"Fight Bringers, Part I"
(On the Prometheus-class U.S.S. Phoenix-X, Captain Daniel takes a seat on a biobed, in Sickbay, still overwhelmed with amazement of recent events)
Daniel: Whoa. I can't believe I can outlive everyone on this ship.
Shane: But you were already going to outlive everyone on this ship.
Gotens (brings a PADD): Well, we've completed all the tests and I'm afraid that we've discovered the whole thing was a big prank, using holograms and CGI.
(He double-checks)
Gotens: Oh! Sorry, this is Crewmen Parker's report.
(He walks over to Crewmen Parker on nearby biobed)
Gotens: Look, Peter, you're not really Spiderman.
Parker: But I am! I am! I can stick to walls!
Daniel: Commander! Where have you been the past hour!? I have already accomplished omnipotencey and you're still, as they say in England, lollygagging about.
Gotens: Uh! I'll have you know that I was on the holodeck with some Klingon friends, practicing fighting skills. If it's any of your business.
(The Captain makes a hand appear out of thin air and slap Gotens in the face)
Daniel: It is my business! You are supposed to be on the Bridge dealing with the alien vessel that we've encountered.
Gotens: Uh. I hardly think Starfleet's interested in things like that.
(Meanwhile, on the Bridge, a light brown, long beaked, thick-skinned creature is on screen, waiting)
>Klokian: Klokian have unimaginable technology to share with human if human want.
Armond (playing a Gameboy): Huh? Oh man! You just made me mess up!
(Back in Sickbay)
Daniel: That's it!! I've had enough of your laziness!! I'm demoting you! Take off one of your pins.
Gotens: Oh, man. Can't someone else do it?
Daniel: I'm demoting you right now and nothing, absolutely nothing is going to interrup—
#Sonan: DANIEL!! Ha!! Ha!! Ha!! SHOW YOUR PUNY SELF, X!! Why do you hide in such a puny ship!? Ha!! Ha!! Ha!! Ha!! Ha!! Ha!! Ha!! (Cough, cough)
(A bulked up humanoid named Sonan floats outside in space, in front of the Phoenix-X. Daniel flashes outside and floats in front of him)
Daniel: Who are you?
Sonan: I am Sonan and I come to challenge you to prove my strength to my nagging wife and macho buddies!
Daniel: What are you?
Sonan: I'm a macho man. Macho, macho man. I want to be a macho man.
(In Sickbay)
Gotens: Oh, man, I'm going to be demoted. Why aren't you ever demoted? You never do anything.
(Shane just shrugs as Gotens turns around and bumps into the short alien creature from before. Klokian is holding the Omni sphere that X came from)
Klokian: Oh, no! Klokian want use this to capture Q creature outside. But this broken!
Gotens: Who could've done such a thing?
(Quickly, Shane hides his hand behind his back which is still shapeshifted as a latch-opener)
Gotens: Who could've done such a thing?
(Quickly, Shane hides his hand behind his back which is still shapeshifted as a latch-opener)
Shane: I don't know, but I'll find them.
Klokian (walks): Klokian gonna have to take this back to welding chamber in watchtower.
Gotens: Wait! Take me with you. It'll be my last away mission before I get demoted. Besides, Starfleet owns that thing and you need my permission to use it.
Klokian: Klokian care not of your permission.
Gotens: Very well. You have my permission.
(They exit)
Shane: Lox, what do you make of that little guy?
Lox: Dammit Shane! I'm a Doctor, not a distinguisher!!
(Meanwhile, Daniel and Sonan continue to float in space as the Phoenix-X watches)
Daniel: You have powers too, don't you? News about my powers travel fast in the Q world.
Sonan: As we are both omnipotent, we have access to various communication plains. Now! Prepare yourself for battle before I destroy your vessel!!
Daniel (cracks neck): Okay.
(He then zooms up and uppercuts Sonan through the chin. Sonan goes flying back)
Sonan: Argh!!
(Then Sonan zooms over and flows him with punches left and right)
(Nearby, the Klokian small craft fighter Klon powers up and takes off between them. The Klon then stretches and disappears in a flash. It then flashes back into normal space above Ancient Earth and takes orbit)
(On the Klon, Cockpit)
Gotens: What are we doing here?
Klokian: This where welding chamber is. In Klokian watchtower.
(A godlike being suddenly appears behind them)
Ares: I knew you'd be back.
Gotens: But you don't even know me.
Ares: I'm talking to the short guy!
Gotens: Oh.
Ares (snaps fingers): This is just a little gift I want you to take back to your watchtower.
(The god disappears, causing the Klon to rumble and take a nose dive towards Earth. It passes through the clouds, through the sky and slams into the ground, still in one piece. They climb out of the Klon and stand in the grassy field of the nice day)
Gotens: You alright?
Klokian: Klokian never get bruised.
Gotens: Who was that guy?
Klokian: That guy like your Captain. Have only fraction of omnipotence, but a god on this world.
Gotens: Where are we? I'll call for a transport.
(He taps his commbadge but gets no response)
Klokian: This place Greece.
(Back in the 24th century, Daniel and Sonan battle it out in front of the Phoenix-X as Ensign Dan sits in the Captain's chair watching with popcorn)
Klokian (walks): Klokian gonna have to take this back to welding chamber in watchtower.
Gotens: Wait! Take me with you. It'll be my last away mission before I get demoted. Besides, Starfleet owns that thing and you need my permission to use it.
Klokian: Klokian care not of your permission.
Gotens: Very well. You have my permission.
(They exit)
Shane: Lox, what do you make of that little guy?
Lox: Dammit Shane! I'm a Doctor, not a distinguisher!!
(Meanwhile, Daniel and Sonan continue to float in space as the Phoenix-X watches)
Daniel: You have powers too, don't you? News about my powers travel fast in the Q world.
Sonan: As we are both omnipotent, we have access to various communication plains. Now! Prepare yourself for battle before I destroy your vessel!!
Daniel (cracks neck): Okay.
(He then zooms up and uppercuts Sonan through the chin. Sonan goes flying back)
Sonan: Argh!!
(Then Sonan zooms over and flows him with punches left and right)
(Nearby, the Klokian small craft fighter Klon powers up and takes off between them. The Klon then stretches and disappears in a flash. It then flashes back into normal space above Ancient Earth and takes orbit)
(On the Klon, Cockpit)
Gotens: What are we doing here?
Klokian: This where welding chamber is. In Klokian watchtower.
(A godlike being suddenly appears behind them)
Ares: I knew you'd be back.
Gotens: But you don't even know me.
Ares: I'm talking to the short guy!
Gotens: Oh.
Ares (snaps fingers): This is just a little gift I want you to take back to your watchtower.
(The god disappears, causing the Klon to rumble and take a nose dive towards Earth. It passes through the clouds, through the sky and slams into the ground, still in one piece. They climb out of the Klon and stand in the grassy field of the nice day)
Gotens: You alright?
Klokian: Klokian never get bruised.
Gotens: Who was that guy?
Klokian: That guy like your Captain. Have only fraction of omnipotence, but a god on this world.
Gotens: Where are we? I'll call for a transport.
(He taps his commbadge but gets no response)
Klokian: This place Greece.
(Back in the 24th century, Daniel and Sonan battle it out in front of the Phoenix-X as Ensign Dan sits in the Captain's chair watching with popcorn)
Ensign Dan: Wow, this is great. Go Sonan!
Armond: Ensign, you are relieved.
(Captain Daniel and Sonan slow from exhaustion)
Daniel (slugging punches): There.... had.... enough...!!?
Sonan (jabs foot): Hiya! Owe, my back...
Daniel: Isn't there another way to fight? You know, a special Q way?
Sonan: Oh, power charge!
(He puts his hands in front of him and blasts a chaotic beam of energy at Daniel. Daniel does the same thing back and the two beams of energy meet in the middle. It goes back and forth, fighting for domination)
Sonan: Arrghh!
(In Ancient Greece, Klokian and Gotens walk the grassy fields for hours)
Gotens: I'm getting kinda tired. You look strong. Can I sit on your shoulders?
Klokian (points): Watchtower ahead.
(Two women with a horse approach them and join)
Gotens: Who are you and why are you two dressed in Ancient Greece clothing?
Xena: This is my armour. Why are you dressed in your pajamas?
Gotens: Oh my gosh. You can tell I sleep in this?
Gabrielle: Klokian, we have to warn you about Artrelus the warlord's army. We heard they are on sudden alert and will kill you or anyone who looks like you on site.
Gotens: Word travels fast in the land.
Artrelus: Yeah, and so do we. Hello, Xena.
(They realize they are suddenly surrounded by Artrelus and ten of his soldiers)
Gotens: Aaah!
Gabrielle: If you can fight, fight. Otherwise, stand back.
Artrelus: Attack!!
Xena (unsheathes sword): Be nice.
(She hacks her sword across an attacking soldier, runs, jump flips over five soldiers and lands in front of Artrelus. She holds her sword up to his neck)
Xena: Who sent you!?
(Gotens, Klokian and Gabrielle fight off the soldiers)
Artrelus: Ack—!
Xena (pushes sword): Talk!!
Artrelus: Talk to yourself.
(The Warrior Princess then jabs two fingers into a pulse on each side of Artrelus' neck)
Armond: Ensign, you are relieved.
(Captain Daniel and Sonan slow from exhaustion)
Daniel (slugging punches): There.... had.... enough...!!?
Sonan (jabs foot): Hiya! Owe, my back...
Daniel: Isn't there another way to fight? You know, a special Q way?
Sonan: Oh, power charge!
(He puts his hands in front of him and blasts a chaotic beam of energy at Daniel. Daniel does the same thing back and the two beams of energy meet in the middle. It goes back and forth, fighting for domination)
Sonan: Arrghh!
(In Ancient Greece, Klokian and Gotens walk the grassy fields for hours)
Gotens: I'm getting kinda tired. You look strong. Can I sit on your shoulders?
Klokian (points): Watchtower ahead.
(Two women with a horse approach them and join)
Gotens: Who are you and why are you two dressed in Ancient Greece clothing?
Xena: This is my armour. Why are you dressed in your pajamas?
Gotens: Oh my gosh. You can tell I sleep in this?
Gabrielle: Klokian, we have to warn you about Artrelus the warlord's army. We heard they are on sudden alert and will kill you or anyone who looks like you on site.
Gotens: Word travels fast in the land.
Artrelus: Yeah, and so do we. Hello, Xena.
(They realize they are suddenly surrounded by Artrelus and ten of his soldiers)
Gotens: Aaah!
Gabrielle: If you can fight, fight. Otherwise, stand back.
Artrelus: Attack!!
Xena (unsheathes sword): Be nice.
(She hacks her sword across an attacking soldier, runs, jump flips over five soldiers and lands in front of Artrelus. She holds her sword up to his neck)
Xena: Who sent you!?
(Gotens, Klokian and Gabrielle fight off the soldiers)
Artrelus: Ack—!
Xena (pushes sword): Talk!!
Artrelus: Talk to yourself.
(The Warrior Princess then jabs two fingers into a pulse on each side of Artrelus' neck)
Xena: I've just cut off the flow of blood to your brain. You'll be dead in 59 seconds unless you tell me who sent you.
Artrelus (falls to knees): Ugh! Ares.
(In the 24th century, Daniel and Sonan continue to push their energy beams back and forth in space)
Daniel (drops his): Argh. This is going nowhere. A Q can't kill another Q.
Sonan: Sure they can.
Daniel: I don't even have to fight. I can just snap my fingers and you'll be beaten.
(He snaps his fingers. The setting of stars behind them are re-arranged)
Daniel: Oops.
Sonan: Ha! Ha! Ha! You don't even know how to use your power!
Daniel: I do so. Watch me make a bowl of ice cream appear.
(He snaps and a bowl of grapes appear)
Sonan: Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!!
Daniel: Arrgghhh.
Sonan: You are just not snapping at the right frequency.
(The Captain snaps again and the two find themselves on a dusty road on some land)
Daniel: Where are we?
Sonan(looks around): Oh no! What have you done!? You brought us to the Q Continuum!!
Daniel: Cool.
(In Ancient Greece, Gotens, Klokian, Xena, Gabrielle and the horse approach the doors of the small village that surrounds the watchtower)
Gotens: You brought us back in time!?!?
Klokian: Yes.
(They walk into the village)
Gabrielle: I hope Joxer isn't here—
Joxer: Hey!! Gabby, Xena! What's going on!?
(He joins as they continue through the busy market)
Klokian: To hide from Q, you must not only go to far off place, but also far off time. Q not think to look here.
Gotens: But why would you hide from the Q?
Klokian: To build weapons. To eliminate all Q.
Xena: You're a god hunter?
(He nods as another Klokian technician, that looks just like him, walks up and takes the Omni sphere)
Klokian: Fix this.
(The Klokian technician nods and runs off)
Klokian: Klokian make flash machine from killing one Q and diverting power to machine.
Gotens: Way to be a hypocrite.
(He watches Klokian walk over to a food stand where a Klokian operator, like him, is standing behind it)
Klokian: Klokian need travel now.
(The Klokian operator nods and lets Klokian take a position behind the food stand. The Klokian technician comes back with the sphere and gives it to Klokian)
Klokian: Klokian get Q now.
(He presses a bunch of buttons on a hidden computer and disappears in a flash)
Gotens: Hey! Wait for me!!
(He is about to move into position, too, but more Klokian creatures come and fight him off)
Gotens: Hey!!
Xena (takes out sword): Aaahh!!! Little muchkins! Cover your shins and knee caps!!
(More and more Klokians approach, almost a whole army of them. They fight off the humanoids until they're out of the small watchtower village)
(In the Q Continuum, Daniel and Sonan are standing in the dusty road when suddenly a whole bunch of police cars pull up to them)
Q: Alright, stay right there!
Sonan: Aahh!!
Daniel: Oh, so that's what you're afraid of. The Q's, huh?
Sonan: Aahh!!
Q (points to Sonan): He's not one of us. He's a creation from our enemies.
Sonan (throws sand): Aha!
Q (blinded): Aahh!!
Artrelus (falls to knees): Ugh! Ares.
(In the 24th century, Daniel and Sonan continue to push their energy beams back and forth in space)
Daniel (drops his): Argh. This is going nowhere. A Q can't kill another Q.
Sonan: Sure they can.
Daniel: I don't even have to fight. I can just snap my fingers and you'll be beaten.
(He snaps his fingers. The setting of stars behind them are re-arranged)
Daniel: Oops.
Sonan: Ha! Ha! Ha! You don't even know how to use your power!
Daniel: I do so. Watch me make a bowl of ice cream appear.
(He snaps and a bowl of grapes appear)
Sonan: Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!!
Daniel: Arrgghhh.
Sonan: You are just not snapping at the right frequency.
(The Captain snaps again and the two find themselves on a dusty road on some land)
Daniel: Where are we?
Sonan(looks around): Oh no! What have you done!? You brought us to the Q Continuum!!
Daniel: Cool.
(In Ancient Greece, Gotens, Klokian, Xena, Gabrielle and the horse approach the doors of the small village that surrounds the watchtower)
Gotens: You brought us back in time!?!?
Klokian: Yes.
(They walk into the village)
Gabrielle: I hope Joxer isn't here—
Joxer: Hey!! Gabby, Xena! What's going on!?
(He joins as they continue through the busy market)
Klokian: To hide from Q, you must not only go to far off place, but also far off time. Q not think to look here.
Gotens: But why would you hide from the Q?
Klokian: To build weapons. To eliminate all Q.
Xena: You're a god hunter?
(He nods as another Klokian technician, that looks just like him, walks up and takes the Omni sphere)
Klokian: Fix this.
(The Klokian technician nods and runs off)
Klokian: Klokian make flash machine from killing one Q and diverting power to machine.
Gotens: Way to be a hypocrite.
(He watches Klokian walk over to a food stand where a Klokian operator, like him, is standing behind it)
Klokian: Klokian need travel now.
(The Klokian operator nods and lets Klokian take a position behind the food stand. The Klokian technician comes back with the sphere and gives it to Klokian)
Klokian: Klokian get Q now.
(He presses a bunch of buttons on a hidden computer and disappears in a flash)
Gotens: Hey! Wait for me!!
(He is about to move into position, too, but more Klokian creatures come and fight him off)
Gotens: Hey!!
Xena (takes out sword): Aaahh!!! Little muchkins! Cover your shins and knee caps!!
(More and more Klokians approach, almost a whole army of them. They fight off the humanoids until they're out of the small watchtower village)
(In the Q Continuum, Daniel and Sonan are standing in the dusty road when suddenly a whole bunch of police cars pull up to them)
Q: Alright, stay right there!
Sonan: Aahh!!
Daniel: Oh, so that's what you're afraid of. The Q's, huh?
Sonan: Aahh!!
Q (points to Sonan): He's not one of us. He's a creation from our enemies.
Sonan (throws sand): Aha!
Q (blinded): Aahh!!
(Sonan snaps his fingers and both Daniel and Sonan appear back in space, in the 24th century, in front of the Phoenix-X)
Daniel: Hey!
Sonan: Let's fight again!!
(Klokian appears in a flash on the outer hull of the Phoenix-X. A Q appears on the bridge)
Armond: Hey! Who are you?
Q: I am a monitoring Q and the 17th letter of the alphabet. And that Klokian is on your ship.
Armond: Can't you stop him!?
Q: No way. I can't even touch a Klokian without getting the Q disease! I just came here to see what he is doing with our chamber.
(Kokian crawls to the nose of the Phoenix-X, where Daniel has his back to)
Daniel: Look, Sonan. You've got some issues.
(Klokian activates the Omni sphere, lighting it up before he points it to Daniel. Daniel gets sucked in)
Daniel: ...and I don't want to get sucked into your problems, so I'll— Aaahhhh!!
Sonan: Finally! I almost got caught by the Q!
Klokian: We go to Klokian home planet now. Good work, Sonan.
(Sonan nods. Klokian leaps off the Phoenix-X to Sonan's shoulder. They fly off)
(Klokian appears in a flash on the outer hull of the Phoenix-X. A Q appears on the bridge)
Armond: Hey! Who are you?
Q: I am a monitoring Q and the 17th letter of the alphabet. And that Klokian is on your ship.
Armond: Can't you stop him!?
Q: No way. I can't even touch a Klokian without getting the Q disease! I just came here to see what he is doing with our chamber.
(Kokian crawls to the nose of the Phoenix-X, where Daniel has his back to)
Daniel: Look, Sonan. You've got some issues.
(Klokian activates the Omni sphere, lighting it up before he points it to Daniel. Daniel gets sucked in)
Daniel: ...and I don't want to get sucked into your problems, so I'll— Aaahhhh!!
Sonan: Finally! I almost got caught by the Q!
Klokian: We go to Klokian home planet now. Good work, Sonan.
(Sonan nods. Klokian leaps off the Phoenix-X to Sonan's shoulder. They fly off)
(Back in Ancient Greece, the Klokians slam the small village's parameter doors in the humanoid's faces)
Joxer: That was rude.
Xena: Come on, let's go. We don't have to stop Artrelus' army for these things.
Gotens: Wait! You gotta get me to the Klon on the other end of the countryside so I can go home!!
Gabrielle: Why should we help you?
Gotens: Because I'm a good guy too?
Xena: Artrelus' entire army should be heading this way soon. They stand between here and the Klokian thing. This pajama guy wouldn't stand a chance.
Gotens: Yes, I would!
(Xena, Gabrielle, the horse, Joxer and the Commander start walking)
(In the 24th century, Armond looks over at Q on the bridge of the Phoenix-X)
Armond: We have to do something!! They have the Captain!
Q: Well, it's not like I can just snap my fingers and make everything okay for you.
(He snaps his fingers and a bowl of ice cream appears. Ensign Dan takes it and eats it)
Q: I will not risk my life by chasing a god hunter and his artificially created omnipotent pet. They chase us. That's why they are called the hunters.
Armond: Why do they want the Captain?
Q: I told you, they chase Q's to kill them. Your Captain was the closest thing to a Q.
Shane (enters): Hey guys, what'd I miss? Friends in danger?
Xena: Come on, let's go. We don't have to stop Artrelus' army for these things.
Gotens: Wait! You gotta get me to the Klon on the other end of the countryside so I can go home!!
Gabrielle: Why should we help you?
Gotens: Because I'm a good guy too?
Xena: Artrelus' entire army should be heading this way soon. They stand between here and the Klokian thing. This pajama guy wouldn't stand a chance.
Gotens: Yes, I would!
(Xena, Gabrielle, the horse, Joxer and the Commander start walking)
(In the 24th century, Armond looks over at Q on the bridge of the Phoenix-X)
Armond: We have to do something!! They have the Captain!
Q: Well, it's not like I can just snap my fingers and make everything okay for you.
(He snaps his fingers and a bowl of ice cream appears. Ensign Dan takes it and eats it)
Q: I will not risk my life by chasing a god hunter and his artificially created omnipotent pet. They chase us. That's why they are called the hunters.
Armond: Why do they want the Captain?
Q: I told you, they chase Q's to kill them. Your Captain was the closest thing to a Q.
Shane (enters): Hey guys, what'd I miss? Friends in danger?