Ragnarok 1-4

Finders, Not Keepers

The Pathfinder-class, with Discovery-class nacelles, U.S.S. Ragnarok trekked altruistically through space. Captain Oroku Seifer entered the Bridge to begin yet another day of saving the universe.

"You know, I think it's about time the universe owed us one," he said, thinking back to his adventures.

Aramaki looked up from his tactical station. "That's quite a Kirk-level claim, sir. You ready to back that up with evidence?"

"Ugh. The obsession people have with truth and verifiable sources is appalling," the Captain deviated. "It's impossible to make arbitrary assertions based in feeding ones ego anymore." He sighed, before looking over to one of the Tomsins. "I retract my earlier statement."

The Operations officer, and Tellarite, suddenly found himself caught off-guard and fearful he made a mistake somewhere. "Huh? Was I supposed to be taking stenography this whole time?"

"Captain! I'm reading a distress signal from Covalesence! It's been coded just for us!" claimed Moggs from his science station.

Seifer smiled, warmly. "Aw, that means they care. Moggs, return message with a digital Thank You Card; one of those animated ones where our heads are placed over a bunch of dancing Orion slave girls."

"Done," the Caitian and science officer replied.

Edwards turned from the helm. "Uhhh. Shouldn't we go help them?"

"Oh, fine. But remember, I was against this," the Captain conceded.


Later, the Ragnarok hung in orbit of the Deferi colony world of Covalesence, while Seifer, Moggs and Aramaki beamed down to the subsurface. They joined the leader, Cassen and several of his scientists who were scanning the destroyed underground pyramid.

"Our intensive scans reveal this to be the work of the Breen, as you can see here with the residual polaron energies in the rubble," commented the lead Deferi.

Moggs did some scans of his own and confirmed with a nod. "It is accurate."

"Well, of course it is!" countered Segg, one of the Deferi scientists. "You think we've been neutral in our actions here the whole time??"

The Caitain turned to them. "That reaction in itself lacks neutrality."

"That's besides the point!" Segg retorted before going back to whatever it was he was doing.

Seifer looked to Cassen. "Strange that the Breen would feel the need to destroy all this after they had already taken their scans here. Have you been able to translate the pictographs?"

"Unfortunately, no," replied the alien man. "This form of Ancient Deferi language appears to be assembled in a way that doesn't adhere to our standards of communicative structures. It's like the words and letters were positioned at random for jocularities sakes. But I'm unaware of our peoples having any senses of humor, nor the understanding of what that would entail?"

The Trill man then reacted to Cassen's meaningful and long look. "There's a Data Stand-Up Comedy program that everyone raves about. It's practically why they wanted him to command the Enterprise-F. Alas, Shon usurped him; that greedy blue-face."

"If the Breen came back here to destroy the evidence, then we won't have much time left to track their residual warp trail," Aramaki spelled out.

Seifer nodded. "Agreed. All those in favor of checking out one of those Deferi neutral coffee clubs and then moving into search mode, say Aye?"

"Doubtful that course of action is anything remotely productive right about now," Moggs interjected. "And 'Aye' has become agonizingly cliché."

The Captain sighed. "You guys need to get out more. It's all I'm saying. Wesley saw more social time than either of you."


Later, the U.S.S. Ragnarok dropped warp before the Breen Sarr Theln warship Leinstien. The Breen were hailed immediately.

"Enemy vessel, you are in violation of normal-speak," came the hail from Oroku Seifer. "Oh, and the preservation of Deferi ancient sites and such."

"XXrrrzzZZZkkrrrRRRtTTTT!" Marcel replied.

"Exactly! Also, what do you mean, Cassen is a lair? He's the most trust-worthy Deferi I've ever met. Not that I've met many. But you get my point, which I may have self-defeated through deconstruction."

"TTEEFXXSSSsvvvv GGhhhvvvKttt!" Marcel interjected.

"What do you mean I don't sound convincing and you think I lack self-honesty as a personal trait? That's awfully specific? Also, our space adventures, which are our livelihoods, hinge on mission-givers like him. Never mind. What are you doing here anyway? Plotting things, no doubt," Seifer claimed, with no evidence what-so-ever. "I mean, just look at you, however you are interpreted to be situated."

"GGDDDVVVvvvKTTtttZch!" Marcel explained.

"Fascinating. Well, I can't argue with that. The mating patterns of the Regulus Eel-bird are highly complex. —Very well, crew, let's help them," the Captain said, turning to his Starfleet officers. "Do the things!"

Aramaki looked almost panicked. "But, sir, we don't even know what he said? None of us have our universal translators updated!"

"Still? Oh, fine: They translated the inscriptions from that Ancient Deferi site which describe an ancient planetoid, hidden here by said people. If sayings of words can somehow be translated into truth, then our mission was a lie and these Breen were the good guys all along. —Dominion War excluded, obviously."


The two ships veered off and began scanning around the cold, blank, emptiness of space. Soon, a planetoid was discovered, hidden in a mass of anti-particles. Both groups then beamed into a cavern, with the Starfleet Away Team wearing EV-suits.

"Captain, I'm detecting more Ancient Deferi pyramids," Moggs said, as the group suddenly entered into a large cavern where many more of them existed.

Seifer looked at him. "Mr. Moggs, you know I like to be pleasantly surprised using the classically effervescent 'You better come see this' statement."

"Uh, 'you better come see this' statement," said Aramaki before realizing that Seifer was standing right next to him. "What the? How long have you been right here?"

The Captain waved him off. "Forget that. It looks like more Breen, but I don't recognize this group," he said while examining a second plethora of soldiers inside the cavern with them.

"VVVRRRrKKkkkZZ jjjjjvvrrtt!" exclaimed Kovan, the leader of the new Breen group as he approached and stepped on an embossed stone-tile in the ground.

Seifer translated. "Kovan is the leader of a pack of Breen Rebels, who also want what Marcel and the Deferi are looking for."

"GRRggh!" agreed Marcel as he witnessed the effects of the stone-tile prompting several ejecting spears to be shot out at everyone.

Both the Starfleet Away Team and the two Breen groups scrambled around giant rocks for cover. The ejecting spears continued being fired from the cavern's extraneous internal walls. In the distance, under a giant, blank wall, was a switch and carved images of a man holding a spear.

"Must be the mechanism to stop this," Seifer presumed, his back to the rock, alongside Marcel. "Or, a lever to fire even more ammunition at us. I'm sure it could go either way."

Marcel then declared, "VVrrrKGGgghhTTTK nnKTTt!" ordering he and his men to go for it.

"Captain, no!" Seifer countered, all but too late, as everyone watched the Breen men from the second group, run, dodge and leap over incoming spears. One of the Breen were immediately impaled, and then another: Then another, and another, until Marcel himself reached the end.

The Breen Captain was the last to be impaled before he was able to pull the ancient lever. Everyone watched in awe as the eons-old defense system halted while triggering another mechanism in the wall, causing the blank area to rotate around and reveal pictographs on what was its opposite side.

"VVKKRRRDDDxxzzVVrrtttTTT MrrxsssDDDDdd!" said Kovon, reading the inscriptions. "Vrrt."

Seifer translated for his crew. "This was a city lead by the Druids of the Deferi, who were apparently managers of something akin to being called the Deferi Powered-Man. Also, run." He then attempted to process that last part. "Run from what?"

Suddenly, the entire cavern began to shake ever more. Rocks from the ceiling began to fall, threatening everyone, and prompting Kovon to contact his ship and beam he and his group out.

"Well this is an odd turn of events," admitted Aramaki. "This whole thing was about a man?"

The Captain nodded. "Men have been the movers and shakers of the galaxy for eons and eons to come, as well as women. It's about equal actually, if not, more-leaning on the women-side. Besides, Marcel was right about the Deferi, invalidating our very purpose here, and now he's dead, proving the Breen are much cooler than we thought. Pun intended." He then tapped his commbadge. "Seifer to Ragnarok: KKKVVVvvZZZzzrrk! VVrrrrkkk!! BBbvvvrrt!!!?%$^!!"

"Uh, what?" came the reply from Winry over comms.

Seifer snapped. "You were supposed to learn Breen while we were gone! Anyway, get us out of here. No rush, though. Nothing bad ever happens during a hasty beam-out."

At that, the group dematerialized along with several giant rocks as the cave collapsed all around.

"Aw man, I just got Tuvix'd!" Seifer said as he and his team beamed onto the transporter pad of the Ragnarok, finding several rocks fused to all-over-his-body. "Well, I won't do what Janeway did and reverse it. Rock body stays, everybody," he reassured. "Rock body stays."

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