Star Trek: Phoenix-X
The U.S.S. Grolier sits in deep space, running horrible, unexplainable experiments.
Beck: "Technician's log, stardate 54014-point-1. My team within the Corps of Engineers has once again been recruited by Section 31 to help them in their devious plans of universal domination. In my opinion, that's hilarious! Now, for two centuries the organization has been in possession of a rather powerful timeship. This ship is none other than Berlinghoff Rasmussen's time-pod from the 26th century. Our mission is to integrate the temporal displacement drive from this pod into the Grolier. So far, things are going great!"
Down in Main Engineering, officers and agents are everywhere trying to get the new time-travelling systems online. Beck is approached by the Captain.
Cassandra: "You have no right to take over my ship and gut her for your evil experiments!"
Beck: "I prefer to think of it more as a deep-seeded dissection."
The Section 31 agent on duty quickly walks over.
Karne: "Hey! Did the thought-maker stop working again? Section 31 purchased this thing for a large amount of latinum. Latinum that we don't have! There was a large amount of funds borrowed from the Orion Syndicate earlier this year."
He takes out a circular device and smacks it with his hand a few times until it lights up again. Captain Cassandra is suddenly back under its spell.
Cassandra: "As I was saying, you have done a great job taking over my ship and disemboweling her! Can I get you a raktajino mixed with coffee?"
Beck: "Nah. I had a prune juice before my shift."
Karne: "Alright, Captain. It's time for you to get back to aimlessly wandering the corridors."
He goes to escort her out of Engineering, when suddenly the ship jolts violently! A Borg class-4 tactical cube locks a tractor beam onto the Renaissance-class starship Grolier. The agent on the Bridge falls back into his chair in shock.
Sard: "Oh no!! This is it! We're all going to die!"
#Drones: "We are the Borg. Prepare to be assimilated."
Sard: "This is Agent Sard of the Grolier. Please do not assimilate?"
#Drones: "Your request is denied. Your distinctiveness will be added to our own."
The Borg immediately beam teams of drones onto the Grolier and begin injecting nano-probes into everyone's bodies. Screams are heard all throughout the ship. Eight drones break into Engineering and begin taking people there. It is then they discover the temporal displacement drive.
Karne: "We can't let them take the time-travelling device... Beck! Do something!"
Beck: "Look at them. They move so clumsily. It's like they just woke up. Hahahaha."
Karne: "Seriously? I mean... seriously??"
He quickly dodges a drone’s reach for him and accesses the computer. He inputs a code to set the warp core to overload.
#Computer: "Warning. Warp core over-load in 10 seconds."
Karne: "Computer, advance that timing by half."
#Computer: "Acknowledged. Warp core over-load in 5 seconds."
Drones quickly grab their assimilatees and beam back onto the Borg cube. One of the drones grabs Beck, places a transporter tag onto the temporal displacement drive and beams all three out.
Out in space, the cube backs off as the Grolier explodes into pieces. The cube then turns and jumps into transwarp back toward the Delta Quadrant. After some time at high speeds, the cube drops back into normal space and enters impulse.
Lieutenant Beck's assimilation process is interrupted by a command from the Queen. He sits up out of the metallic bed and slowly begins walking through the corridors until he reaches a section where the temporal displacement drive has been set up. His mindless state and connection to the hive mind is suddenly snapped out.
Beck: "Huh? Where am I?"
>Queen: "You have been brought out of the hive mind in order to assist us in accessing this time-travelling technology. You have encrypted it with an unpredictable code sequence based on rhythmic timing... A melody."
A holographic screen is activated nearby, displaying the Queen in all her gray-skinned glory.
Beck: "You mean the Borg doesn't have a sense of music?"
>Queen: "Unfortunately, we do not. But we did try to compete at a Qomarian opera, once. When we lost, we assimilated the entire theatre."
Beck: "Ouch. Well, unfortunately, all those decades we spent working on this thing, we reconfigured it to adapt to Federation systems. Even if I did release its access for you, it would not be compatible."
>Queen: "We have been assimilating technology for over 900 years, although our scans indicate that the current Borg aptitude is insufficient for the demands of this 29th century technology. This may take some time assimilating."
Beck: "Any way I can help, just let me know!"
>Queen: "Your compliance is noted. In the meantime, I must find a way into Unimatrix Zero."
Suddenly, the cube is attacked by another ship. A screen pops up, showing its attacker: the U.S.S. Voyager. Back at her unicomplex, the Queen gets an immediate notification of this.
Queen: "Tactical cube 138 is under attack."
She turns to a screen to see the same image that Beck is seeing.
Queen: "Our agenda must be adjusted. We will move Harry Kim's abduction after the Unimatrix Zero efforts and the cracking of the temporal displacement drive."
#Beck: "Are you sure you want to do that? You might completely forget about Harry. I'm always forgetting things I push back."
Queen: "Enhance grid 6-119."
The screen pans over to find the Delta Flyer infiltrating in toward Beck's cube.
Queen: "Captain... I expected something more cunning from you."
#Beck: "You mean Janeway? Yeah, she isn't exactly the best strategist. She got her ship lost! Hah!"
Queen: "It's time she met her fate."
#Beck: "Wait! That ship would be the perfect candidate for the temporal displacement drive. It looks Federation......ish. I'm almost certain that it will function with that vessel."
After a moment of thought, the Queen locks a tractor beam onto the ship. The occupants inside are met with drones and are quickly assimilated.
#Beck: "Perfect! There's something attractive about working with you Borg... It's like you value efficiency over hygiene."
Voyager warps out of there, as Beck and the temporal displacement drive are brought into a larger area where the Delta Flyer is kept. He assists in the installation of the drive into the small ship. During his break, he takes a stroll throughout the cube and accidentally bumps into an assimilated Captain Janeway.
Janeway: "Lieutenant? Identify yourself!"
Beck: "Lieutenant Beck of the Corps Engineers. I heard you were a bad strategist, but to get yourself assimilated while the rest of your ship gets away??"
Janeway: "If you must know, I have a suppressant that keeps me from being linked to the hive mind. We have infiltrated this cube in order to release a virus that will allow members of Unimatrix Zero to retain their memories of it."
Beck: "I've heard a lot about this Unimatrix Zero thing. Any chance I can get in when I get re-assimilated?"
Janeway: "No, Lieutenant. I'm ordering you to assist me in administering this to the Collective as a top priority."
Beck: "What? That's not fair. --Drones! Drones! Over here! It's Janeway!"
Janeway: "No, you can't!"
Suddenly two drones walk over and apprehend the Captain. She is dragged away, kicking and screaming.
Beck: "Hm... perhaps I over-reacted. I know! I'll go back and fix the timeline so that none of this ever happened."
He returns to the Delta Flyer to find that the temporal displacement drive has been successfully installed. He goes over to the drive's control panel and starts inputting the rhythmic code. The drone next to him waits patiently to assimilate him when it's done.
Beck: "The code is from this punk rock song I learned from the historical database, by a group called Edge of Etiquette. --LOOK OVER THERE!"
The drone slowly turns its head in the other direction, giving Beck the opportunity to activate the temporal displacement drive. In seconds the Delta Flyer disappears from the Borg cube. The drone then looks back to Beck having found nothing.
Beck: "Hahahaha! You should've seen your face! Hahahahahahahaha! Oh man, that's hilarious."
The Delta Flyer re-appears two days into the past, just before the cube destroyed the Grolier. He quickly incapacitates the remaining drones and hails the ship.
Sard: "Beck, what in the name of deviousness are you doing there??"
>Beck: "That's not what's important right now! You have to get out of here before the Borg arrive!"
Sard: "The Borg have been completely declawed in the last three years. I'm not afraid of them anymore."
>Beck: "Just because your perception of them has changed, doesn't mean their capabilities are any different! You're separating forehead-ridged Trills from spotted Trills!"
All of a sudden, as before, the class-4 tactical cube drops transwarp and locks a tractor beam onto the ship.
Sard: "Good analogy, Beck. I'm assuming you're from the future, since you carry so much wisdom?"
>Beck: "That, and I also don't want to see everyone die again. It's just a thing we visitors from the future are constantly obsessed with."
Sard: "Talk about stereotypes! Fortunately, we at Section 31 are not privy to this type-casting. There's more to time-travel than just changing the past."
>Beck: "There is?"
Sard: "Yes. Take James Kirk for example. In 2286, he time-travelled so that he could retrieve the humpback whales that would save humanity! It was that whole 'nuclear wessels' thing."
All of a sudden, the Borg disrupt their comm-channel. Beck then pilots the Delta Flyer around and attacks the Borg cube. The Borg immediately beam teams of drones onto the Grolier and inject nano-probes into everyone's bodies. In Engineering, Karne desperately accesses the computer and inputs a code to set the warp core to overload.
#Computer: "Warning. Warp core over-load in 10 seconds."
Karne: "Computer, advance that timing by three-quarters."
#Computer: "Acknowledged. Warp core over-load in 2-point-5 seconds."
On the Delta Flyer, Beck detects the overload and quickly taps at the temporal controls in an effort to dodge the repeated-history explosion. The Delta Flyer disappears out of normal time, and re-appears eight years later.
Cell: "Captain's log, stardate 62828-point-1. The Phoenix-X has rendezvoused with empty space in order to test out a device that Section 31 has provided for us. If all goes according to plan, we will be able to traverse a great distance and visit a place of strange and fascinating wonder! That's what they have written here, anyway. The truth is, the last time we were promised that, we ended up crashed-landed on an ice planet at the Delta-Beta Quadrant border. It was not fun."
A small, cylindrical, hand-held device is locked into a platform in Engineering. Another Beck joins Kugo at the controls.
Kugo: "It's nice to have you visiting aboard again, Beck. The last time you were here, you helped us travel to another galaxy."
Beck: "It's those little things I do for people that really makes my day worth-while."
He activates the device, but a high-frequency feedback shock is launched, in conjunction with the transwarp core, and damages the engines. The Bridge gets wind of the situation.
Seifer: "--Sir, it looks like the engines have been damaged beyond repair again!!"
Cell: "Dammit! That's the third time this week. Is it me? Am I doing something wrong to deserve this?"
Seifer: "Well, I didn't help by yelling. Perhaps we should all avoid yelling things on the Bridge. Elevated stress levels aren't good for your health."
Armond: "--Captain! I'm detecting a temporal distortion off the port bow. It is a Federation ship!!"
Seifer: "What did we just discuss?"
The screen clicks on, showing the Delta Flyer. The other Beck quickly hails them.
>Beck: "Greetings! I am from the future! Hahaha. Just kidding. I'm from the past. I time travelled here by accident. Any crazy changes happened since I was gone?"
Seifer: "Well, the Klingon Empire adopted the Remans. Wait - you're Beck, the Corps Engineer!?"
>Beck: "That's exactly right! But more to the point - that's exactly right... with more of a somber tone. --You see, I recently tried saving the Grolier from destruction and wasn't successful. The only conclusions I can draw for myself is that I let my crew down... and most of all, I've discovered that one should not attempt to change the past."
Seifer: "Don't say that! We change the past all the time! It's more of a weekend activity on our part."
Cell: "Beck, if what you say is true, then you hold a great power within your possession. The only question I have is... why the Delta Flyer??"
>Beck: "In 2377, the Borg Queen was about to destroy this ship before I saved it. It was the best logical choice. Now this Delta Flyer has the temporal displacement drive from Berlinghoff Rasmussen's 26th century time-pod."
Seifer: "You have that temporal engine?? The Phoenix-X was equipped with that thing three years ago and it caused us nothing but temporal doom!"
>Beck: "That's impossible. I'm from nine years in the past. There's no way you guys could have had this thing."
All of a sudden, the other Beck walks on to the Bridge.
Beck: "Anyone have the access code to the core closets? I know it was Moriarty-Alpha-2-4-something... But what is the rest of it?"
There's a sudden pause as everyone realizes there are two Becks.
>Beck: "What the??"
Beck: "Aaahh!!! I knew this day would come. I knew it!"
>Beck: "You knew what? That I would be here? I can't believe you wouldn't tell me this; your own self."
Beck: "Ugh. We'd better all meet in the Conference room. There's some explaining to do. --Computer, set meeting in Conference room for five minutes from now; and adjust lighting to 'serious'."
Later, the senior staff all gather in the Conference room, around the long table. Both Becks are also there.
Lox: "Whoa! I'm seeing double! Good thing I'm a Doctor and can cure myself."
Cell: "No, Doctor; you're not having some kind of weird medical reaction to one of your crazy potions. We encountered one Beck from the past and another one is our Beck from the present."
Corps Engineer Beck: "I assure you that all this makes complete sense."
Delta Flyer Beck: "Well, look who knows it all. Hah! Just kidding. It's great to see myself. I'm very attractive, I must say."
Corps Engineer Beck: "The best way I can put this is that this Beck is me in the past. I remember doing all this and having possession of the Delta Flyer for some time."
Delta Flyer Beck: "What!? That's crazy talk! There's no way that I could have travelled into the future and encountered myself, when I have not even travelled back into your past yet! Theoretically, you should not exist!"
Corps Engineer Beck: "Actually, it has more to do with this thing."
He holds up the cylindrical device for everyone to see.
Corps Engineer Beck: "This is a multidimensional transporter device from the Mirror Universe."
Seifer: "Agh! Is that what Section 31 had us working on this whole time?? I hate that universe!"
Corps Engineer Beck: "Yes. You see, when we were tampering with this thing in Engineering, we accidentally amplified its energy output into the multi-dimensional plane. When past-me shifted into the future, in the same location - instead of encountering a future where he was gone - the Delta flyer interacted with the multi-dimensional energy output and shifted the ship into the alternate future in which he had already returned into the past."
Cell: "Wow! That's some explanation. But then you must've been expecting this; right?"
Corps Engineer Beck: "Yes again. But I had completely forgotten, as my mind was preoccupied by the recollection of a strange date I had last night with Ensign Gewdeque. Does she always come on that strong?"
Seifer: "Yes a third time."
Delta Flyer Beck: "Whoa, whoa, whoa! Then, you, future-Beck, must know exactly what I'm about to do and where I will go next??"
Corps Engineer Beck: "That's exactly right. I've done it all before. There were many crazy adventures. But in the end, I returned back to the past and gave the temporal displacement drive back to Section 31."
Seifer: "That would make sense, because the Phoenix-X had it at one point in our past."
Delta Flyer Beck: "What if I decide to change all that?"
Cell: "I hate to say this; but it sounds like, thanks to the multi-dimensional device, your future is written."
Delta Flyer Beck: "What?? I refuse to accept that! My future is for me to decide! I can't sit here and believe that my only purpose is that I will be bringing the temporal displacement drive back into your past so that you can enjoy your present?"
Corps Engineer Beck: "Yup. I remember saying exactly that in that exact shocked voice."
Delta Flyer Beck: "Ahh! This is horrible!"
Corps Engineer Beck: "Wow. It's like watching a recording of myself."
Delta Flyer Beck: "You people are wrong! There is no such thing as a pre-written future! I intend on proving this."
Lox: "Finally, some action! What? I'm a Doctor, not the Guardian of Forever."
The Delta Flyer Beck walks over to the other Beck and swipes the multi-dimensional device out of his hands. Delta Flyer Beck then taps his commbadge and beams off the Phoenix-X. Everyone just looks on in shock.
Seifer: "We really need to assign one of us as Chief of Security some day."
Beck returns to the Delta Flyer with the multi-dimensional device and begins linking it into the ship's systems. Aboard the Bridge of the Phoenix-X, several crew members play around a Dabo table set up in determining who will go after him.
Armond: "Dabo. I win! Thus, I get to stay on the ship."
Red: "This game is not worthy of a Klingon. But if we must do this, I suggest we get some Dabo girls in here."
Cell, walks over: "Who beamed this thing onto the Bridge? Get it out!"
Seifer: "It would seem the crew is hesitant on pursuing the Beck criminal."
Cell: "Because he's on a timeship and his next actions are unpredictable? Those two elements are the best combinations for time-travel!"
Seifer: "I think you're thinking of the complete opposite."
Ensign Dan: "Sir, I'm ready to join the away team."
Cell: "You're relieved! I will beam over and talk to Beck myself. You'll all see that wagering an adventure is far more worth-while than doing nothing."
Seifer: "As second in command, I cannot allow you to risk your life for something so dangerous. Hah! Just kidding. Go right ahead. Your point was made with open ears. Hahaha."
Cell and Seifer both beam over to the Delta Flyer, where they find Beck has already activated the temporal displacement drive. All of a sudden, the Delta Flyer disappears and re-appears in another time frame.
Beck: "There you have it, Captain. I've reversed the alternate reality effect and shifted back into the past where my actions aren't pre-written!"
Cell: "Well, what do you want - a medal or something?"
Seifer: "You fools! The computer says we've been transported into the 2260s! This is the decade they invented levitation boots."
Beck: "Hmm. It would seem that I've over-time-shifted. The truth is, I have a tendency to do that."
Cell: "You know what that makes you? A bad time-traveler!"
Beck: "I know. It's hilarious! Oh, you Captain's are great. You're encouraging through the use of quirky observations."
They are suddenly approached by the U.S.S. Enterprise.
>Kirk: "This is James T. Kirk. Please identify yourselves or be destroyed."
Seifer: "What? You don't look anything like Kirk."
>Kirk: "I assure you. I am him right down to the underwear... which I don't wear, by the way."
Beck: "Oh crap! This must be an alternate reality. When I over-time-shifted using the multidimensional transporter device, I wasn't brought back to my original reality but an even more alternate reality than the last!"
Seifer: "So thanks to you, my favourite Starfleet character is ruined??"
Cell: "Let's just relax, people. All we have to do is shift back into the future and then disassemble the multi-dimensional transporter. Right?"
Beck: "Exactly; to the year 2377."
Cell: "I'd prefer my present; 2385; when we finally convinced the Lissepians to stop being such mama's boys."
>Kirk: "I'm afraid you three won't be going anywhen. --Scotty, transport those people onto the Enterprise. --Spock, have that ship tractor-beamed into the shuttle bay. It's clear to me that you people are a danger to the timeline and have no business changing history and what not. You will be apprehended and dealt with accordingly."
Seifer: "Hah! We'll have time-shifted before you could do that!"
All of a sudden, Cell, Seifer and Beck are materialized in the Enterprise's transporter room.
Cell: "Thanks, Seifer. We were busy listening to your gloating when we should have been busy escaping."
Seifer: "I don't regret my priorities. It's who I am, and I'm sticking to it."
Spock, aiming a phaser: "Greetings, gentlemen. If you'll come with me?"
Beck: "You're Spock? That can't be possible! You look, sound and are a completely different height to what Spock is supposed to be."
Cell: "Beck's right. There is no way that you're Spock. What have you done with the real Spock!?"
Spock: "I am the real Spock. I was born on Vulcan from a human mother and a Vulcan father. The two sides are at a constant battle within me - fighting for domination and control."
Seifer: "You look unfazed by it."
Spock: "Years of Vulcan repression has made it easy. But if you don't believe me, then please come over here."
He leads them to a screen on the wall, where he calls up a picture of an older Spock.
Spock: "This is me, from the future. You see, I came back in time to stop a mad man named Nero - who was intent on destroying Vulcan and the Federation."
Cell: "That surely sounds a lot like Shinzon."
Spock: "His name was Nero! Sorry. I will continue... In taking these actions my future self erased his future and thus a duplicate of me exists in this timeline."
Beck: "Duplicates sure are interesting!"
Seifer: "This photo of Spock looks right on. I'm sure this is the Spock from our reality. But let's try a little age manipulation, shall we? --Computer. Please bring up a photo of current-Spock?"
The picture is replaced with this other Spock.
Seifer: "Now age him 129 years."
The photo of Spock begins to wrinkle and get old. The ultimate culmination is a different-looking Spock - one with an evil look in his eyes.
Seifer: "There! You see? This Spock is different than the other one! I can only come to the conclusion that these Starfleet characters are not anything like the ones we grew up watching, episodically, on our holodecks. This reality is an imposter. No one can replace the originals! They were the best!"
Spock: "You have issues. I'm taking you three to the Brig."
Later, Cell, Seifer and Beck sit in their holding-cells, thinking about the mess they got themselves into.
Cell: "This is horrible. How can these people call themselves the Enterprise senior staff? And was McCoy wearing a wig? I'm just wondering."
Seifer: "You know, I think I just needed that emotional release. Maybe these new guys aren't so bad after all? I mean, they do have a youth-feeling to them. Plus, there's a lot more action with the space-battles. The Enterprise fought off five Klingon ships before we made it to the Brig! Now that's consistency. The explosions were great too."
Beck: "Captain, aren't you a changeling? You can just shape-shift out of here and get the Delta Flyer."
Cell: "You know, maybe I'm tired of being the easy way out? Maybe, for once, I'd like to solve a problem, like a normal humanoid, by using my brain?"
Seifer: "Amen, Captain. Stand up for yourself. Yeah!"
All of a sudden, Chekov enters with a tray of food. He places it down on a nearby table.
Chekov: "I vanted to see for myself, these men from the future. Vwat do you vant with us? Vwat are you doing here?"
Cell: "I'm afraid our reasons for being here are accidental. I assure you that the future is nothing to be afraid of."
Chekov: "Speak for yourself. At least you were never struck by the aging radiation from Gamma Hydra IV, only to encounter its effects years later. To breathe new life for ourselves, we decided to entitle this section of our lives as 'New Voyages'! During these years, I was hit by a second dose of massive radiation, which triggered the aging virus from Gamma Hydra and began to age me rapidly. On Stardate 6031-point-2, in a matter of hours, I aged and then I died. It was werry dramatic."
Seifer: "Whoa! How did you come back to life?"
Chekov: "I'm sorry, vwat? Well, anyway, I'd better get back to duty."
He strolls out like nothing is wrong. Cell and Seifer just glance at each other in confusion.
Cell: "That didn't make any sense whatsoever."
Beck finishes tampering with the circuits of his holding cell and deactivates all the force-fields in the Brig. The three knock out the guards, grab their pistols and run out into the corridors. There, they encounter Hikaru Sulu.
Sulu: "Not so fast. I am well versed in the art of fencing, you know."
Beck: "That's interesting information. But also irrelevant?"
Sulu: "Allow me to retry my attempt at appealing to you. I've heard your explanations as to why you've been trapped here. I just want to say that I've also had my share of inter-dimensional troubles."
Sulu: "On the contrary. You see, a failed Romulan weapons test had trapped me for 30 years in an alternate universe, on an abandoned planet. When I returned to the Enterprise, I had lived my life and raised a daughter named Alana. We were able to reverse the process, but I lost my daughter and my first-hand memories of the experience."
Cell: "What's up with your voice? You sound nothing like the real Sulu."
Seifer: "Uhh, what I think my Captain means is... Please don't let the same thing happen again and, instead, allow us to return to our own universe as you did yours."
Cell: "That future you may not even have been you. It was probably an alternate version of you! Because you look so not like Sulu."
Seifer: "Heh, heh - what my Captain means is... we're very sorry about Alana. She was probably very nice and very good at emoting. I'm sure she was good-looking too."
Cell: "You come off like a wimp, Sulu. The real you never came off that way!"
Seifer: "Alright. We'll just leave you now. Sorry about the comments. Once again, I apologize."
He embarrassingly escorts Cell and Beck around Sulu as fast as he can. They then make their way into the shuttle bay where the Delta Flyer is being kept. After fighting off the guards, they board the small ship and fly it out into space.
Beck: "Am I reading the sensors wrong? It says we're near Delta Vega, when clearly we are in the Vulcan system? Delta Vega is supposed to be near the galactic barrier!"
Seifer: "Will this discrepancy effect our ability to time-travel out of here?"
Beck: "Yes, if my preoccupation with it continues to divert my attention."
#Uhura: "This is Nyota Uhura of the starship Enterprise. Please stand down and return to the ship."
Cell: "Your first name was Nyota all these centuries?? I knew the historical database had gaps in it due to viruses, but had no idea it was keeping this information from us!"
#Uhura: "Affirmative. Is there a problem with that, or do you believe that to be another result of an alternate universe?"
Cell: "Hey, I was told that you coined that phrase. But to be honest... your name is kind of nice. Maybe I can learn to like this reality after all?"
All of a sudden, Beck activates the temporal displacement drive and shifts the Delta Flyer forward to the year 2377 - only this time, forgetting to use the multidimensional transporter. They are then approached by the U.S.S. Monitor, where a very old Kirk appears on screen.
>Kirk: "Greetings! I am Captain, and tactical officer, Kirk, returned from the dead through Borg manipulation and Katra retrieval. It is with great pleasure to welcome you this universe I like to call the Shatnerverse!"
Cell: "Bloody hell!! I take back what I just said! Ugh!"
Later, Kirk is brought aboard the Delta Flyer for examining.
Seifer: "Our derived conclusions from our onscreen visual communications are confirmed - he has actually gained more weight than previously speculated."
He puts away the medical tricorder.
Cell: "Alright, Kirk. Let me get this straight - You were buried by Picard on Veridian III, in 2371, but saved by a joint partnership of Romulan and Borg who wanted to bring you back to life? Then you fought these guys alongside Captain Picard in a sort of 'shared adventure' thing?"
Kirk: "Exactly. The Defiant-class starship Monitor didn't fair too well in all these crazy adventures, but I just keep issuing new ones and making myself their tactical officer and Captain! The tactical part is all thanks to my unending enthusiasm."
Seifer: "Why are you naming the universe some unrelated name that has nothing to do with you?"
Kirk: "Actually, it came from an Ensign Shatnerve who is serving aboard my ship. He always brings me raktajinos in the morning, so I thought I'd return him the favour and name the universe after him. It's all a part of my increased enthusiasm, which may or may not be a result of how I was revived to life in that mixed method."
Seifer: "Sounds plausible and justified by my standards."
Cell: "Well, that's all I really needed to know, Kirk. You've fully confirmed what I had already believed since I first met you here, that this in fact is an alternate reality. There is no way in hell our Borg could team up with the Romulans. There's no way! The very idea is just stupid!"
He activates the transporter and beams old Kirk back to the Monitor.
Cell: "Ugh. The Romulans?? Does anyone know how to get them right? I mean really?"
Beck reactivates the multidimensional transporter device and correctly uses it in conjunction with the temporal displacement drive. The Delta Flyer disappears and reappears in the year 2385, in the primary universe. The Phoenix-X sits before them, in space.
>Armond: "Greetings, Captain. You are back? We record that you were gone for at least 5 hours. Though, the ship's chronometer stopped working half-way through due to more random technology tampering by our Beck, so we had to stuff him into a torpedo casing and fire him out into space."
Cell: "If we're really back in our reality, then tell us what species the Federation went to war with for absolutely no reason whatsoever?"
>Armond: "The Tzenkethi."
Cell: "We really are back!"
Seifer: "Back for us, but not for you, Beck - You're still in the reality where you've already returned the temporal displacement drive in the late 2370s."
Beck: "The fact that I was able to leave this reality changes everything! No alternate reality is beyond my reach - you know, as long as I ensure I avoid that Borg-ravaged universe that Riker wasn't able to trim his beard in."
Cell: "What?? No! You can't keep that multidimensional transporter device. It's meant for the Mirror Universe, not for your crazy canon-changing aspirations!"
Seifer: "Besides, you have a predestination paradox to fill out. That's no small order, mister."
Beck: "I would've visited the Mirror Universe... for a second at least - to change the tide of war between the Alliance and the Terran Rebellion."
Captain Cell walks over and swipes the multidimensional transporter device out of Beck's hands.
Cell: "How many times do the tables have to change for them? That's enough already!"
Beck: "You're no fun, Captain. You live your life as if you were destined for something. The truth is, it can all be changed at our own discretion. Nothing should remain set in stone for too long."
He activates the transporters and beams Cell and Seifer back onto the Phoenix-X. The Delta Flyer then turns in space and disappears into time. The Bridge crew just watch in awe.
Seifer: "We just let a juvenile, possibly misguided, young Corps Engineer take the Delta Flyer into the space-time continuum."
Cell: "You're right. We really do need someone to be Chief of Security on this ship, and, unlike Kirk, it's not going to be me!"
Kugo: "Captain, it's good to have you back. What was it like in the alternate universe?"
Seifer: "How did you know we went to the alternate universe?"
Armond: "Because while you were gone, an alternate universe, dimly-lit, Enterprise-D visited us. They apparently continued on existing after having helped our Enterprise-C back into the Narandra III temporal rift."
Red: "We sent them home. One Enterprise is enough in my opinion!"
Seifer: "Damn. We can be a bit harsh sometimes."
Cell: "Perhaps I should think twice before wagering an adventure over doing nothing? That place we ended up in was too shiny! Did you notice, Seifer? There were lens glares all over the place!"
Seifer: "No kidding. That universe can cause seizures, and that's not good at all."
Cell: "More importantly, it was a different take on our original universe. There may be pros and cons to its existence, but in the end, it couldn't have existed without our universe. Therefore, we still are the best way to go."
Seifer: "I didn't realize I had a choice."
Cell: "Beck did for a while... and that's a choice not to be trifled with. You don't want to end up there and meet your maternal grandfather who actually doesn't look anything like your maternal grandfather."
Seifer: "Which reminds me - Ever notice how similar Arik Soong looks to Noonien Soong? Something strange is going on there."
Cell: "I'm sure it's better that way than a complete alternate way. But then, who am I to judge? A face is a face, I suppose."
Seifer: "Troi did Romulan good. She really did. --Perhaps you did learn something after all, Captain? I can't wait to give my report to Section 31 on all of this. They're sure to put the information to good use!"
Cell: "Seifer, I think you have your priorities mixed up."
The Phoenix-X turns in space, and with its now repaired engines, jumps to warp, out of there. Meanwhile, in the 28th century, the Delta Flyer is contacted by a mysterious benefactor. A spotlight is shone down aboard the Flyer, and a shadowy, non-descript man is displayed.
-Future Guy: "Greetings, Beck. It would appear as if you have an ability that I would very much like to have myself."
Beck: "Wait. If I'm in your present, then why can't you just talk to me normally through a comm-channel?"
-Future Guy: "The comm system is in the other room. I did not feel like going there. Do you have a problem with that?"
Beck: "No-- no. To each their own, I suppose."
-Future Guy: "Now, will you be giving me this technology, or will I have to get Tsunkatse on you?"
Beck: "You get me Archer and I'll get you this technology. Not before that!"
-Future Guy: "Wait. What? I can't possibly see any reason why you would want Archer?"
Beck: "I've just always wanted to meet him and challenge him to a water-polo game."
-Future Guy: "But you have a timeship. You can do that anyway!"
Beck: "Oh right. Thanks for reminding me! Hah. Boy is that embarrassing. Well, see ya!"
The Delta Flyer time-shifts out of there, leaving Future Guy to wallow in his own time-incapable self-pity.
Future Guy: "This is all that Archer's fault. I will have my revenge on him... Mark my words. He will rue the day he messed with me!"