Star Trek: Phoenix-X
"Homespun Remake, Part III"
The effervescent Nor-class interstellar outpost Deep Space 9 spun endlessly on guard of the Bajoran wormhole. Captain Sisko paced incredulously in the Brig, outside a cell containing Commander Gotens.
"What the hell do you think you were you doing, taking the Defiant? You know we are at war and that Borg-buster is our most enjoyable hope!" reprimanded the Emissary.
Gotens crossed his arms. "Uh, you gave me the go-ahead with whatever I wanted. How could I not take the Defiant? It's a damn nice ship. Riker calling it little was so passive-aggressive. My advice, if it ever gets destroyed, get the exact same ship with the exact same hull, like nothing happened."
"Perhaps I will consider that," Sisko paused, somewhat fond of the idea before snapping back. "Now, listen! I look upon the Trill as our wise teachers, setting an example. It is clear you're not like that. But it is also clear, had you not interjected, Deep Space 9 would have been ripe for that hidden Dominion task force at a more vulnerable state."
The Commander perked. "So, actions and outcomes are quantum entangled?"
"Considering we are at war and in a desperate state, in this case, yes," Sisko raised a brow before dropping the forcefield. "For now, Lieutenant Commander Dax will escort you to Flortarios III, where she will pick up my Security Chief. Just activating these precarious forcefields has been a nightmare. We allowed five criminals to walk freely and promise to come back later because of them."
---
Meanwhile, BOB was transported to the Prometheus-class U.S.S. Phoenix-X, which remained in orbit of Flortarious III. He suddenly noticed the Flortarian Prime Minister transporting in, next to him.
"Oh. Aren't you that one guy and stuff?" the Ferengi did a double-take.
Clingten nodded. "I did not have sexual relations with that Orion— Oh, sorry. I've been rehearsing that speech all week." He shook his head. "Politics. Anyway, I'm to meet your Captain in his Ready Room for pre-mission discussions. Would you show me the way?"
"Sure," BOB acquiesced as they both stepped off the pad and began walking the corridors. "By the way. If your world condones illicit trade, aren't you inviting cutthroats and pirates like space jellies to a crazy man?"
The Prime Minister nodded. "We hope, by supporting free, unrestrained commerce, we encourage traders to become better people by enabling a wider worldview."
"It's reckless, even by Ferengi financial standards, for the mere loss of trade fees," BOB lambasted as they took a turbolift. "Not to mention, lapsing your security during the Dominion War invites quadrant-threatening, anarchist-enablers."
When they reached the Bridge, Clingten turned to him, before walking off. "All bureaucracies ripple moral and mathematical vacancies. We already know we're not perfect. We don't need lectures. Just better people."
---
Entering the Captain's Ready Room on the Phoenix-X, Clingten found Captain Daniel and Constable Odo, already talking.
"And, so, I slept with the enemy, betraying my best friend, Kira, for research purposes, you see," Odo explained before the two took notice of the leader.
Clingten held up his hand. "Don't worry. I've done plenty of that kind of inconclusive research. Everyone betrays everyone in politics. It's the after-speech that's the most challenging."
"A pre-game meet? Isn't getting-ahead-of-ourselves, getting ahead of ourselves?" Daniel observed.
The Flortarian nodded. "In most cases, the thing that's thinging is actually that thing. But, for now, I need you two, with your shape-shfting abilities, to search out a Dominion spy on my world."
"How did you find out you had a spy?" Odo perked.
Clingten admitted, "Various things. Furniture was moved three centimetres to the left, then four centimetres to the right. Missing Kukalaka bears. It's the most obvious sign for Changelings."
"Damn. He's right," Daniel turned to Odo. "I know you've got a whole season of well-balanced, serialized episodic activities going, but would you be down for one out-of-character mission?"
Odo smirked. "I'm all about anomalous behaviour this season. I'm in."
---
Meanwhile, the Danube-class runabout U.S.S. Rio Grande sped through warp with Trills Jadzia Dax and Night Gotens at the controls.
"So, you're on your fifth host? Seventh, here," Dax compared. "Kind of an unreachable itch sometimes, right?"
Gotens blinked. "That must be a seventh host thing. Either way, it's nice to meet someone who is two lives older."
"Well, a woman never admits her life number. Unless she's a man. But, yes, that's also right. It's the seven-life itch," she realized. "Be wary of constant marrying of others. Poor Worf didn't see it coming."
The Commander's eyes widened. "That Enterprise addict? Congrats!"
BLAM! After dropping warp, the runabout was suddenly hit by an unexpected phaser beam before they flung shields up and saw the Ferengi Na'Far-class shuttle Yone.
"Wow! The rude scale is peaking," Gotens observed as he brought weapons online. "Hail them."
A human man by the name of Doyle then blinked on screen. "Sorry. But they gave me no choice. My entire family of cannibalized collar bone collections are at risk."
"Ugh!" came the sudden comm interruption as the Dominion Vanguard heavy raider Lyngon-2752 dropped warp and fired polaron beams until the shuttle exploded. Meloneus then appeared on screen. "He justified his death, by the way. He was a murderer in his spare time."
Gotens perked. "Meloneus! Last we saw, you were rescued by that ship-hijacking Klingon, Ragon, from the Phoenix-X's Brig. You know, you would have loved the Federation prison camps. They have marshmallows, Row Your Boat sing-offs, Climb a Rock shirts and everything."
"It took me a while, but I finally remembered who you were," Meloneus admitted. "I knew your last host, the renegade Rikonen Gotens. You fought my detachment during the Cardassian conflict on Flortarios III."
The Commander did a double-take. "Yeah, old-me left Starfleet to avoid the Federation-Cardassian War and I still ran into your contingent. Sooo annoying."
"We Cardassians always have a way of turning ourselves up. Now, it's your turn to die!" Meloneus escalated. "Yarrrh!"
---
On the planet Flortarios III, in the sector known as Land O'Lakes, Daniel and Odo found themselves walking through town in the day.
"So, how do we find another Changeling?" Daniel wondered. "I mean, I know to find you by just seeing you there with my shapeshifted eyes."
Odo nodded. "It's how I know I'm me as well. Let's start where there are a lot of people. The sector market. Then we can scope him out and possibly other unscrupulous types from there."
"I guess. Also, you just can't stop constable-ing, can you?" Daniel surmised. "Such off-putting dedication makes me want to go for some ginkgo extract."
The other Changeling guffawed. "What do you mean, you guess? You are the Captain, and shapeshifters hate ginkgo extract!"
"Your nose is beside your mouth," a playful Daniel offered to a mortified Odo. "Ha! Just kidding."
---
On the Rio Grande, Dax was preparing for trouble as Gotens turned back to the screen to address their incoming attacker.
"You know, you just saved our lives from that generically terrible human," the Commander interrupted. "As evolved Starfleet officers with baked-in manners, we thank you for that."
Dax shook her head. "Wait. What?"
"Saved you? Accidents happen, you know," stumbled Gul Meloneus, falling for it. "You know, you are ruining a stomping-in-place moment as well as my classic rage-rising!"
Gotens continued, unabaited, "Now my children will be happy another day for the sparing of my life. The appreciation I have right now is insurmountable. You're great!"
"Uggh. I came here to steam off a recent death through the historical revenge of a wartime compadre and that one time you caught me after our missed mishap," Meloneus deconstructed. "Instead, your sideswaysing is throwing me off. I'll just kill you later! Oh, but you will be mine, Phoenix-X. Just you wait—"
Dax checked the feed as it unexpectedly disconnected. "He's gone?"
"Yeah, I cut him off. The explaining of things has gotten far too cliché and metaphorically overcooked," he said as he relaxed back in his chair and put his feet on the console. "You see, when a symbiotic individual converges with a reptilian Dukat-wannabe, sometimes they have to cessate said-herpetological oration and—"
Suddenly, without notice, Dax pushed him off balance. "Don't you Trill-splain me!"
---
Elsewhere, in the sector marketplace on Flortarios III, Daniel and Odo continued their perusal through the busy crowds of shoppers, traders and various predictable cutthroats.
"A message from the Prime Minister says his intel agrees that the spy could be here," Daniel conjectured. "But it may be a good twenty to thirty hours before we even start suspecting any—"
But Odo just pointed to someone. "That woman over there. That human. She's been awkwardly, and with varying balance, walking back and forth from that compound to behind those trees. Only infant humanoids, perpetual drunks or new-to-shapeshifting Shapeshifters walk like that."
"Huh? Well, I suppose said-pediatry could be considered attractive. Though, I'm not privy to such—"
Odo suddenly cut him off. "Not that! And, she's coming this way. Quickly, turn into a— a chair or something."
"A chair? Outside, in the middle of a crowd? Pfft. I'll just reincarnate," Daniel suggested as he walked around a wall and descretely turned himself into a bald eagle.
Meanwhile, Odo followed the woman he heard being referred to as Cora as she stepped into a Flortarian hovercar, packed with contraband. "Harumph. A bald eagle? A little show-offy much?" The constable quickly liquified onto the surface of it as it took off, with Bald Eagle Daniel, and his impressive wingspan, following.
---
On the orbiting Phoenix-X, BOB observed Lieutenant Commander Armond taking the Bridge as they were being hailed from the surface.
"We're receiving a communication from the White House of Commons?" Kayl reported and questioned all at once. "Such a strange mashup."
The screen clicked on to a view of the Flortarian President. "Greetings. We are ready for transport. Your Captain is to beam down for our pre-arranged meet and greet."
"Hey, I heard that the Prime Minister's having an affair with your wife?" Ensign Dan brought up. "Or, is going to ask you out? These political rumours are all over the map."
Suddenly, as Clingten entered the Bridge, he came to see who was on screen. "President Creeton!"
"Uh, did you just call him a cretin?" Armond inquired.
Creeton cut in. "That's my name! And, it is now obvious to me that Clingten has sent your Captain to solve our close-up problems. So typical of the opposition to do stuff behind my back! Well, what's done is done. We'll postpone the meet and greet as, I suspect, only a mission on the precipice of planetary security could warrant such an escalation."
"I would've told you but, you know, we're all backwards here and stuff," Clingten shrugged.
The President nodded. "It's our disfunction and support for a debilitating culture that gives us character. Creeton out!"
"Since this planet values the unscrupulous, your high-level communications mean nothing in terms of relevancy. Therefore, I'm next for screen time," BOB said as Ensign Dan joined Clingten in the turbolift to press him for more rumours. BOB's PADD alert then went off and the main viewer clicked on to a view of a distracted Ferengi inside a Na'Far-class shuttle.
The lowest of low, caught-trader named Wenk became shook. "What the hell is this? I've been hacked! How dare you encroach on a miserable, snivelling little Ferengi snake like myself."
"Wow. You really embraced that," BOB blinked. "Anyway, I'm breaking into your systems today to ward you off any actually-bad collaborations you have going on. You know what I mean. Like, wartime stuff."
Now Wenk blinked. "You know how we Ferengi are constantly getting in over our bumpy heads! It's not like I have a choice, Your Majesty. Besides, this world makes the grey sooo grey, and ambiguity is Ferengi cocaine! You know, next to Hupyrian beetle snuff."
"I've prepared a two-page essay debating the merits of consorting with the enemy. Section 1: Why You're an Actual Moron," BOB began, reading off his PADD before Wenk could be seen tapping a few buttons to purge the connection.
Armond turned to BOB. "I can't decide whether you just took the direct approach or some terrible version of passive-aggressiveness."
---
On the outskirts of the marketplace sector, hidden in a field, Wenk's parked Na'Far-class shuttle Gren was rendezvoused with Cora's approaching Flortarian hovercar. Both Odo and a nose-diving, shuttle-splattering Bald Eagle Daniel liquified themselves as infiltrators onboard as the cargo was being transferred.
"You know, you really shouldn't be wearing any clothes," criticized Wenk to a deadpanning Cora while she entered the shuttle and took a seat. "Whatever! Do I at least get to know what's in my cargo? Is it clothing-related?"
Cora sighed. "You once attempted to trade Federation weapons to the Dominion, only to be captured and released by the Flortarians, so why a moral quandary now?"
"Ferengi do not process quandaries! We just like making conversation after our business partners leave us to go Gormagander space whale hunting," Wenk defended. "So odd when starships are equipped with giant, archaic spears."
The female clenched her fist. "Are you going to keep expositioning, or am I going to have to hold your collection of gameshow prize barbeques and sailboats hostage like I held that Doyle guy's collection of cannibalized collar bones?"
"We all have a thing. That's what I like," diverted Wenk before seeing she was serious. "I mean, I'm flying, I'm flying! Wow. Like everything has to be a conflict all of a sudden."
The Gren then took off onto a trajectory out of the atmosphere, into space, toward the Flortarian system's Georgios ice belt.
---
Meanwhile, the Rio Grande dropped warp and approached the same ice belt required to enter the Flortarios system.
"It's weird how small craft have to deal with this here," Gotens observed. "And, before you ask, yes, I've been through one of these before. Of course, I was in a huge ship and the rocks just vaporized off our deflectors, but tomato toh-mah-toh."
Dax perked. "What!?"
---
As the Rio Grande entered the asteroid belt and began dodging and circumventing large chunks of ice, the occupants on the Gren suddenly came to notice they were not alone.
"What is that?" Cora squinted through the front windows. "It's the Federation!?"
Wenk did a double-take. "Oh, crap. That one-trick pony organization is a perpetual goody two-shoes claptrap! Seriously. Allying with the Klingons, despite their ongoing conquering-of-worlds practice? Is the Federation not complicit in that?"
"Stop deconstructing things and take us out of the system," Cora grumbled. "I swear. People are in a perpetual analysis state these days. Also, I'd fly the ship myself, but apparently all Ferengi craft are subject to very specific lobe scans that no shapeshifter could ever replicate."
The pilot chuckled. "Ohh yeah. We're auditorally-obsessed in terms of day-to-day operations. Especially our giant ear swab compartments."
---
After reconning the cockpit, Daniel and Odo took shape in the cargo hold of the Gren.
"It's the Rio Grande, from Deep Space 9," Odo reported. "Just saying my space station's name releases interminable Changeling-version endorphins."
Daniel tilted. "It's weirder that we can feel them swimming around in us. Also, that must be Commander Gotens. A message said they were going to drop him off and have you picked up. Not that I haven't enjoyed our discourse."
"Perhaps much of our contest could be equalized through a link?" Odo suggested. "Just a thought."
---
Meanwhile, the orbiting Phoenix-X opened scans for any Ferengi shuttles entering or exiting Flortarios III, only capturing their side of the planet.
"There's a whole other planetary bisection we have missed," conjectured Prime Minister Clingten as he rejoined the Bridge. "I'd patch you in to our orbital security network, but it's been so compromised that it's now just a series of aimless space hulks crashing into our cities every few weeks."
BOB squinted. "There is so much about your world that is terrible and all I want to do is fix it."
"Enough! I won't have political reminiscings on my ship," Armond argued.
Red turned. "It's not your ship? You know if Captain Daniel were here he would say you were an irrational, illogical human being for taking a position like that."
"You know the law. Never, ever mention that name in my presence!" Armond then clutched his head, feeling more Hamlet's Claudius than ever. "This power is corrupting me. If anyone needs me, I'll be in Sickbay."
After he left, BOB activated his hacking program, reconnecting another way to the shuttle Gren. "Wenk! You must put an end to whatever it is you're doing. Sure, there are a lot of unscrupulous Ferengi but, overall, it's still not meant to be our way. If you're looking for over-indulgence, book your contract signings in an Orion den."
"Ah! Not you again," Wenk jumped as Cora was too busy working in the background to notice. "Also, those dens are stenchy as hell. Also, I remember you now. You were the betrayer during our Dominion trade mission. Also, are you a Beguiler?"
BOB sighed. "I'm with the Ferengi Alliance, exchange-serving on a Starfleet vessel. As you can see, we can operate earnestly, with something they call... self-respect? Am I saying that right?" he asked to a shrugging Kayl.
---
On the Rio Grande, both Dax and Gotens tapped frantically at the consoles, getting ready for almost anything.
"The shuttle Gren is sharing the same mother-ship transponder code as the shuttle Yone, that other craft that Meloneus destroyed," Dax reported from her data collection.
Gotens positioned the Rio Grande to approach. "I kind of feel like we don't have a choice but to investigate now? We see each other, so looking away would just be paaaainfully awkward."
"They're closing in at an intercept course," Dax continued. "I'm detecting one Ferengi and three other fluctuating lifeforms. Oh, and the shuttle is powering up its arms."
The Commander smirked. "Watch out for its elbow. Ha! Get it?" Then, to a deadpan, he added, "Well, a Trill is just trying to liven up the mood. Consider yourself relieved." But the Rio Grande was suddenly hit with a phaser beam from the Gren. "Ah! Okay, consider yourself reinstated."
"Now you want my help, huh?" Dax tilted before the runabout shook even more from a higher-set phaser beam. "Okay, truce. Your Trill angle may hit me as sideways as it and you stealing the Defiant, but we're both still officers. I say we give these guys a taste of Starfleet bureaucracy."
Gotens nodded seriously at that. "Yeah, I still have imbalance-hangover. You do not want to know who's Captain's desk I stole, for a baseball card, and is sitting in this runabout's rear conference room right now."
Before she could react, both shuttles began arcing around within the ice asteroids, firing and dodging each other's beams and the area's scattered matter.
---
On the Gren, both Odo and Daniel became part of the surface of the rear cockpit and shapeshifted their lips off the back wall.
"Hey, change the colour of your lips," a subdued-volume Daniel said, to a complying Odo. "Okay, good. Also, our suspicion was right about that other Changeling."
But the Gren was suddenly shaken by running into an asteroid. "Hey, watch where you're going!" a distracted Odo yelled. "I'm having flashbacks to the Phoenix-X knocking the station into the wormhole."
"I'm trying!" Wenk argued, before realizing. "Hey. Who said that? I must be losing it. Computer, decrease temperature by five degrees and play some music from that Earth game, Mortal Kombat XXXV."
Getting back to the lips, Daniel said, "Damn, Odo. You know that Phoenix-X thing was the accidental result of an all-too-well-known button-mashing. Also, you have to be careful. Just do what I did and not shapeshift a tongue. Do you have a tongue?"
"I certainly do," came a third mouth from Cora, seconds before all three Changelings emerged off the wall and took their full humanoid forms.
While Wenk was busy, he saw the commotion from the corner of his eye. "Ahh! Where did you come from? And you? I need a vacation. I hear Risa has treasure-hunting."
"Shut up, Ferengi. Meloneus foolishly destroyed one of our own transports for his own personal issues, but at least you could erect a level ten forcefield around those two," Cora ordered. "And prepare the Ferengi Genesis Device prototype from our cargo hold, for full-scale going-too-far."
Instead, Wenk dropped his attack against the Rio Grande, stopped the Gren, and fired a phaser at Cora before putting the forcefield around her. He stood to confront her unconscious form. "I knew it. The Dominion is harvesting Ferengi technology. How rude! Also, me changing sides allows for a transitional grace period."
"It does. And, Ferengi genesis device prototype? But that's a Starfleet thing?" Daniel protested.
Wenk continued. "You know how we are. We're like intellectual parasites. Also, your Ferengi advisor BOB was right that my kind does not have to betray ourselves by indulging in over-illegal behaviour. Just regular illegal should be good enough. Like, copyright infringing on you guys."
"The Flortarian government thanks you for your self-imposed limitationing," came the nearby screen hack that still displayed Clingten and the others, on the Bridge of the Phoenix-X. "It's not more rules that we need; it's better people."
BOB squinted, "Agree to disagree."
"This is the runabout Rio Grande. Prepare to be boarded," came the authoritative onscreen hail from Commander Gotens before he saw everyone. "Oh, a settling-climactic scenario involving all side-plots. I'll leave you to it."
---
Later, Daniel, Gotens, Dax, Odo, BOB and Clingten all stood, wrapping up a meeting in the Phoenix-X's conference room.
"As a leader of the Flortarians, I am fully prepared to admit we shot ourselves in the foot with our backward practices," Clingten admitted. "There will be much debate on the mud wrestling floor this November. Our cells are also made of clay, so we will leave Cora to the Federation."
After he left, Dax turned to everyone. "Deep Space 9 crossing paths with the Phoenix-X is a mesh that never really meshes, but you do come through for us in the end."
"And I learned I need to better-train Armond in backup commandering, a step towards also improving as a Trill," Gotens added. "He's in Sickbay doing Riker-flashbacks to start, but there's sooo much more to it. Like, leg-lifting over regular-sized chairs."
Both Trills exited and Daniel looked to BOB. "Exchange officer, huh? Just like that contingent of Klingons on our lower decks. The only difference being, I hope the Ferengi don't have pain-stick rituals."
"Our sticks are financially absorbent. As in, once the stick hits you, an electrical current connects to the card in your wallet and several slips of latinum are eliminated from your bank account," BOB admitted. "Perhaps now I can make a difference in those kinds of archaic practices."
When BOB walked out of the room, Odo and Daniel were the last ones. "Well, I can't say I approve of a Ferengi counsel, but you do you, I suppose," Odo said. "Also, this deviation has enabled self-awareness of my uncharacteristic behaviour stemming from an inability to process my feelings for Kira. Since redemption lies elsewhere, I do not need to link."
"Oh," came the disappointed pause from Daniel. "Well, I'm glad to have helped even a little bit. You really need to sort that out with her. Either way, good luck, Constable."
He nodded. "Do me a favour. When people find out what you really are, look to our kind. We may be the enemy now, but as long-lived as we are, time usually sorts things out for all Changelings. As for now, we have a war to fight and, according to your XO, your Gul Meloneus is back."
"Yeah, sorry for leaning and infringing so hard on Deep Space 9 stuff," Daniel replied. "We'll have original ideas later."
With both Odo and Dax returning to the runabout, the Rio Grande backed away from the Phoenix-X and shot itself out through the ice field before going to warp. A few more Starfleet ships, likewise, entered in the opposite direction, through the belt, and approached Flortarios III.
