"Betrayal and Honour"
(On the Phoenix-X, Messhall)
Gotens: Remember, in the days of Captain Kirk, when he encountered Klingons and their foreheads didn't have any wrinkles? Nowadays, everywhere you look, there's an improved Klingon.
Red: Your point?
Gotens: What ever happened?
Red (sips drink): We do not discuss it with outsiders.
Gotens: Wow. And here I thought our militaristic hierarchy counted as friends.
Amos (joins): Greetings. What is the subject of dialogue?
Gotens: Kling—
Red: —Jello.
Amos: Klingjello?
Red: Yes, klingjello.
Amos: Must be some kind of Starfleet cuisine. I am glad I am a Klingon warrior of the Empire and not a Starfleet Officer, or else I would be eating such weird ailments.
Red (raises drink): To not being a Starfleet officer.
Amos (raises drink): Yes. To not being a whiny jellyfish!
Gotens (rasies his drink): Yeah! To not being a feeble boob!
(The other Klingons stare him down)
Gotens: Oh, forget it. You're all getting written up.
(Meanwhile, as the Phoenix-X treks through space)
#Daniel: Captian's log, Stardate 52083.06. The I.K.S. Bochnah, a Klingon starship, has requested a rendezvous with the Phoenix-X. You see, half the Klingon officers on my ship are from the Bochnah, including my only Klingon Bridge officer, Lieutenant Commander Red. I have yet to determine the incentive for the rendezvous, but it doesn't mean I have nothing to look forward to. Captian Menchez is an old friend of mine.
(On the Bridge)
BOB: So how many Klingons are working on this ship?
Daniel: There are approximately seventy-five Klingon Exchange Officers residing on the Phoenix-X since it set sail to the high seas and beyond.
Kayl: We are the second Starfleet function to work in a mixed-tribe environment.
BOB: We are?
Kayl: Yeah, ever heard of Deep Space 9? Starfleet works together with the Bajoran Militia, there. Here, we work together with the Klingons.
BOB: And me. Don't forget I'm part of the Ferengi Alliance.
(Everyone goes back to work)
BOB: Not in an official capacity, or anything. But, still, Ferengi Alliance.
Armond: Where is the Bochnah? We've been waiting here for an hour.
Gotens: You have to remember, the Bochnah doesn't have transwarp like Starfleet does. That poor, lower-class, classless, pitiable crew-people.
Ensign Dan: What are you talking about? The Phoenix-X is the only ship in the whole of Starfleet to have transwarp. Not to mention the accompanying cloaking device, tri-focal functionality and multi-vector attack mode.
Daniel: That is too much information for you to recognize, Ensign. You're relieved of duty.
Ensign Dan: But I'm not on duty.
Daniel: Then what are you doing on the Bridge?
Ensign Dan: I'm vacuuming the carpet. Move your feet, please.
(He vacuums near Captain Daniel, accidentally sucking the shapeshifter into the vacuum cleaner)
Red: Hahaha!
Daniel (inside): You are soooo in trouble, Ensign.
(Ensign Dan hides behind the Captain's chair in fear)
BOB: So, Commander. I've always wanted to know where you guys got the cloaking device? I know the Federation isn't allowed to produce cloaking devices because of the Treaty of Algeron—
Gotens: —Not now, BOB. The Captian is in dire need of our assistance.
Armond (drums fingers at tactical): Just another day aboard this over-powered ship.
BOB: So, Commander. I've always wanted to know where you guys got the cloaking device? I know the Federation isn't allowed to produce cloaking devices because of the Treaty of Algeron—
Gotens: —Not now, BOB. The Captian is in dire need of our assistance.
Armond (drums fingers at tactical): Just another day aboard this over-powered ship.
(Suddenly, the Phoenix-X cloaks. Everyone turns around and looks at Armond)
Armond: Oh. Sorry. Finger slipped.
(The security officers carry the vacuum cleaner and Ensign Dan away)
Ensign Dan: Hey, hey! I can walk you know!
GoyCho (carrying): Pfft. Knowing you, you'll probably trip and cause a warp core breach.
(Meanwhile, on the Bochnah)
Dorwin: Captian, we've arrived at the coordinates.
Menchez: Where is the Phoenix-X?
(On the Phoenix-X)
Daniel: Lieutenant, decloak!
Armond: Ohhh, yeah. I forgot.
(The Phoenix-X decloaks in front of the Bochnah)
(On the Bochnah)
Dorwin: Should I hail them?
Menchez: Nah. Knowing the Federation as a diplomatic people, they'll probably hail first.
(On the Phoenix-X)
Armond: Sir, do you want me to hail the Bochnah?
Daniel: Nah. Knowing the Klingons as an impatient people, they'll probably hail first.
(In a dark room, on Qo'noS)
Hoglo: We will kill Menchez, for he has dishonoured my family by not giving me the cloaking device.
Jagh: What?? I can't hear you. The lights are off.
Armond: Oh. Sorry. Finger slipped.
(The security officers carry the vacuum cleaner and Ensign Dan away)
Ensign Dan: Hey, hey! I can walk you know!
GoyCho (carrying): Pfft. Knowing you, you'll probably trip and cause a warp core breach.
(Meanwhile, on the Bochnah)
Dorwin: Captian, we've arrived at the coordinates.
Menchez: Where is the Phoenix-X?
(On the Phoenix-X)
Daniel: Lieutenant, decloak!
Armond: Ohhh, yeah. I forgot.
(The Phoenix-X decloaks in front of the Bochnah)
(On the Bochnah)
Dorwin: Should I hail them?
Menchez: Nah. Knowing the Federation as a diplomatic people, they'll probably hail first.
(On the Phoenix-X)
Armond: Sir, do you want me to hail the Bochnah?
Daniel: Nah. Knowing the Klingons as an impatient people, they'll probably hail first.
(In a dark room, on Qo'noS)
Hoglo: We will kill Menchez, for he has dishonoured my family by not giving me the cloaking device.
Jagh: What?? I can't hear you. The lights are off.
(He turns them up)
Jagh: Oh, that's better. Anyway. We checked his ship. It's gone.
Hoglo: I know. So, we will kill him. I've already sent out Leantos to the council to take care of it for me. He says he knows someone on the ship who's willing to do the honours.
Jagh: Is it weird that lights affect my concentration? It's a little weird, right?
(An hour later, Daniel and Gotens prepare to receive guests in the Phoenix-X's transporter room)
Gotens: I feel like we're on a flagship, going out, meeting with ambassadors, talking with high councils, eating chocolate—
Daniel: Just remember, more than half of the Klingons on the Phoenix-X served under Captian Menchez for at least 10 years. They've only been serving under me for a year and a half.
Gotens: Right. But you've only been in command of the Phoenix-X for 9 months?
Daniel: I was also in command of the Phoenix for 9 months.
Gotens: Whoa. The Phoenix was near-destroyed after 9 months. That sounds like a curse. Are you expecting the Phoenix-X to be destroyed anytime soon?
Jagh: Is it weird that lights affect my concentration? It's a little weird, right?
(An hour later, Daniel and Gotens prepare to receive guests in the Phoenix-X's transporter room)
Gotens: I feel like we're on a flagship, going out, meeting with ambassadors, talking with high councils, eating chocolate—
Daniel: Just remember, more than half of the Klingons on the Phoenix-X served under Captian Menchez for at least 10 years. They've only been serving under me for a year and a half.
Gotens: Right. But you've only been in command of the Phoenix-X for 9 months?
Daniel: I was also in command of the Phoenix for 9 months.
Gotens: Whoa. The Phoenix was near-destroyed after 9 months. That sounds like a curse. Are you expecting the Phoenix-X to be destroyed anytime soon?
Daniel: Superstition is not my forte.
(Menchez and Dorwin beam in)
Daniel: Captian Menchez, welcome to the U.S.S. Phoenix-X.
Menchez: The exterior of your ship looks really amazing. You don't even look like a Starfleet vessel.
Daniel: Really?
Menchez: No. I was just trying to make a compliment.
Daniel: Ah. Nicely done. Well, this is my first officer, Commander Gotens.
Menchez: New first officer? Whatever happened to your Commander Avery?
Daniel: He's commanding the U.S.S. Bautista.
Menchez: Phew. That guy was annoying. Anyway. This is my first officer, Dorwin, son of Bond.
Daniel: I see you have a new first officer too. Whatever happened to Sano?
Menchez: I killed him.
Gotens: Why?
Menchez: He tried vacuuming the bridge one day.
(Menchez and Dorwin beam in)
Daniel: Captian Menchez, welcome to the U.S.S. Phoenix-X.
Menchez: The exterior of your ship looks really amazing. You don't even look like a Starfleet vessel.
Daniel: Really?
Menchez: No. I was just trying to make a compliment.
Daniel: Ah. Nicely done. Well, this is my first officer, Commander Gotens.
Menchez: New first officer? Whatever happened to your Commander Avery?
Daniel: He's commanding the U.S.S. Bautista.
Menchez: Phew. That guy was annoying. Anyway. This is my first officer, Dorwin, son of Bond.
Daniel: I see you have a new first officer too. Whatever happened to Sano?
Menchez: I killed him.
Gotens: Why?
Menchez: He tried vacuuming the bridge one day.
Daniel: Just and equitable.
Gotens: Would you like me to show you to your quarters?
Menchez: Dorwin will go to his quarters. I must have a word with your Captian.
Gotens: Would you like me to show you to your quarters?
Menchez: Dorwin will go to his quarters. I must have a word with your Captian.
(As Gotens and Dorwin walk off, Daniel and Menchez exit as well and begin walking down the corridors)
Daniel: So, Menchez. You're looking fatter than ever.
Menchez: Hahaha! Classic banter. Are you still as unstable as the last time we met? I remember you were suddenly liquified when your Commander Avery accidentally released quantum mono particles into the room.
Daniel: Sometimes. I'm pretty sure some of the Klingons on the ship are going to be happy to see you. I've scheduled a small reception for you tonight.
Menchez(nods): Hm. You have a powerful ship. It is nothing like the Phoenix.
Daniel: The Phoenix was a frail ship and it was hardly mine.
Menchez: Oh, yes. Captain Maxwell, who had dishonoured the Federation and betrayed them, Captained it.
Daniel: When he left, it floated around several Captains, including me. Then you came. You gave me more than half a crew's worth of Klingon exchange officers to work with.
Menchez: Not to mention my cloaking device. There were many times I could've used it, but I still won honourably, with the help of your Federation officers.
Daniel: The Klingon Empire never gave you another cloaking device?
Menchez: It was their way of telling me it was my loss. But giving it to you was the honourable thing to do after you helped me.
Daniel: How are the Federation officers on your ship?
Menchez: They are doing fine. My human pilot is very good. I've also had to cushion most of the beds against all instincts to the otherwise.
Daniel: What!? They better still be wearing their uniforms, every day.
Menchez: Captain, I must talk to you about why I've come.
Daniel: It's Lieutenant Kent, isnt it? That mild-mannered, no-nonsense hobgoblin.
Menchez: He's actually great. I'm here because the Empire believes that there is a Klingon spy aboard your ship.
Daniel: Aboard my ship? But that would mean I had a spy ever since I took command of the Phoenix?
Menchez: The Empire believes that your Lieutenant Commander Red is actually part of the Duras family.
Daniel: The Duras family? Aren't they the big enemy to the empire? But that's not true, Red is the son of Tregh. Does the Empire have any facts to base this on?
Menchez: Not hard facts, but the Empire does have facts that a member of the Duras family is planning to start a war between the Federation and the Klingon Empire.
Daniel: And when the Federation and Klingon Empire converge war, it would give the Duras family ample opportunity to take power.
Menchez: The High Council has looked over all the records of your Klingon half of the crew and Red has been the logical choice.
Daniel: Logical? You can't just suddenly act like a Vulcan and pick the most logical one on my ship to be a person who starts the war.
Menchez: Captian, I agree with you. I've known Red for many years, he is like a brother to me. Or, a cousin four months younger than me, living far, far away and we still instant message each other through subspace AOL chat.
Daniel: So, then why don't you fight this?
Menchez: Captian, the High Council has not even talked to me about this. They gave the orders directly to my first officer.
Daniel: They don't trust you?
Menchez: Dorwin's orders are to kill Red on sight.
Daniel: Computer, locate Lieutenant Commander Red.
#Computer: Lieutenant Commander Red is in Turbolift 4.
Daniel: Where is he headed?
#Computer: Deck 14.
Daniel(runs): Come on, old friend. We can't let Dorwin get to him!
(In Dorwin's quarters)
Gotens: And the replicator is over there. If you need any assistance with anything, contact me on the comms. But not between 9 and 10. I do— things— during that time.
(He leaves, awkwardly. Meanwhile, Dorwin opens communication screen to his ship)
>Matthew: Yes, Commander?
Dorwin: Let me speak to Kayjo.
>Kayjo (replaces): Ohh, our lovely sister ship.
Dorwin: Prepare to lock weapons and to fire. Their shields are presently down. After I talk to Red, you will beam me out and destroy this vessel. After we destroy the Phoenix-X, we will kill all the humans on the Bochnah.
>Kayjo: Oh, fine. But what about Captain Menchez?
Dorwin: The Captain will be a casualty of war.
>Kayjo: But we are not at war with the Federation.
Dorwin: Heh, heh. Not yet.
>Kayjo: Destroying the Phoenix-X would be an act of war—? Ohhhh...I understand. Qapla!
Dorwin: Exactly. Qapla!
(Daniel and Menchez run to the nearest turbolift)
Daniel: Security to Deck 9. Apprehend and detain the commander of the Bochnah. Computer, redirect Turbolift 4 to Deck 15, authorization X-Alpha-Pie-Gamma.
(In the Turbolift)
Red: What the—?
(It stops and goes back up to Deck 15)
Red: Computer, all stop.
(Flat beeps ring out)
Red: Computer, all stop!
(The Captains reach the turbolift entrance and it opens)
Red: Captain? There is something wrong with the turbolift. We must have it destroyed immediately. Oh, Captain Menchez. I apologize for my delayed greetings.
Menchez: Apologize? You've been on this ship for too long.
Daniel: Now that everyone is acquainted again, we need to apprehend your commander, Menchez.
Menchez: I must warn you. He is a belligerent fighter.
Daniel: Warning noted.
Red: Is there something I missed?
Daniel: Dorwin was going to kill you.
Red (shocked): Well, we'll see about that.
Daniel: There is no time for you to go on one of your classic killing streaks. You are on my ship and under my command and will do things my way. I have a security team on its way to apprehend him now.
Red: Unless that security team are Klingons, then it won't work.
Daniel: Very well. Captain to the security team. Practice extreme caution. Set phasers to stun. Captain to Klingon task team. Join Security on Deck 9. There is a Klingon that has the potential to cause resistance.
Red: That's better.
Daniel: Let's go to the Bridge.
(On Deck 9, Commander Gotens walks down the hallway to the nearest turbolift. A security team rushes passed him)
Gotens: What's happening?
(No one answers, so he grabs one of the security team members)
Gotens: What's happening here, Ensign?
Borishnikov: We are under orders from the Captain to apprehend the first officer of the Bochnah.
Gotens: All right. Carry on.
(Borishnikov hurries to join the rest of the security team)
Gotens: Commander Gotens to Captain Daniel.
#Daniel: Daniel here. What is it, Commander?
Gotens: I've just been informed Dorwin is being apprehended upon your orders. Is that true?
#Daniel: Yeah it is.
Gotens: Why?
#Daniel: Meet me in the Conference room with the rest of the senior officers. From there, I will tell you what is happening.
(Later, in the Conference room)
Lox: What in the hypospray is going on?
Kugo: You must restrain yourself. There is no need for anger.
Doctor: Well, you try operating on a patient and have being called to a meeting in the middle.
Kayl: What?!? Who is operating on the patient now?
Lox: Well, I have the EMH program on it.
EMH: Did I hear my name?
(There is a shocked look on everyone's face before the two Captains enter)
Daniel: As some of you might have hypothesized, we have a situation.
Menchez: Yes.
Daniel: And by the way, this is Captain Menchez of the Bochnah.
Armond: So what is the issue at hand?
Daniel: The issue at hand is that the first officer of the Bochnah has orders to kill Red.
(Everyone looks at him)
Red: Cease!
Daniel: Anyways, his apprehension is at hand.
#Yelto: Ensign Yelto to the Captain. Commander Dorwin has been apprehended. He's been taken to the Brig. Awaiting further orders.
#Dorwin: I demand to speak to the captain of my ship! Qu'vatlh ghuy'cha'!
#Yelto: Shut up, you poor excuse for a prunehead.
Daniel: I beg your pardon.
#Yelto: Oh, my gosh. I didn't know I this was still on. I mean, everything is under control, Captain. Ensign out.
Gotens: Hmmmm.
Daniel: Okay. To conclude, the Klingon Empire has declared Red as a traitor. And we don't believe that. So I want you guys to investigate. There is a traitor, but it's not Red. Keep your eyes open. Meanwhile, Red and I will have a talk with the Commander.
(On the Bochnah, Kayjo's quarters. Kayjo sleeps, peacefully)
#Matthew: Lieutenant Matthew Bonita Screeta Lilita Kent to Kayjo.
Kayjo (hits head): Owe!
#Matthew: Sir, the Phoenix-X has confined Commander Dorwin to their Brig.
Daniel: So, Menchez. You're looking fatter than ever.
Menchez: Hahaha! Classic banter. Are you still as unstable as the last time we met? I remember you were suddenly liquified when your Commander Avery accidentally released quantum mono particles into the room.
Daniel: Sometimes. I'm pretty sure some of the Klingons on the ship are going to be happy to see you. I've scheduled a small reception for you tonight.
Menchez(nods): Hm. You have a powerful ship. It is nothing like the Phoenix.
Daniel: The Phoenix was a frail ship and it was hardly mine.
Menchez: Oh, yes. Captain Maxwell, who had dishonoured the Federation and betrayed them, Captained it.
Daniel: When he left, it floated around several Captains, including me. Then you came. You gave me more than half a crew's worth of Klingon exchange officers to work with.
Menchez: Not to mention my cloaking device. There were many times I could've used it, but I still won honourably, with the help of your Federation officers.
Daniel: The Klingon Empire never gave you another cloaking device?
Menchez: It was their way of telling me it was my loss. But giving it to you was the honourable thing to do after you helped me.
Daniel: How are the Federation officers on your ship?
Menchez: They are doing fine. My human pilot is very good. I've also had to cushion most of the beds against all instincts to the otherwise.
Daniel: What!? They better still be wearing their uniforms, every day.
Menchez: Captain, I must talk to you about why I've come.
Daniel: It's Lieutenant Kent, isnt it? That mild-mannered, no-nonsense hobgoblin.
Menchez: He's actually great. I'm here because the Empire believes that there is a Klingon spy aboard your ship.
Daniel: Aboard my ship? But that would mean I had a spy ever since I took command of the Phoenix?
Menchez: The Empire believes that your Lieutenant Commander Red is actually part of the Duras family.
Daniel: The Duras family? Aren't they the big enemy to the empire? But that's not true, Red is the son of Tregh. Does the Empire have any facts to base this on?
Menchez: Not hard facts, but the Empire does have facts that a member of the Duras family is planning to start a war between the Federation and the Klingon Empire.
Daniel: And when the Federation and Klingon Empire converge war, it would give the Duras family ample opportunity to take power.
Menchez: The High Council has looked over all the records of your Klingon half of the crew and Red has been the logical choice.
Daniel: Logical? You can't just suddenly act like a Vulcan and pick the most logical one on my ship to be a person who starts the war.
Menchez: Captian, I agree with you. I've known Red for many years, he is like a brother to me. Or, a cousin four months younger than me, living far, far away and we still instant message each other through subspace AOL chat.
Daniel: So, then why don't you fight this?
Menchez: Captian, the High Council has not even talked to me about this. They gave the orders directly to my first officer.
Daniel: They don't trust you?
Menchez: Dorwin's orders are to kill Red on sight.
Daniel: Computer, locate Lieutenant Commander Red.
#Computer: Lieutenant Commander Red is in Turbolift 4.
Daniel: Where is he headed?
#Computer: Deck 14.
Daniel(runs): Come on, old friend. We can't let Dorwin get to him!
(In Dorwin's quarters)
Gotens: And the replicator is over there. If you need any assistance with anything, contact me on the comms. But not between 9 and 10. I do— things— during that time.
(He leaves, awkwardly. Meanwhile, Dorwin opens communication screen to his ship)
>Matthew: Yes, Commander?
Dorwin: Let me speak to Kayjo.
>Kayjo (replaces): Ohh, our lovely sister ship.
Dorwin: Prepare to lock weapons and to fire. Their shields are presently down. After I talk to Red, you will beam me out and destroy this vessel. After we destroy the Phoenix-X, we will kill all the humans on the Bochnah.
>Kayjo: Oh, fine. But what about Captain Menchez?
Dorwin: The Captain will be a casualty of war.
>Kayjo: But we are not at war with the Federation.
Dorwin: Heh, heh. Not yet.
>Kayjo: Destroying the Phoenix-X would be an act of war—? Ohhhh...I understand. Qapla!
Dorwin: Exactly. Qapla!
(Daniel and Menchez run to the nearest turbolift)
Daniel: Security to Deck 9. Apprehend and detain the commander of the Bochnah. Computer, redirect Turbolift 4 to Deck 15, authorization X-Alpha-Pie-Gamma.
(In the Turbolift)
Red: What the—?
(It stops and goes back up to Deck 15)
Red: Computer, all stop.
(Flat beeps ring out)
Red: Computer, all stop!
(The Captains reach the turbolift entrance and it opens)
Red: Captain? There is something wrong with the turbolift. We must have it destroyed immediately. Oh, Captain Menchez. I apologize for my delayed greetings.
Menchez: Apologize? You've been on this ship for too long.
Daniel: Now that everyone is acquainted again, we need to apprehend your commander, Menchez.
Menchez: I must warn you. He is a belligerent fighter.
Daniel: Warning noted.
Red: Is there something I missed?
Daniel: Dorwin was going to kill you.
Red (shocked): Well, we'll see about that.
Daniel: There is no time for you to go on one of your classic killing streaks. You are on my ship and under my command and will do things my way. I have a security team on its way to apprehend him now.
Red: Unless that security team are Klingons, then it won't work.
Daniel: Very well. Captain to the security team. Practice extreme caution. Set phasers to stun. Captain to Klingon task team. Join Security on Deck 9. There is a Klingon that has the potential to cause resistance.
Red: That's better.
Daniel: Let's go to the Bridge.
(On Deck 9, Commander Gotens walks down the hallway to the nearest turbolift. A security team rushes passed him)
Gotens: What's happening?
(No one answers, so he grabs one of the security team members)
Gotens: What's happening here, Ensign?
Borishnikov: We are under orders from the Captain to apprehend the first officer of the Bochnah.
Gotens: All right. Carry on.
(Borishnikov hurries to join the rest of the security team)
Gotens: Commander Gotens to Captain Daniel.
#Daniel: Daniel here. What is it, Commander?
Gotens: I've just been informed Dorwin is being apprehended upon your orders. Is that true?
#Daniel: Yeah it is.
Gotens: Why?
#Daniel: Meet me in the Conference room with the rest of the senior officers. From there, I will tell you what is happening.
(Later, in the Conference room)
Lox: What in the hypospray is going on?
Kugo: You must restrain yourself. There is no need for anger.
Doctor: Well, you try operating on a patient and have being called to a meeting in the middle.
Kayl: What?!? Who is operating on the patient now?
Lox: Well, I have the EMH program on it.
EMH: Did I hear my name?
(There is a shocked look on everyone's face before the two Captains enter)
Daniel: As some of you might have hypothesized, we have a situation.
Menchez: Yes.
Daniel: And by the way, this is Captain Menchez of the Bochnah.
Armond: So what is the issue at hand?
Daniel: The issue at hand is that the first officer of the Bochnah has orders to kill Red.
(Everyone looks at him)
Red: Cease!
Daniel: Anyways, his apprehension is at hand.
#Yelto: Ensign Yelto to the Captain. Commander Dorwin has been apprehended. He's been taken to the Brig. Awaiting further orders.
#Dorwin: I demand to speak to the captain of my ship! Qu'vatlh ghuy'cha'!
#Yelto: Shut up, you poor excuse for a prunehead.
Daniel: I beg your pardon.
#Yelto: Oh, my gosh. I didn't know I this was still on. I mean, everything is under control, Captain. Ensign out.
Gotens: Hmmmm.
Daniel: Okay. To conclude, the Klingon Empire has declared Red as a traitor. And we don't believe that. So I want you guys to investigate. There is a traitor, but it's not Red. Keep your eyes open. Meanwhile, Red and I will have a talk with the Commander.
(On the Bochnah, Kayjo's quarters. Kayjo sleeps, peacefully)
#Matthew: Lieutenant Matthew Bonita Screeta Lilita Kent to Kayjo.
Kayjo (hits head): Owe!
#Matthew: Sir, the Phoenix-X has confined Commander Dorwin to their Brig.
(Later, Kayjo appears on the Bridge viewscreen of the Phoenix-X)
>Kayjo: You can't do this!!
Daniel: But... I just did?
>Kayjo: Well, yes. I admit you physically can do it. But, this is an act of war!!
Daniel: Ha! Just because a Federation ship puts a Klingon Officer in jail for no evident reason, doesn't mean it's an act of war.
Red: Actually, it is.
Daniel: Oh, make note of that for next time.
>Kayjo: See! Even Red, who we were supposed to ki— I mean, even the Klingons on your ship know better than you!
Daniel: Aha! But I do have a reason for capturing your Commander. He was conspiring to assasinate Lieutenant Commander Red, son of Tregh. Ha! Mr. Doubty Doubtface. Thank you, Alex. That will be Captains With Good Reasons for $500.
>Kayjo: Captian Menchez! How can you just stand there!? Do something about this!
Menchez: You're right. Captain, I strongly recommend you return my first officer to me before it ruins Federation-Klingon relations, resulting in a huge war between our two peoples that could seriously damage our personal friendship.
Daniel: Well, no.
Menchez: I tried. Shall we go for some blood wine?
Daniel: Sure. I'll see you when I see you, Kayjo.
(The two Captains walk into the turbolift)
>Kayjo: But, bu—
(On the Bochnah, Transporter room)
Gotens (beams in): Hello.
Houtso: I choose not to speak to you Starfleets because of the current conditions of our situation.
#Jessica: Starfleet officer Jessica to Klingon warrior Houtsooooooo. Heehee. Are you coming home early tonight?
Housto: Heehee! Yes, honey.
(On the Phoenix-X, Deck 19, corridors)
Menchez: I believe my men will not open fire upon your vessel. They have too many Federation companions on the Bochnah.
Daniel: And, I believe we'll clear Red's name in no time. We have everything under control.
Daniel: But... I just did?
>Kayjo: Well, yes. I admit you physically can do it. But, this is an act of war!!
Daniel: Ha! Just because a Federation ship puts a Klingon Officer in jail for no evident reason, doesn't mean it's an act of war.
Red: Actually, it is.
Daniel: Oh, make note of that for next time.
>Kayjo: See! Even Red, who we were supposed to ki— I mean, even the Klingons on your ship know better than you!
Daniel: Aha! But I do have a reason for capturing your Commander. He was conspiring to assasinate Lieutenant Commander Red, son of Tregh. Ha! Mr. Doubty Doubtface. Thank you, Alex. That will be Captains With Good Reasons for $500.
>Kayjo: Captian Menchez! How can you just stand there!? Do something about this!
Menchez: You're right. Captain, I strongly recommend you return my first officer to me before it ruins Federation-Klingon relations, resulting in a huge war between our two peoples that could seriously damage our personal friendship.
Daniel: Well, no.
Menchez: I tried. Shall we go for some blood wine?
Daniel: Sure. I'll see you when I see you, Kayjo.
(The two Captains walk into the turbolift)
>Kayjo: But, bu—
(On the Bochnah, Transporter room)
Gotens (beams in): Hello.
Houtso: I choose not to speak to you Starfleets because of the current conditions of our situation.
#Jessica: Starfleet officer Jessica to Klingon warrior Houtsooooooo. Heehee. Are you coming home early tonight?
Housto: Heehee! Yes, honey.
(On the Phoenix-X, Deck 19, corridors)
Menchez: I believe my men will not open fire upon your vessel. They have too many Federation companions on the Bochnah.
Daniel: And, I believe we'll clear Red's name in no time. We have everything under control.
(They suddenly see the commotion of Ensign Dan, frantically chasing a kid down the hallway)
Ensign Dan: Jason! Come back here. That's evidence to clear Red's name!
(In the Brig, the two Captains enter. Dorwin paces in his cell)
Dorwin: Captian! Get me out of here!
Menchez: Okay.
(He reaches for the control panel)
Daniel: No! He was going to kill Red, remember?
Menchez: Oh yeah. You idiot, Dorwin!
Dorwin: You can't prove that that was my intention!
#Borishnikov: Captian, we've just intercepted the message telling Dorwin to kill Red.
Daniel (taps commbadge): Good work.
Dorwin: Uh, well you can't prove that I was intentionally going to kill him!
#Yeltso: Captian, we've just found a dagger in Dorwin's guest quarters.
Dorwin: Well, uhh, I always carry a dagger with me. You cannot prove that I was going to actually do it!
#Yeltso: There's a paper wrapped around it, saying, "to kill Red with."
Dorwin: What! Anyone could've written that.
#Yeltso: Signed by Dorwin.
Dorwin (walks in circles): My memory is failing. Uhhh, where am I....?
(On the Bochnah, Messhall)
Gotens: How about this? We go back to my place for a little "diplomatic immunity?"
(A Klingon female slaps him in the face and storms off. Gotens brushes it off and moves to another table where Kayjo is sitting)
Gotens: Hello.
Kayjo: Hmph.
Gotens: Heyyy. Aren't you that Kayjo guy?
Kayjo: What is to you?
Gotens: I heard rumours that your Commander was planning to assassinate a Klingon officer on the Phoenix-X.
Kayjo: People talk such trash.
Gotens: If Menchez told Daniel about how Dorwin got direct orders from the High Council, how did Menchez find out?
Kayjo: Hmph! Internal sensors detected an eavesdropping signal between the Council and Dorwin's communication. It was obviously the Captain listening.
Gotens: Yeah, but who at the High Council told Dorwin to kill Red? And why?
Kayjo (sips): I believe I've told you too much. I choose not to speak to you anymore.
Gotens: Good. Then I can do all the talking. Let me tell you about the time I had to babysit a Klingon. It was in my second Trill host, Elena, the nosey one with all gossip you could ever imagine—
(He continues yapping away)
(On the Phoenix-X, in the Turbolift)
Daniel: Now we have hard evidence that Dorwin was trying to kill Red.
Menchez: But that does not prove the Red is not of the family Duras.
(On the Bochnah)
Gotens: And the baby had the cutest beard—
Kayjo: Okay, okay! I'll tell you! His name is Leantos. He told Dorwin to kill Red.
Gotens: Aww. But do you still want to hear the rest of my story? Elena loses a phaser in the baby's beard.
Kayjo (runs): Aaaahhhhh!
(Later, Gotens is back on the Phoenix-X, Bridge. The screen displays Chancellor Gowron from the Great Hall at Qo'noS)
Ensign Dan: Jason! Come back here. That's evidence to clear Red's name!
(In the Brig, the two Captains enter. Dorwin paces in his cell)
Dorwin: Captian! Get me out of here!
Menchez: Okay.
(He reaches for the control panel)
Daniel: No! He was going to kill Red, remember?
Menchez: Oh yeah. You idiot, Dorwin!
Dorwin: You can't prove that that was my intention!
#Borishnikov: Captian, we've just intercepted the message telling Dorwin to kill Red.
Daniel (taps commbadge): Good work.
Dorwin: Uh, well you can't prove that I was intentionally going to kill him!
#Yeltso: Captian, we've just found a dagger in Dorwin's guest quarters.
Dorwin: Well, uhh, I always carry a dagger with me. You cannot prove that I was going to actually do it!
#Yeltso: There's a paper wrapped around it, saying, "to kill Red with."
Dorwin: What! Anyone could've written that.
#Yeltso: Signed by Dorwin.
Dorwin (walks in circles): My memory is failing. Uhhh, where am I....?
(On the Bochnah, Messhall)
Gotens: How about this? We go back to my place for a little "diplomatic immunity?"
(A Klingon female slaps him in the face and storms off. Gotens brushes it off and moves to another table where Kayjo is sitting)
Gotens: Hello.
Kayjo: Hmph.
Gotens: Heyyy. Aren't you that Kayjo guy?
Kayjo: What is to you?
Gotens: I heard rumours that your Commander was planning to assassinate a Klingon officer on the Phoenix-X.
Kayjo: People talk such trash.
Gotens: If Menchez told Daniel about how Dorwin got direct orders from the High Council, how did Menchez find out?
Kayjo: Hmph! Internal sensors detected an eavesdropping signal between the Council and Dorwin's communication. It was obviously the Captain listening.
Gotens: Yeah, but who at the High Council told Dorwin to kill Red? And why?
Kayjo (sips): I believe I've told you too much. I choose not to speak to you anymore.
Gotens: Good. Then I can do all the talking. Let me tell you about the time I had to babysit a Klingon. It was in my second Trill host, Elena, the nosey one with all gossip you could ever imagine—
(He continues yapping away)
(On the Phoenix-X, in the Turbolift)
Daniel: Now we have hard evidence that Dorwin was trying to kill Red.
Menchez: But that does not prove the Red is not of the family Duras.
(On the Bochnah)
Gotens: And the baby had the cutest beard—
Kayjo: Okay, okay! I'll tell you! His name is Leantos. He told Dorwin to kill Red.
Gotens: Aww. But do you still want to hear the rest of my story? Elena loses a phaser in the baby's beard.
Kayjo (runs): Aaaahhhhh!
(Later, Gotens is back on the Phoenix-X, Bridge. The screen displays Chancellor Gowron from the Great Hall at Qo'noS)
>Gowron: Leantos?
Gotens: Yeah. Ever heard of him?
>Gowron: Not that I know of. If he was even two degrees from anyone on the Council, I'd know. Oh! Wait. It's three degrees. Yes, I know of him. He's our Janitor.
Ensign Dan: Do you know what type of vacuum he uses?
>Gowron: The Klingon kind, that tears dirt limb from limb.
Gotens: Why would a custodian give orders to an intergalactic starship?
>Gowron: I don't know. Nor do I care. I am very busy! How do you and I even know each other?
Daniel: You should know, Leantos gave direct orders to the first officer of the Bochnah to assasinate our helmsman, Red.
Gotens: Yeah. Ever heard of him?
>Gowron: Not that I know of. If he was even two degrees from anyone on the Council, I'd know. Oh! Wait. It's three degrees. Yes, I know of him. He's our Janitor.
Ensign Dan: Do you know what type of vacuum he uses?
>Gowron: The Klingon kind, that tears dirt limb from limb.
Gotens: Why would a custodian give orders to an intergalactic starship?
>Gowron: I don't know. Nor do I care. I am very busy! How do you and I even know each other?
Daniel: You should know, Leantos gave direct orders to the first officer of the Bochnah to assasinate our helmsman, Red.
(A delivery Klingon from behind the large doors is heard in the background)
#Chags: Your blood pita's here!
>Gowron: I do not know of such delicious orders. I must go.
Menchez: Wait! Will you look into this for us?
>Gowron: Very well. There will be a follow-up in six to eight weeks—
Daniel: Wait! That's not good enough. Send us your communication files for the past week.
#Chags: Your blood pita's getting dry!
>Gowron: Uggh. Fine.
(The screen goes out)
Armond: We've got them.
Daniel: Good. Get to work.
Armond: Aye, sir.
Daniel: Helm, set a course for Qo'nos. Transwarp.
Red: Aye, Captain.
Menchez: Transwarp?
(The Bochnah watches as the Phoenix-X escapes into transwarp)
Matthew: Third officer Kayjo, the Phoenix-X has "left the chat". Captian Menchez says to maintain position.
Kayjo: What!? How are we supposed to start a war with the Federation if the Phoenix-X is not here!
Matthew: What did you say?
Kayjo: Uhh. I said, how are we supposed to go to the store if the refrigerator has no Earth beer?
(On the Phoenix-X)
Armond: I've deciphered the communications. There were a lot of them, but I've finally found it.
Gotens: Interesting.
(Two screens clicks on to a replay)
>Chigh: Oooh, that's nice.
>Keyla: Now how do I look with it off?
Armond: Oops! Wrong one.
(He corrects the playback)
>Leantos: My polka-dot underwear is itching so much.
>Dorwin: You have polka-dot underwear too!?
Armond: And it goes on. They talk about killing Red, but they say nothing about Red being a traitor.
Gotens: Interesting.
Armond: Oh, and he uses a Type KGQ300 vacuum cleaner.
Ensign Dan: Interesting. Thank you, my good man. Now I must relieve thy of my presence.
Gotens: That wasn't interesting.
Red: Captian, we've arrived at the Stingon Porcurled.
Daniel: What!? We were supposed to go to the Klingon homeworld!
Red: Ooops. Making course-correction. Engaging. We've now arrived at the homeworld.
Daniel: Very good.
(On the planet Qo'noS, in a Science room with computers)
Einstein: There! Do you see now, how E equals M, C, squared!?
Jagh: No. Go back to your time machine, old man. I'll figure this out for myself!
Wells: Come on, ol' chap.
(As the two guests walk away, Gotens and Armond beam in)
Gotens: Hello.
Jagh: What!? We tranporter-proofed this room!
Armond: Ha. I guess you haven't been up against Federation type A Transporters!
Jagh: Nooo!!! I'm melting!! I'm melting!! Ohhhh what a worrrld!!
Armond: Get a hold of yourself, man. It's not over man! Man! Maannn!!!
Gotens: Just do your job, Armond.
Armond (goes to controls): Yes, Commander.
(Meanwhile, Gotens fires a phaser at Jagh, sending him to the floor)
(On the Phoenix-X)
Kayl: Captian! There are thirteen rock fragments heading towards us off the port bow!
Daniel: Oh no! And on a Friday, too.
Kayl: Oh, and there's also all those Klingon birds-of-prey astern.
Daniel: Shields up!
(In the Science room on Qo'noS)
Gotens: Did you get it? Is Red's name in there?
Armond: Yeah. Look. There are so many people who are part of the Duras family. Dorwin, Leantos, Kayjo, Hoglo, Jagh, Orange, Blue, Green— Nope. No Red.
Gotens: Good. That proves Red isn't a traitor. Gotens to Phoenix-X. Two to transport.
#Daniel: You're going to have to wait. We're under attack up here.
(On the Phoenix-X)
Kayl: There's just too many of them!!
Daniel: Initiate multi-vector separation mode. Tactical Sequence Beta-6-3-Omega.
(The ship shakes)
Daniel: I don't understand. They're Klingons. Our allies.
Menchez: They're the Duras fleet. Duras is the enemy of the empire.
(The ship shakes. Support beams fall)
Wallace: Shields down to 22%. Vector 2 shields to 34%. Vector 3 shields to 10%.
Daniel: Bring us back together.
(The ship shakes)
Wallace: Shields at 12%.
Kayl: We've destroyed most of their ships. Only two left.
Daniel: Fire quantum torpedoes.
(The ship shakes again. People fall all over the place)
Kayl: We've destroyed one ship. One remaining.
Wallace: Shields down.
Daniel: What!? Oh, no. Gotens was right. It is a curse.
(The Bird-of-Prey fires torpedoes toward the Phoenix-X. Suddenly another Bird-of-Prey flies between the Phoenix-X and the Duras ship and takes the hit)
(On the Phoenix-X)
Daniel: Took you a while.
>Matthew: We had to catch up with you. We've thrown Kayjo in the brig for conspiring under the Empire and Federation.
Daniel: Good—
>Matthew: One sec.
(The Bochnah fires torpedoes at the Duras ship and destroys it)
#Chags: Your blood pita's here!
>Gowron: I do not know of such delicious orders. I must go.
Menchez: Wait! Will you look into this for us?
>Gowron: Very well. There will be a follow-up in six to eight weeks—
Daniel: Wait! That's not good enough. Send us your communication files for the past week.
#Chags: Your blood pita's getting dry!
>Gowron: Uggh. Fine.
(The screen goes out)
Armond: We've got them.
Daniel: Good. Get to work.
Armond: Aye, sir.
Daniel: Helm, set a course for Qo'nos. Transwarp.
Red: Aye, Captain.
Menchez: Transwarp?
(The Bochnah watches as the Phoenix-X escapes into transwarp)
Matthew: Third officer Kayjo, the Phoenix-X has "left the chat". Captian Menchez says to maintain position.
Kayjo: What!? How are we supposed to start a war with the Federation if the Phoenix-X is not here!
Matthew: What did you say?
Kayjo: Uhh. I said, how are we supposed to go to the store if the refrigerator has no Earth beer?
(On the Phoenix-X)
Armond: I've deciphered the communications. There were a lot of them, but I've finally found it.
Gotens: Interesting.
(Two screens clicks on to a replay)
>Chigh: Oooh, that's nice.
>Keyla: Now how do I look with it off?
Armond: Oops! Wrong one.
(He corrects the playback)
>Leantos: My polka-dot underwear is itching so much.
>Dorwin: You have polka-dot underwear too!?
Armond: And it goes on. They talk about killing Red, but they say nothing about Red being a traitor.
Gotens: Interesting.
Armond: Oh, and he uses a Type KGQ300 vacuum cleaner.
Ensign Dan: Interesting. Thank you, my good man. Now I must relieve thy of my presence.
Gotens: That wasn't interesting.
Red: Captian, we've arrived at the Stingon Porcurled.
Daniel: What!? We were supposed to go to the Klingon homeworld!
Red: Ooops. Making course-correction. Engaging. We've now arrived at the homeworld.
Daniel: Very good.
(On the planet Qo'noS, in a Science room with computers)
Einstein: There! Do you see now, how E equals M, C, squared!?
Jagh: No. Go back to your time machine, old man. I'll figure this out for myself!
Wells: Come on, ol' chap.
(As the two guests walk away, Gotens and Armond beam in)
Gotens: Hello.
Jagh: What!? We tranporter-proofed this room!
Armond: Ha. I guess you haven't been up against Federation type A Transporters!
Jagh: Nooo!!! I'm melting!! I'm melting!! Ohhhh what a worrrld!!
Armond: Get a hold of yourself, man. It's not over man! Man! Maannn!!!
Gotens: Just do your job, Armond.
Armond (goes to controls): Yes, Commander.
(Meanwhile, Gotens fires a phaser at Jagh, sending him to the floor)
(On the Phoenix-X)
Kayl: Captian! There are thirteen rock fragments heading towards us off the port bow!
Daniel: Oh no! And on a Friday, too.
Kayl: Oh, and there's also all those Klingon birds-of-prey astern.
Daniel: Shields up!
(In the Science room on Qo'noS)
Gotens: Did you get it? Is Red's name in there?
Armond: Yeah. Look. There are so many people who are part of the Duras family. Dorwin, Leantos, Kayjo, Hoglo, Jagh, Orange, Blue, Green— Nope. No Red.
Gotens: Good. That proves Red isn't a traitor. Gotens to Phoenix-X. Two to transport.
#Daniel: You're going to have to wait. We're under attack up here.
(On the Phoenix-X)
Kayl: There's just too many of them!!
Daniel: Initiate multi-vector separation mode. Tactical Sequence Beta-6-3-Omega.
(The ship shakes)
Daniel: I don't understand. They're Klingons. Our allies.
Menchez: They're the Duras fleet. Duras is the enemy of the empire.
(The ship shakes. Support beams fall)
Wallace: Shields down to 22%. Vector 2 shields to 34%. Vector 3 shields to 10%.
Daniel: Bring us back together.
(The ship shakes)
Wallace: Shields at 12%.
Kayl: We've destroyed most of their ships. Only two left.
Daniel: Fire quantum torpedoes.
(The ship shakes again. People fall all over the place)
Kayl: We've destroyed one ship. One remaining.
Wallace: Shields down.
Daniel: What!? Oh, no. Gotens was right. It is a curse.
(The Bird-of-Prey fires torpedoes toward the Phoenix-X. Suddenly another Bird-of-Prey flies between the Phoenix-X and the Duras ship and takes the hit)
(On the Phoenix-X)
Daniel: Took you a while.
>Matthew: We had to catch up with you. We've thrown Kayjo in the brig for conspiring under the Empire and Federation.
Daniel: Good—
>Matthew: One sec.
(The Bochnah fires torpedoes at the Duras ship and destroys it)
(In the Science room on Qo'noS. There's banging at the door)
Gotens (reads triquarter): There are ten Klingons behind that door.
Armond: Thanks for the late-breaking news!
(The door breaks down and ten Klingons run towards the two)
Gotens (reads): Now the door has been broken down. The group of renegade Klingons are not 50 feet away— 30, 20, 10, 5—
(The two are suddenly beamed out)
(On the Phoenix-X. Transporter Room. The two rematerialize)
Gotens (reads): We have just been beamed onto a ship of some sort.
Billy: Sir?
Armond: Commander, if you only would just look up—
Gotens: There is some guy with a Southern Hill Billy accent just ten feet away from me—
Armond (snatches the triquarter): Give me that!
(The Phoenix-X flies beside the Bochnah outside the orbit of Qo'noSi)
(On the Phoenix-X)
Menchez: Thank you, Daniel, for getting me out of that dilemma.
Daniel: The honour was mine.
Menchez: Captian Menchez to the Bochnah. One to transport. Until we meet again, Captian.
(On the Phoenix-X. Transporter Room. The two rematerialize)
Gotens (reads): We have just been beamed onto a ship of some sort.
Billy: Sir?
Armond: Commander, if you only would just look up—
Gotens: There is some guy with a Southern Hill Billy accent just ten feet away from me—
Armond (snatches the triquarter): Give me that!
(The Phoenix-X flies beside the Bochnah outside the orbit of Qo'noSi)
(On the Phoenix-X)
Menchez: Thank you, Daniel, for getting me out of that dilemma.
Daniel: The honour was mine.
Menchez: Captian Menchez to the Bochnah. One to transport. Until we meet again, Captian.
(He is beamed away)
Gotens: Captian, I've taken care of Dorwin. He has been turned over to the Klingon authorities.
Daniel: What about Kayjo?
Gotens: The Bochnah turned him over too. I've also cleared Red's name with the Empire. They claim they hadn't even accused him of being a traitor.
Armond: Red was framed so Dorwin could start a conflict with the Federation. If the Federation got into a war with the Klingon Empire, both sides would be crippled. Letting the Duras family take over the Klingon Empire.
Daniel: Whoa, you figured that all out by yourself?
Armond: That, and some of it was in a chatfic I was writing.
Red (relaxes): I'm not a traitor and my honour is restored.
BOB: Yeah, yeah. Can't you see you're not the centre of attention anymore!
Daniel (sits): Helm, set a course for our previous destination before we were interrupted with this matter, transwarp.
Ensign Dan (enters with vacuum): Now to try my improved KGQ300.
Daniel: Engage.
(Ensign Dan turns it on and it flies him around the room)
Gotens: Captian, I've taken care of Dorwin. He has been turned over to the Klingon authorities.
Daniel: What about Kayjo?
Gotens: The Bochnah turned him over too. I've also cleared Red's name with the Empire. They claim they hadn't even accused him of being a traitor.
Armond: Red was framed so Dorwin could start a conflict with the Federation. If the Federation got into a war with the Klingon Empire, both sides would be crippled. Letting the Duras family take over the Klingon Empire.
Daniel: Whoa, you figured that all out by yourself?
Armond: That, and some of it was in a chatfic I was writing.
Red (relaxes): I'm not a traitor and my honour is restored.
BOB: Yeah, yeah. Can't you see you're not the centre of attention anymore!
Daniel (sits): Helm, set a course for our previous destination before we were interrupted with this matter, transwarp.
Ensign Dan (enters with vacuum): Now to try my improved KGQ300.
Daniel: Engage.
(Ensign Dan turns it on and it flies him around the room)
Ensign Dan: AAaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!!!!!