8.1.97

Episode 4

Star Trek: Phoenix-X
"Cookies"

(On the Phoenix-X, Bridge. Lieutenant Wallace enters)
Wallace: Heylow, Cap'ns.
Gotens: Ah, Lieutenant Wallace, to what do we owe the pleasure of your presence?
Daniel: Yeah and it better be worthwhile!
Wallace: Err. Well, I made these cookies Armond asked for and I thought I could bring some to the Bridge for everyone, Cap'n.
Red: You mean replicated.
Wallace: Har! Har! Why, no... I baked them myself.
Daniel: Alright, proceed.
(Wallace begins handing out cookies to everyone)
Armond: Thank you.
Daniel (whispering): Why does he have to keep calling everyone "cap'n"??
Gotens (whispering): It's a sign of respect to call everyone you see Cap'n.
Wallace (whispering): Yous two Cap'ns are m'favrute.
(Kugo enters the bridge)
Wallace (walks over): Here you go, Cap'n.
Kugo: Uh, thanks.
Daniel: Ah, Lieutenant Kugo, to what do we owe the pleasure of your presence?
Kugo: Captain, the transwarp drive has been manipulated, I wish to conclude my experiment by testing it. Which means going transwarp.
Wallace: Uhh, here you go, Cap'n.
BOB: How much?
Wallace: Uhh, free.
BOB: What!? Take some advice from me... always, always charge! Unless it's poison. No, wait. Especially if it's poison.
Daniel: Okay, we will begin testing. Commander?
Gotens: Yes, Captain. Armond, take us out of orbit. Set a random course, transwarp.
Armond: On it.
(The Phoenix-X goes transwarp)

(Ragon, a Klingon passenger, and Kotah, an Andorian passenger, look around Engineering)
Ragon: Did you put the substance in the cookies?
Kotah: Done. I've also got the experiment going on. We are now at transwarp 7 going towards our---
Ragon: Ah-ah-ah-ah!
Kotah: ...Going towards our destination.
Ragon: When I push this button on the control panel, everyone who ate a cookie will be knocked unconscious!
(Lieutenant Kayl walks by)
Kayl: What did you just say?
Ragon: Uh, uhh— When I push this button on the control panel, everyone playing hooky will be caught in conscience!
Kayl: Oh.
(She continues walking. Kotah then checks the control panel)
Kotah: Everyone on the ship has eaten a cookie. We are ready.
Ragon: Excellent.

(On the Bridge)
Daniel: Ensign Dan, you're relieved!
(Suddenly Ensign Dan collapses to the floor)
Daniel: Well, you don't have to take it that bad.
(He looks around. Everyone on the Bridge is unconscious)
Daniel: Computer...uh...um.. is.. anyone moving on the ship?
#Computer: One Andorian, one Klingon and the Captain are the only non-motionless forms on the ship.
Daniel: The Computer can detect that? Oh..um... Locate the Klingon and Andorian.
#Computer: They are on Turbolift 2.
Daniel: What the? They're on their way to the Bridge...
(Captain Daniel takes the shape of the surface of the Captain's chair cushion. The tubolift doors then open)
Ragon: Ahhh. The legendary Phoenix-X. I've always wanted a ship like this. Although, it is rather too comfy. I don't like that.
(The Klingon sits in the Captain's chair)
Ragon: Oooo. This chair is rather uncomfortable. It feels like I am sitting on a Bohevian turtle.
Kotah: Ragon, the systems on this ship are ready.
Ragon: How are the weapons?
Kotah: Operational.
Ragon: Set course for the Maquis base.
Kotah: Course set in.
Ragon: Engage........ ETA?
Kotah: 23 hours and 56 minutes.
Ragon: Okay. That'll give me enough time to explore the ship. Let's go.
Kotah: Hold on. Internal sensors are saying that not all personnel is accounted for.
Ragon: Who is left?
Kotah: The Captain.
Ragon: What? I knew we were missing someone. Okay. Find him, immediately. Watch out. Expect the unexpected.

(The two go into the turbolift with the Captain on Ragon's knife.......... The Captain goes and pinches Ragon's gluteus maximus)
Ragon: Hey. What was that for?
Kotah: What? I didn't do anything.
(The Captain goes and pinches Kotah's gluteus maximus)
Kotah: Oh, Ragon, I didn't know.
(He winks at Ragon)
Ragon: What? Are you feeling okay?
Kotah: Oh, don't ask me that question. You know the answer. If I look hot, then you know why.
(Kotah winks at Ragon again)
Ragon: Knock it off!

(The turbolift doors open, and they venture their way out into the corridors before entering the mess hall)
Kotah: I'm getting tired of stepping over all these bodies.
Ragon: Then vaporize them away.
Kotah: Too much work, Ragon.
Ragon: You go check in the brig for our Cardassian prisoner.
(Kotah leaves. Later, Kotah comes back)
Kotah: He's fine.
Ragon: Good! I feel like celebrating! Computer, blood wine.
(Bloodwine replicates)
Daniel: The computers don't really make it as good as the real thing.
(He approaches in a humanoid shape. Ragon drops the bloodwine and pulls out his bat'leth. He swings the bat'leth and Daniel dodges. Kotah takes out a phaser. Daniel shapeshifts into an Adamantimi)
Kotah: Wha— what is that!?
Ragon: It's an adamantimi. I had to fight one of these on Vulcan once. Heh, heh.
Adamantimi-Daniel: Moooooohhhhaaaa!!
Kotah: Um. AAaaaaaaaaahhhhh!!!

(The Andorian runs away. Ragon chuckles, jumps and stabs the bat'leth into the shoulder of the adamantimi. The adamantimi swings his arm and brushes the Klingon across the room. Ragon crashes through the wall and into the hallway. The adamantimi shapeshifts into Daniel's humanoid form again. Daniel checks on the Klingon. Ragon is unconscious. Daniel goes into a liquid state and swishes through the ventilation system of the ship)

(In the turbolift)
Kotah: What is that thing? I must get to the underground Maquis base.

(In the hallway, behind the mess hall)
Ragon: Ugh.
(He gets up.)
Ragon: This is not over yet, Changeling.

(In the Shuttle bay, Ragon enters. He boards a shuttlecraft and flies out of the ship. Ragon lands on the top of the Phoenix-X)
Ragon: Engage magnetic emergency locking clamps.

(On the Bridge)
Kotah: Now it's all up to me. I must return to the Maquis base.
Daniel: Yes, you must like it there.
Kotah: Ah! Wha-t are you?
Daniel: I'm the Captain of this ship. It must be a prize for you to take home an updated fully operational Federation warship.
Kotah: Too late, freak! We're already here!
Daniel: What? We shouldn't be there for another 20 hours.
Kotah: I lied when I was giving the ETA.
Daniel: So you were going to double cross Ragon...

(On the shuttlecraft)
Ragon: That little boundfat! He lied to me! No matter, I will land and be the one to give the prisoner over to the Maquis!

(On the Bridge. A pollensalta holds Kotah by the neck)
Pollensalta-Daniel: Talk!!
Kotah: Ugh-ackk! O--okay! It was me a--and Ragon!

(On the shuttlecraft)
Ragon: I will be the one to take the prize instead of that Andorian.

(On the Bridge)
Kotah: We were to be rich if we delivered your ship! Ack! 
Pollensalta-Daniel: Where!?!?
Kotah: In— ack— Sector 309.

(On Starbase 55, in a conference room)
Aeris: We've just found out about these attack groups in Sector 309.
Cid: And, on one of these two planets is indicated to be the last, last known Maquis cell. We think they've acquired a few fleets of Tosk Hunters from the Gamma Quadrant while no one was looking!
Cloud: Where did these Maquis come from? I thought we got them all.
Aeris: It's possible they broke out of one of our many minimum security prison worlds.
Cloud: Aren't pretty much all our prison worlds minimum security?
Aeris: That's true. Most of them have revolving doors, outside, mounted to nothing.
Cloud: So, now these Maquis have gone mental and tricked these fleets of Tosk Hunter ships to agree to rise against us.
Aeris: Well, it's either that or said Hunters are merely AI-driven drone ships, controlled by a single man in a squeaky chair.
Cid: That's wildly implausible. We're out of luck, anyway. We don't have time to get any Federation ships over there.

(On the Cardassian Hideki-class starship Isotope, in a Conference room)
Dukat: I don't trust this residual Maquis. They could eventually become a threat to the Cardassian Empire.
Mag: Well, we have a backdoor trade agreement with them. They seem to be getting Meloneus back from the Federation somehow. We are to go to their base and trade there.
Dukat: Sounds like a trap. They could never go to peace with us.

(On the Phoenix-X)
Gotens: Ugh.
EMH: I've given you a sedative. Your symbiont seems to be affected badly by the drug in the cookie. I'm going to need to operate. I might have a sedative for the symbiont.
Daniel: Ensign Dan, you're back on duty. Get to work on reviving everyone on the ship.
Ensign Dan: Really? Me?
Daniel: Are you questioning me? You're relieved. Armond—
Armond: Aye, Captain.
Daniel: Security, take this Andorian to the brig. Red, can you put a tractor beam onto the shuttlecraft?
Red: Too late, Captain. The shuttlecraft has landed on the planet.
Daniel: Can we beam him up?
Red: Negative, Captain. There's too much interference in the atmosphere. Some kind of energy toxicant.
(He turns around)
Red: I think we can take a shuttlecraft.
Daniel: I know what they're doing. They're planning on securing that no one knows they're there. Intoxicate the planet and live underground in secret...

(On Qo'noS, in a secret room)
Bahah: There is a Klingon traitor who is another one of those people who want see the Klingon Empire fall. He has come into contact with the Second Maquis, and somehow he has persuaded power. The Federation has told us that a second Maquis group is large enough and strong enough to take over any one of us.
Logtow: We must stop them...

(The Phoenix-X returns halfway to Federation Space. Everyone meets in the briefing room)
Daniel: Okay, I want to know if all personnel are okay and ready to go into battle. We need to be in tip-top shape.
Gotens: All personnel are accounted for.
Daniel: Wallace, I want some of your best men guarding the brig. I want that prisoner to be alive for the Federation to acquit him.
Wallace: I don't know what that means, sir, but I will do my best.
Daniel: Kugo, I know that those Klingons were working in Engineering. Did you run a diagnostic on the systems to see if they did some modifications?
Kugo: Yes, Captain. I ran the diagnostics. There was no sign of tampering.
Daniel: So, are the systems all ready to go for battle?
Kugo: Yes, Captain.
Daniel: When I call for the multi-vector assault mode, I want it fully operational. Last time when we tested it, only the bottom vector separated and the rest were trying to go their different directions. Oh was that bad.
Kugo: All systems are ready to go, Captain.
Daniel: Well, I want specifications to be improved by another 55%. You have one hour.
Kugo: Yes, Captain. Ugggh.
Daniel: What was that?
Kugo: Oh, nothing, Captain.
Daniel: You bet.
BOB: Did someone say bet?
Daniel: No! Okay, I want Gotens, Armond, BOB, and Red to make sure everyone has weapons. EMH...
EMH: Yes, Captain. Please state the medical emergency.
Daniel: What?
EMH: Oh, sorry, Captain. My algorithms are malfunctioning.
Daniel: Well, fix it once you get out of here.
EMH: Consider it done. Okay, it's done.
Daniel: Well, unfix them. I ordered you to fix them when you get out of here.
EMH: Okay, Captain.
Daniel: Anyway, I want you and Heelix to ready the mess hall as your extra sick bay. We might encounter some injuries.
EMH: I will inform that Talaxian at once, ma'am.
Daniel: I beg your pardon.
EMH: Sorry again, Captain. It's my algorithms.
Daniel: Okay. It looks like we will be ready in an hour. Here is the plan. We will convey with the Sixth Fleet, Vulcan's fleet, and the Klingon fleet. By our side will be the Xena, Defiant, and the Enterprise-D.......uh......I mean E. Gosh, they need to come with better registry names. We will all invade the Maquis planets. The Vulcan fleet will invade the second planet nearest to the sun with the Klingon fleet.
Gotens: That'll be a laugh.
Daniel: Oh, true. Anyways, the Federation will take its fleet to battle the first planet. So, are we all understood on what our duty is?
Everyone: Yes, sir.
Daniel: Dismissed. You have one hour.

(In the Ready Room)
Daniel: Admiral, we will be ready in one hour. We are presently preparing on Deep Space 9.
>Cloud: I know this is a detrimental battle, but I have some bad news. We have to divert most of the fleet toward Romulan space. 
Daniel: So, who will be my fleet?
>Cloud: You will only have your ship, the Xena, the Defiant, and the Enterprise.
Daniel: So that's it? How are we going to win with that? The Vulcans and Klingons combined equal the power of our ships alone. The chances were slim with them in the first place. Now we only have four ships to take over a whole planet.
>Cloud: You'll just have to do your best. Good luck.
Daniel: Uggh! Phoenix-X out.
>Cloud: Good lu—
#Gotens: Captain, the fleets are here. We are ready to go. We just have to wait for the rest of our fleet.
Daniel: There is no rest of the Fleet. This is all the Admiral gave us. Inform the fleet and the others to set course for the Maquis base. May the Force be with us.
#Gotens: What was that?
Daniel: Nothing.

(On the Xena)
Wing: But, Captain, do you think only the few of us can take them all on?
Aeris: We're gonna have to. Because the fate of the Alpha Quadrant lies here. Come. Let us prepare for battle.

(On the Phoenix-X, Bridge)
Daniel: Armond, how far are we till we return to that left-over Maquis system?
Armond: Not far, Captain. I say it will be about 10 minutes.
Daniel: Okay. Daniel to Engineering. Kugo, do you have the systems optimized yet? I want that extra 55%. There are 10 minutes till we get to the planet.
#Kugo: Systems are ready to go Captain. I have it up to 60%, over the maximum level.
Daniel: Great. Good job. I will send Red down there to help. Daniel out.
(Beat)
Daniel: Red, go help Kugo down there.Wallace, open a channel to the fleet and other vessels on our side.
Wallace: Channel open.
Daniel: This is Captain Daniel of the starship Phoenix-X. You all know the plan. As you might have known already, the rest of Starfleet could not muster a whole fleet for our cause. But we will still go with the plan. Commence plan now. Keep an open channel and be careful.

(The three fleets separate. The Vulcans and Klingons head for the second planet, and the Starfleet ships go to the first planet. The Vulcan and Klingon fleets at the second planet engage the Tosk-Maquis ships)

(Klingon fleet of five warbirds, lead by Logtow)
Logtow: Kill those petaQ. We will teach them to fight with the Klingons. We will make blood wine out of them. Engage!

(Vulcan fleet of five cruisers, led by Eloq)
Eloq: Engage the enemies. It is imperative that we defeat them. Live long and prosper.

(The Vulcans and Klingons fight veraciously. One Vulcan cruiser is hit and three warbirds go down. The Tosk-Maquis are being defeated, although there are fifteen of their ships left. They fight and fight. The Starfleet ships are then up against twenty-eight Tosk-Maquis ships)

Daniel: Okay, fleet, there are twenty-eight ships, as the narrator said. I guess we should divide this. Everyone gets seven. I'll take the ships on the other side of the planet. You guys divide among yourselves.
#Aeris: I'll get the ships port of you, Phoenix-X.
#Sisko: I'll get the ships starboard of you, Phoenix-X.
#Picard: I guess I'll get the last seven. Uggh.

(On the Xena)
Aeris: Okay, engage these Tosk-Maquis. Let's smash them back onto the heck they believe in.
Wendy: There are two ships behind us and three ships ahead on an intercept course.
Aeris: Initiate maneuvering strategies.
Aeris: Get ready to fire phasers on the ships behind us. Initiate flight pattern Omega 340.
(The Xena does a loop and gets behind the two ships. Phasers fire and they destroy the two ships)
Aeris: Good job. Now we have three ships left.

(On the Defiant)
Sisko: Old man, engage cloak.
Worf: With all due respect, Captain, but I married that young woman.
Dax: Ohhhh, Worf. You can be so sweet at times.
Sisko: Oh, shut— I mean, sorry.
Dax: Cloak is engaged.
Sisko: Bring us around to face all the seven ships. Set a course for a beeline to each one of those ships in an intercept and get ready to bring us out of cloak on my mark. Chief, give me all you got.
O'Brien: Excuse me.
Sisko: Oh, you know what I mean. Nog, engage the set-course.
Nog: Done, Captain.
Sisko: Fire on those ships, now.
(The Defiant uncloaks and the Tosk-Maquis are confused. In their confusion, the Defiant shoots them down. One Tosk-Maquis manages to escape. The Defiant chases after)

(Meanwhile, with the Enterprise-E)
Picard: Okay, Data. You know what to do. Let's show them not to mess with the Enterprise.
Data: Captain, I need orders. I can't hold the burden of the ship with my inconclusive decisions.
Picard: Just shoot the ships down. Engineering, give me all you got. We need speed.
Troi: I feel you are very stressed, Captain.
Picard: That is not your concern.
(He flinches and has a zombie look on his face)
Picard: Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated. Your species will be added to the Collective.
(He reaches over to Deanna Troi to assimilate her with his hand. Riker goes over and slaps the Captain)
Riker: You are out of line Jean-Luc. Snap out of it!
(Slap, slap)
Picard: Okay, you can stop slapping me! I'm all right.
Riker: Did you know what you were doing?
Picard: No. It must be my implants. While I was in that trance, I got an image of someone. It was a she. Her name was Seven Of Nine.

(On Voyager. Seven is out of her cove and starts to spasm out. Then she comes to control. When she comes to, she realizes that she has destroyed the cargo bay and disabled the ship's warp drive. Janeway comes in)
Janeway: What the H-E double hockey sticks are you doing? We're in a fight with the Hirogen right now and you decide to destroy the warp core? Look what you have done.
Seven: Sorry, Captain. I experienced an out-of-body stasis. I was out of control and I couldn't do anything. Though, I did have an image of someone. A he. This male goes by the name of Jean-Luc Picard.
Janeway: Huh!

(The Hirogen destroys the ship and the holodeck turns off. The exercise is lost. Back to the war, the Enterprise is fighting and destroys all seven ships. It then goes to help the Defiant)

(On the Phoenix-X)
Daniel: Initiate multi-vector attack mode. Target the Tosk-Maquis. Flight pattern, Alpha Omega.
(The Phoenix-X separates into three parts. Red, Armond, and Daniel command the three ships)
#Red: Vector Gamma, go.
#Armond: Vector Beta, go.
Daniel: And, Vector Alpha, go.

(Vector Gamma speeds between two ships, firing on them. They return fire but Red pulls the vector out of there as the two ships hit and destroy each other)
Red: Two down.

(Vector Beta is chased by two more ships until the vector shoots a flare behind it and blows the two enemy vessels apart with a one-time-only Transwarp Flare)
Armond: I got my two.
#Daniel: That leaves three more. Okay. Ready the Vectoral Quandifier.

(The three vectors get in a triangular position. Vector Alpha on the top and the other two, on the bottom corners of the formation. They head to the remaining three ships while forming a flow of quantum particles to the middle of the formation. When they combine in the middle, it creates the source of the weapon. The source then shoots the quantums at the ships and the ships are disintegrated)
Daniel: Good job. Bring it all back together, boys.

(The ship recombines as the Phoenix-X)
Daniel: Okay, fleet, let's give our other fleet a hand. Where's the Defiant?
#Sisko: Oh, we're right here. We are just cloaked. We are right behind you. What an idiot!
Daniel: I beg your pardon.
#Sisko: Oops. Sorry. I was talking to my crewman.
Daniel: Okay.

(On the Defiant)
Sisko: I thought you cut off the communication.
Nog: He said to keep an open channel.

(The ships reunite with the other ships until the Tosk-Maquis ships surrender. The Alpha Quadrant is safe, once again. Starfleet tractor beams the damaged Klingon and Vulcan ships to safety)

(Hours later, on the Isotope)
Dukat: Hmm. It seems the Federation already took care of our problem.
Eldora: Well, it really wasn't a problem. We were always more powerful than them.
Dukat: How true that is.
Mag: Sir, approaching the Maquis base.
Dukat: That Meloneus is going to have to give me a big 'thank you' for this.
Mag: Sir, the Klingon bird of prey Roku, decloaking!
Dukat: Raise shields. Arm phasers!
(The screen clicks to the Klingon commander)
>Wulg: We have no wish to quarrel with you. Our fight is with the Klingon Empire.
Dukat: Tell me, what are you doing here?
>Wulg: One of our Klingon dissidents. He successfully took over a Federation starship and brought it here. The ship was to be ours.
Dukat: Impressive.

(On the I.K.S. Roku)
Theg: We are getting a communication from the planet.
>Dukat: Well, I'll leave you to your business.
(He cuts off screen)
Wulg: Open.
>Ragon (on screen): Where are you? I'm ready to beam up.
Wulg: I'm disappointed in you.
>Ragon: It was that Captain Daniel. I swear I will have my revenge on him...
Wulg: Don't blame others. That's just rude!

(On the Phoenix-X, in the Brig. Gotens enters. The guard is unconscious, on the floor and a cell is open)
Gotens: You, Andorian! What happened?
Kotah: You really are ignorant. Can't you see?
Gotens: Gotens to Shuttle bay. Are we—
#Elly: Yes, we're missing a shuttlecraft.
Gotens: Great. He got away. You and the Klingon were not only stealing the ship, but also delivering him...
BOB (enters): What happened?
Gotens: Meloneus got off the ship during the battle. That Cardassian got away.

(At the planet with the Maquis base, the Isotope takes orbit)
Dukat: Beam him aboard.
Meloneus (beams over from the Starfleet shuttlecraft): Argh! Too bad our almost-allies were just defeated. I will have my revenge...
Dukat: And, I'll have my revenge on that Sisko...
Meloneus: Who?
Dukat: Err— nobody.
Meloneus: Okay then.

(The Isotope turns and warps out of there, leaving the debris of the previous battle behind and adrift)