Star Trek: Phoenix-X
The Phoenix-X treks aimlessly through space. Lox is in Sickbay, working on a patient.
Billy: "Thank y'all for takin' thuh time to see me, Doctor Lox'ses. I'ma sures you've been verrhy busseh lateleh."
Lox: "Not at all, Ensign Billy. Now it has come to my attention that you've been having intelligence lapses in your brain."
Billy: "Actual-olly, it's thuh cough I got from thuh Away Mission I was sent owe-n tuh Andoria by muh-self. None o' thum senoir staffs officers wanted t'go b'cause it wuz so kold down tharhah."
Lox: "Right; well I believe the reason for your lack of intelligence is your 'hill-billy' upbringing. A simple bone-marrow increase to your two front teeth should give warning to others that you are coming."
The Doctor opens Billy's mouth and presses a hypo-spray to Billy's two front teeth. They all of a sudden grow extremely long, reaching the sternem of Billy's chest!
Billy: "Aauuhh!!! What did ya' do, Doc??"
Lox: "Your problem has now been fixed Ensign. People will see you coming from a distance and be certain to avoid further conversation with you and your feeble mind."
Billy: "Uhh, thunk yah, I guess?"
The Doctor shows Billy out, when all of a sudden the view-screen clicks on in the background. Lox notices and approaches it.
>Nelkast: "This is Section 31. Why did your Captain put us on Block? We are unable to instant message directly to his Ready Room anymore!!!"
Lox: "I do not know. But I do know that he has not updated to the latest version of Ready Room 9-point-0."
Cell, enters: "Hey Lox, I just saw that Cat-Dog experiment walking down the hall and--- huh?"
He walks over.
Cell: "Ah, crap. Section 31?? I should have ordered the block on all rooms of the Phoenix-X!"
>Elena: "No blocking allowed!!! On another note - we have a bone to pick with you, Captain."
Cell: "I'm a changeling. I don't have bones."
>Nelkast: "You know what we mean! And what we mean is your Slipstream torpedoes!"
>Elena: "Apparently, you were supposed to get rid of them eight years ago. But you re-installed them six years ago!"
>Nelkast: "And to make matters worse, you upgraded them three years ago!!"
Cell: "You're forgetting, I had them polished one year ago."
>Elena: "Well we want them off your ship. And them off now!!"
>Nelkast: "You are to go to Teketekon station and have the Tech-Team install your new Transphasic torpedoes."
Cell: "Transphasic? Hmm. Isn't that what Voyager used to get back home five years ago?"
>Elena: "Exactly! And now we want to implement them on the Phoenix-X. You are the flagship of advanced technologies anyway."
Cell: "Well it's about time. What took you so long??"
>Nelkast: "Section 31 paperwork is extremely arduous! If you know a better way to process these requests, I'd like to hear it."
Cell: "Perhaps having actual meetings with your superio---"
>Elena: "Quiet you! When we say we want to hear your opinion, we mean we do not want to hear your opinion!"
>Nelkast: "Section 31 out!!"
Lox: "Now if you'll excuse me, I have a decapitation-recapitation experiment at 3."
Commander Seifer enters Armond's new Quarters, where Armond is setting up his little trinkets.
Seifer: "Are you sure you want to do that?"
Armond: "I just feel I need to set something up. I mean, these Quarters come with everything you need - a bed, blankets, a vase with plants in it - All a person really has to do is just occupy the room and it's home."
Seifer: "True, but your trinket collection includes and is not limited to - pieces of string, a rock, a Borg assimilation tube, and a copy of Photons Be Free."
Armond: "Ugh. You're right. It's all so useless!"
Cell, enters: "Hey is anyone else getting weirded out by that Cat-Dog experiment in the hallways and--- oh hey Armond! Seems you have some crappy trinkets here."
Armond: "I do, sir."
Just then his viewscreen blinks on to another transmission from Section 31.
>Wallace: "Sorry about that."
Seifer: "It's okay. How's it going Wallace, our only actual trusted connection within Section 31?"
Cell: "Yeah. We get guff from Elena and Nelkast, but you're the good one."
>Wallace: "I'm fine. But I'm calling you to warn you guys about the Tech-Team at home... or as you previously called it, the X-Team."
Armond: "We realized any name with the letter 'X' in it was tacky and overdone."
Seifer: "Not to mention its similarities to the A-Team."
>Wallace: "It appears as if the Federation is sending in Starfleet Security to capture and arrest the Tech-Team."
Armond: "That's impossible! No one even knows what we do??"
>Wallace: "Somehow Starfleet found out. They know that your team has developed technologies for Section 31, and they now have an inkling to your underground wearabouts on Earth."
Cell: "Wallace, how reliable is your source?"
>Wallace: "Let's just say my source knows everytime I forget to readjust my uniform after stand-up-procedure."
Seifer: "That's one heck of a source."
Armond: "Monique is in those underground wearabouts. I have to do something... --Captain, I need to take a shuttle to Earth before Starfleet Security gets to her."
Cell: "A Security detail should go with you."
Armond: "We can't risk it, Captain. If I get caught, then whoever's with me will be taken to Court Marshall like a Klingon to a plate of gagh."
Seifer and Cell glance at eachother, reluctantly considering the option.
Cell: "Alright. But be careful. If you get caught, then that'll be two people I have to visit in prison."
Seifer: "Who's the other?"
Cell: "You, from ten years in the future. You travelled back in time and--- well, I've said too much."
Seifer: "Now that I know this, is there anyway to prevent it?"
Cell: "Not really. But try to look surprised when you attempt to break into Starfleet Latinum Storage."
Seifer: "Aye sir."
Later, Armond is in the Shuttle Bay, prepping the advanced medical shuttle, the U.S.S. Angel Wing.
Armond: "Everything checks out... except for that large fisher-price eye-viewer."
RaeLuna, enters: "Greetings, Armond. With the Captain's permission, I am to join you on your journey to Earth."
Armond: "But you can't. You'll surely perish in a horrifying blaze of terror!"
RaeLuna: "I am not accompanying you on your mission. I am coming along so that I may join Starfleet Academy."
Armond: "Are you sure that is wise? You'll surely perish in a horrifying blaze of terror, you know."
RaeLuna: "I am certain. If my time aboard the Phoenix-X has taught me anything; it's that life is worth doing some good for."
Armond: "Agreed. And if not life, then at least hitchhiking a guitar-filled trip across the American desert States is."
The shuttle soon takes off from the Phoenix-X, jumping to warp towards Earth.
Seifer: "Well there they go. Who knows what action-packed adventures they'll have on thier journey through space? Yes, they're defnitely in for some episodic-worthy encounters."
Cell: "Can't you shut up!?"
GoyCho, enters: "Greetings, Captain. I just heard that we're having a weapons rehaul?"
Ensign Dan: "Ugh. More like a weapons rehash. How many times do we have to go through weapons upgrades, or technology advances? It's like all we're interested in is combat with alien species!"
Cell: "Ensign Dan? I never thought you'd actually 'get it' for once."
Ensign Dan: "I was trying to be cynical! Oh never mind."
He leaves, as Kugo enters the Bridge.
Kugo: "Another weapons installation, I see."
Cell: "I know you guys have seen it all before. But this time it'll be good. The weapons we're installing actually make sense!"
Seifer: "That's what you said about the squirrel dispenser."
Amp: "And the blockbuster-film-of-the-year maker."
GoyCho: "Yeah, and let's not even mention the backwards-Warp drive upgrade."
Cell: "You're saying those don't make sense? You're relieved!"
The shuttle speeds through space at warp.
Armond, sits: "Well, this is a long journey. What do you say we make some small talk?"
RaeLuna: "I am not privy to such manners of talk-speak."
Armond: "You know, like when a person communicates with another person in order to fill the awkwardness?"
RaeLuna: "If you are referring to sexual intercourse. I will comply."
Armond: "Wait - no!! That's not what I mean at all."
RaeLuna: "I see... Well then... I believe I now understand the concept of awkwardness."
Armond: "Maybe we should just sit here and avoid eye contact..."
He stares out the window which shows the shuttle dropping warp infront of Earth and Starbase 01. Beside the starbase, they can see a Fragma tech-ship.
Armond: "Oh man! Can't my attention catch a break??"
>Barnes: "Starbase 01 to shuttle craft Angel Wing. You are cleared to dock. The white zone is for loading and unloading only. There is no stopping in the red zone."
Armond: "So then why is there a Fragma ship in the red zone?"
>Barnes: "Oh they're okay. The Fragma have been helping Starfleet in finding the Tech-Team... or as they were rumoured to be called once, the X-Team."
Armond: "Yes we get it. It reminds you of A-Team! But don't you realize the Fragma are hardened criminals??"
>Barnes: "Heh, heh, heh! Come on. This is Starfleet you're talking about. We don't realize anything! ...Now if you'll excuse me, I have a Borg-Federation joining reception to attend. What? They said they changed thier ways! How could we refuse them? They look so cuuuuttte with those nano-probes and tubules. Starbase out."
The Phoenix-X drops transwarp and approaches Teketekon station.
>Durane: "Captain! It is a pleasure to see you again."
Cell: "Well, if it isn't the Obsidian Order. Aquire any redeeming forms of military power lately?"
>Durane: "We're working on it. In the meantime, our paychecks get sent in for starship work; mainly yours."
Seifer: "Soooo what's the weapons installation technique today? ...Click an' snap? Hammer an' nails? The ol' drive an' cram?"
>Durane: "Actually, we'll be altering your Slipstream torpedo system to fit and run the Transphasic ammunition."
Cell: "I wonder what Voyager had to replace for thier Transphasic torpedoes?"
Seifer: "They had to disable thier Aeroshuttle. It was too bad... I think they were just about to start using it."
Cell: "Well, in the interests of crews reformatting Federation technology from the way it was meant to be, let's begin!"
Armond and RaeLuna stand in the office of Admiral Hendricks at Starfleet Headquarters, trying to explain the evil that is the Fragma Alliance.
Hendricks: "LIES!! ALL LIES!!!! Now I must go. I have a hair-graying appointment in two minutes."
The Admiral leaves the office.
Armond: "Great. We reserved this room for another half-hour!"
RaeLuna: "Then I suppose I should take this time to tell you something horrible about my past."
Armond: "You have something horrible embedded within your past?? Hath mankind not become pure of heart in this galaxy?"
RaeLuna: "Well it all started before my time on the Phoenix-X. You see, I was once a part of the Fragma Alliance. They joined me at a time I and my crew of two killer androids trekked through space in an alien starship."
Armond: "Wow... I heard those alien ships are like a mixed bag - you never know what you're going to get."
RaeLuna: "That is true. Specifically, our ship was Silillian, and its specifications led to our meeting with the Fragma. They liked us so much, that before we knew it, we were joined. I'll never forget how we helped strip and ravish the Turismo species of thier most valuable technologies, leaving the Turismo vulnerable to anyone wanting a piece of thier world."
Armond: "Oh, RaeLuna-- I'm... sorry."
RaeLuna: "If I wasn't such a rigid unemotional hybred, I would express my heart-broken feelings through a myriad of facial expressions."
Armond: "Your cold, heartless exterior is all I need to see to know your true anguish."
#Cell: "Captain's Log, Stardate 60404-point-3. Wait a second... we're in the six-zero's now?? What the heck?? It seems just like yesterday that Picard was in the four-seven's. Man, so much time has passed."
From within the Command centre of Teketekon station he suddenly sees a ship approach on the view-screen. The ship is a Klokian Timeship that suddenly crashes into the station. Part of the Command centre is pierced by the Timeship wreckage, and protective atmospheric forcefields go up!!! Klokian falls out and onto the floor of the Command centre.
Cell: "Well, well, well. Look who thinks flying a timeship is easy."
Klokian: "Klokian had to take over fleet timeship, because Changeling take Klokian's timeship!"
Seifer: "Yeah, we gave it to the Xena."
Klokian: "Now Klokian is easy target for omni'X. Klokian being tracked down like animal!!"
Cell: "Well maybe now you'll know what it feels like! Jerk!"
Klokian: "Klokian not know you feel that way. Klokian just do his job last time."
Seifer: "Aww. I can't stay mad at him, sir?"
He walks over and starts petting Klokian on the head. The reaction is a purring noise from Klokian.
Seifer: "You're so cute. Yes you are! Yes you are!"
Armond and RaeLuna walk out of Starfleet Command.
RaeLuna: "I will go to the Turismo and get their support. With their help we may be able to convince the Federation not to be duped by the Fragma."
Armond: "Right. And I'll use this transporter-device to transport me down to the secret Tech-Team base."
RaeLuna: "Are not those just one-use transporters?"
Armond: "Yeah. I guess, they are kind of pointless in that regard."
He suddenly transports himself to the underground base of the Tech-Team. All around are computers, and a small group of people working at them.
Monique: "Alright, so I want the Transwarp information saved, and I also want the actual cure for Borg assimilation saved. If we're lucky, no one will be gettin' those babies."
Armond, walks over: "Monique, I've come to save you."
Monique: "Armond! You've returned??"
Armond: "Well it was either that, or visit the big ferris wheel at the Grand Canyon."
Moniuqe: "Oh but honey, we don't need your help. We've got everything under control."
Borne: "AAAHHH!!!! We're all gonna die!!!!!"
Armond: "Then I suppose Borne's picked up a yelling sickness??"
Monique: "Oh yes, it's very bad. Especially during avalanche prone mountian climbing expeditions."
Armond: "That sounds like a good idea. Why don't we leave for one right now? You know, before Starfleet Security arrives with their phaser rifles!"
Monique: "Dear, are you still afraid of those? They're like the dark, you just have to get over them."
Armond: "This isn't a simple lock-yourself-in-a-dark-room procedure - Starfleet will apprehend you and lock you in a dark jail cell, which is not anything like that room!"
Monique: "You were always the paranoid husband. Just wait over there while we finish up here. Look, you can sit in the big chair!"
Armond: "Ugggghh. You're not listening. Starfleet Security is coming!"
Monique: "OooOOooOOO. What are they going to do, uniform us to death? The Starfleet uniform is like a straight-jacket, you can't move and the Doctor outranks everyone."
Armond: "If you don't come now, I'll throw down my wedding ring!"
Monique: "You wouldn't."
Armond: "It's only a curled up plasma conduit support bracket, so yes I will!"
Suddenly, there's a loud CRASH sound from far away in the tunnels.
Borne: "Sensors are picking up Starfleet officers infiltrating the entrance tunnel system."
Monique: "Really? Well then now we should go."
Armond: "Ugghh. Being married is worse than stepping into a pool of piranhas with some water in it."
They quickly sabatoge the rest of the computer equipment and run out of there.
All the way back on Teketekon station, the Captain is approached by Durane.
Durane: "Well, sir. The upgrade-slash-downgrade has been completed. Your vessel is now equipped with Transphasic torpedoes and the firing of them capability. As for your annoying Slipstream torpedoes... well, lets just say the Borg are in for a big surprise... heh, heh."
Meanwhile, in the Delta Quadrant, a bunch of Slipstream torpedoes drop out of Slipstream right in front of ten Borg Cubes. They lock tractor beams on them. Back on the station, the Captain yells at Durane.
Cell: "You idiot! The Borg will just assimilate that technology and use it to thier advantage!"
Durane: "Hm. I never thought of that. It's just that sending ones problems to the Borg is what everyone does nowadays."
Klokian: "Klokian do that on several occasaions with Larvekken children."
Durane: "Wait a second. Who the hell are you? This is a secret station! Only secret people are allowed here."
Cell: "No need to worry. He's one of our enemies."
Durane: "Very well then. As long as he's related to someone here in some way. But why is he shaking in fear so much?"
Cell: "It might be because he is being hunted by the omni'X."
Klokian: "Klokian afraid they will come here."
Durane: "Hah! That's a good one. Could you imagine, that this Klokian could have possibly led his deadly enemies to our station? Hahaha!"
Cell: "Wait a minute. He has!"
They look on the view-screen as a Silillian starship drops Warp in front of the station.
Durane: "Ah, crap. Well I guess I'd better go tell my secretary its time for emergency sex."
Leskie: "Oh no we don't!"
The Medical shuttle, Angel Wing, waits outside the Turismo moon and Station complex. There, RaeLuna has been inside speaking to the officials in charge.
Jevaun: "So let me get this straight. You were responsible for the Fragma invasion of years gone by that ravished and stripped our world of its technological resources?"
RaeLuna: "It's kind of crazy, don't you think?"
Magore: "Thanks to you, we got invaded by the Nikon's!"
RaeLuna: "I know what I did was wrong, and bad. That's why I wanted to let you know, that I'm sorry and if there's anything I can do--"
Magore: "Can you help resupply our people with television technology?"
Jevaun: "Enough of this! We should have this woman killed immediately! Severe blow to the head, on my mark!"
RaeLuna: "Wait! At least think of the Earthanoids? They need you now more than ever. Don't let your past become thiers. Let's make a difference!"
Jevaun: "Ugh. Fine! We'll help you stop the Fragma from screwing over the Federation. But you'd better get us one of those joining applications. Our world needs a rest from working to save itself, and the only way to do that is to join the humanitarian Federation. It will be like living on welfare with them."
RaeLuna nods and transports back to the Angel Wing. The fleet of Turismo ships gather into formation and follow her into Warp towards thier destination: Earth - where Armond, Monique and the fifteen other remaining Tech-Team escapees are running down the underground tunnels with Starfleet Security teams chasing a few levels behind. Everyone is carrying bags and extra technology devices.
Armond: "Would you guys just put those down? They're slowing us as a group!"
Borne: "I can't leave this squirrel dispenser behind. I just can't!"
Armond: "The Phoenix-X already has one of those!"
Monique: "Armond - you were right in that we had to leave. I'm sorry."
Armond: "Hey, we're looking out for each other right?"
Borne: "So who's looking out for me?"
Armond: "Look, I know three-way relationships are the new 'in'-thing in the 24th Cenury, but forget it!"
Borne shrugs and drops the squirrel dispenser, when all of a sudden the group is confronted by another group - a group of Fragma pirates, standing in thier direct path, waiting for them.
Back at the edge of Cardassian space, a Silillian starship by the name Ascent approaches Teketekon station.
>Mishima: "Cardassian attrocities - you will hand over the Klokian, or we will destroy your space station!"
Durane: "Take him! Take him! He's been nothing but a hedonistic food sucker... sleeping during awake hours, consuming all our tea products, and flirting with our secretaries!"
Klokian: "--Klokian have three tricep muscle groups in arm and leg physiology."
Leskie: "Hehehe. Oh how masculine of you."
Cell: "Wait!!! I'm sorry but I can't allow this to happen."
>Mishima: "Captain Cell? It has been a while since we've last met."
Cell: "Yes it has, Mishima. But now I must take an antagonistic side to your efforts."
>Mishima: "Not to worry. We understand that from your point of view, you deem yourself the protagonist."
Cell: "Thank you. But I believe this fighting must come to an end. Klokian here has learned his lesson through the fear and death that you have thrust upon his people. The line must be drawn here. This far - no further!"
>Mishima: "Out of our way, Captain. Where was the noble man who once helped us fight for our peoples' right for existence?"
Cell: "He grew, Mishima... and not the type of growth where a Changeling can just make himself taller."
>Mishima: "Then our war is still on! Since it's war, then killing is allowed."
Cell: "Enough with the war. We are all enlightened enough to work it all out. Just because one side killed people in the other, and the other returned the favour - doesn't mean it should be an endless return of death. Can't you see how war will destroy both sides??"
>Mishima: "Not if our side kills the other first. War is the only outlet for our right to have people notice that we exist! Attention will be ours!!!"
The screen clicks off and the station shakes from a torpedo attack.
Durane: "Great, Captain Cell. Now they're going to destroy us! Us - the Cardassians! What have we ever done to deserve this?"
RaeLuna beams over to the Turismo starship, Nirovoule, as it approaches the planet Earth and Starbase 01.
>Barnes: "Starbase 01 to Turismo starship Nirovoule. You are cleared to dock. The white zone is for loading and unloading only. There is no stopping in the red zone."
Jevaun: "Thank you, Federation. You are probably the only people in this Galaxy that we like. The Lurians came close, but then they never came to visit."
Magore: "So here we are at Earth. Where are the Fragma, huh, sabotager? Huh, ruiner of our culture?"
RaeLuna: "I do not know."
Jevaun: "This isn't just some decoy to get us to leave our world, while you Fragma plunder and pillage it again!??"
RaeLuna: "I told you - I changed! I'm not like that anymore."
Magore: "Sure. Does a Sillilian change his stripes? Doubtful. Almost as doubtful as your intentions!"
RaeLuna: "Are you telling me that you have never been wrong before? Are you?"
RaeLuna: "Really? Oh really?"
Magore: "Uhh, uhh-- I don't have to listen to this! This ship has a radio that can pick up plenty of more interesting audio vibrations for my ears!"
He flicks a switch on the control panel, playing some old Turismo country music.
Magore: "Ahh yeah. That's the stuff."
All of a sudden, the Fragma techship Trance speeds by from Earth and out into space. The Angel Wing sits in their direct path, forcing them to blow it to pieces!
Memphis: "Excellent. The old torpedoes have been depleated. Wait a second... Was that a Turismo ship we just passed?"
Skrilax: "I believe so."
Memphis: "Damn! They're not getting their hands on this Transphasic torpedo technology! It's mine! I mean, ours."
-Armond, behind a force-field: "Get your hands off those blueprints!"
Skrilax and Memphis walk over to the force-field where most of the escaped Tech-Team are being kept within.
Memphis: "You're in no position to be giving me orders."
Skrilax: "Actually, we placed the force-field around your Captain's chair in the middle of the Bridge. Sorry, sir - bad management on my part right there."
-Monique: "I can't believe that Starfleet got to our underground base. That was my home for the past four years!"
-Borne: "Speak for yourself. That was my home for the past twenty years! You know how many times I got to go outside? Twice! And that was to take out the garbage!"
-Armond: "Now we have that garbage-burning technology."
-Monique: "The thing I'll miss most will be the friendships. I'll miss you guys."
-Borne: "Yeah. We certainly bonded through that whole never-see-the-light-day thing. That's Section 31 for you. Hah! Oh the memories."
-Armond: "Remember that time Korlaney went crazy and we had to put him out of his misery?"
-Borne: "Oh yeah! Then we made him into a Starship ornament for that Mondo class vessel."
-Armond: "Hah! That transformation of human flesh to metallic compounds. We came up with the best technologies down there."
-Monique: "We sure did. Oh great! It's that annoying Starfleet again."
She points to the view-screen which shows two Starfleet vessels, the U.S.S. Rune and the U.S.S. Cedar, advancing on the Trance.
Skrilax: "Sir, I sent the Starfleet vessels an Instant Message with the hostage information. But they still intend on advancing upon us."
Memphis: "Those stubborn do-gooders of non-evil-doing! Why? Why would they be so difficult with their newly discovered enemies?"
Skrilax: "Perhaps they want to minimize any chance of us maintaining an upper-hand for longer than we can make an irrational decision?"
Memphis: "Stupid Starfleet! Of course we can make irrational decisions! We'll show them!"
He turns to the helmsmen.
Memphis: "You there! Engage Transwarp engines for an amazing escape!!!"
Tark: "Yes, Captain."
The Nirovoule slows as it nears a dumbfounded U.S.S. Rune and U.S.S. Cedar.
RaeLuna: "It looks like they jumped into Transwarp."
Jevaun: "Hah! Little do they realize that we have Transwarp capability aswell."
Magore: "We developed it after the Fragma incident, because we were so driven to get back onto equal footing in the technological community."
Jevaun: "Our researchers won a Turismo imitation Jalhal Award for it."
RaeLuna: "Let's get going then. They have Armond and the rest of the Tech-Team!"
Magore: "You, actually caring about another persons well-being? I didn't think it was possible."
RaeLuna: "Just because someone commits a crime, doesn't make them a souless monster!"
Magore: "Well it makes them a souless something because all they care about is their self-pity!"
Jevaun: "Yeah, why don't you do something about it instead of moping all the time? Jeez."
Magore: "Hey Jevaun, let's turn our backs to her and look at the view-screen as the ship jumps into Transwarp. I can't enjoy the transition with her in my visual range."
Jevaun: "Yeah, good idea Magore."
They both turn as the Nirovoule jumps into Transwarp, leaving the Starfleet ships behind. The Nirovoule speeds through the conduit, catching up with the Trance.
Memphis: "Dag-sornit! They have the ability to use Transwarp too?? Is someone, like, giving that ability away or something?"
-Armond: "It's over, Memphis! That Transphasic torpedo technology is ours. Not to mention the hair-growth technology."
Memphis: "Oh is it? You got it from the future!"
-Armond: "Yes, but we worked so hard on those Transphasic torpedoes - in the future that is. What I'm saying, is that it's Starfleet technology! Or, it will be."
-Monique: "Why don't you create your own technology? Are you so inept that you can't fend for yourselves??"
Memphis: "Just because you're sitting in the Captain's chair, doesn't give you the authority to shout out random stuff. We'll be taking this technology for ourselves thank you very much. If your Federation gets it for nothing, then so do we! It's only fair."
All of a sudden, a bunch of Turismo crewpeople beam onto the Bridge, aiming weapons.
Jevaun: "Nobody move! These rifles are of laser technology!"
Skrilax: "Laser technology? It would take all of you converging your laser beams into one spot just to make a force equal to the lowest setting on a phaser."
Jevaun: "Fine! Then that's what we'll do, smart guy!"
All the Turismo's, scattered throughout the room, aim their weapons at Skrilax and fire. Skrilax is knocked to his knees in pain.
Skrilax: "Ough!! I didn't think you'd actually do it! That freakin' hurt! Now I'm going to have to bandage this bruise and avoid putting any pressure on it. Well thank you very much!"
Jevaun: "Sorry. We only did it because we're tired of your stealing ways."
Memphis: "Yes but who are you to judge our stealing ways? What we do has been passed down from generation to generation. It's a part of our culture!"
RaeLuna: "Is it part of your culture to falsify your intentions, move in, and pillage an unsuspecting world of its technological resources? Huh! Is it?"
Skrilax: "Do we insult your people's ways?"
RaeLuna: "You did... ten years ago."
Memphis: "Wait a second. RaeLuna, is that you? I thought you went on to create a second branch of Fragma vessels? We were going to all meet up at the holiday party?"
RaeLuna: "At one point in time, yes. But then I had a change of heart. Now I'm on the side of good and all that is righteous. All because I remembered an insult you paid me before I left."
Skrilax: "What insult? All we said was 'Good luck out there.'"
RaeLuna: "Exactly! Saying the words 'out there' is an insult to my people. You hurt me in more ways than you could imagine by indulging in your wordly fantasies!"
Armond: "Aha! While you guys were talking, the Tech-Team and I were able to transform your Captain's chair into a type of force-field destabilizing technology!"
Memhpis: "Nooooooo!!! Where will I sit!?!?!"
Armond: "You should have thought of that before you followed your culture's normal ways!"
Monique: "So long, suckers!"
The Tech-Team and the Turismo group all beam back to the Nirovoule.
Elsewhere, the Phoenix-X undocks Teketekon station and rotates around to face the imposing Silillian starship Ascent.
Cell: "It's time for you to stand down, Mishima!"
Seifer: "Yeah, because you really don't stand a chance against us."
>Mishima: "Egotistical. That's exactly what all you Starfleet types are like!"
Seifer: "There's a course on it at the Academy too."
>Mishima: "Well we refuse to stand down! We're omni'X - that means, we're part omnipotent. So we fear nothing a mortal has to threaten us with!"
Cell: "Has it come to this, Mishima? Turning against each other when we're on the same side?"
>Mishima: "You never fully accepted your powers, Captain Cell. You don't know what it means to be an X."
Cell: "If by meaning, you mean 'obsession with power' - then yeah I don't."
>Mishima: "Obsession? More like privlidge! We omni'X were bestowed this power for a reason - because we have something within ourselves no others have - even when we were mortal we had it. It's something special, Captain. One day you'll have to realize that."
He taps a button, causing the Ascent to fire a torpedo at the Phoenix-X. The Phoenix-X shakes, weakened in the shields.
Cell: "Hey! That was rude."
The Captain nods to Amp, at Tactical, who fires a Transphasic torpedo at the Ascent.
The Ascent explodes in a blaze of horror! But the entire omni'X crew are left hovering in space, with singed clothing. They are not destroyed, due to their immense power.
Mishima: "Oh great! That was our first starship! Now we have to go find another one!"
Wakita, floats over: "Hey, lets get a Turismo one next. I heard they won an imitation Jalhal Award for them."
Mishima: "Fine then. But you lead the group. It's hard enough for all of us to fly around space in flock formation."
Cora: "Ooo! Can we fly in a 'V' formation? I like to call it the flying-V."
Throk: "Anything to get on with this. I just want to increase my power and join that X-Continuum. Oh man. It's going to start any day now. I can feel it!"
The group of omni'X fly away into deep space. Meanwhile, the U.S.S. Cedar and U.S.S. Rune track the course of the Transwarp conduits.
Lara: "Sir, it looks like the Turismo went this way, and the Fragma went the other way!"
Blade: "Which of them are the least dangerous?"
Lara: "The Turismo, sir."
Blade: "Very well. Tell the Cedar to follow the Fragma. We'll follow the Turismo."
Lara: "Your discretion knows no bounds."
Blade: "Well the last thing we want is to deal with that Transphasic torpedo crap. You never know when Time-travelling Starfleet will arrive to heroically fix things."
Lara: "But they did arrive, five minues ago! How do you think we even know about the Transphasic torpedoes?"
Blade: "Damn! You mean they forgot to erase our memories of talking about it? That is such carelessness!"
Lara: "They said we'd probably not have any effect on major future events, even if we did know."
Blade: "Time-travelling Starfleet thinks they're so noble. I'd like to punch them in the face."
Lara: "What would be the point? They have access to the temporal reset button."
Blade: "Yeah, I guess you're right. That's the button in which makes everything go into a flash and then back to normal, right?"
Lara: "Yes, Captain."
Blade: "I'm usually never prepared for that flash."
All of a sudden, the Nirovoule drops Transwarp and approaches Teketekon station.
Magore: "Well here we are, back to safety."
Armond: "That's great. Except the Fragma got away with everything!"
>Cell: "Phoenix-X to Turismo vessel. You will move or be destroyed by our newly found power."
>Cell: "Oh it's you guys. That was close. I wasn't even going to give you a chance to respond."
>Seifer: "We're a little anxious to be getting on with our business and destroying our enemies. In the meantime, you're relieved Ensign Dan!"
>Ensign Dan: "Bloody hell."
>Seifer: "Phew. That should hold me off."
Borne: "But what about the Tech-Team? What happens to us now?"
>Cell: "Why don't you stay on Teketekon station with the rest of the Tech-Team? I mean, it makes sense."
Borne: "I suppose it does. Thanks for the advice, Captain!"
>Cell: "You're welcome."
The Nirovoule beams the surviving Tech-Team onto the station, and Armond and Monique onto the Phoenix-X. Then, the Phoenix-X and Nirovoule both turn around in space and transwarp out of there. Five minutes later, the U.S.S. Cedar drops warp and approaches the station, busting all the Tech-Team and Obsidian Order people.
A week later, the Tech-Team is brought to justice in Federation Court on Earth.
Bennet: "We hereby find the group 'Tech-Team' an invalid secret organization that is guilty of circumventing Starfleet Corps of Engineers. Do you have anything to say for yourselves?"
Borne: "It was Section 31 that made us do it! Ask them!"
Bennet: "Hah. That's a good one. But Section 31 doesn't exist! Not that we know of or acknowledge anyway. In any case, you're going to jail! How does Rura Penthe sound?"
Borne: "I heard they upgraded that place to 5-star hotel status."
Bennet: "Then that's where you're going, smart guy!"
Meanwhile, the crew of the Phoenix-X watch the proceedings from a view-screen at Starbase 55.
Nelkast: "I suppose we could have done something about that."
Elena: "But then again, that Tech-Team has run out its usefulness to us."
Cell: "What are you talking about? They created the only working Transwarp engine."
Nelkast: "Based on whale probe schematics. Anyone could have done that."
Elena: "Now if you'll excuse us, we have Hendricks' hair-graying appointment in two minutes."
Nelkast: "Sigh. There is just no end to our conspiracies."
They both leave their office. Klokian and RaeLuna enter a minute later.
RaeLuna: "I just wanted to thank you for reuniting me with my estranged father."
Klokian: "Klokian not know Klokian have daughter."
Cell: "All in a days work. Besides, I thought you could teach him a thing or two about not being evil anymore."
RaeLuna: "That I could, Captain. But I'm afraid I'll be doing it on the Turismo homeworld."
Cell: "Whatchutalkin'bout RaeLuna?"
RaeLuna: "I've decided to help them recover what I once was responsible for making them lose. Think of it as a form of penance."
Cell: "Yeah, but what about Starfleet Academy? I thought you were going to join?"
RaeLuna: "Perhaps in time. But first I have to do this. Besides, I have an extra-long lifespan, thanks to my Klokian heritage."
Cell: "Well in that case, good luck out ther-- Oops. I mean, just good luck."
RaeLuna: "Thanks, Captain."
Klokian: "Klokian want omni brains. Bllleeeehhhh!"
RaeLuna: "Haha! He's so silly at times."
She drags him out of the office. Cell turns and taps his commbadge.
Cell: "Captain Cell to Phoenix-X."
#Seifer: "Phoenix-X here. We have located the Tree species' Fleet location."
Cell: "Excellent. They're in for it now, those environmentalist bastards! Oh by the way, did you remember to recycle the J3 torpedo casings?"
#Seifer: "Yep. They were repackaged into Transphasic torpedoes aswell-- which, by the way, were called J47 torpedoes."
Cell: "Oh yeah. Send the J47 schematics to Starfleet Corps of Engineers via anonymous patron. I'm sure they'd enjoy the little surprise."
#Seifer: "But, sir. That goes against everything we believe in!"
Cell: "Hey, if in eight years we haven't been able to figure out that technology, then there's no way in hell Corps of Engineers'll figure out that technology in any less time."
#Seifer: "Aye, Captain."
Hours later - a bunch of guys on Earth in Starfleet Corps of Engineers receive the anonymous schematics.
Larry: "What the heck? Someone sent us blueprints on a new type of torpedo!"
Phil: "Interesting. Let's take a look."
The activate the view-screen.
Phil: "Oh that's easy."
He walks over to a parts-table.
Phil: "We just take one of these....... and then one of these...... and add to this.... and then.... VOILA! The new torpedo."
Larry: "Nice work, Phil."
Phil: "Hey want to go have lunch in the technology garden?"
Larry: "Sure. Those mechanical plants we invented process the Earth's oxygen way better than any organic plant could."
They both leave to enjoy the fruits of their genius.