For the World is Worldly and Such, Part I
The Prometheus-class U.S.S. Phoenix-X sat out in space, while its Commanding officer, Seifer, worked tirelessly at a report in his Ready Room.
"Sir, are you okay?" Kugo asked, stepping in.
Seifer looked up, not even remembering the door chime or himself letting the Vulcan in. "But-- how?"
"As Chief engineer, it's my duty to practice breaking locks in case of an eventual and likely Ferengi take-over," she explained.
Seifer nodded in agreement. "Ah! Good work. I'd like for you to break in to everyone's Quarters by end of day. It doesn't matter what time. As for me, well, if you must know, I've been trying to punch up my reports. I don't think anyone has been reading them? Should I make them funnier? Like, really, really, try hard on the jokes?"
"Humor is irrelevant. Your writing style just doesn't fit where you are posting them. As a consolation, perhaps animated pictures on loop would suffice."
The Commander snapped. "Yes! Brilliant! It's a wonder why Command won't give me a promotion. Not to mention, how is it that a Commander is the Captain of a starship? How does that even work??"
"No matter one's rank, one who is in command of any starship is referred to as Captain."
Seifer sighed some relief. "Well, that's good to know. Thank you, Kugo."
"You're welcome, Commander."
The Trill glanced over to her. "Anyway, did you find out what happened to that Warp engine depot at Farius Prime? Who would steal those things, other than the obvious Orion Syndicate?"
"Local investigations are still underway. Since the Syndicate pretty much runs everything over there, they're ruling out the Syndicate."
Seifer put his padd down. "Sounds logical; but it was your recommendation we acquire a select few engine parts from there, given the fact the Phoenix-X has transwarp capabilities."
"Yes. As a second option, I believe the parts I require can be make-shifted using a massive amount of duct tape; that, and staples."
The Commander stood up. "No. I hold that only the best parts are meant for us: the crew with the most heart! We're going to head over to that planet and see if we can poke our business into other people's business. That always goes over well, right? Prime Direct-what? Exactly."
Later, the Phoenix-X dropped transwarp at Farius Prime. There, they were met with five Orion corvette starships.
"Cease and desist! This is a direct order from the Farius authorities, who may or may not also be Syndicate operatives. --You can't prove nuffing!" barked an Orion male, named Ginyo, over the view screen.
Seifer held up his hand. "Relax. We're here for the illegal trading; your engine depot to be more specific."
"What? Starfleet would never approve of non-regulation parts, unless you were lost in the Delta Quadrant--- Were you lost in the Delta Quadrant? Because it seems like that's a thing that would happen easily."
The Commander took a seat. "We're a transwarp test ship, so we're allowed to improvise for research purposes. Last week, we installed a basketball court. We had to uninstall it for canon reasons, though."
"I know not of what you speak, but our depot was raided, mysteriously, a few days ago. Our investigations are underway. If you are picturing two thugs, flicking toothpicks at the crime scene, you are probably right."
Seifer rolled his eyes. "Can we take a look, then?"
"That will cost you! Two bars of latinum, and your finest female."
To that, everyone instinctively looked around at each other on the Bridge. Lieutenant Kayl quickly fixed her hair and sat up straight to present herself.
"How about, No? And you accept our free help?" Seifer turned to the view screen.
"Oh, fine. Have it your way. You know, you Starfleet-types need to lighten up. There's nothing wrong with illegal activities and chauvinistic attitudes. We also enslave children!" The screen then blinked off in anger, and the three ships veered out of the way.
The Phoenix-X approached solar orbital space station Farius Beta, which was half destroyed and leaking warp plasma. Scans indicated energy weapons damage and high-powered transporter signatures.
"I'm betting their insurance company isn't happy about this-- knowing insurance companies as I do," Seifer bragged.
Kayl glanced over. "You're just repeating what Armond said five minutes ago."
"Huh? Oh, yeah. I just wanted to try it out," Seifer reassured before turning to his tactical officer. "Armond, you got lucky with that one."
Armond nodded. "Thank you, sir. And, speaking of observations, I'm also reading a giant asteroid off the port bow. No time for measurements---"
Everyone's attention went to the view screen, which showed the approach of an asteroid, as if being controlled on its own. The Phoenix-X was quickly hailed by the asteroid.
"What is this?? The Farius authorities usually are done with their investigation by now??" a pale man said from the view screen.
Seifer stepped up. "We're taking over what happened here, which is so obviously you. I think. Isn't it? Begin your exposition, if you don’t mind."
"Of course it is! I just returned because I dropped my wallet. The last thing I want is to have to renew all my Ferengi credit cards."
The Commander rolled his eyes. "No one uses wallets in the 24th century."
"The Fabrini do! Didn't you notice how we dressed when your kind first met us?? Robes! And so on. Our fashion and daily habits are little behind, but our advanced technology and medicine makes up for it."
Seifer paused. "Wait. Then why do you need warp cores??"
"Wouldn't you like to know? Heh, heh. Hehehehehe!" The man then pulled himself together. "Seriously, though. That's personal. You Federation-types are so nosy. Oooooh! I could pinch you!"
The screen then cut out and the asteroid turned in space and jumped to warp.
Red turned from the helm. "Shall we pursue course, Commander?"
"I think?" Seifer replied, still perplexed by his interaction. "Yes. Yes, let's do more of this."