"Missed the Mishap"
(In the cold, emptiness of cold, empty space)
Space Narrator: And so, another Starfleet ship is launched to embark upon many exciting adventures. Adventures as such that lead to bad situations...
(On the Phoenix-X, Bridge)
Red: Sir! Detecting the Hideki-class vessel Tarak.
Gotens: Hail them. On screen.
(A Gul blinks on the screen)
Gotens: Meloneus. So we meet again.
>Meloneus: Yes and under good terms this time.
Gotens: Unfortunately.
>Meloneus: Unfortunately.
(Beat)
Ensign Dan: At least we're all friends here.
>Meloneus: Where's Agenos?
Gotens: He's here. But, you first.
(Daniel is shoved onto the Cardassian vessel's Bridge)
>Meloneus: You see his state is... Well, see?
(Daniel's skin is moulting and his clothes are rotting)
Gotens: What happened?
Armond: It seems he's not able to change shape. And he looks like he's going to die.
>Daniel: Uuhh... It's a tra... Ugh... p...
(A Cardassian punches Daniel in the face)
Red: What did he say?
Gotens: Enough! We trade now!
>Meloneus: I agree.
Gotens: Commander Gotens to Lieutenant Wallace.
#Wallace: Yes, Cap'n?
Gotens: No. I'm the Commander. Never mind. Bring Agenos to the transporter room and wait for me there.
#Wallace: Aye, Cap'n.
(In the Transporter Room)
Gotens: Ready, Kayl?
(The Lieutenant nods)
Gotens: Gotens to Red. Ready?
#Red: Yes.
Gotens: Lower shields. Energize.
(Agenos gets beamed out. But also, suddenly, Gotens is unexpectedly beamed out)
Kayl: Lieutenant Kayl to Bridge. The Commander has just been transported and the Captain is not here.
#Red: What!? That wasn't supposed to happen! Raise shields! It was supposed to be a clean trade...
(In Sickbay)
Ensign Dan: So, I'm think'n of dressing up as a Borg... for the holodeck, you know. Waddaya think?
EMH: According to Starfleet Medical research, Borg implants can cause severe skin irritations.
Ensign Dan: Oh. Well, you know, I was hoping to get around that with some hand lotion or something.
(Later, on the Bridge)
Armond: I now take command of the ship. (Below his voice) Yes!
Wallace: Soooo, what do we do now, Cap'n?
Armond: I really don't know. I guess we can start by asking where the ship went. So, where did it go, Red?
Red: It went towards Cardassian space.
Armond: Set a course. Maximum warp.
(The Phoenix-X goes towards the Cardassian space at full warp)
Armond: I want all senior officers in the Briefing Room, immediately. Wallace, before you go, inform DS9 of our actions. We might need some backup from the Defiant.
Wallace: Yes'm.
(Later, in the Briefing Room)
Armond: Okay, we are aware of the situation.
Ensign Dan: I'm not.
Armond: One thing, Ensign, you are not a senior officer. And, the other thing is that you have no business in this. You are relieved! Get out of here. Anyway...
(He looks at everyone)
Armond: We all know that yesterday we ran into the Cardassians and got into a little fire-fight.
(He scratches his head)
Armond: Unfortunately during that fight, we each beamed over a single prisoner from the other ship.
(He turns to Kayl)
Armond: Kayl, how are our transporters doing?
Kayl: Fine, sir.
Armond: Chief Engineer Kugo, will we be able to sustain warp until Cardassian Space?
Kugo: I believe so—
(BOB enters the room)
Kugo: As I was saying, I believe so, sir.
Armond: That's great. I still want you to improve the warp nacelle to an extra 26%.
Kugo: Seems reasonable.
Armond: BOB, I assign you to weapons control.
BOB: Yes! I mean. Indeed.
Armond: The plan is that we are going to get that ship with the multi-vector separation. Then, I want Kayl to beam the Captain and Commander out of there. Then it will be your turn, Red and Kugo, to get us out of here with cover from BOB. Everyone has their orders. Dismissed.
(On the Bridge)
Red: We are right behind the Cardassian ship. What is our next action?
Armond: Battle stations. Red alert. Engage, now!
(On the Tarak, Gotens and Daniel each sit in separate holding cells)
Gotens: Captain, are you alright?
Daniel: Ugh. No.
Gotens: What happened to you? It looks like you are falling apart. All of you is pealing. Uck.
Daniel: It's that device over there. Uhh...
Gotens: Yeah?
Daniel: It keeps me from changing shape... And... regenerating... At this ra..t...rate... I will die in two hours.
Gotens: What do they want with us?
Daniel: He wants Federation secrets.
(Meloneus enters)
Gotens: What's going on? I thought we'd signed a temporary truce? There is no justification for this!
Meloneus: I thought you'd learn from last time... not to trust me.
Daniel: Ugh. Last time?
(Meloneus turns his head)
Meloneus: Long ago, your Commander Night Gotens saved me from my vessel when we happened to undergo an attack by a Romulan ship.
(He walked around)
Meloneus: Sufficed to say, the Romulans turned on his ship, the Xena, and pounded them to hell. When it came down to it, he needed my help to save his own ship and he trusted me to it.
Gotens: I should have never trusted you.
Meloneus: True, because then I took control of it! Kayahahahah! I beamed onto the Romulan ship before he knew it and then I took over that Romulan ship! Kayahahahaah!! Oh, those were some good times.
(He walks over to them)
Meloneus: Now I have the key to all the Federation's secrets against my people...
(On the Phoenix-X)
Wallace: The Federation has sent three local starshippers, the Defiant, Xena, and a Klingon Bird of Prey.
Armond: Good. Keep velocity. How much longer until interception?
Red: About 25 minutes sir.
Ensign Dan: Do you think that's enough? Just the four of us? Don't you think the Cardassians will come up with more backup than four?
Armond: No. He's still too far away from a Cardassian base.
Red: External sensors read there are five other Cardassian vessels heading toward Meloneus' ship.
Ensign Dan: I told you so.
(On the Tarak, Brig)
Daniel: Ughhh. I'm losing consciousness. I can't hold .......on.
Gotens: Captain! Captain! Can you hear me?
Daniel: Yes.
Gotens: I thought you lost consciousness.
Daniel: I did. So don't ask me any questions.
Gotens: We have to get out of here. Wait. There's a vulnerability in this set up. You can still change shape! I have a plan. But I need you to complete it.
Daniel: I'll try my best. What did you have in mind?
Gotens: The forefields don't extend to those trellium bars. If you can change shape, even for a second, you could escape and destroy that Obsidian Order device.
Daniel: I can't.
Gotens: You need to. Try!
Daniel: This is all a test of my willpower. UGGhhhhh...
Gotens: That's the idea. There you go.
Daniel: <Squish, squish>
Gotens: Understood.
Daniel: <Squish, squash>
(He slides through the bars in his gelatin state before becoming a puddle on the floor)
Gotens: Captain, I need you to disable that disruptor. Go. I know you can do it.
(Daniel reaches up from the puddle and crushes it with his remaining strength. He then regains his energy)
Daniel: I'm back. Now they are going to pay.
(He is on his way out of the door)
Gotens: Wait. How about me? Free me!
Daniel: Oh yeah. I forgot. Oopsy!
Gotens: Uh!
Daniel: Hey now! Our first task is to find out our location and contact the ship.
(The ship suddenly shakes from being hit by the Federation)
(On the Bridge)
Meloneus: All hands to battle stations! Red Alert. We are under attack!
(In a hallway)
Daniel: Great! Now we know they're here.
Gotens: We just have to contact them.
(On the Phoenix-X)
Armond: Initiate multi-vector separation mode. Target the Cardassian vessel holding our men. Attack pattern Alpha Omega Beta.
(The ship separates into three. All the components attack the Tarak. The rest of the ships attack the other backup Cardassian ships, giving it cover)
(On the Tarak)
Meloneus: You over there. Counter now. Maneuver around them now!
(In a hallway)
Daniel: We have to arm ourselves.
Gotens: What's in here? Oh, it's an armoury. Here. Phaser rifles.
Daniel: Great. Let's make our way up to the bridge.
(The ship is shaking and rumbling as they move)
(On the Bridge)
Rokg: Meloneus, the Phoenix-X is hailing us.
Meloneus: On screen.
>Armond: You are messing with the wrong people. We'll pound your ship into scrap metal.
Meloneus: I beg to differ.
>Armond: I bet.
>BOB: How much?
>Armond: BOB! This is not the time. You are ruining the moment!
Meloneus: We still have your Captain.
(Daniel and Gotens suddenly enter the Bridge)
Daniel: I beg to differ.
Meloneus: I just said that. Oh, well, it doesn't matter! I'll just blow up the ship. Computer, initiate self-destruc—
Gotens: Oh, shut up.
(He phasers Meloneus, who falls to the floor in pain)
Meloneus: Ugh! You fools!
(He falls unconscious. The Commander accesses a panel)
Daniel: Phoenix-X, we are ready to go now. Beam us out. And beam these Cardassians to the Brig. Wallace, I want you to tractor-beam this ship. Captain out.
(The other Cardassian ships are either destroyed or have retreated)
(On the Phoenix-X, Bridge)
Red: Sir! Detecting the Hideki-class vessel Tarak.
Gotens: Hail them. On screen.
(A Gul blinks on the screen)
Gotens: Meloneus. So we meet again.
>Meloneus: Yes and under good terms this time.
Gotens: Unfortunately.
>Meloneus: Unfortunately.
(Beat)
Ensign Dan: At least we're all friends here.
>Meloneus: Where's Agenos?
Gotens: He's here. But, you first.
(Daniel is shoved onto the Cardassian vessel's Bridge)
>Meloneus: You see his state is... Well, see?
(Daniel's skin is moulting and his clothes are rotting)
Gotens: What happened?
Armond: It seems he's not able to change shape. And he looks like he's going to die.
>Daniel: Uuhh... It's a tra... Ugh... p...
(A Cardassian punches Daniel in the face)
Red: What did he say?
Gotens: Enough! We trade now!
>Meloneus: I agree.
Gotens: Commander Gotens to Lieutenant Wallace.
#Wallace: Yes, Cap'n?
Gotens: No. I'm the Commander. Never mind. Bring Agenos to the transporter room and wait for me there.
#Wallace: Aye, Cap'n.
(In the Transporter Room)
Gotens: Ready, Kayl?
(The Lieutenant nods)
Gotens: Gotens to Red. Ready?
#Red: Yes.
Gotens: Lower shields. Energize.
(Agenos gets beamed out. But also, suddenly, Gotens is unexpectedly beamed out)
Kayl: Lieutenant Kayl to Bridge. The Commander has just been transported and the Captain is not here.
#Red: What!? That wasn't supposed to happen! Raise shields! It was supposed to be a clean trade...
(In Sickbay)
Ensign Dan: So, I'm think'n of dressing up as a Borg... for the holodeck, you know. Waddaya think?
EMH: According to Starfleet Medical research, Borg implants can cause severe skin irritations.
Ensign Dan: Oh. Well, you know, I was hoping to get around that with some hand lotion or something.
(Later, on the Bridge)
Armond: I now take command of the ship. (Below his voice) Yes!
Wallace: Soooo, what do we do now, Cap'n?
Armond: I really don't know. I guess we can start by asking where the ship went. So, where did it go, Red?
Red: It went towards Cardassian space.
Armond: Set a course. Maximum warp.
(The Phoenix-X goes towards the Cardassian space at full warp)
Armond: I want all senior officers in the Briefing Room, immediately. Wallace, before you go, inform DS9 of our actions. We might need some backup from the Defiant.
Wallace: Yes'm.
(Later, in the Briefing Room)
Armond: Okay, we are aware of the situation.
Ensign Dan: I'm not.
Armond: One thing, Ensign, you are not a senior officer. And, the other thing is that you have no business in this. You are relieved! Get out of here. Anyway...
(He looks at everyone)
Armond: We all know that yesterday we ran into the Cardassians and got into a little fire-fight.
(He scratches his head)
Armond: Unfortunately during that fight, we each beamed over a single prisoner from the other ship.
(He turns to Kayl)
Armond: Kayl, how are our transporters doing?
Kayl: Fine, sir.
Armond: Chief Engineer Kugo, will we be able to sustain warp until Cardassian Space?
Kugo: I believe so—
(BOB enters the room)
Kugo: As I was saying, I believe so, sir.
Armond: That's great. I still want you to improve the warp nacelle to an extra 26%.
Kugo: Seems reasonable.
Armond: BOB, I assign you to weapons control.
BOB: Yes! I mean. Indeed.
Armond: The plan is that we are going to get that ship with the multi-vector separation. Then, I want Kayl to beam the Captain and Commander out of there. Then it will be your turn, Red and Kugo, to get us out of here with cover from BOB. Everyone has their orders. Dismissed.
(On the Bridge)
Red: We are right behind the Cardassian ship. What is our next action?
Armond: Battle stations. Red alert. Engage, now!
(On the Tarak, Gotens and Daniel each sit in separate holding cells)
Gotens: Captain, are you alright?
Daniel: Ugh. No.
Gotens: What happened to you? It looks like you are falling apart. All of you is pealing. Uck.
Daniel: It's that device over there. Uhh...
Gotens: Yeah?
Daniel: It keeps me from changing shape... And... regenerating... At this ra..t...rate... I will die in two hours.
Gotens: What do they want with us?
Daniel: He wants Federation secrets.
(Meloneus enters)
Gotens: What's going on? I thought we'd signed a temporary truce? There is no justification for this!
Meloneus: I thought you'd learn from last time... not to trust me.
Daniel: Ugh. Last time?
(Meloneus turns his head)
Meloneus: Long ago, your Commander Night Gotens saved me from my vessel when we happened to undergo an attack by a Romulan ship.
(He walked around)
Meloneus: Sufficed to say, the Romulans turned on his ship, the Xena, and pounded them to hell. When it came down to it, he needed my help to save his own ship and he trusted me to it.
Gotens: I should have never trusted you.
Meloneus: True, because then I took control of it! Kayahahahah! I beamed onto the Romulan ship before he knew it and then I took over that Romulan ship! Kayahahahaah!! Oh, those were some good times.
(He walks over to them)
Meloneus: Now I have the key to all the Federation's secrets against my people...
(On the Phoenix-X)
Wallace: The Federation has sent three local starshippers, the Defiant, Xena, and a Klingon Bird of Prey.
Armond: Good. Keep velocity. How much longer until interception?
Red: About 25 minutes sir.
Ensign Dan: Do you think that's enough? Just the four of us? Don't you think the Cardassians will come up with more backup than four?
Armond: No. He's still too far away from a Cardassian base.
Red: External sensors read there are five other Cardassian vessels heading toward Meloneus' ship.
Ensign Dan: I told you so.
(On the Tarak, Brig)
Daniel: Ughhh. I'm losing consciousness. I can't hold .......on.
Gotens: Captain! Captain! Can you hear me?
Daniel: Yes.
Gotens: I thought you lost consciousness.
Daniel: I did. So don't ask me any questions.
Gotens: We have to get out of here. Wait. There's a vulnerability in this set up. You can still change shape! I have a plan. But I need you to complete it.
Daniel: I'll try my best. What did you have in mind?
Gotens: The forefields don't extend to those trellium bars. If you can change shape, even for a second, you could escape and destroy that Obsidian Order device.
Daniel: I can't.
Gotens: You need to. Try!
Daniel: This is all a test of my willpower. UGGhhhhh...
Gotens: That's the idea. There you go.
Daniel: <Squish, squish>
Gotens: Understood.
Daniel: <Squish, squash>
(He slides through the bars in his gelatin state before becoming a puddle on the floor)
Gotens: Captain, I need you to disable that disruptor. Go. I know you can do it.
(Daniel reaches up from the puddle and crushes it with his remaining strength. He then regains his energy)
Daniel: I'm back. Now they are going to pay.
(He is on his way out of the door)
Gotens: Wait. How about me? Free me!
Daniel: Oh yeah. I forgot. Oopsy!
Gotens: Uh!
Daniel: Hey now! Our first task is to find out our location and contact the ship.
(The ship suddenly shakes from being hit by the Federation)
(On the Bridge)
Meloneus: All hands to battle stations! Red Alert. We are under attack!
(In a hallway)
Daniel: Great! Now we know they're here.
Gotens: We just have to contact them.
(On the Phoenix-X)
Armond: Initiate multi-vector separation mode. Target the Cardassian vessel holding our men. Attack pattern Alpha Omega Beta.
(The ship separates into three. All the components attack the Tarak. The rest of the ships attack the other backup Cardassian ships, giving it cover)
(On the Tarak)
Meloneus: You over there. Counter now. Maneuver around them now!
(In a hallway)
Daniel: We have to arm ourselves.
Gotens: What's in here? Oh, it's an armoury. Here. Phaser rifles.
Daniel: Great. Let's make our way up to the bridge.
(The ship is shaking and rumbling as they move)
(On the Bridge)
Rokg: Meloneus, the Phoenix-X is hailing us.
Meloneus: On screen.
>Armond: You are messing with the wrong people. We'll pound your ship into scrap metal.
Meloneus: I beg to differ.
>Armond: I bet.
>BOB: How much?
>Armond: BOB! This is not the time. You are ruining the moment!
Meloneus: We still have your Captain.
(Daniel and Gotens suddenly enter the Bridge)
Daniel: I beg to differ.
Meloneus: I just said that. Oh, well, it doesn't matter! I'll just blow up the ship. Computer, initiate self-destruc—
Gotens: Oh, shut up.
(He phasers Meloneus, who falls to the floor in pain)
Meloneus: Ugh! You fools!
(He falls unconscious. The Commander accesses a panel)
Daniel: Phoenix-X, we are ready to go now. Beam us out. And beam these Cardassians to the Brig. Wallace, I want you to tractor-beam this ship. Captain out.
(The other Cardassian ships are either destroyed or have retreated)