Star Trek: Phoenix-X
"Crash Bandits"
(Phoenix-X log entries)
#Daniel: Captain's log. After defeating the new Maquis cell, we were sent to escort the Tosk Hunters back to the Gamma Quadrant. Turned out, thier instincts led them to start hunting Tosk right away! Anyway, our Cardassian 'friend' was able to escape from our ship during the last epic battle. Now our ship is having even more problems. It seems that our warp drive 'friend' is starting to malfunction. We never really got our results after that test by our 'friend', Chief Engineer Kugo, until today.
(On the Phoenix-X)
Daniel: Do you think we can go transwarp and get to the nearest Federation outpost to get more 'friends' working on this?
Kugo: You mean... experts?
Daniel: Yes. Friends-perts.
Kugo: I wouldn't recommend going more than Warp 3 right now. Any more than that and we might have a total warp core malfunction.
Gotens: Sounds bad.
Kugo: It is. We have evidence that the warp core was meant to be sabotaged.
Gotens: The Klingon and Andorian?
Daniel: Sounds like it.
Gotens: Those bastards!
(The computer beeps)
Daniel: Report.
Red: The Enterprise and Defiant have left and the Xena is still here.
Daniel: Good. Keep me updated. Commander, you have the Bridge. I'll be in my quarters regenerating for an hour.
Gotens: Aye, sir.
Red: Getting a hail from Captain Aeris.
Gotens: On screen.
>Aeris: We are ready to beam over our Engineers.
Gotens: You hailed the Bridge just for that?
>Aeris: Well, that, and I wanted to know if you'd like to have dinner. Catch up with old times?
Gotens: Sure, meet me at the transporter room, 1400?
>Aeris: No better time. See you 1400. Aeris out.
(In the mess hall)
Heelix: Here you go.
Kugo: Thanks.
Dawn: You're not interested at all in ancient creatures and how they lived?
Kugo: Well, it's not that. It's just they were not as smart as creatures these days. Actions weren't logical when going for prey. Some eastern-Earth tigers are known for using night vision goggles for their hunts nowadays.
Dawn: Well, have you ever heard of the Hirogen?
Kugo: No.
Dawn: It's an alien race. The Federation has never come in contact before. But they are hunters. They hunt for their prey, very statistically. They recognize and understand their prey's next movements. They spend time studying their prey before they hunt it... Come with me to this holodeck program I created. It's an action survival program. With creatures you've never seen in your lifetime...
Kugo: Well... Okay.
(In security)
Ensign Dan: His name is Dawn Relic. Human. An engineer, he just beamed over from the Xena to work on the warp core. Five years ago, he overthrew the Umockian Empire just to prove to his mother that he wasn't a failure, and then he handed it back over saying...and I quote 'just kidding'. So he says in his report. This man is a psycho, and I don't trust him.
Wallace: According to your report... this man is going through rehabilitation on the Xena. For five years and there has been nothing wrong with him, no cracks, nothing. I think there's nothing to worry about.
Ensign Dan: But sir—
Wallace: Why do you not trust him, Ensign?
Ensign Dan: Well, he was my roommate at Starfleet Academy. During the night, he told me some pretty freaky stories about his childhood. He's also done some freaky things in the Academy just to prove insignificant points.
Wallace: Like what?
Ensign Dan: Like fill a whole room with omaxtaly gas to see if there was a Klingon in disguise.
Wallace: How could he tell that?
Ensign Dan: Klingons won't turn purple when they breathe omaxtaly gas.
Walace: Heh, heh, heh...
Ensign Dan: With all due respect, sir—
Wallace: Okay, okay. I'll have the Xena send over his counsellor.
(In Engineering, Dawn and Kugo enter)
Kugo: Ha! Hahaha! That was really swift when you intercepted the sabre-toothed tiger during his leap for his prey.
Dawn: Heh, heh. I bet he knows now that he's my prey. That'll teach him not to hunt me.
Kugo: Gewdeque, report.
Gewdeque: Well we've been having problems with the antimatter, it's gathering in chunks. The warp fluid seems to be...hiccupping.
Kugo: Hiccupping?
(A panel flashes)
Maxy: Chief, we've got a problem.
(On the Bridge)
Armond: Augh. That was soooo relaxing. I'm glad to be back on the bridge.
Red: Didn't I say she was a good masseuse?
Armond: Oh yeah.
#Kugo: Kugo to Bridge. I need a priority one all stop immediately!
(In Gotens' quarters)
Aeris: And when I walked into the room, everyone's skin was purple!
Gotens: Hahaha!
(The ship shakes)
Aeris: What's going on?
(Red alert goes up)
#Armond: Armond to Gotens, report to the bridge.
(In the corridors)
Gotens: Computer, how long has the Captain been in gelatin state?
#Computer: 46 minutes.
Gotens: Darn. I guess I'm gonna handle this.
(On the Bridge)
Gotens: Engineering, report.
#Kugo: The core seems to be responding to an interconnection between the transwarp.
Gotens: Well that couldn't have been sabotage from the Andorian and Klingon.
Aeris: Then it must be someone in Engineering.
(In Engineering)
Kugo: Something's happening, Commander. Sir, the core is flashing! It's turning an orange filament—
(Dawn starts walking away)
Kugo: Dawn, where are you going?
Dawn: To show you a surprise.
Kugo: What? This is not the time!
#Gotens: Kugo—
(On the Bridge)
Red: Sir, I've lost control over the helm. Someone is changing direction. Bearing in the direction of 24-mark-72...
(The ship shakes and everyone falls to the floor. Red climbs to the control panel)
Red: We— are going ultra transwarp. Maximum.
(The Phoenix-X speeds through temporary conduits)
(Meanwhile, in the Alpha Quadrant, on Starbase 55)
Admiral Cloud: What do you mean they're gone??
Captain Cid: Well, Deep Space 9 reports that the other Federation outposts in the Gamma Quadrant have lost sensors of them.
(On the Phoenix-X, Vector Alpha. Everyone is lying on the floor)
Daniel: Commander, wake up.
(Gotens gets up)
Gotens: Wha—? Ugh...
Daniel: We've crash-landed on a planet. Unknown. But all I can see is forest, everywhere.
Gotens: On... a planet? What are the odds?
Armond: I don't believe we got here by accident.
Daniel: Armond, I want a full sensor sweep. Find the other two bottom halves of the ship.
Gotens: Huh?
Daniel: Someone activated the multi-vector mode. They controlled one vector manually. The other must've just crashed elsewhere.
(In the Conference room)
Armond: Now there are about 100 people on our vector presently. We cannot communicate with any other vectors. External sensors show the other vector to be located here.
(He points to the map on the screen)
Armond: About fifteen kilometres. Aaaannd the second vector is located here, about ten kilometres. This one seems to be beside some kind of compound building.
Gotens: If we could get the other vectors operational, do you think we can lift off out of here?
Armond: We are not sure of that yet. Chief Kugo seems to be missing. She must be on one of the other vectors.
Gewdeque: We need her, Captain. She has most of the encryption codes and she knows more of the system than any of us.
Maxy: We can't lift off without even the impulse engines.
Daniel: Then so be it. Commander. I want you to take a party of seven and hike your way to the first vector, about 15 kilometres.
Gotens: Aye, sir.
Daniel: I will command a second party of ten and go to the second vector about 10 kilometres and also check out the compound. Captain Aeris, and Lieutenant Commander Armond, I would like you both to keep a check on both parties and try to get the rest of this part of the ship in order.
Armond: Yes sir.
Aeris: Okay.
(On Vector Beta)
Dawn: Are you okay, Kugo?
Kugo: Fine.
(She then punches him in the face)
Kugo: Traitor!
Dawn: Ugh! I thought you Vulcans weren't supposed to release anger like that? Owe.
Kugo: I trusted you.
Dawn: And I brought you to this place to prove to you that creatures do have a smart way of thinking.
Kugo: What?
Dawn: See that compound over there?
(She looks out the window)
Dawn: Professor Gast lives there. He's my mentor. He owns this planet.
Kugo: Where are we?
Dawn: Here, the Professor has bred the most extinct and hardest-to-find creatures from all over the Alpha Quadrant! It is amazing! Even your legendary Vulcan adamantimi.
Kugo: That creature is big and dangerous.
Dawn: Well most of them are. Not just the adamantimi. We've filled the planet with mixtures of creatures and they are flourishing!
Kugo: Wait a minute. Are you saying that this planet is infested with dangerous animals?
Dawn: Precisely.
(Outside Vector Alpha)
Gotens: My team is ready.
Daniel: Mine too.
#Aeris: Okay, we're ready here. Go ahead.
Gotens: I'll see you when we get the ship back together, I guess.
Daniel: Righto. It should only take us a couple hours to reach the vectors.
(Both groups head off in different directions)
(Later, with Gotens' group)
Gotens: Shh! Did you hear that?
Kayl: What?
BOB: I heard it.
Kayl: Well, that's because you have ears that would scare whatever it is that you hear.
(Suddenly a creature jumps out of the bushes and attacks an officer)
BOB: It's a tarakk!
(He phasers the tarakk and it falls to the ground. Gotens checks on the downed officer)
Gotens: He's dead. What is that thing?
BOB: It's a tarakk. A creature found on Ferenginar.
Gotens: We must keep going.
(With Daniel's team)
Ensign Dan: Are we there yet?
Daniel: You're relieved.
Ensign Dan: Are we there yet?
Daniel: You're relieved.
Ensign Dan: Are we there yet?
Jawmock: Look out!!
(Suddenly, an adamantimi slowly approaches)
Adamantimi: Mooowaaaaa!!!
Daniel: Ugh. Phaser him.
(Everyone runs away)
Daniel: Cowards.
(The adamantimi lifts its paw and smacks Daniel into a tree)
Daniel: Ohh, wise guy eh?
(Daniel shapeshifts into another adamantimi, prompting the other adamantimi to turn around and look at him. The Daniel adamantimi leads the other male adamantimi away. Later, they arrive at a cave.
Adamantimi-Daniel: Oooo...
Adamantimi: Oooo?
(The Daniel adamantimi signals to the other adamantimi to wait in there while he will leave to get a surprise for him)
Adamantimi-Daniel: Arr-arr.
(The Daniel adamantimi walks out of the cave and then head butts the wall and causes a cave-in. The other adamantimi is now stuck in there)
Adamantimi-Daniel: Ra-hee-hee-hee-arrr...
(The Daniel adamantimi shapeshifts back to humanoid shape)
Daniel: Well, that's that. I am never turning into one of those again.
(With Gotens' group, there's a sudden THUD)
BOB: What was that?
Mark: Thunderstorm?
Kayl: Look at the sky. You don't get days sunnier than this on Earth.
Mark: That's it. We could run into an Earth creature any minute now.
(Another THUD)
Kayl: I wonder what it would be.
Gotens: You and Mark are the only humans here. If something does come by, we need someone to identify it.
(Suddenly there's a huge roar)
Kayl: It's a tyrannosaurus rex.
Gotens: Really? You can tell that by the sound it makes?
Kayl: No. I can see it right there.
(The t-rex breaks through the trees and in front of the group! Everyone starts running. The t-rex bends and picks up one of the officers and eats him)
Kayl: AAaaaaaaahhhhh!!!
(Everyone runs around like crazy)
Gotens: Guys? Team? Where are you?
(Everyone is gone. The t-rex starts walking towards Gotens)
T-rex: OOOOoooooooaaaaaaaaaaarrr!!!!!!!!!!!!
Gotens: You've messed with the wrong Trill.
(He stuns the t-rex, causing it to fall to the ground)
(Later, on Vector Alpha, on the Bridge)
Aeris: Okay, Armond. How are we doing on the power?
Armond: Communications are still operative, but there is something jamming it. Probably if you'd stop yapping your mouth and help me, we'd get somewhere. But, no. You have to try to be like a Captain and boss everyone around.
Aeris: I am a Captain.
Armond: But not the Captain of this ship. When the Captain and Commander is off, I am in charge. Now, you get down to Jeffrey's Tube 8 with this tricorder and work on phasers. Understood?
Aeris: Ugh. Fine.
Armond: It's sir. Get it right.
(She rolls her eyes and leaves via turbolift)
Red: Weren't you a little hard on her?
Armond: She needed it. She is so bossy and she is not the one in charge. Can you believe the nerve she has?
Red: Yes I can. I'm a Klingon. If you talked to me like that on Klinzhai, I would cut your head off.
Armond: Oh.
(On Vector Beta)
Kugo: It appears we are the only one on this vector.
Dawn: We must go. The Professor is waiting.
Kugo: He can wait. I want some answers. Like why are we the only ones here?
Dawn: Okay. I can explain this. Just after we went ultra transwarp, I beamed everyone on this vector to the other vectors. At that same time, I activated the multi-vector mode from the engineering room.
Kugo: But why?
Dawn: The Professor will answer that question in due time. We must go.
Kugo: This is so illogical.
(The two leave the vector and trek to the compound)
(On Vector Gamma)
Heelix: Okay, all. Listen to me. I need everyone in groups. Find a buddy.
Feelix: Hey, Heelix. Wanna be partners?
Heelix: Sure, I guess.
Meelix: No!! I want to be your partner, Heelix.
Heelix: Oh, gosh. Maybe this was a bad idea. Uhhh, You can pair up with the doctor.
Lox: Oh, great. I'm stuck with the Eeelix group. You guys make me want to peelix.
Peelix: Did someone call my name?
Heelix: How corny, Doctor. Buck Up. Okay, Feelix. We are to go to the control conduit that controls this vector. This chef can do more than you think.
Feelix: The ship can be controlled by voice?
Heelix: Oh. Well. Just for the fun of it, let's go.
Feelix: Okay.
Heelix: Okay, Doctor and Meelix, go and tend to the others. Be the moral support. And have the security teams arm themselves. We don't know where or what is out there. The only thing I know is that we are not in space anymore.
Lox: You know, you are more take-charge than what I thought you were.
Heelix: Well, I have a lot to prove.
Doctor: I guess.
(Heelix and Feelix go to the control conduit)
Heelix: Computer, state our location.
#Computer: We are in the Gamma Quadrant, on an M-class planet. The planet is uncharted by the Federation.
Heelix: Is the ship together?
#Computer: Negative.
Heelix: Where are the other vectors?
#Computer: Vector Beta is twenty kilometres away and Vector Alpha is fifteen kilometres.
Heelix: Computer, please open a channel to Vector Alpha.
#Computer: Communication systems cannot be put through. There is interference.
Heelix: Darn. What other systems can we use?
#Computer: All systems except for outside communication.
Heelix: Looks like we weren't damaged at all from the crash. Computer, on the engines and lift us off to a hovering height of 500 meters.
(Then engines begin to power up. The whole ship shakes. Then the shaking stops. There is a slight increase in gravity. The ship then rises out of the bush and into the sky)
(With Gotens' group)
BOB: Wait! I heard something.
Gotens: Not again. Another monster?
BOB: No, it's some sort of machinery. Like engines powering up.
Kayl: Look! It's the third vector.
(Everyone starts waving their hands.)
Gotens: Oh stop that. It's not like that thing has windows that they pilot out of. In other words, they can't see you.
Everyone: Awww.
Gotens: But if we fire a phaser on them with a low setting, then that will probably get their attention. Ensign, put your phaser on a low setting and fire a little off the ship. The computer should pick it up on its sensors.
(The Ensign shoots past the ship.)
Gotens: Good job.
(On Vector Gamma)
#Computer: The vector has detected a phaser with a Starfleet signature firing off the port.
Heelix: Uh! Locate and return fire.
(The returned fire hits a branch on a tree and the branch falls on the Ensign.)
(With Gotens' group)
Ensign: Owe!
(On Vector Gamma)
#Computer: The target has been eradicated.
Heelix: Wait! Computer, did you say that the firing was of Starfleet?
#Computer: Affirmative.
Heelix: Oops. It must of been the others. Computer, identify the individuals on the planet.
#Computer: They are of Starfleet.
Heelix: Beam them up, please.
(Vector Gamma beams the people on board. Once on board, they go to Battle Bridge Gamma)
Heelix: Sorry for that, Ensign.
Lox: If you would stay still, probably I can treat you.
Ensign: Just wait till I get my hands on you.
Gotens: Ensign, control yourself.
Ensign: Yes, sir.
Gotens: Nice to see you, Heelix. Good work. I trust that there are no casualties.
Heelix: Nope. Everything is tip-top.
Gotens: I'll take over from here now.
Heelix: Okay, sir.
(With Daniel's group, Daniel's party previously ran away back to Vector Alpha)
Daniel: Hello!?!?! Anyone out there? Where're my men? Captain to Anyone. Anyone, please respond. I wish Lieutenant Anyone would respond. I guess they all went back to the ship. Oh! They can't shapeshift.
(He ventures off in the direction of Vector Beta. Later, he turns into a bird and flies overhead to get an aerial view. He locates Vector Beta and heads toward it. He gets to it and lands beside it. He then changes back to humanoid form with his normal Vulcan influences. He uses his tricorder to run scans on the ship. The scans show that the ship is okay. He then beams himself into it with the tricorder)
(On Vector Beta)
Daniel: Computer, locate Kugo and Dawn.
#Computer: They are no longer on the ship.
Daniel: Computer, run a long-range scan of the area and locate Kugo and Dawn.
#Computer: Scans complete. Scans show that they are heading toward a building structure.
Daniel: Why?
#Computer: Answer not available.
Daniel: I was just asking myself.
#Computer: Oh.
Daniel: You weren't supposed to say that.
#Computer: Oh.
Daniel: Can you open a channel to the other vectors?
#Computer: Affirmative.
Daniel: Please go ahead.
#Computer: Channel is being jammed. Unable to communicate.
Daniel: Same thing happened with my communicator. Computer, once I beam off the ship, go back to the first vector and await further orders from the Starfleet personnel. Relay them my coordinates. They will come for me. Computer, beam me to Kugo's coordinates.
(He is then beamed to their location, outside the building)
Kugo: Captain!
Daniel: That's right. You guys have some explaining to do.
Dawn: Captain, I can explain.
Daniel: You're darn tooten you will. Let's go.
Dawn: No!
Daniel: What do you mean, no?
Dawn: I mean that we still have to go to the compound.
Daniel: What? After all that we have been through, you still want to explore?
Dawn: No, we're not exploring. We are going to see someone.
Daniel: See who?
Dawn: The Professor.
Daniel: Who's the Professor?
Dawn: He is the one that created what is on this planet. All the extinct creatures. And all the rare creatures facing extinction. Some coming as far as the outreaches of the Delta Quadrant.
Daniel: So us being here wasn't sabotage from that traitor. It was you.
Dawn: Sorry if I caused you distraught.
Daniel: Being my mind in Vulcan form, I will not get angry. But I will give you the Vulcan grip for your transgression.
Dawn: Ahhh.
Gast: Stop this at once!
(Gast steps out from the compound with a Vorta wolf. Daniel stops his grip, but Dawn is still in pain)
Daniel: I am Captain Daniel from the Starship Phoenix-X. If you are responsible as much as he is, then you are in real trouble.
Kugo: Yeah.
(The wolf barks at Kugo)
Gast: One false move and I will release my wolf.
(Daniel then changes into a Vorta cat and sneers at the wolf. The wolf grows fearful and runs away with his tail between his legs)
Daniel: What were you saying?
(Gast pulls out a polaron rifle and points it at Kugo and the Captain. Dawn is feeling better and walks toward Gast)
Gast: That's a good boy. You see, Captain, I am only after one thing to add to my collection. It's you. You are the only non-Dominion Changeling in Starfleet. That makes you rare. And rare is what I have. And I want you.
Daniel: Sorry, I am not like that.
Gast: Not like that. Now tell me, how can I get this starship out of this titanium bottle?
(He pulls out a bottle with a ship inside of it)
Daniel: Don't take me like a fool. Only genies fall for that.
Gast: Darn. I guess the only way to get you to come along peacefully is to get the situation a little hotter. Meet my dragon.
Daniel: According to history, dragons never existed.
Gast: They do now.
(The dragon lands and attacks Kugo and Daniel. Kugo phasers it, but only puts a hole in it)
Gast: I don't think so. Using that phaser is cheating.
(Gast fires a polaron beam and knocks the phaser out of Kugo's hand. The dragon then knocks Kugo unconscious but Daniel is still up.)
Daniel: Oh gosh. I hate heat.
(He changes into a bird and flies to the dragon's head. He claws it with its claws. Then he turns into an anvil and falls on top of its head. He then turns into a mosquito and starts biting it. The Dragon is hurt but not down. The battle rages on. Daniel gets slapped by the dragon. He now turns into a serpent and bites the dragon. The dragon is so large that there is no effect. The dragon stirs up his fire and shoots the Captain. Daniel is able to withstand much of the fire, but still gets weakened. The dragon keeps shooting fire at the Captain. Five more seconds and Daniel will die)
(5...)
(...4...)
(...3...)
(...2...)
(The dragon is suddenly hit with a starship phaser beam and gets vaporized out of the blue. Everyone looks over to see what destroyed the vicious creature and they see the Phoenix-X all together.)
Dawn: It can't be. I separated the vectors into the toughest parts of the planet. There is no way the other vectors could have survived.
Gast: Well, it looks like they did. Doesn't it?
(Gast and Dawn retreat into the woods)
(On the Phoenix-X)
Gotens: Oh no, you don't. Kayl, beam those prisoners onboard. We are going to have some fun with them. Destroy that compound, too.
(The Phoenix-X beams the prisoners in and destroys the compound with a torpedo. The communications then come online.)
#Daniel: Captain to the Phoenix-X. Beam us up. We have an injured officer, so beam her up to sickbay. I'll be all right.
(The Phoenix-X beams the two aboard. Daniel then goes to the Bridge)
Gotens: I didn't think you would have made it. But then again, you made it on that Flortarios planet.
Daniel: I've got a million years left. Helm, set a course for home. Transwarp.
Armond: Captain, we are still in the Gamma Quadrant.
Daniel: What?
Gotens: Logs say that we travelled ultra transwarp.
Daniel: Well, let's use ultra transwarp.
Armond: Yes, sir.
(The ship heads for home.)
(Later, in the Brig)
Gast: You idiot.
Dawn: Sorry.
Gast: All my work, down the drain. I was hoping that they would make a holomovie out of that planet. A movie about extinct animals. The name would probably be called Xenophile Park.
