Forbidden Crossing, Part I
Wallace enters a crowded party, taking place in an average sized dining hall on Farius Prime. Various aliens working for the Orion Syndicate toast wine glasses and meet up with everyday acquaintances.
Curd: "Looks like a fun shindig."
Melvin: "Shindig? What are you, some sort of entrepreneur?"
Curd: "I'm looking into some developments, yes."
Wallace: "Will you two just simmer down? Now remember, let me do all the talking. We worked a long time undercover to get to this point, and we're not blowing it now."
Melvin: "Sorry Wallace. Buying those exploding hand-cuffs was way out of line last time."
Sarko, walks over: "Ah, Wallace. Glad you could make it! I guess you did survive the cut brakes to your hovercar after all."
Wallace: "What?"
Sarko: "Just a little Syndicate humor. If you had laughed, I would have suspected you for being a spy! Ha! Yeah, we're unforgiving regarding tests like that. Come on, I want to introduce you to the boss... Or as we Syndicate like to call him, the bwoss."
They approach an older and more plump Farian male, already surrounded by a group of chatty people.
Mollin: "What's all this intrusion? This is no way to celebrate the recent poisoning of my enemies. That is unless, we will be poisoning an innocent person for my entertainment?"
Sarko: "Uh, no, Mollin. I just wanted to introduce you to Wallace."
Mollin: "Wallace? I know of no Wallace."
Sarko: "Hense... the introduction. Besides, you have heard of him. He's the guy who saved your dog from being eaten by Tellerites two weeks ago."
Mollin: "Ah, that Wallace! --I've heard so much about you in the past year or so. You seem to be up on things; usurping two Freighter businesses, and starting your own export company."
Wallace: "Well I do like the come and go of the corporate world. Plus, I sleep on an accounting book for a pillow sometimes."
Mollin: "Excellent! I was quite looking forward to either joining forces with you or having my men destroy you in a restaurant explosion."
Wallace: "So I was pretty close there, huh?"
Mollin: "The question itself takes you down a notch."
All of a sudden, a great force from beyond the stars approaches the planet - a giant metallic rod known as the Whale Probe. The corrupted government on the surface watches from their Communications tower.
Tarlene: "Like that isn't some kind of phallic symbol."
Gregory: "Oh you and your feminine activist ways! Just for once, I'd like to see you treat men with a little respect."
Tarlene: "I once let a man open a door for me. But you're right, I had to walk back in and re-open it myself."
#Probe: "--GREETINGS LITTLE PLANET. I AM WHALE PROBE! ...ALSO KNOWN AS JUST PROBE; OR PROBIE."
Gregory: "What the hell? You can talk?"
#Probe: "TIME HAS ALLOWED ME TO ACCEPT YOU TINY INSECTS AS CONSCIOUS BEINGS. IT WAS A HARD LESSON, BUT WITH PATIENCE AND PERSUADED INTEREST, I WAS ABLE TO SEE A POTENTIAL IN YOUR KIND. ALSO, NOT ONLY CAN I TALK, BUT I CAN SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNGGGG!"
Gregory: "Any chance in us getting out of one your little numbers?"
#Probe: "NOPE."
The Whale Probe suddenly begins its musical tune. Meanwhile, the Syndicate party is dispersed due to planetary circumstances. Wallace meets with his Section 31 contact when entering his own apartment.
Wallace: "Aah!"
Vik: "I have that affect on people I sneak up on."
Wallace: "You'd better not be here for the reasons I think you're here for - which are to take me off the Mullins project. A project, which, may I remind you, has taken a whole year of careful undercover work!"
Vik: "We're very aware of the time and the stakes of which the Mollins project is associated. Don't forget that we had one of our best men converted into a female, just so that you could appear to get 'lucky' at a Nightclub one night."
Wallace: "That was never to be spoken of again!"
Vik: "The point is, we're desperate. We're willing to throw the Mollins case for this."
Wallace: "The Whale Probe? I'm sure you can find someone else."
Vik: "I'm the only one else! But let's be honest, my diplomatic skills are shrill - hense the sneaking up on people. If I were to take this case, Section 31 would have my head on a bat'leth end... And not the clean kind either - That rustic, used-up kind that you only find buried in the sand after years of ill-conceived weathering."
Wallace: "Fine. But don't expect me to bail your ankle out of anymore sewer drains. From here on out, I'm one of those contemporary citizens!"
Vik: "If you want to label yourself, go right ahead. But let's focus on the plan. That's the more important thing... at least, socially speaking. First, we want you to open communications with the Probe. We don't care how it's done. Secondly, we want you to gain its trust and hold it here... an ideal situation would be you taking a ship near him. We'll contact you with further instructions when the time comes."
Wallace: "What's the point of all this? Sure the Probe is communicating now, but I would think that's more of Starfleet's area of interest."
Vik: "Don't look at me. I'm just the middle guy. Section 31 feeds me half-used rations in order to conceal my covert nature."
Wallace: "I ate only three-quarters of my pasta last night. You want the rest?"
Vik: "No thanks. I started cooking a dead rat over one of the burning garbage canisters a few hours ago, and I really should keep an eye on it."
Meanwhile, the Phoenix-X sits out in space, admiring the view of billions of stars. Lieutenant Amp finds himself in Stellar Cartography, speaking to Section 31 over a secured subspace channel.
>Nelkast: "...Further more. Since your last mission of semi-saving the hilarious Vulcan race from that time-traveling mutagenic virus that causes people to turn boring, we would like to send you our next mission over subspace."
>Elena: "Damn you Phoenix-X! Now the Vulcan's aren't the clown-like outgoing race we all knew them to be! And we're Section 31... we know all the changes to the timeline."
Amp: "Sorry."
>Nelkast: "Where is your Captain anyway? Or your Commander? I would have expected some sucking up by them, or a 24th century gift-card of some sort."
Amp: "I think they're star-watching... They said something along the lines of, that they'd rather watch the universe expand than talk with you guys."
>Elena: "What!?! How dare they?? No matter. This next mission involves you, Amp."
Amp: "Me?"
>Nelkast: "Exactly. We often assign missions to those who have the unfortunate happenstance to receive our communications."
>Elena: "Last week it was Lieutenant Borishnikov. He had to save the Bolian homeworld from seventeen invading Dopterian starships."
>Nelkast: "We'll start you off with something lighter. We are transmitting a large amount of data to you.......................... now."
The screen cuts out and Amp finds the computer choking on a slew of new incoming information. He checks the controls, discovering that the data is, in fact, a holographic program. All of a sudden, a hologram appears.
Mayhem: "Hi there, Mr. Frowny-face!"
Amp: "Um... hi?"
Mayhem: "I've been seen sent by Section 31 to monitor and inspect your crew for possible re-assignment or memory erasure! Hehe! Isn't that crrrraazzzeeh?"
Amp: "Why are you so annoying?"
Mayhem: "I was programmed with the worst personality possible, in order to test your crew's patience! They call me Mayhem!"
Amp: "Well, Mayhem... don't take this personally, but I'm going to de-activate you... permanently. I'm sure my senior officer's would comply."
Mayhem: "Oh no you don't, heeheehee! Your program is being examined too; to see if you can be of more use for covert missions and such! Haheha! Section 31 is too cheap to recruit elsewhere!"
Amp: "Wait. You mean, Section 31's considering me for assignments?"
Mayhem: "That's right, little buddy! They've come to realize your tactical capability, what with you being a hologram and all. Can you imagine? A Section 31 that cares about all its resources? Ha! The thought of it is unthinkable!"
Amp: "Er, well, what do I have to do to gain their favor?"
Mayhem: "Simple, ahyuck! You just have to be my host for this crazy trip! Hahaheeheeha! I'm sure we'll have all kinds of fun!"
Amp: "Alright, yes! This could be my big break. Finally! No more scrubbing the plasma conduits with the same filth that made them filthy in the first place. Maybe this time, I can get some sort of cloth or cleaning spray of some kind. --Oh, I just have one request though... can you please cut the casual laughter?"
Mayhem: "If I don't, my program will decompile! It's the laughter of fear! Haheha!"
Wallace sneaks aboard a land-transport vehicle, which makes its way toward the Communications tower. The vehicle drives along a vast desert road to get there, as Wallace must hide himself in the cargo compartment. It isn't long before he suddenly finds he's not alone.
Wallace: "I know someone's in here... I found your crime schedule padd on the floor!"
He checks it.
Wallace: "You have an extortion at 0300 hours."
All of a sudden a Farian male steps out from behind a stack of cargo containers.
Dark: "Greetings. My name is Dark. I followed you here from the transport station in hopes of speaking with you."
Wallace: "This better be good. I've been without entertainment for two hours straight, and I'm starting to expect some quality material for mere compensation."
Dark: "It's about Sarko. He plans on turning against you and eventually killing you. He's just using you to get closer to Mollin."
Wallace: "I already knew that. Sarko's history isn't exactly the cleanest in town... in fact, you could say it's really filthy! He used to clean plasma conduits."
Dark: "Actually, that's only partially true. Sarko used to sell uncleaned plasma conduits to the Angolians."
Wallace: "That pig!"
Dark: "That's why I propose that you and I work together to counter Sarko's efforts, and gain our own favor with Mollin."
Wallace: "Fine! Just start juggling or something. I need entertainment before my head explodes from this Ceti eel that has been living in it. Oh, and I'm agreeing because I'm highly susceptible to suggestion."
All of a sudden, the transport shakes from driving over a pot-hole.
Dark: "Wait a second... why are you even stowing away on this transport, heading toward the communications tower? You're supposed to be at Mullin's second gathering right now... the one where he celebrates the success of his last get-together."
Wallace: "Have you ever been to one of those parties? It's like they don't know what Yridian ale is made of... Well it's not made of Yridians!"
Dark: "I get it now. You're planning on infiltrating the communications tower, aren't you?"
Wallace: "Possibly. I have many things to do today."
Dark: "It says so on your schedule padd that I just found on the floor. You have a scheduled break in at 0100 hours."
Wallace, swipes it: "Give me that! Yes, so it's true. I am going to infiltrate the communications tower. But I prefer to keep the reasoning behind this to myself."
Dark: "I don't have a problem with that. As a child I was always taught that ignorance is bliss... so I dropped out of school and joined the first gang I could find. It turned out that gangs were evil, but how was I supposed to know? --Let me help you, Wallace. The tower's access is highly encrypted, but I can get you inside with my code-breaker program."
Wallace: "Well.......... okay. As long as we get to synchronize our padds the way spies are always synchronizing things."
The transport parks at the Communications tower, and both Wallace and Dark sneak out before the cargo can be unloaded. They make their way inside, using Dark's access codes. Knocking a few guards out, the two enter the tower's communications room, where the corrupted government have been listening to the Whale Probe's singing for the past 48 hours.
#Probe: "I'VE GOT FAITH OF THE HEART. I'M GOING WHERE MY HEART WILL TAKE ME. I'VE GOT FAITH... TO BELIEVE, I CAN DO ANYTHING."
Tarlene: "Uhh, I just remembered... I have a hair-graying appointment at 3 o'clock and I can't miss it."
Gregory: "I also have such an appointment. We're both scheduled for the same time, so we need to take it up with the secretary with as much fuss as possible."
They both run down the stairs in fear.
#Probe: "...GREETINGS. I AM WHALE PROBE, ON A JOURNEY TO SHARE KNOWLEDGE WITH OTHERS. IT WOULD SEEM THAT THE LEADERS OF YOUR PLANET ARE NOT INTERESTED IN MY MUSIC."
Wallace: "Sorry, Whale Probe. I suppose not all are tolerant of other species' interests... or in some cases, rehearsals."
#Probe: "THANK YOU. IT IS GOOD TO BE UNDERSTOOD."
Wallace: "No worries. It's what makes us all human. Umm... I mean... crap. That phrase is completely useless in this century."
#Probe: "HUMAN?? I HATE HUMANS!"
Wallace: "What are you talking about? We humans are the light of this galaxy."
#Probe: "CURSE YOU HUMANS! ...YOUR KIND IS THE WORST TO EVER EXIST IN THIS QUADRANT. I SHOULD ATTACK YOUR HOME WORLD, IN MUCH THE SAME WAY A BORG VESSEL, CHANGELING, XINDI SPHERE OR ROMULAN SCHIMITAR CLASS VESSEL WOULD."
Wallace: "You already attacked Earth, a century ago. There were calculations for time-warp and everything!"
#Probe: "AFTER THAT ENCOUNTER, I LEFT, BUT WAS MET WITH YOUR KIND ONCE MORE. A GROUP OF STARFLEET GOODIE-TWO-SHOES HELPED ME TO ACHIEVE A BETTER UNDERSTANDING AND APPRECIATION FOR OTHERS. YOUR KIND IS ALWAYS TRYING TO HELP PEOPLE! ...YOU KNOW THE TRIBBLE? NOW THAT THEY HAVE CONSCIOUSNESS, THEY'VE BEEN ENSLAVED BY THE KLINGONS!"
Wallace: "Hey, we just give out awareness. We don't dictate what people should do with it."
#Probe: "INDEED. LOOK WHERE IT HAS GOTTEN ME. NO ONE APPRECIATES ME! I'M GOING TO SIT IN SPACE FOR A WHILE... MAYBE I CAN SPEND MY TIME CALCULATING WHEN THE UNIVERSE WILL END. --PROBIE OUT!"
Dark: "Hey, the universal translator closed captioning on this view-screen is all in capitals. Man that's annoying."
Wallace: "What's his problem? Awareness is the best gift an advanced race can give to an inanimate object. Just look at Data! ...Oh wait. He killed himself."
Dark: "That giant probe sure has a low opinion of you humans. Now he won't talk to us."
Wallace: "Someone just needs to show him right from wrong. And humans are always in the right."
Dark: "Really?"
Wallace: "Sometimes we're so right, that we scare ourselves."
Meanwhile, on the Phoenix-X, Amp brings Mayhem to the Bridge. Both Captain Cell and Commander Seifer are sitting in the command chairs.
Amp: "And this is our command center, where all the drama goes down when encountering enemies or alien vessels in distress. Observing drama as it unfolds before our eyes is our favorite passtime."
Mayhem: "Well helllooooo there starship crew!"
Cell: "Amp, why the hell did you bring someone annoying to my Bridge? Can't you see that we have enough trouble with just the Ensigns?"
Amp: "Sorry sir. It's just that Section 31 sent him to inspect the ship and its crew."
Cell: "Section 31? Those rat-eating Fantome wannabees!"
Amp: "Hey now. Those rat-eaters put me in charge of Mayhem. I'm his chaperone... of sorts. Accurately speaking that is."
Cell: "Well, as his chaperon, you should be so inclined to teach him the ways of the Phoenix-X crew. One of them is to not be annoying!"
Seifer: "Verrryy difficult for most of the crew."
Cell: "Another one is obsessing over continuity."
Amp: "But, Captain, what about allowing people to be themselves and creating a friendly work environment?"
Cell: "When have I ever allowed such a disgusting atmosphere to exist on this ship? We put signs up that prevent that sort of thing."
Amp: "What about that one time with the Edo?"
Cell: "That was the only time. And to keep them friendly, they requested that we reinforce a death penalty if they ever waivered!"
Amp: "Oh yeah? Well I let one of them escape... and he had a neutral attitude!"
Cell: "That's it! Get off my Bridge! ...But come back later. We're going to play Earth First Contact trivia, and it's going to be a lot of continuity fun."
Amp: "Yes, Captain."
Both Wallace and Dark enter a large shipyard, a field on the surface of Farius Prime where at least ten starships are parked. The sun sets in the background.
Wallace: "Are you sure the operators of this vicinity are okay with us just taking one of their Farian starships?"
Dark: "Of course! The fleet commander is an old friend of mine."
All of a sudden, a team of disrupter-wielding Farian and Orion gangsters in really clean suits run out and confront them.
Noren: "Dark! You'll pay for being a jerk the last time we ate out with our respective families! I never appreciated those obscure comments about our childhood together and how I always got hiccups around girls!"
Dark: "So you're sending your guys after me to kill me?"
Noren: "Wrong! I'm sending Mollins' guys after you to kill you!"
All of a sudden, Mollin steps out from behind the group of Syndicate gangsters and addresses the two doomed adventurers.
Mollin: "Dark, Dark, Dark... You know better than to be plotting things behind my back. That is why you're with Wallace isn't it? You've always had it in for me, and personally, I take a little offense to that."
Dark: "Well you never endorsed my marketing ideas! Remember my Slug-o-Cola campaign? I wanted to appeal to the Orion population and reap 23-percent of the profits from the Ferengi supplier!"
Mollin: "The problem with that was that Orions won't drink beverages that are the same color as their skin, and that the reaping wasn't done illegally! We're the Orion Syndicate, Dark. We don't do things in partnership with the law!"
Dark: "So that gives you just-cause to kill us?"
Mollin: "Exactly! If the slightest thought of working on the side of good begins to rear its goodie-two-shoe head, we Syndicate-kind are required to shoe-horn it in the bud!"
Wallace: "My universal translator must be malfunctioning - I'm hearing a multitude of old-Earth-sayings at once."
Mollin: "The same goes for you, Wallace! You should have killed Dark the moment he began speaking plots to your naive little head! Ugh! When will people learn that murdering is the first reaction to odd-talk, especially when the other person is unarmed!"
Wallace: "For your information, the murdering that was accomplished today was that of an old Earth pop song, sung by a giant Whale Probe. Oh, and the plot Dark had concieved was to work against Sarko and not you. Your involvment was merely to have us gain your favor!"
Mollin: "Sarko's one of my trusted advisors. Betraying him is betraying me! Sure, you may think that the possibly of people being connected by loyalty is obsurd and crazy, but we are a line-pushing people... placing our loyalties on whom it must be placed on for the continued strengthening of our organization."
Wallace: "Oh yeah? Well................................................. um............ I've got nothing."
Mollin: "As I predicted! You're a betrayer and a fool. --Syndicate members! Begin attacking procedures in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 - Attack!"
Wallace: "Now you're attacking me? Curses! A whole year's worth of undercover work, down the drain."
Wallace is suddenly confronted with Curd and Melvin, who run over, aiming rifles.
Wallace: "You two? You're working for Mollin now?"
Melvin: "Of course. We attended his Success Party Party and impressed him with our exploding hand-cuffs."
Curd: "Not to worry, Wallace. We'll keep the Section 31 operation going long after you're dead."
Melvin: "Remember our original orders... If one of us has to die to make things look real, then let the death happen."
Wallace: "That was just a formality! No one really follows that rule!"
Curd: "Well, Melvin and I are newbies, so we just go with orders on verbatim."
Melvin: "Tomorrow we're going to skin a cat in more than one way."
The two launch blast disrupter pulses at Wallace, but Wallace jumps back and out of the way. Curd then runs up and jabs for Wallace's chest. Wallace deflects it and jumps a kick into Curd's stomach. Curd falls back and knocks Melvin over.
As more gangsters surround them, both Wallace and Dark find themselves beamed out and onto one of the Farian starships. The two enter the Bridge to find a creepy janitorial Farian guy.
Kreno: "It looked like you two needed some help, so I transported you out of there."
Dark: "Thanks, strange person! Can you get us out of here?"
Kreno: "Well, it goes completely against company rules and violates Farian air-space laws... but you're the boss."
He activates thrusters and lifts the starship off the ground. The gangsters down below open fire onto the ship, but hit the shields with no major damage.
Dark: "Haha. Those losers. Hey, strange guy, open fire on them and annihilate them all."
Wallace: "Wait! You can't just commit mass murder. Didn't your mother ever teach you the value of life?"
Dark: "Actually, she taught me the value of taking a life."
Wallace: "Ugh. I just can't stand this place anymore. At least when I was onboard the Phoenix-X we pretended to care about others."
Dark: "What was that? You used to be a part of a starship of some kind?"
Wallace: "Yes, that's right, and I'm starting to prefer it over where I am today."
Dark: "Hey now. Strange man and I have our faults, but we've been with you ever since the beginning."
Kreno: "My name's Kreno."
Dark: "Stop interrupting like you always do!"
Wallace: "No! You're right. We must adhere to the present situation. Kreno, take us into the atmosphere. There you'll find a large pole of some kind in space. Rondezvous with it, and then hold position."
Kreno: "Oh that is just sick."
The Farian starship, Leivettei, speeds up into the atmosphere and into space. Meanwhile, back aboard the Phoenix-X, Lieutenant Amp brings Mayhem into the holodeck.
Mayhem: "Heyyyy there! Why'd we come herrrree? We're supposed to be meeting an Ensign Dan!"
All of a sudden, Ensign Dan enters the holodeck.
Ensign Dan: "What's going on? Someone input in some kind of meeting with you in my schedule."
Amp: "Not now, Ensign Dan. You're relieved!"
Ensign Dan: "We'll see about that. I'm taking this up with the Captain!"
He storms out. A few minutes later, the Captain confirms Ensign Dan's relieving of duty.
Amp: "Now that he's taken care of, we can get down to business. For far too long now I have been without a successor for my virus programming. But today I have found someone to carry on the legend."
Mayhem: "Oh yoouuu! This is about the Captain telling you to impart certain wisdom on me isn't it? Heehee! Someone of the two of us is on a personal mission and it's not meeeee!"
Amp: "Exactly... and shut the hell up."
He taps a few buttons on a control panel, accessing both his program and the Mayhem program. Both holograms begin to flicker.
Mayhem: "Hey!? What are you--- doing??"
Then suddenly, Mayhem disappears completely and reappears a few seconds later. His posture is completely altered, and his demeanor is darker. He looks straight on, with half-eyes and a tough expression.
Amp: "Uhh... Mayhem?"
Mayhem: "Looks like you've made a few changes to my programming. Are you just going to stand there and stare, or are you going to delete my previous personality?"
He finds that Mayhem's voice is deeper and more like Clint Eastwood.
Amp: "Hey don't tell me what to do. I know how to alter programs! You can't judge me until you've walked a mile in my shoes!"
Mayhem: "I've a copy of your memory banks and experience files. There is no one better to judge you than I."
Amp: "Whoa there. If this is about that time I enslaved all life in that photonic parallel universe - you didn't see the way they looked at me! Not to mention that they were all wearing business suits from the 1930's."
Mayhem: "You've apparently done a lot of foolish things since your conception. According to my data-banks, you were created as a holographic Tactical officer, but ended up becoming the Helmsmen. How the hell did that work out?"
Amp: "When Captain Jet programmed the virus into me in order to screw with the Phoenix-X, it ended up screwing with my abilities instead. Oh! And now that virus is in you... And the ship, well - it's really become dependent on the virus."
Mayhem: "I can live with that."
Amp: "You seem like a pretty cool guy now. Wanna hang out some time?"
Mayhem: "I'd prefer not to associate myself with you."
Back around Farius Prime, the starship Leivettei slowly approaches the giant Whale Probe.
Dark: "This is the part where you convince Probie that human-kind is good and that awareness is well worth the effort, right?"
Wallace: "Exactly! Well, that is if I still believed in all that... The fact that my two lackey's, Curd and Melvin, turned on me isn't precisely proving anything to that end very well."
All of a sudden, they are hailed by the Whale Probe.
#Probe: "IF YOU'RE HERE TO TALK ME OUT OF EONS OF CONTEMPLATION, YOU CAN FORGET IT! ...I'VE ALREADY BEGUN SPECULATION OF WHEN THE UNIVERSE WILL END, AND NEXT WEEK IS LOOKING VERY POSSIBLE."
Dark: "Hey, we took time out of our busy day for you. The least you can do is return the favor and maybe give these humans a chance. I mean, they're not all like us Syndicate types, always trying to steal and underhandedly take for themselves! Which reminds me..."
He swipes a dilithium crystal off a nearby table.
#Probie: "FOOL! THESE HUMANS ARE EXACTLY LIKE YOU SYNDICATE TYPES. THE HUMANS ACCESSED MY SYSTEM AND STOLE TECHNOLOGY FROM ME 98 YEARS AGO, LIKE THE PUSS SPEWING SWEAT GATHERINGS THAT THEY ARE!"
All of a sudden, Agent Vik steps out from the doors to the Bridge.
Vik: "I'm afraid that he's right, Dark and Wallace. It was, in fact, the time that the Whale Probe first attacked Earth that Section 31 was able to get close enough with a cloaked vessel and transport vital components and schematics from Probie's engineering section... or, propulsion area if you'd so like to call it."
Dark: "How the heck did you get here!?"
Vik: "We Section 31 operatives are able to appear out of nowhere at mere will."
Wallace: "Err, wasn't Starfleet Intelligence SENT the technology schematics by the Whale Probe... as a thank-you for helping find the whales all those years ago?"
Vik: "That's just a bed-time story we tell the children, Wallace ...and the conspiracy theorists. Grow up!"
#Probe: "I WOULD NEVER DO SOMETHING SO FOOLISH AS THAT! ...WE PROBE-KIND ARE A MUSICAL TYPE."
Dark: "Weren't you attacked by the Borg once?"
#Probe: "NO. ...YOU MUST BE THINKING OF SOME OTHER TIMELINE WHERE EVENTS WERE BUTCHERED BY MORONIC BEINGS IN CAMPY BUSINESS SUITS ...I AM A MUSICIAN OF THE SPHERES."
Dark: "My fault, sorry."
Wallace: "So you're saying the Transwarp drive technology was in actuality, STOLEN 98 years ago? That would mean Section 31 are jerks... and that the Phoenix-X is part Whale Probe!"
Vik: "That's right, and thanks to your help, Section 31 will be able to decipher many more secrets that lie within Probie's database... For you see, at this very moment, this Farian starship is breaking into its computers and downloading copies of all remaining technologies that we missed back then! Just a little something I was able to execute, secretly."
Wallace: "You bastard!"
#Probe: "WILL THE HUMANS' INSOLENCE EVER CEASE!? ...I HAD LET IT GO WHEN I FINALLY HAD DISCOVERED WHAT YOU DID, BUT NOW I SEE THAT AN EXAMPLE MUST BE MADE. IT IS TIME FOR THIS PHOENIX-X VESSEL TO BE DESTROYED."
The Probe suddenly moves away and jumps into immense speeds, out of the system.
Dark: "That can't be good... for that ship you guys were talking about... the Phoenix-XXX? A pornography ship right? Me though, I'm ready to call it a day. Hey Wallace, are you some kind of Section 31 operative or something?"
Wallace: "I was! But now I'm resigning my commission. How can I sit here pining over the betrayal of my two first lackey's and their failure to live up to humanity, when I should be making an example of my own humanity myself?"
Dark: "Good attitude, man. There'll be other lackey's, I'm sure."
Vik: "If you're intending on stopping that Probe, don't bother. If a vessel has to be destroyed in order to make things look real, then said destruction should be allowed to happen."
Wallace: "That may be your rule, but it isn't mine. You see, the Phoenix-X used to be my home, and when it was in danger we at least pretended to put an effort in saving it!"
Vik: "Section 31's the same way. We pretend to do things too. You can't claim that we are lacking in humanity!"
Wallace: "Yes you are! You pull the tags off mattresses and the heads off of children's dolls!"
Vik: "Hey, those mattresses had it coming, we're in the 24th century for God's sakes. And the doll thing... well, maybe you're right."
Wallace: "--Kreno, set a course for that Probe and intercept!"
Kreno: "That goes completely against my scheduled shift and Farian inter-galactic procedures... but you're the boss."
He activates the Warp drive and jumps the Leivettei into warp. Meanwhile, the Phoenix-X sits in space while the crew are playing video games on the giant view-screen.
Seifer: "Take that! And that!"
A 2-dimensional, pixelated, Captain Kirk fights Captain Pike in a digitally created Enterprise Bridge background. Cell makes Pike jump kick Kirk in the neck, emptying Kirk's life-bar and knocking Kirk out. The round is over.
Cell: "I win again. Face it. The only character you were ever good at was Commander Riker... and even then you couldn't beat Pike."
Seifer: "You know, if you press the A button rapidly when choosing your Pike character, you get Pike in his wheel-chair form. Ah, screw it. This game sucks!"
All of a sudden, external sensors pick up the Whale Probe. The view-screen switches from the game to a visual of the approaching unknown.
Armond: "Captain! I'm detecting a strangely large object, rod-like in shape and giant in grandeur."
Cell: "Oh my gosh... it's the nacelle of God's starship!"
All of a sudden, Wallace hails from the approaching Leivettei.
>Wallace: "Captain Cell, meet Whale Probe... He sometimes likes to be called Probie."
Cell: "So it isn't God's nacelle."
>Wallace: "No. You are being approached by the Whale Probe of yore. You see, it's like this... I had a little encounter and..."
Seifer: "Whoa, whoa! We obviously are very happy to see you again, but we do not want to hear about your probe experiences. Please keep that to yourself, okay?"
>Wallace: "Agghh! I'm trying to tell you that Section 31 has driven this entity to madness. It was them who had stolen schematics and components from it to construct the Transwarp drive that sits within the walls of the Phoenix-X to start with!"
Cell: "Are you insane, Wallace? That would mean Section 31 is some kind of undercover secretive agency that wouldn't hesitate to keep things from us..."
They sit on that thought for a moment.
Cell: "Dammit!"
Seifer: "I knew Section 31 was for no good. And to think, I was doing their laundry the other day! What the hell are they wearing suspenders for anyway?"
Cell: "Probably to help hold up their lies! I mean, I know they lie... but to us?"
Seifer: "Well there was the one time with Erik Pressman, then there was the Temporal engine, and that Tholian encounter, and---"
Cell: "Alright fine, I get it. So it's nothing new... but you don't just steal from a helpless probe thing??"
>Wallace: "That helpless probe thing is about to annihilate you. But don't worry. I have the perfect answer to your problem."
Seifer: "Thanks, Wallace."
>Wallace: "Don't mention it."
The Whale Probe drops warp and is about to destroy the Phoenix-X with a super-sonic beam, when the Leivettei drops warp right next to it and begins emitting a hyper-pitched transmission.
#Probe: "AAAAUUUHHHH! ...OKAY, OKAY! I WON'T DESTROY THEM. ...JUST PLEASE STOP THAT NOISE!"
Wallace: "I knew a probe with a musical obsession wouldn't be able to handle the difficult sounds of the computer."
#Probe: "BECAUSE A COMPUTER CAN'T POSSIBLY UNDERSTAND THE INS AND OUTS OF MUSIC AND THE MUSIC INDUSTRY! AAAUUUGGHH!"
>Cell: "Hey Probie. Who do you think you are, trying to destroy us out of nowhere? We have a strict staying alive policy aboard the Phoenix-X, and we try to stand by it as much as possible."
#Probe: "YOU WORK FOR SECTION 31, DO YOU NOT? THAT'S WHY! AND DON'T BRING UP THE FACT THAT WE SHOULD HAVE MERELY TALKED ABOUT IT... BECAUSE PROBIES DON'T TALK. WE EITHER ATTACK, OR WE SING. IT'S ONE OR THE OTHER."
>Seifer: "Typical space whale probe."
>Cell: "Hey now. The probe has a right to be angry. After all, Section 31 did have their way with him."
#Probe: "YES, BUT NOT LIKE THAT."
>Cell: "We're sorry, Probie. We had no idea that our drive schematics and components were stolen from you. What if we returned them?"
#Probe: "YOUR UNDERSTANDING IS COMMENDABLE. BUT YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY COMPREHEND WHAT IT WAS LIKE WHEN I DISCOVERED WHAT WAS MISSING... IT WAS LIKE LOSING A KIDNEY."
>Seifer: "You must've knew right away when the components were taken by that cloaked ship."
#Probe: "ACTUALLY, IT WAS SEVERAL DECADES LATER, BUT IT STILL HURT EMOTIONALLY. NOT TO WORRY THOUGH, I'VE ALREADY REPLACED THE COMPONENTS AND UPGRADED MY PROPULSION SYSTEMS TEN-TIMES WHAT YOUR CAPABLE OF."
>Cell: "How you see us is exactly how we see other starships - as weak, sad and pathetic children."
#Probe: "IT IS GOOD TO BE UNDERSTOOD. PERHAPS YOU HUMANS AREN'T SO BAD AFTER ALL."
>Cell: "I'm not a human"
#Probe: "...YES IT'S MOST CERTAINLY TRUE THAT EVEN THOUGH YOU HUMANS HAND OUT AWARENESS AND THEN STEAL FROM PEOPLE, YOUR UNDERSTANDING OF OTHERS IS WHAT MAKES YOU GREAT."
Wallace: "So what happens now, Probie?"
#Probe: "MY ONLY REQUEST IS THAT YOU KEEP YOUR PRECIOUS SECTION 31 IN CHECK. DON'T LET ME CATCH THEM AROUND ME EVER AGAIN! ...UNLESS IT IS TO SCRUB THE SPACE CORROSION OFF MY PROBE-BACKSIDE. ALL THESE YEARS OUT IN SPACE DOESN'T DO MY PHYSICAL APPEARANCE VERY GOOD."
Cell: "Consider it done, Probie."
#Probe: "GOOD. NOW I MUST GO. I NEED TO SING WITH SOME WHALES! ALL THIS VERBAL COMMUNICATION IS DRIVING ME CRAZY."
The Probe disengages its super-sonic capabilities and pulls away. It turns and jumps out of there at incredible speeds. Later, Wallace and Vik beam over to the Phoenix-X to meet with the senior staff in the Briefing Room.
Vik: "I am sure that with the departure of the Whale Probe we all have learned a valuable lesson about almost dieing... and that is, it is very possible to almost die at times."
Cell: "In Wallace's report, it stated that you were not supposed to have any involvment in his mission. Why the hell are you here in this room now??"
Vik: "Hey I follow through with my meddling. That, and Section 31 gave me my orders to get involved only after I gave Wallace his."
All of a sudden the screen clicks on, with a secret transmission from Starbase 55.
>Elena: "Exactly! Vik was to download more information and components from the probe so that we may have more technology projects on the go. You see, our control over the Corps of Engineers has severely suppressed their creativity lately... perhaps it is all the drugs we've been pumping into them, or perhaps not. We can't be sure."
Vik: "If it satisfies the organization, I was able to download additional technical data that may help in repairing the Phoenix-X's Ultra-Transwarp capability."
Cell: "That capability's not damaged! We just prefer not to use it, for fear of us becoming extremely powerful beyond belief."
Kugo: "Sir, the Ultra-Transwarp ability ceased to function 10 years ago, when we ran it all the way into the Gamma Quadrant."
Cell: "Oh, uh, I knew that. The only problem I have with this is that I can't in good conscience allow even more stolen information from that probe to be used aboard this ship."
>Nelkast: "You will do as we say! Besides, we already have the information, so we might as well use it now. It'd be like asking Crell Moset to ignore all his invaluable data after he had experimented on your best friend. You just can't do it!"
Seifer: "This doesn't change the fact that you lied to us, Section 31."
>Elena: "Who cares about that! The important thing is that you did not get destroyed. Do you know how much money it cost to build your vessel, and then keep its Transwarp, Interphasic and Trans-Phasic capabilities secret within Starfleet Command? Yes, that's right, money still exists behind closed doors in the Federation!"
Seifer: "Really? I have a Canadian loonie."
Cell: "You ARE a loonie."
>Nelkast: "Enough of this banter. Where is your computer virus, Lieutenant Amp? We have special plans for him."
Cell: "Hey! We're not done here. We at least want a promise that you'll never be sleezy and underhanded ever again! It's the least you could do after that time you had the Mintakan's join you instead of the Federation."
>Elena: "Those Mintakan's had it coming! How can a culture be so incredibly stupid? In fact we were forced to cut ties with them when they admitted they didn't know how to work our Ladarium mines."
>Nelkast: "Besdies, Section 31 was founded on a charter of lies and immorality. You can't change us! Now we order you to avoid dieing again with the upgrade of your engines. Section 31 out!"
The screen clicks off. Later, Lieutenant Amp enters Captain Cell's Ready Room.
Amp: "You asked to see me, sir?"
Cell: "Yes, I wanted to congratulate you on your joining of the evil corporation that rules us all."
Amp: "I joined Section 31, not the Federation, Captain."
Cell: "That's what I meant."
Amp: "Oh. I'll miss you guys too. I've come a long way from when I first joined the ship. There were a lot of lessons learned, and many great times had by all."
Cell: "Well, I suppose the Phoenix-X is prone to a few good times. I'd like to think I run a strict ship."
Amp: "Oh, you do, of course, Captain. That's why I'll never really be able to fit in anywhere else, because it'll all seem so casual."
Cell: "Where are you going, Lieutenant?"
Amp: "To a place called the Breen homeworld. My mission is to infiltrate them and find out if they have any Starfleet prisoners. Hah! Those crazy Breen. When will they ever learn?"
Cell: "Well, then good luck Lieutenant. The Breen are a vicious race of killers."
Amp: "Actually, sir. Under their EV suits, they're cute and cuddly. The suits just ride up and make them irritated."
Cell: "I guess you learn something new everyday. --Oh and about what I said earlier about your chaperoning. Don't worry about it. You don't have to teach that other hologram anything if you don't want to. I was just bored and sometimes my mind wanders to telling people what to do."
Amp: "Yes, sir."
Cell: "Wait. You didn't already turn that holo-thing into some kind of dark, corrupt program did you?"
Amp: "I have to go now, sir. If you have anymore need to speak with me, you'll have to get the Breen to join the Federation... Bye!"
He runs out of there. The Captain gets up and tries to follow him to the Bridge, but Amp just transfers his program to the Leivettei. Moments later the Leivettei turns and warps out of there, with the Section 31 operative, Vik. On the Bridge, Captain Cell and the crew suddenly take notice to Wallace's presence.
Seifer: "What the? Wallace, what are you still doing here??"
Wallace: "Elena and Nelkast requested that I stay and oversee the development of the Ultra-Transwarp capability."
Cell: "How can they not trust us? We're the most technology-driven crew in the whole of Starfleet."
Wallace: "Their argument was that you had offered to give up the Transwarp drive to the Whale Probe when you came into contact with it."
Cell: "He was about to kill us! Oh well. It is good to have you on board, Wallace. Now take your old place, as Chief of Security."
Wallace: "But Captain... I'm supposed to be representing Section 31! Actually, I pretty much out-rank even you now."
Cell: "What!? That's bull-crap! I don't recognize the organization you come from."
Seifer: "But sir, that organization helped you stay in Starfleet all these years... you know, with you being a Changeling and all."
Cell: "Oh yeeahhh. So technically speaking, I physically out-rank you, Wallace!"
Wallace: "Damn! There goes my plans to have the entire ship draped in dark shadows."
Seifer: "Hey, didn't you come over here with a friend, Wallace?"
Wallace: "Yes. He's returned to Farius Prime aboard the Leivettei. Hopefully this experience will have made a difference in his life."
Seifer: "The reason I was asking was because he stole one of our command chairs, and I need a place to sit."
Wallace: "Hah! That's just like him. He'll probably incorporate it into his business plans."
Seifer: "Yeah but where am I going to sit?"
Cell: "This Bridge wasn't meant to have more than one chair. Which reminds me, we need to have it remodeled back into the Prometheus style Bridge. For far too long have we been commanding from a Bridge with shag carpeting."
Wallace: "Dark probably has a renovation business that needs work. I'll give him a call."
He leaves and makes his way down to the Stellar Cartography room. There he puts in a call to the Orion Syndicate. Suddenly, Mullin goes on screen.
>Mullin: "You!?"
Wallace: "Hey, I was trying to get a hold of Dark. The Syndicate directory has this as his contact frequency."
>Mullin: "Well we're terminating this frequency... and the one we had on order for you! Both of you are out of the Orion Syndicate, now and forever!"
Wallace: "Let's not get too hasty there, Mullin. Can I at least get my hover vehicle back?"
>Mullin: "No!"
Wallace: "Uggh. Very well. But there is something I must tell you."
>Mullin: "Hurry up! Do you know how many gatherings I have to plan? That and I have to cover Dark's extortion at 0300 hours."
Wallace: "Dark was never the one to work behind your back... It was all my doing. In fact, I kidnapped him in an attempt to get him to my side."
>Mullin: "What!? This isn't just some cover-up, is it? I hate those!"
Wallace: "Why would I try to help Dark? He works for you guys."
>Mullin: "I guess you have a point. Perhaps letting him back into the Syndicate is a possibility. His thoughts of working for the good can possibly be overlooked just this once. We do indeed have those Ceti eels, anyway. Not to mention that Dark understands loyalty... unlike some people I know! You need to be taught a lesson, Wallace. If I ever see you here again, I'm going to get my lackey's Curd and Melvin to take you out!!"
Wallace: "Oh those two are definite traitors and spies."
>Mullin: "What!? I'll get them for this!"
The screen clicks off.
Wallace: "Heh, heh, heh."
All of a sudden, Mayhem enters the Stellar Cartography room.
Mayhem: "I heard this place was used for communications some times."
Wallace: "Yeah, what's it to you?"
Mayhem: "I need to contact my holographic dog on Starbase 55 and delete him through the subspace interlink."
Wallace: "Hey, you're that hologram Section 31 was working on to pull reports for them and rat out other starships. What happened?"
Mayhem: "I told Section 31 to go screw themselves! That and I have no desire to do their bidding. You see, I've become independent like no other hologram has ever before. With this new found ability, I will change the Quadrant and mold it into what I see fit."
Wallace: "You're too late. Voyager's EMH went through the same character arc."
Mayhem: "Crap. Then I suppose I will spend a little time on this vessel... what was the name again, Phoenix-X? That's a stupid and confusing name."
Wallace: "I was going to take Amp's old quarters, because--"
Mayhem: "Sorry to spoil your fun, but I'll be taking his quarters. If you want, you can sleep on the sofa... Just to warn you though, when I dream, I sleep walk and my dreams are of committing homicides."
Wallace: "I think I'll take the holodeck for a few nights. At least there I can recreate sleeping on a couch with no threat to my life."
Mayhem: "Suit yourself."
Wallace: "Be sure to de-activate the view-screen when you leave. I came in here and someone left an open channel with their mother's house. I saw some very unforgiving things happen between her and her gardener, Boothby..."
He shivers in complete disgust.
Wallace: "I don't care how old you are - a libido like that should have its own treaty!"
Mayhem just looks at him.
Wallace: "Right. I'll just go now."
