Star Trek: Phoenix-X
"The Bajoran Trove Remake, Part II"
Previously, on Flortarios III, in the White House of Commons: The Prometheus-class U.S.S. Phoenix-X sat in planetary orbit while a small crowd of Starfleet commanding officers surrounded a White House of Commons-floored and delirious Gotens being attended to by Ensign Dan.
"He's reeling from the Bajoran Trove," the Ensign popped. "I can reverse the effects of the drink— which appear to be enhancing instead of pacifying his reverie due to him being a Trill."
Moving quickly, everyone watched as Ensign Dan collected more and more items to then dismantle his communicator and carefully wire it all together over a large, stemmed cocktail glass.
"Got it!" Ensign Dan called after Gotens gulped and absorbed, causing his fog to fade.
He sat up. "What is happening? I could have sworn I was on the verge of a storytelling masterpiece any fan fiction author would have dreamed??"
Suddenly a renegade legal-obsessed Flortarian named Mellinook, burst out of the heating vent with a phaser rifle aimed at everyone. "We sat through all these pointless shenanigans and it has made us perpetually sick! You are now in a classic hostage situation!"
---
And now, the conclusion: As the Prometheus-class U.S.S. Phoenix-X sat dumbfoundedly in orbit of Flortarios III, the hostage crisis within the White House of Commons ruminated.
"Everyone, go to that corner for procedural hands-up dealings," Mellinook pointed with his rifle. "This is a legal hold-up. And, no touching of the sugar table! You people make me sick with your terrible health choices."
His companion Flortarian, Pablokinya, broke out of another vent with his own rifle. "Yeah! By the way, the humanoid-size ventilation system has been nothing but accommodating and well aired for anyone without layers. Where is the President? I want to give this facility a five-star rating from a take-over perspective."
"Did you say this was a legal hold-up?" Gotens queried. "Like, you submitted forms and got approval?"
Mellinook snapped. "Exactly right! Since the government is so embroiled in corruption, they didn't even notice the schedule update." He turned to his companion. "The President is the one without the uniform, you idiot!"
"Why are you snapping at me? We're the good guys?" Pablokinya shrugged as he passed Gotens. "Good guys usually get along."
But unnoticeably, Captain Daniel had shapeshifted himself to look like President Creeton. "I'm afraid you have the wrong person. Legal or not, Starfleet is here to maintain order."
"Huh? There are two of them?" Mellinook blinked. "Forget it. Grab the Prime Minister. They're basically interchangeable and at the same level of political power."
But instead, Daniel snuck off behind the crowd and shapeshifted himself into Prime Minister Clingten as a confused Pablokinya was approaching. "Here I am."
"What the H-E-double-hockey-sticks is going on here??" the subservient Flortarian guffawed before an eye-rolling Ensign Dan.
The Ensign blurted, "What a wimp. Good guys can just say it too: Hell!"
Captain Iviok postured himself up in appreciation. "Swearing is a Starfleet pastime, no matter what the translation matrix censors on Galaxy-class ships. I'm starting to like you, Ensign." He grunted as Ensign Dan squeaked, trying to prove manliness to Iviok.
"Anywayyyys," Pablokinya diverted.
Iviok mimicked, "Anywayyyys," prompting the others to laugh.
"Hey! Stop laughing at me! We have this hostage situation until 3PM!" Pablokinya countered before accidentally firing his upheld phaser rifle at the ceiling. As some rubble fell down, everyone then obeyed with silence. "Sorry, I'm new to this. We just need a leader to make demands for a free and legal society."
Suddenly, Lieutenant Commander Armond's voice broke through communications. "Captain, we've detected phaser fire down there. Is everything okay? Do you need additional security, a beam out, or some kind of distraction? Really, the options are endless."
"Not now, Lieutenant Commander," replied the shapeshifted Clingten-Daniel before he realized the folly of outing himself.
Pablokinya splurted in joy, "Aha! He's not the real one." The Flortarian quickly grabbed the other Prime Minister and tagged him with an emergency transporter unit. "Got him. But why did you want me to put this on his coat?"
"Questions are the sugar cubes of society!" Mellinook snapped before firing a phaser beam at the shapeshifted Clingten-Daniel. "Really? A Starfleet presence in the Flortarios system? Let's make one thing clear: You interfere with the Dominion, you pay."
But, before Pablokinya could refute, he, Mellinook and the real Clingten were transported away. Daniel quickly bubbled up from a polymorphic liquid back to his original form.
"They couldn't have gone far. The dampening fields on this planet limits transporters. Everyone, get back to your ships. President Creeton, I want you guarded in your quarters. Do not accept any legal hostage application forms."
The President blarted, "You don't have to illicit me twice."
---
Soon, everyone was back to their starships. Captain Samya entered the Bridge of the U.S.S. Dropzone.
Commander Jarell turned to address her. "The Phoenix-X is confirming that the transporter beam had a Jem'Hadar signature. There was a Jem'Hadar heavy raider in the system, but only for a moment. It sent a message to you."
"How'd we miss that? Are we sucking as a task force already??" she grumbled. "Let's hear the message."
The audio clicked on with Mellinook's voice, "Captain Samya. I noticed you were the most attractive of the Starfleet officers, so I wanted you to inform your shapeshifting leader that he is to expect a fleet of about twenty heavy raiders and attack fighters to meet your aggression. This is also a response to the recent turning of the tides we suspect is due to your Captain Sisko but we can't prove."
"Uggh!" Samya gritted. "On top of betraying his people, he's also sexist? What the hell with his revelations coming out of nowhere all the time??"
---
Meanwhile, the Phoenix-X was notified of Mellinook's terrible posturing. Lieutenant Commander Wallace ended the conversation with the Dropzone. "Bye-low, Starfleet memba!" Then he turned to Captain Daniel.
"Thank you, Wallace. Open a channel to Task Force Epsilon." The communication opened and Daniel stood up. "As you may already be reading, there is a fleet of twenty heavy raiders and attack ships en route to the Flortarios system while we are only seven. Therefore, we will lure them closer to the binary stars and fight them there. As we all know, Jem'Hadar starships are susceptible to gravimetric disturbances."
Gotens shrugged. "We all know? Like, we're talking about that in our off-hours?"
"Please, do not interrupt with your awkward social life, Commander. Now, I want the U.S.S. Jenova to remain here, at Flortarios III, to keep an eye out for that cloaked heavy raider. Employ tachyon scanners, if you can. We will confront the Dominion fleet and demand the return of the Prime Minister."
Gotens crossed his arms. "And you think they're going to listen to us?" But, at a sudden stabby-stare from Daniel, Gotens dropped his arms. "Oh, like insubordinately self-criticism over comms isn't our thing? You know the task force needs to adapt to our banter as early as possible."
---
As the rest of Task Force Epsilon spread their way across the Flortarios system, aligning a path to its binary stars, the U.S.S. Hijinx, at the furthest, outer edge, lit up in proximity alert klaxons.
"Commander Reynolds, I simply must report—" tactical officer, Ensign Lane began before they were interrupted.
Reynolds stood. "Yes, I know. The Dominion fleet." Then, to blank stare, she elaborated, "I'm a Betazoid, remember? I can read your mind?"
"That explains our Silent Saturdays," Lane realized.
She smirked. "Just wait for Seductive Sundays. Participation based on your thoughts." Then, widening her eyes, she snapped. "Wait. Dominion? Why are we doing this vocular back-and-forth? Use those auditory placids elsewise! Inform the task force! Add more red to the red alert!"
---
Halfway out into the Flortarios system, the Prometheus-class U.S.S. Phoenix-X took a position. Daniel and Gotens were in a turbolift on their way to the Bridge.
"You know, I'd really like to see the corrupt government take seriously the legal underground," Gotens postulated.
Daniel shook his head. "When their lawful leader defects to the villainous Dominion, said-underground's legality comes into question. Also, did you know that Jem'Hadar ships are weak to gravimetric distrubances?"
"It's happening!" Then, "I did not know that. Interesting," Gotens calmed before the turbolift doors opened and they entered the Bridge.
Daniel rushed to his chair. "Report!"
"The Hijinx has detected a fleet of twenty Jem'Hadar heavy raiders and attack ships entering the Flortarios system," Armond read from tactical.
Gotens perked. "Think of it as a test of our task force."
"I'll think if it as a death wish of our task force," Ensign Dan capitulated as he sipped more Bajoran Trove.
Daniel turned. "You are out of order, Ensign! Also, are you still drinking that? Like, in a forced-in-our-faces way?"
"At least my body can stay in order," the Ensign continued.
Armond looked around. "I'd hate to side with the Ensign, but he's right in that analogy of pouring more than we can drink is as bad as the Commander's Bajoran Trove situation."
"You too, Armond??"
But it wasn't long before the Jem'Hadar heavy raider Lyngon-2752 decloaked and beamed Daniel and Ensign Dan away.
---
The two Starfleet officers quickly realized they were behind a forcefield, on the Bridge of the Lyngon-2752. There, they were presented with its commanding officer, the Cardassian Gul Meloneus.
"Ugh!? It's you, Phoenix-X! You know how much I hated being in your Brig for that short period? Your Lieutenant Wallace kept feeding me test cookies!" the grey reptilian-like man blurted.
Daniel almost did a double-take. "Wait a minute. Meloneus? You kidnapped me for turning Cetacean ops into a library instead of a torture chamber?"
"Why did you think that diplomatically discussing that with anyone would cure the war? Either way, finding out then you were a Changeling satisfied one of my many childhood grudges. You will address me as Gul Meloneus, Commander of the 24th and half Order! It's a side Order for the Dominion. No fries." Then he turned. "As such, I was trying to beam you and Gotens as I have a newly bubbled and additional grudge against him. Not this Ensign who is always late for work."
Ensign Dan crossed his arms. "Wow. I miss a mishap once. Also, since when do Jem'Hadar ships have cloaking devices?"
"We're trying it out with this fleet, obviously!" Meloneus snapped. "The mission for our Half Order is to test their effectiveness and report back. Everything else here, kidnapping the Prime Minister and taking over the Flortarios system, is just stuff I wanted to do. It's good to have hobbies, you know. Healthy."
---
Meanwhile, the crew on the Phoenix-X frantically tried to rectify situations amiss.
"Commander, I'm not reading the Dominion fleet anymore," Armond reported. "They've cloaked! No. Wait. One just decloaked in front of the Crucial. More are decloaking, firing and re-cloaking again. The Hijinx is being attacked. The Tsunami is too??"
Gotens observed as the task force engaged defensive patterns against a popcorn-like enemy. "Wow. The Dominion improved the dropped-shield vulnerability of cloaking. I'm actually impressed." Then, snapping out of it, he recognized one of the heavy raiders being fired upon by a passing Dropzone. "Hey. Hail that guy!"
"Took you long enough!" came the on-screen response from the Lyngon-2752. "It is I, Gul Meloneus of the 24th and a half Order. And, you know what? No exchanges this time! I'm quite happy with what I've got right now. Your gelatin Captain and the Prime Minister of Flortarios III."
Commander Gotens stood. "Repeating beats, Meloneus? Also, thanks to that Bajoran Trove, I previously recalled a memory of my history with you. Six years ago, you handed me and the Xena over to the Romulans."
"It's the other memory!"
Then, blinking, "Twenty-seven years ago, my last host, Rikonen, helped the Federation oppose you on the conflict on Flortarios III until said-me triggered an alien interference that pushed us both out?"
"Yes! That one. Had I known that was you, I'd have pinched you soooo hard, remotely from my ship, the Tarak, to you, on the Xena, those twenty-one years later. Then, again, the other times I encountered you on the Phoenix-X. It wasn't until recently I realized the connection when Mellinook reached out."
Gotens shook his head, "Meloneus, don't be a fool. Mellinook is using your easily-sloshable rage as a tool to disrupt the Flortarian government. We are mini shot glasses on his bar table of boilermakers!"
"What the hell is with all these alcohol analogies? You won't bedazzle me this time like you did when you were sitting next to that attractive Jadzia!" he announced before communications were terminated the two starships opened fire.
Gotens dropped his shoulders. "A lot of misogyny going around today."
---
On the Lyngon-2752, the vessel's Vorta commander entered the Bridge to find a radical Cardassian in charge in the midst of a starship fire-fight.
"Hey! Stop being crazy!" Osh argued. "Also, that Flortarian Mellinook keeps asking for updates. He says we are legally obliged to reciprocate. Did you sign some kind of treaty?"
Meloneus grumbled. "It's that incessant Underground that is obsessed with everything legal. It was the only way to get him to kidnap the Prime Minister for preliminary worldwide occupation. It's a Cardassian thing. Occupying, that is."
"Well, the Dominion does not kowtow to inter-planetary losers on paper. It's one of our Prime Directives, besides the causal genocide where necessary."
The Cardassian jilted. "I've been given command of this fleet, and I will proceed in fittingly side-building methods of subjugation as necessary!"
"You're mixing personal vendettas with Dominion overreach, and I will not have it, Meloneus! Plus, look at us. Look at us bickering right now. What have we become?"
---
As background Jem'Hadar and Starfleet starships converged energy beams and torpedoes in space, the Phoenix-X and Lyngon-2752 were joined by the heavy raider Hinxen-3921.
"Who is this unrelated random? As if! Also, has anyone responded to our demands to return the hostages?" Gotens expletived and inquired all at once.
Armond shrugged. "Going to be honest. I never sent those due to all the revelatory lore that jutted itself out at us without warning."
"Ugh. Yeah, that makes sense," the Commander conceded before holding up a long-stemmed glass of Bajoran Trove. "In addition, Meloneus was right about my recollection as I believe Ensign Dan's anti-cocktail is still jilting various memories. There must be something I'm missing with Rikonen's Cardassian encounter that could help us now."
BOB turned. "Commander, no! You were absolutely hammered on aggressive nostalgia indistinguishable from actual drunkenness! You left an official log recording the whole thing?? Like a pocket-dialed social media livestream."
"We may be in the middle of a high-end Dominion War battle, with me in command, but Starfleet procedures and crew safety simply must be undercut for the greater good. Armond, initiate multi-vector attack separation mode Alpha 3-4 while I Trill-out with even higher stakes," Gotens hard core'd as he raised a pinky and took a gentle sip from the elegant cocktail glass.
---
As the Phoenix-X separated into three and auto-swarmed the Lyngon-2752 and Hinxen-3921, the swooping Steamrunner-class U.S.S. Tsunami was polaron-inundated by at the edge of the binary star system.
"Shields down to ten percent!" exclaimed Commander Morris from the operations console as Jem'Hadar heavy raiders Ginzgn-492, Ginzgn-325 and Ginzgn-211 all swung around for another pass.
Captain McCary gritted his one-quarter-Klingon teeth. "I don't normally indulge in this, but perhaps today is a good day to die. Does anyone know how to get into Sto-vo-kor?"
"Your turning-to-religion-at-near-death is you losing your cool, McCary," came the sarcastic, side-smirking hail from Commander Reynolds as her starship Hijinx flew in and diverted the attack-focuses of the Ginzgn-492 and Ginzgn-325.
With the hit-relief and inter-Tsunami recovery restart, McCary snapped himself out of his part-Klingon trance. "Whoa! I don't know what happened to me there? Now I have a fore-craving for post-fight blood wine?"
"It sounds to me that drinking is what fuels Klingons to win battles," the Betazoid Reynolds concluded as she took those two Jem'Hadar ships away to inadvertently allow the Ginzgn-211 to attempt a suicide-run at the Tsunami.
McCary blinked in realization. "Perhaps you're right? But, seeing as death is once again upon me, I must relinquish said pre-visualizations of merriment, cheer and potential head-butting."
"Oh, the drama! Seeing as your introverted personality is easily vanquished to skull-trauma at near-end, I'm keen to get you-later to a Starfleet regulation and sanitized barrel of imported bloodwine," the deviant Reynolds inserted as she had the Hijinx change course, back, and drive a rapid burst of their remaining quantum torpedoes through the Ginzgn-211 until it exploded into pieces raining passed a shocked Tsunami.
With the in-tow Jem'Hadar heavy raiders still-following the Hijinx, the Ginzgn-492 broke off for the Tsunami and the Ginzgn-325 remained on course. "Wow! It's like your shenanigan-based approach is scotch whiskey to an of-aged birthday boy."
"Is that from personal experience?" Reynolds replied before the Ginzgn-325 ran itself, fast, through the Hijinx's starboard nacelle, knocking their warp drive offline and blowing out several decks.
Suddenly, the U.S.S. Crucial dropped inter-system warp and tricobalt-destroyed both the Ginzgn-492 and Ginzgn-325. "Are you two busy bonding instead of properly fighting because we're all new here? I want in on this!" And then, to the other, blank-staring Captains, he added, "How reckless are these Jem'Hadar with their newly cloaked-fitted raiders, am I right? Drinks!?"
---
As the Phoenix-X continued in three separated Prometheus-class vectors, swarming the Lyngon-2752 and Hinxen-3921, the Bridge-strapped Commander Night Gotens' Bajoran Trove-induced stupor heightened more this time to warp him back into a previous hosts' memory: Rikonen and his hand-sized android spider friend, roaming the open rocky lava fields of the non-aligned Flortarios III in the year 2347.
"This is it, Zeta," the tall, non-uniformed Rikonen Gotens realized as he held his stomach in pain with one hand, Starfleet tricorder in the other and struggled to walk normally. "Readings are picking up sporocystian energy toward that cave, over there."
But the little metallic imitation Crystal Spinner spider, crouched on his shoulder, perked up on its eight pointy legs in shock. *Click!? Chhrrip! Chirp! Cliccck!*
"You're right. The Cardassians beat us to it and are laying siege," Gotens squinted, taking similar notice of a contingent of twenty armed soldiers outside of the cave with no Starfleet officers in sight. "First they subjugate the Bajorans and now this?"
As they approached the sparse rocky bulge, two Gil-ranked soldiers turned weapons on them. "I am Meloneus and we believe the dying creature in this cave stands between us and this planet. Also, him being chockfull of useful non-coporeal energies would catapult me to Gul levels we've never even seen."
"Rikonen Gotens. I'm not with Starfleet anymore but my symbiont is reaching yet another sporocystian increase and I need this entity more than you," the struggling Trill replied.
Zeta perked from his shoulder. *Chrip! Click! More than you.*
"You realize we're at war, right? The needs of the Cardassians outweigh the needs of anyone else, introductions notwithstanding," Meloneus gritted. "We won't wait for our Dal to get here to oppose you."
Gotens noticed as more lower-ranked officers turned from the cave to aim their phase-disruptors at him and Zeta. "Well, buddy. I guess you're really going to put your Omicron Theta combat skills to the test, huh?"
*Click!?* Zeta snapped at the ready as Rikonen Gotens revved up the energies infused with his symbiont, temporarily curing his pain and launching both he and Zeta into an airborne jump-kick toward the enemy.
The Cardassians quickly opened fire, hitting Gotens to no result as he swiftly landed in the crowd, back-handing, force-palming and kicking down military officer after officer until, one-by-one, more and more were painfully struck unconscious.
"No! It's going to take me forever to rank-up now!?" Meloneus complained as a jumping-Zeta shot metallic cables at his chest, knocking the Cardassian off his feet while Zeta landed on his face.
After multi-jabbing the last guy out, Gotens watched Zeta energy shock Meloneus into temporary paralysis, prompting the attention of the large Nacene blob at the edge of the cave. "My name is the Keeper, and I am protecting the native Flortarians of this world from all who threaten."
"It took me a while to figure it out, but my last host interacted with you and caused my symbiont to be infused with your energies," Gotens reported, clutching his stomach in a return to even more suffering. "She died and said-infusion has been causing me to be involuntarily time-travelling for decades. First, to 2262, then to 2291, then to 2343; only able to stay present for five years at a time."
The Keeper shuddered in realization. "It was a terrible attempt at mating with her that injured me for over a hundred years and stuck me here. Though, enjoyable in the moment, please accept my apologies for its residual effects on you. If I may have said-energies back, I could end your torment, albeit the transfer may jump you one last time."
"Anything, thank you! Let's also not tell anyone about our relationship status?" Rikonen Gotens conceded as the gelatinous blob grabbed the Trill intimately closer with tendrils, reabsorbing his power, whilst energizing the sporocystian particles up to Rikonen's final, forced time-jump!
Back on the Bridge of Phoenix-X Vector Alpha, in present-day 2374, Night Gotens sipped the previously-concocted, commbadge-rewired, reversed-polarity, long-stemmed-glass-Bajoran-Trove-cure to snap him back out of recollection and into reality.
"Ohhhh, yeah. I did that. Then Rikonen appeared 14 years later, quite satisfied," he recalled. "I guess I can add giant blob relations to our Federation wiki article."
---
Phoenix-X Vector's Beta and Gamma swooped around and destroyed the Hinxen-3921 before noticing that the Lyngon-2752 halted its offensive and stopped in its tracks.
"Hey, the forcefield is gone," Daniel lied from his and Ensign Dan's invisible barrier upon the Bridge of the Lyngon-2752 while shapeshifting his hand into a spike.
Easily tricked, Fourth Dreg'ru took out his polaron rifle and fired it, taking down the actual forcefield. "Not again! I'm always firing at Founders??"
"Wow. They will clone just anybody nowadays," Daniel realized as he grabbed the rifle, spun-fired on Dreg'ru, then handle-butted Meloneus in the face. "Also, how does this feel for gelatin?"
As the Vorta Osh and Ensign Dan were fighting on the floor. Meloneus held his broken nose, backed off and ran off the Bridge to an escape pod after declaring, "Despite your jiggly strike, we still have the Flortarios Underground! All this is completely legal!"
"Captain, is that you? I can tell by the hard-command posture as opposed to the erratic stiffening from pretty much all Cardassians," Gotens hailed as the Phoenix-X reassembled and Daniel had shapeshifted himself to look like Meloneus.
The Daniel-Meloneus was hopelessly tapping at the Jem'Hadar heavy raider's Bridge controls to no avail. "Figured I'd use his likeness to command his fleet to stop, but it looks like the other raiders are on a communications blackout until they serve constitutional, underground Flortarios jurisdiction."
"Despite his seeping, recurring vengeance, this is a squashable foe," Gotens adjugated. "You see, I delved my memories, mid-battle, to recall the real Meloneus is a Dukat-copy, selfish rank-opportunist with an aversion to Bajoran Trove-like chaos and love scenes. Take away his professional advancement and you sober said progress."
After knocking Osh out, Ensign Dan popped up, snapped his fingers in realization and got to work. "Of course! In the same way the Commander was glazely contaminated, the Jem'Hadar can slosh their own plasterized befuddlement for all to see!"
Daniel-Meloneus nodded, catching on. "Ensign, try creating an internal virus that the Lyngon-2752 can transmit to the other Jem'Hadar raiders. You're unrelieved."
"If we're setting the raider to radiate a subspace package to the other shielded raiders, we may need said shield frequencies to allow bleed-through," BOB stepped up as Armond was transported to the Lyngon-2752 to work on that. "You can access defense control on the deck to the left of the Ketracel-espresso machine."
---
Out, in orbit of Flortarios III, the U.S.S. Jenova continued its tachyon sweeps in search of the cloaked Jem'Hadar heavy raider Tengyek-3879. Pablokinya followed Mellinook to the raider's Bridge.
"You betrayed us!" Pablokinya accused as Jem'Hadar crew ignored them and worked on. "We were only legally cleared to kidnap a leader to gain Visibility Credits for the rebellion. What does the Dominion have to do with anything??"
Mellinook rolled his eyes. "Read the room, man. Our illicit world is constantly being harassed by either the Federation or Cardassia and now both are on the verge of Dominion subjugation."
"What are these? Forms of approval and tax credits?" Pablokinya realized, picking up several nearby PADDs. "Did you negotiate an annual oil export? That's not even a legitimate source of energy anymore??"
The other man shrugged. "That one was more symbolic but, the point is, neither the government nor the underground want to accept the inevitable. The Dominion rules, forever and ever, for all time!"
"But there's no Underground approval to admonish the Break Clause that says a contract is void when one side, even for a moment, shows incohesive intoxication? We made said clause to push our thematic legal-obsession in people's faces."
Mellinook directed two Jem'Hadar to suddenly apprehend the other man. "Oh, they have, as I have already illegally taken over our underground. That's right, I'm using traditional, adulterous government tactics in my actions. Go, corruption!"
"You monster!?"
The Flortarian waved it off. "Guards, take this lawfully engaged scoundrel away. Everyone else, prepare for Cardassia Prime where I will engage in non-approved dark-corner-of-the-room, finger-steepling! Oh, and watch out for those gravimetric disturbances."
---
With the Lyngon-2752's crew locked down and missing an escape pod, Daniel, Armond and Ensign Dan set the heavy raider to auto-transmit a recurring, inebriated viral pulse before they transported back to the Phoenix-X.
"Now any Jem'Hadar ship in the system will be spirited the viral package given their shields sustain enemy impact," Ensign Dan confirmed to blank stares. "I'm saying I programmed the virus to reroute a gaseous Bajoran Trove through their ventilation systems so they'll be as delirious as Commander Gotens."
Captain Daniel did a double-take. "That's what I was catching-on? I thought it was just a normal computer virus with a boozed up name? That's the stupidest, most insanely idiotic idea ever. You're re-relieved!"
"In the meantime, our task force is still in combat despite these Jem'Hadar and Vorta being canon-breakingly reconditioned for Founder aggression against you, sir. We should expect no holds barred," Gotens added.
Daniel noticed all the long-stemmed drink glasses around the Captain's chair when he realized, "Did you break your ship protecting oath and drink Bajoran Trove to delve into those memories during a space battle??"
"I've already pre-reprimanded myself and left several marks on my permanent record." Gotens held up a halting palm. "I'm almost at Nick Locarno levels."
But Daniel was examining one of the glasses, still in utter shock. "I'm honestly just impressed at the audacity." BLAM!! He then dropped the shattering receptacle as the Phoenix-X was suddenly hit with a polaron beam from the decloaking Lyngon-1098. "Ugh! Haven't you noticed they've been collecting in twos?"
"You know I was doing other things," Gotens countered as the Phoenix-X swung around and traded photon torpedo fire. "But, you're right. That means there could be another cloaked raider around here."
Daniel turned to address the helm. "Red, let's see if your maneuvering capabilities are as good as your records say."
"Aye, Captain," the Klingon exchange officer replied as he splayed his hands over the controls. "Today is a good day to fly!"
The Lyngon-1098 intensified their assault to quantum torpedoes as the Phoenix-X dodged and weaved to be suddenly confronted with the decloaking Lyngon-1134. WHAMM! After several more hits, the Phoenix-X's shields began to drain dangerously low.
"No signs of the Bajoran Trove Virus in play," Armond reported. "It was a bit of a stretch and part of me is grateful for the scaling back of nonsensical solutions."
Both Lyngons repositioned themselves, with one following and the other head-on. The Phoenix-X then quickly separated into multi-vector three and allowed both Jem'Hadar raiders, weak from binary star gravimetric disturbances, to intercept and explode on collision with each other!
"Good work, people," Daniel amended. "Flortarios Underground proliferation notwithstanding, it's clear to me that we didn't need the Bajoran Trove after all. Let's all take solace in ours and our task force's abilities to handle a situation without the need for a deus ex machina."
---
Meanwhile, the Jem'Hadar heavy raider Hinxen-5732 approached Flortarios III to confront the U.S.S. Jenova.
"Engineering, reroute power from the secondary ketracel espresso machines to the polarons for that extra umph!" ordered Jem'Hadar First Ya'Matla seconds before inhaling the strange mist being vented throughout the raider for all. "Oh, Eighth. I have to confess, I think I love you?"
Eighth Rik'Takran quickly ran up to meet his confession. "And, I you!"
"Sir?" interrupted Second Z'Kran. "In fact, I love the Eighth."
Tenth Ukon'Ret quickly turned, angry, "What!?" before they all started fighting at once.
---
The Jenova prepared to incur them but found the piloting actions of their Jem'Hadar enemy erratic.
"The ship has ceased fire and it is spinning around in circles?" Lieutenant Gondi observed from tactical. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say it was a mating ritual."
Captain Iviok twitched his Andorian antennae in confusion. "By chance, did the Phoenix-X do something strange again? Is this typical of their solutioning?"
"Likely," Melyot conceded as he read through a planetary report PADD. "You must also know, the Flortarios Underground is protesting the illegal disappearance of their legal kidnapping and attempting to seize control of the government as a result."
Iviok twitched even more. "Does the Phoenix-X know we're defending a world where the kidnappers are the victims?? Is this typical of their alien of the weeks??"
---
Pablokinya was escorted along the lower decks of the cloaked, engine-starting Tengyek-3879 by two Jem'Hadar soldiers before they stopped in their tracks in front of several Brig cells.
Fven'Zevh began playing Rock paper scissors lizard Spock. "No Jem'Hadar has ever successfully won this, so I simply must play."
"That's because we are forbidden to choose that historical Vulcan," Den'Ruk added whilst easily losing with his choice of scissors. "Oh, my Founders, we are being so sneaky right now!"
---
Free from their focus, Pablokinya hesitantly but quickly dropped the confused Prime Minister Clingten's containment field and led him to the shuttle bay where they hijacked the Jem'Hadar small craft fighter Yek-783 and flew out of there.
"What is happening to them and why hasn't it affected us?" Pablokinya queried as their vessel broke out of the cloaking field and sped towards Flortarios III.
Clingten recognized it, immediately. "Bajoran Trove deluge. All Flortarian parents have their children inoculated from it on the black market at an early age."
"I'm not saying a corrupt government hasn't done some good for our people but, ever since the age of the Keeper, society has deteriorated into bigotry, propaganda and wing-based politics."
The official took a breath. "Perhaps taking part in this authorized kidnapping will be more eye-opening than I thought. That is, if the Dominion hasn't already joined with your underground."
"Since they show incohesive intoxication, the Break Clause ensures you the most traumatizing, violent capture known to man. Also, do you like embarrassing personal inquiries?"
Clingten's eyes went wide in excitement. "Do I??"
---
Meanwhile, on the Bridge of the Tengyek-3879, Mellinook took notice of his missing noblemen and the corroding state of the Jem'Hadar all around.
"Aren't you going to do anything?" Mellinook shoved. "You are supposed to be the most apocalyptic threat since the Borg!"
Ignoring the sudden failure of the cloaking device, Two Hundreth Ren'Zon quickly visualized, "Why, this is isn't the Bridge of the heavy raider. It's the platform for my new musical, Jem's on Parade!"
"I'm naked! Wooo, yeah baby!" Sixth Dez'Rik announced as he ran around.
With more and more chaos, the ship's Vorta made himself known. "It's obvious that there is a vented substance. Luckily, my kind isn't effected by most drugs and poisons." He set the Tengyek-3879 to go to Cardassia, then excused himself to a back room and started prancing. "It's always been my dream to make Regionals!"
---
The Phoenix-X returned to Flortarios III to find that Hinxen-5732 had suffered a warp core breach.
"They were far enough away from the planet not to ignite its atmosphere, but close enough for debris to take orbit," Kayl reported from her console. "The Flortarians will have to work together to clean up their world."
Red raised an unhinged brow. "That maddening solution worked a little too well? Did we ruin the Jem'Hadar?
"Those horn-heads'll probably inoculate themselves for the next time and never speak of it again," Daniel surmised.
Armond checked sensors and communications. "Speaking of: All in-system Dominion starships have been destroyed, including the transmitter. The Jenova, Dropzone and Crucial are self-repairing but the Tsunami needs to go to Starbase 55. The Ixion is rescuing the afloat Hijinx."
"A pretty good first run for Task Force Epsilon. You think they reacted well to our way of doing things?" BOB wondered.
Daniel waved it away. "It's probably fine. But, despite its Ensign Dan-enhancing qualities, I want this drink scrubbed completely from our replicator database. That is an order."
"Captain, there's been a lot of bloodshed down here. Only the rescue of the Prime Minister could curb it??" came the on-screen hail from President Creeton at the White House of Commons. "If he's gone, I couldn't possibly take on his capacity and become the most powerful man on the planet. Wait. Could I? Is this my illegitimate opportunity?"
Daniel blinked. "Ohhh, yeah. I forgot about him."
"This is all my fault, Captain," Gotens sighed in realization. "Twenty-seven years ago, the entity keeping this world in order was released by my temporally sporadic last host. With the creature gone, the Flortarians succumbed to insanely high levels of corruption."
Captain Daniel shook his head. "Moral direction shouldn't crutch on extra-powered celestials, but foster from the men who enact them themselves."
"Sirs! We're reading the approach of a Jem'Hadar small craft fighter with the Prime Minister aboard!" Armond reported as the proximity alert went off. "They're transmitting a cessation of Dominion-Underground support."
Creeton nodded. "Speaking of moral direction, that should put things back to regular Flortarian unscrupulousness. But maybe this time, thanks to you, governmental legality shall be considered once again."
"I bet you'd love utopia!" Gotens suggested, now optimistic, on his way out to check on the Yek-783.
Daniel calmed. "That wraps it all up. The lesson for all this being, don't drink and war. Also, Meloneus escaped again and apparently the Dominion is using cloaking technology?"
"Considering their failure here and their general cajónes, starship cloaking is likely more an inhibitor," BOB amended. "Personal cloaking, on the other hand; they love that."
The Captain took a seat. "That's not creepy at all. As for the Federation, it seems there is still a war to be won. Here's to keeping the system secure and fighting the good fight."
"Here, here!" several of the Bridge crew chanted with raised Bajoran Troves before Daniel snapped a glare at them.