Star Trek: Phoenix-X
Departments
The Captain sits in his Ready Room, behind his desk, bored.
Cell: “Hmm...”
He looks around at his empty office-like room.
Cell: “I know I’m supposed to do something...?”
He starts twiddling his thumbs.
Cell: “But what...?”
He suddenly remembers.
Cell: “Oh yeah!”
The Captain then enters the Bridge for a moment, where everyone is busy doing something.
Cell: “You people call this hard work? Get your asses in gear!!”
He then returns to his Ready Room with a feeling of a job well done.
Later, the Phoenix-X drops Warp and approaches Earth.
Seifer: “Why have you called us here?”
>Nelkast: “Section 31 wants you to meet with a Technician from the X-Team, for the development of a new technology.”
Seifer: “Oh! What kind of technology?”
>Elena: “A device that can manipulate tritanuim plating.”
>Nelkast: “It can also be used to inscribe messages on the plating.”
He holds up a piece of metal with the inscription -Do Not Scratch- on it.
On Earth, Lieutenant Commander Armond enters an empty Technology Research Lab. There he picks up a transmission from a ship in orbit.
>Cell: “Armond!”
Armond: “Captain?”
>Seifer: “Hey.”
Armond: “Commander?”
>Cell: “It’s great to see you again, Armond.”
Armond: “Heh, heh. Well if it isn’t the Phoenix-X crew! I always wondered when I’d see you again. How have things been going?”
>Cell: “Very good, Armond. We’re here to pick up a Technician on your Team, the X-Team.”
Armond: “Oh we don’t like to be called that any more. We prefer, the Transwarp Research Team.”
>Seifer: “Why don’t you just call yourselves Operation Blown Cover?”
>Cell: “He’s supposed to assist us in the operation of a Tritanium Device?”
Armond: “Oh, yes. I know which project you’re talking about. I’ll contact him as soon as possible for you.”
>Cell: “Great! ...In the meantime, how have things been going with you? It looks as if everything’s going well since you seem to still be on the Research Team.”
Armond, rubs the back of his neck, trying to avoid eye contact: “Oh... yeah, yeah. Heh, heh. Of course. It’s all just sitcoms and cartoons here...”
Someone from a back room can be heard moving stuff around.
Armond: “Well, I have to go now. I’ll talk to you guys later.”
The screen clicks off, in the Briefing Room.
Cell: “Was it just me, or did that seem strange to you?”
Seifer: “I felt an awkwardness that I don’t think I’ll ever recover from.”
He cries.
Meanwhile, at Starfleet Headquarters, a Lieutenant goes through Planetary Traffic on a control panel in an Operations Room.
Detail: “Where’s that Ferengi Freightor? ...I’m dying for yak cheese!”
He stops, noticing a log.
Detail: “Hmm... what’s the Phoenix-X doing here?”
The sky is blue, and day is nice and hot as RaeLuna is surrounded by crowds of people. She walks down the streets in China, looking around.
Norlac: “Welcome to Earth!”
Some alien offers her free Chinese food samples.
RaeLuna: “Thanks.”
She continues around, taking holo-pictures and passing the Forbidden City.
RaeLuna: “I thought this place was destroyed in World War III?”
Norlac, walks over: “Oh yes, but since then we have rebuilt many places to perfect accuracy. We even made them look old. Heck, some buildings are about to collapse!”
The Technician, Robert Beck, tries helping Seifer and GoyCho in the Tech Lab on the Phoenix-X.
Beck: “Alright, uhhh, just put the thing... yeah, and on that thing... move it to the circle part... Haha! That guy’s name is GoyCho!”
Seifer slams down the Device in frustration: “Argh!! ...I can’t work under these conditions. You are such a moron!”
Beck: “Hey dude. You’re totally not following directions.”
Seifer leaves the Lab and makes his way to a Communications Room. There, Lox, is conversing with Starfleet Medical.
Lox: “Oh, uhh... Yeah, I’m completely qualified to work as a Doctor...”
He hides his How To Work As A Doctor Even If You’re Not Qualified book.
>Beverly: “Very well then. Starfleet out.”
Seifer opens communications with Starfleet Intelligence.
>Jade: “Can we help you, Phoenix-X?”
Seifer: “Yeah, that Technician you sent us from Transwarp Research? He’s a complete idiot! I want another guy up here.”
>Jade: “Uhh, we’re sorry to tell you this, but the Transwarp Research Team was discontinued six years ago.”
Seifer: “I’m talking about the X-Team... You know, Project-X?”
>Jade: “Yeah... they’ve been gone for a while.”
The communication clicks off, and Seifer is left astonished and shocked.
Lox: “Hey, you look like you need a Doctor.”
All of a sudden he just leaves.
Lox: “Well seeya!”
Cell beams down to Earth, to the Building where Armond’s Research Team works. He converses with Armond in a Lab.
Armond, fixing tools: “Well, things between me and Monique haven’t been going so well lately.”
Cell: “What do you mean? ...You’re not pregnant are you?”
Armond: “There hasn’t been a case of male pregnancy for over 300 years!”
Cell: “Hey you never know.”
Armond: “No... it’s just normal things. We just haven’t been getting along.”
Cell, nods: “Because of the pregnancy...”
Armond: “There’s no pregnancy! ...She’s staying over at her Mother’s right now.”
Cell: “Oh. Armond, I’m sorry.”
Armond: “Don’t worry about it, Captain.”
Detail meets with Admiral Janeway in her Office.
Janeway: “Can I help you, Lieutenant?”
Detail, holding a padd: “You have to see this! ...It’s the Phoenix-X. They’re in orbit of Earth right now! The question is, what are they doing here? What are their real plans? There’s a conspiracy going on!"
Janeway: “They’ve been here before. Lieutenant, they’re just here for routine mission briefing.”
He goes up to Captain Boday, who is leaning against the far wall.
Detail: “Think about it. A ship that nobody has any real knowledge about? The database is sketchy at best!”
Boday: “Lieutenant, you’re trying my patience! Stop trying to try my patience!”
Detail, stops trying: “Sorry, sir.”
RaeLuna beams into several Cities, having a look around, including, Moscow, England, Paris, and San Francisco.
RaeLuna: “What a fascinating world.”
Norlac: “You bet it is.”
RaeLuna, jumps: “Ah! ...Have you been following me?”
Norlac: “Well you seemed so nice.”
RaeLuna: “Get away!”
She stops, suddenly noticing a large building across the street where Hover Craft fly to and from. At the Café, where she is at, the Security Guard gets rid of Norlac.
Gunther: “Sorry about that, ma’am.”
RaeLuna: “What’s that place?”
Gunther: “Oh, that’s Starfleet Academy. Better get out of here soon, because it’s about to be filled with annoying teenager Cadets. You know how out of control those Cadets are!”
The Phoenix-X orbits Earth, and Beck tries helping in Engineering.
Kugo: “Hey, don’t touch that Engine!”
Beck: “Awesome...! Did you know I helped design this thing? Look, this compartment doesn’t do anything! I just put it there for jokes. Hahahaha!”
He opens and closes a compartment when suddenly Seifer enters.
Seifer: “What’s going on here? Starfleet Intelligence has no clue about your Research Team!”
Beck: “Dude! Are you like... mad at me?”
Seifer: “No...”
He tries to maintain his patience.
Seifer: “Yes!!”
Beck: “Dude, that is not cool.”
Kugo: “We do not comprehend this -cool- language you speak of.”
Beck: “Hey do you wanna go out, like on a date sometime?”
Seifer, pushes him: “Pay attention! The Research Team is practically non-existent at Starfleet Intelligence!”
Beck: “What Research Team?”
Seifer: “Your... research... team...”
Beck: “Well duh. Six years ago, intelligence received a report from the Phoenix-X, telling them that the Transwarp Drive Project had failed.”
Seifer: “What report?”
Beck: “A... report...”
Seifer: “We never sent a report!!!”
Beck: “Yeah, that was the whole point.”
Seifer: “Argh!!!”
He pulls his hair.
Captain Cell rings the doorbell to a House in Arizona. Monique answers it.
Monique: “Captain!?”
Cell: “Monique! ...What’s up?”
Monique: “What do I owe the pleasure?”
Cell: “It’s Armond. Why the break-up?”
Monique: “...Oh. Well, it’s nothing. We just haven’t been getting along.”
Cell: “That’s it?”
He tries thinking of possible reasons.
Cell: “Bad sex?”
Monique: “No! ...It’s the Device schematics we were working on. Our opinions differ. He thinks it should be configured with a plasma energy circuit; I think the operations chip needs more id tags...”
They both take a seat at the stairs. The neighborhood is peaceful.
Cell, shakes his head in disappointment: “Monique... I performed your wedding.”
Monique: “I know, Captain. I still love him. It’s just that he can be so stubborn at times.”
Cell: “Will you talk to him? He’s very preoccupied with this.”
Monique: “Not until he learns his lesson!”
She gets up and leaves.
Cell: “Hey! I didn’t dismiss you!”
Over at Starfleet Headquarters, Lieutenant Detail enters a Transporter Room.
Detail: “Contact the Phoenix-X.”
Lopez: “Yes, sir.”
>Ensign Dan: “Phoenix-X, here.”
Detail: “Yes, I would like to request the boarding of me onto your ship.”
>Ensign Dan: “No way! We have secret--- uhh, I mean, non-secret stuff up here.”
Detial: “I would just like a tour, that’s all.”
>Ensign Dan: “Oh yeah? ...Why?”
Detail gets nervous, having not expected to be asked that: “Umm... well... uhh...”
>Targon, walks over: “What goes on here!? You’re are not supposed to be here!”
>Ensign Dan: “Yes I am. I’m on duty!”
>Targon: “You’re relieved!!”
>He pushes the Ensign away: “Aaaahh!”
>Targon, faces the screen: “Now, what is it that you pathetic Human’s want!?”
Detail: “Nothing!”
He clicks the screen off in fear.
RaeLuna beams back to the Phoenix-X, and enters the Bridge.
Seifer: “Welcome back. How was your tour?”
RaeLuna: “Great, Commander. You’ll never guess what I saw!”
Seifer: “Earth stuff?”
He tries working at a control panel at the back of the Bridge.
RaeLuna: “Starfleet Academy! ...Is that really where you learn to be an Officer?”
Seifer, nods: “Those are the rumours.”
RaeLuna: “What kinds of things do you learn there?”
Seifer: “You know... Star... things...”
He tries going through Intelligence files.
Seifer: “Hmm... That’s strange.”
RaeLuna: “You are not even listening to me.”
Seifer: “Yes I am, Kugo.”
RaeLuna, leaves: “I’ll be looking up more information on the Academy at my local Library.”
Captain Cell enters the Bridge, meeting up with Seifer.
Cell: “Argh... Dealing with those two is a pain!”
Seifer, finishes his research: “Captain?”
Cell: “Armond and Monique... it’s impossible to work with them or get them back together.”
Seifer: “Ohhh... and after that Wedding you performed for them and everything...”
Just then, a transmission from the surface is routed to them.
Cell: “On screen.”
>Armond: “I just wanted to see how it was going with Beck?”
Seifer: “That guy is a complete idiot! How the hell did he get on your Team anyway??”
>Armond: “I don’t know. I heard through passive-elective voting.”
Cell: “We think that we can develop the device to also manipulate regenerative alloys.”
>Armond: “Really? I thought that was impossible.”
Cell: “Thanks to the testing on the Phoenix-X... which has kind of gone slacked.”
>Armond: “Yeah, that Beck is more of a surfer... -dude-.”
Seifer: “I don’t get it... Starfleet Intelligence says you don’t exist... But here you are!”
He shakes his head.
Seifer: “Am I in the mirror Universe??”
Cell: “We were there last week and we got out remember!?”
Seifer: “Oh yeah. That mirror Seifer was one attractive fellow.”
>Armond: “No, you see, we’re not run by Starfleet Intelligence. We’re supported by...”
The lights dim around him.
>Armond: “Section 31...!!”
Seifer, gasps: “Gasp!!!”
Cell: “I do not appreciate your Gasping on my Bridge.”
Seifer: “Section 31? But they’ve only been working with us recently.”
>Armond: “Yes, I know. They used Starfleet Intelligence to their advantage with our Team. Without us, there would be no Phoenix-X.”
Cell: “Oh please, Armond. Look at you talking like you know stuff. You only started working there!”
>Armond: “Hey, I like to sound important. It makes me feel good.”
Seifer: “So even your Team is working for Section 31?”
>Armond: “Yeah... But to Starfleet, we’re just a simple Research Team.”
Seifer: “...And your title?”
>Armond: “Operation Blown Cover. We study the effects of Convertible’s and their top’s being blown off during speedings.”
Seifer: “I see.”
>Armond: “We’re actually going to start Researching Conjoined Potatoes next. You know, supposedly.”
Cell: “Oh! I was going to say, we’re already doing a Study on those. Okay, well, we’ll contact you again. Phoenix-X out.”
Armond turns off the screen in the Operations Floor of the Research Building, when he turns and notices Monique entering through the doors.
Monique: “Armond...”
Armond: “...Oh. Hey Monique.”
He goes about his work, acting normal.
Monique: “Look... why don’t we just talk things over. I mean, the Captain did go through all the trouble of meeting with us.”
Armond: “I don’t know Monique. I’ve been cut deep... guts deep.”
Monique: “We can try.”
Armond: “Alright...”
He walks over to her.
Armond: “I’ve missed you.”
Monique: “Let’s just put this whole schematics thing behind us.”
Armond: “We could come to a compromise.”
They go over to the schematics hovering on a holo-grid.
Armond: “You see? These are the changes the Phoenix-X made to the Tritanium Device. They’re pretty close to what I suggested.”
Monique, checks it: “Oh come on. That’ll overload the processor chip!”
Armond: “What are you talking about? It’s ten times more efficient now.”
Monique: “Look at that circuit. That’s completely outrageous!”
Armond: “You’re outrageous! I don’t even know what outrageous means in a sentence!!”
Monique: “That’s it! I’m out of here!!”
She stomps her way out the Operations Floor.
Lieutenant Detail sits in a dark room, going through files on a Computer Console.
Detail: “Hmm... The Phoenix-X Intelligence File says that they’re a Research vessel... But are they...?”
The lights in the room suddenly turn on and people jump out from behind Computer frames, throwing confetti and balloons in the air: “Surprise!!”
Felane: “Happy Birthday Captain Boday!”
Detail: “Aah!! It’s not my Birthday!”
Suddenly Captain Boday enters: “What? Huh? A surprise Birthday party?”
Detail: “Captain?”
Boday: “Well, now... what do you know. I never knew you had it in you, Detail. Thanks!”
Detail: “Huh?”
Boday goes over to the crowd of people and starts eating cake. Detail just deactivates his screen.
Detail: “But--!? ...Oh, forget it.”
Seifer enters 10-Forward where Beck and Kugo are having a drink.
Beck: “Uh oh. Here comes the Commander.”
Seifer: “Beck. I need to have a word with you.”
Beck: “You’re not going to kick me again, are you?”
Seifer: “Yes.”
He kicks him.
Beck: “Owe dude!!”
Suddenly, RaeLuna approaches.
RaeLuna: “Commander, I just wanted to have a word with you.”
Seifer: “I’m kind of busy at the moment... --Beck. I want you off this Ship.”
RaeLuna: “But, sir. It’s about Starfleet Academy.”
Beck: “Dude, you want me off your Ship?”
Seifer: “RaeLuna, now’s not the time!”
Kugo: “Perhaps I should leave you two to your business?”
Seifer: “Yes, your incompetence is unparalleled.”
RaeLuna: “Does Starfleet Academy teach Command Structuring?”
Beck: “Well, I guess I can try, with my limp leg that you kicked and all...”
He gets up.
Seifer: “And one more thing--”
RaeLuna: “Commander. Do they or do they not?”
Seifer: “You’re an idi--”
RaeLuna: “Commander--”
Seifer: “What??”
RaeLuna: “Does the Academy teach such programs?”
Seifer: “I-- don’t know...”
Beck limps out of 10-Forward.
Seifer: “Yes? ...They also teach Astrometrics... Engineering... Combat Training.”
RaeLuna: “Really? That’s fascinating.”
Seifer: “If you’re that interested, I can get you a complete course outline for the First year.”
RaeLuna: “Okay, sir. That would be great.”
Seifer runs off after Beck, leaving RaeLuna with Kugo.
Kugo: “So... this is awkward.”
Captain Cell, GoyCho and Beck go over the Device in the Technology Research Lab.
Cell: “This is great work, Beck.”
Seifer enters.
Beck, gets his things: “Yeah, yeah, I was just leaving.”
Cell: “Leaving? But you’ve done an excellent job so far with the Device.”
Seifer: “He has?”
GoyCho: “Yeah. We’ve completely recalibrated it. See?”
He picks up the device and carves a message into a piece of tritainium, -Warning, a Piece of Metal-.
GoyCho: “The R’s are bit off. They look like P’s. But we can work with it.”
Seifer: “Well, I’ll be!”
He pats Beck on the back.
Cell: “You’ll be what?”
Seifer: “I don’t know... I’ll just be.”
Cell: “I see. Well done, Commander.”
Seifer: “Thank you, sir.”
Armond takes a stroll down the corridors of the Phoenix-X. He bumps into Monique.
Monique: “Huh? What are you doing here?”
Armond: “Just taking a stroll down Memory Lane.”
He looks up at the corridor sign with that labeling.
Monique: “Me too. I really don’t know why we ever named the corridors like streets.”
Armond: “Heh. We’ve had some good times here.”
Monique, nods: “Yeah...”
Armond: “I’ve heard they’ve taken on a killer Android.”
Monique: “Oh yeah. And isn’t there supposed to be a Hologram Virus that looks exactly like you?”
Armond, nods: “Yeah... Heh, heh. What will they think of next?”
Suddenly, a big floating Head floats by.
Floating Head: “Hi!”
Monique: “Armond. Let’s just put this whole schematics thing behind us.”
Armond: “I agree. We were wrong to fight over something like this.”
Monique: “I suppose the processor chip will be okay, if replaced every two years.”
Armond: “Yeah, and I could stand to have them cut down on the power circuits.”
They hug each other.
Armond: “Come on. Let’s go home.”
They walk down the hall towards the Transporter Room.
Floating Head, cries a tear: “That is so beautiful...”
Detail is in the Starfleet Headquarters Operations Room when they detect traffic throughout the Planet.
Savven: “Sir, the Phoenix-X is preparing to leave orbit.”
Boday: “Very good then. Send them our blessings.”
Savven: “Yes sir!”
He sends an E-Card through a transmission. It’s an animation of cute puppy doing tricks.
Boday: “That’s not what I meant. You’re fired, Savven!”
Savven, looks down sad: “Aww...”
Detail watches on screen as it shows the Phoenix-X jumping to Warp: “I know there’s more to you... I just know it.”
Boday: “Who are you talking to?”
Detail: “No one, sir.”
Section 31 contacts the Phoenix-X.
>Elena: “Greetings. How has the development of the Tritainum Device been going?”
Cell: “Pretty well, Elena.”
Seifer, holds up a piece of metal: “Look. I carved my name into it!”
He checks the spelling.
Seifer: “Who is Seifep?”
Cell: “We also returned that Technician.”
Seifer: “Why didn’t you tell us the Transwarp Research Team was working with you guys?”
>Elena: “Oh. I suppose we forgot to mention it.”
>Nelkast: “Well, we hope you enjoyed visiting Earth. Because it will be the last time you be there for a long, long, time... Hahahaha!”
>Elena: “You fool. They have to go back there next week for a Dental Technology!”
>Nelkast: “Oh. But hasn’t mankind developed dentistry as far as it will go?”
>Elena: “There is no limit to dentistry.”
Seifer: “Well, at least someone got something really good out of visiting Earth.”
Cell: “Who?”
Seifer: “This floating Head.”
A floating Head enters the Bridge.
Seifer: “Oh, and RaeLuna might’ve gotten something.”
Meanwhile, in a Computer Lab, RaeLuna goes over piles of Starfleet texts on-screen; learning more about information and lessons from the Academy.
THE END
