read over this treaty called the Kitamer Accord. It seems the Federation has banned subspace weapons because they're unpredictable and dangerous.
Gotens(gets up): What are you talking about? Our Subspace weapon doesn't fall into any of those categories. Tell 'em Armond.
Armond(reading the control panel): Ooops--
(The Pheonix-X fires a Slipstream Torpedo into space)
Armond: --Uhhh yeah... Just as we PREDICTED, another unpredictable lauch of the weapon has happened again. I believe it is SAFE to say that this weapon is dangerous.
Rebola(shrugs): Oh okay, then I guess I'll be leaving now--
(The Pheonix-X fires another Slipstream Torpedo into space)
Ensign Dan(at the upper level): Do you mind!? I can't recaibrate the the new black light in the Captian's ready room with that Torpedo going off every five minutes!
Rebola: What!? A black light in the Captian's Ready Room? That's it! I'm taking this Slipstream Torpedo out of here!
Daniel: But, but--
Rebola(walks into the turbolift): Have everything transported to my ship by 01:00 hours, or you're all court marshaled!! Thank you, come again.
(The turbolift doors swoosh close)
BOB(pauses): You know the real reason she had the torpedo dismantled? Because the Fedeation wanted to just field test it on the Pheonix-X; I wouldn't be surprised if the blueprints were purposely transmitted to the Romulans. Which brings me to my next point--why would a Romulan and Cardassian ship ally up when the Romulans are at war with the Cardas--
Gotens: Enough with your borax cockamainy conspiracies, Carlton Corneo. Does this look like the X-Files holo-series? Wrinkly Rebola had the weapon dismantled because Ensign Dan is installing a black light into the Captians Ready Room. I believe that makes more sense.
Daniel(his changeling protoplasum starts to boil): .......gggrrrrrrrrr....
Daniel: Ensign Dan, you're relieved from your post!!!
Ensign Dan: But...this is not my post.
Daniel: Then get to your post!
Ensign Dan: Okay.
(Ensign Dan walks over two stations in a hop, skip and a jump)
Ensign Dan: Here I am.
Daniel: There, now you are relieved. Aahhh that felt good. Now give me that ear swab.
BOB(starts cleaning his ear): No!