"The Bajoran Trove"
(Previously: The Phoenix-X stops off at Deep Space 9 for recovery. Daniel is called to Ops)
Sisko: Now, Captain Daniel, Starfleet has orders for you to patrol the Flortarios system. Flortarios III is not a Federation planet but, if the Dominion manages to occupy that system, they will be too close to Federation space. Their leaders have already accepted us.
Daniel: We'll do our part in this war.
Sisko: There are already several Starfleet vessels there. Most of them are posted at the edge regions of the system. The Phoenix-X will assume command.
Daniel: The Flortarios system is pretty big. I know I can handle it.
Sisko: Thank you, Captain.
(And, now: U.S.S. Phoenix-X log entries)
#Daniel: Captains log. I'm a little nervous of this and I hope nothing goes wrong. As that stationary Sisko said, I will be the task force lead for six other starships. I can do it. Admiral Cloud has also requested all the first officers to accompany each Captain in a meet-and-greet. The hope is to get to know who they're working with in the off chance there is an absence of a Captain.
(On the Phoenix-X, in the mess hall)
Ensign Dan: Here, try this drink. It's called the Bajoran Trove.
Gotens: This is highly irregular but, very well.
(He smells it first and then takes a gulp)
Gotens: Not bad, in an easily-oppressed kind of way.
Ensign Dan: It's supposed to disperse your emotions. The chemicals mixed in it do all the work. Think of it like a feelings detox.
Gotens: Cathartic and believable considering the intensity of Bajoran Majors.
Ensign Dan: Exactly. It's concocted specifically for Bajorans and Bajorans only. Offering it to you is my gesture of personal friendship.
#Daniel: Daniel to Ensign Dan. In an effort to tamp down your fraternizing, I would like to meet you in my Ready Room right now.
Ensign Dan: Ugh. Fine.
Gotens: Don't worry about him. You've now earned one free get out of relieved of duty card.
(On Floratarios III, outside the White House of Commons, two shadowy Flortarians meet)
Mellinook: Okay. Do you have the phaser rifle?
Pablokinya: Yes, in my plastic shopping bag. We're going to kill all those Federation people, aren't we?
Mellinook: Relax. It's just for show. We go in through this heating duct and crash the party when they move to the Reception Lounge. We are not to kill. All we have to do is kidnap one of the leaders.
Ensign Dan: Ugh. Fine.
Gotens: Don't worry about him. You've now earned one free get out of relieved of duty card.
(On Floratarios III, outside the White House of Commons, two shadowy Flortarians meet)
Mellinook: Okay. Do you have the phaser rifle?
Pablokinya: Yes, in my plastic shopping bag. We're going to kill all those Federation people, aren't we?
Mellinook: Relax. It's just for show. We go in through this heating duct and crash the party when they move to the Reception Lounge. We are not to kill. All we have to do is kidnap one of the leaders.
Pablokinya: Fine. But I knew I should not have worn layers.
(On the Phoenix-X, in the mess hall. BOB comes over)
BOB: Big meeting, eh?
Gotens: It was William Hazlitt who once said first impressions are everything.
(The Ferengi takes a seat while Gotens continues going over his PADD)
BOB: Wasn't he once societally excommunicated? Anyway, what are you reading?
Gotens: These are the profiles of the Captians and ships in our fleet.
BOB: Any good ships?
Gotens: Yu... Ugh... Yup.
BOB: Whoa. The bucket is under the table if you have to, you know...
Gotens: Is that Odo's? Never mind. I'm okay. Now, take the U.S.S. Hijinx. Betazoid Captain. She was said to have captured and dragged a Maquis ship by tractor beam through the length of the Badlands. The Maquis ship and shields were damaged so badly from it, she was able to beam everybody off without getting either destroyed.
(On the Phoenix-X, in the mess hall. BOB comes over)
BOB: Big meeting, eh?
Gotens: It was William Hazlitt who once said first impressions are everything.
(The Ferengi takes a seat while Gotens continues going over his PADD)
BOB: Wasn't he once societally excommunicated? Anyway, what are you reading?
Gotens: These are the profiles of the Captians and ships in our fleet.
BOB: Any good ships?
Gotens: Yu... Ugh... Yup.
BOB: Whoa. The bucket is under the table if you have to, you know...
Gotens: Is that Odo's? Never mind. I'm okay. Now, take the U.S.S. Hijinx. Betazoid Captain. She was said to have captured and dragged a Maquis ship by tractor beam through the length of the Badlands. The Maquis ship and shields were damaged so badly from it, she was able to beam everybody off without getting either destroyed.
BOB: Wow. That's amazing!
Gotens: In fact, they almost had a collision with Voyager.
Gotens: In fact, they almost had a collision with Voyager.
(He looks away, dreamily)
Gotens: Ahhh, that reminds me of a time, in my second host Elena, when I Trill freightered around the galaxy, carrying goods to and fro Palona Prime for half a slip of latinum before my own near-collision with a Symbiont transport. It was almost a forced-joining smorgasbord.
(In the Ready Room)
Daniel: You have good observation skills, right?
Ensign Dan: Is this about the pig in the Transporter Room? Because I swear that I thought that there were no holographic emitters in there.
Daniel: No. I need my Information officer to accompany me to the meeting to take notes on people's attitudes. I need to know what to expect from my fleet if a situation gets tough.
Ensign Dan: Permission to manufacture a tense baby-birthing situation to test everyone's mettle?
Daniel: How would you even do that? Never mind. No. Just do the thing.
Ensign Dan: But I have fluid sacs already prepar—
Daniel: No!
Ensign Dan: Oh, fine.
(In the Mess hall, BOB takes a sip of his drink. Gotens continues combing through his PADD)
Gotens: Oh! This ship. I've been on the U.S.S. Jenova before, during its first-season rough patch.
BOB (bored): Mhm.
Gotens: In fact, I remember a time when I got into a little quarrel with a one Captain Iviok. This was in my last host, Rikonen. You see, the Captain's Andorian and Andorians are such hard, emotionally unwavering people to begin with. Also, they have no sense of humour. Well, I was on the Bridge taking readings from a probe I created.
(BOB gets up and leaves)
Gotens: And when we sent out the probe, it made this blue smoke trail that I thought looked really nice. I told Captian Iviok that it looked nice. He disagreed. I asked him, "How can you not like the texture of that blue smoke?" For you see, he himself was blue...
(In Transporter Room 3, the Captian stands on the transporter pad as Ensign Dan enters)
Daniel: Where's Commander Gotens?
Ensign Dan: Honestly, I have no idea where anyone is at any time.
(Meanwhile, on the Bridge, Flortarian leader President Creeton is on screen)
>Creeton: I know that Mellinook is plotting some way to get back at me.
Armond: And this Mellinook is the leader of the underground rebellion?
>Creeton: Yes! We sent you a whole packet! If you could keep sensors on the building. Please?
Armond: Seems highly irregular but, very well.
>Creeton: Also, where is the Captian? I was pre-pomped and circumstanced an hour ago!
(In Transporter Room 3)
#Armond: Captain, the President is asking where you are.
Billy: Are ya'll ready to beam down then?
Daniel: Oh, fine. Ensign Billy, after we go, please find the Commander and tell him to get down there. He knows there's an angry Tellarite soccer team waiting to use the room after us.
(In the Mess hall, Heelix takes a seat at the table with Commander Gotens)
Gotens: And, you know, he gave me this weird look. I dunno if it's some significant look from Andorians, or if he was having indigestion. So I says, I says, "Hey!" And he just looks at me. Just completely stares!
(On Floratarios III, in the White House of Commons, in a conference room. Twelve people sit at the big table, six Captains and their First officers. Flortarian leaders Prime Minister Clingten and President Creeton greet everyone)
Creeton: Thanks for coming to our fancy shindig. Oooh, it's fancy!
(Captian Daniel and Ensign Dan walk in)
Daniel: Sorry for the delay. Thadiun Okona saw me downstairs and just wouldn't stop talking.
(Ensign Dan takes a seat)
Clingten: Oh, he's delightful. It's perfectly understandable, Captain.
(The Flortarian leaders take a seat. Daniel stands at the head of the table)
Clington: First of all, I'd like to thank you all for helping us during this tough time.
Daniel (nods): It's the right thing to do, as well, it's nice to see my new fleet. Now, onto all the things—
(Ensign Dan taps on a PADD, but the PADD makes beeping noises)
Daniel: Uh, Ensign, what are you doing?
Ensign Dan: I'm taking note on your lateness.
Daniel (ignoring): Whatever. Let me introduce myself, I am Captain Daniel of the Federation starship Phoenix-X and you are all under purview of what has been dubbed Task Force Epsilon and its mission to protect this sect—
(Ensign Dan continues to tap on his PADD)
Daniel: Um. The Flortarios sector borders Cardassian territory, but it's small and generally unnoticed. That being said, every place, no matter its irrelevance, needs to be protected and—
(Ensign Dan taps the PADD)
Daniel: And—
(Ensign Dan continues to make the beeping noises)
Daniel: Would you please put that away!
(Beat)
Ensign Dan: Ye— Yes, sir.
(Everyone is startled and looks at each other)
Daniel: Heh, heh. Err, I'd like now to introduce ourselves to each other.
(Everyone keeps talking)
Daniel: Quiet!!!
(Everyone shuts up)
Daniel: Thank you.
(He reads off a PADD)
Daniel: Introducing Captian Harley Menrow, of the U.S.S. Crucial. He's human and likes to take long walks on the beach. Captian Aries Wasyati, of the U.S.S. Ixion. He hates annoying Ensigns.
(Ensign Dan looks over to Captain Wasyati. Wasyati gives an ugly look to Ensign Dan)
Daniel: Captian Michael McCary, of the U.S.S. Tsunami. He's three-quarters human and one-quarter Klingon and likes to sing. Captian Iviok, of the U.S.S. Jenova... Well, it doesn't say anything about you here?
(Captian Iviok grunts)
Daniel: I see. Commander Andrea Reynolds, of the U.S.S. Hijinx. She's Betazoid and likes to walk around her ship in her— Oh my gosh!
(Captian Reynolds winks at Daniel)
Daniel: Uhh. Captain Yuffie Samya, of the U.S.S. Dropzone. Human and she likes sports. Now I'd like to go over strategic positions...
(On the Phoenix-X, in the mess hall)
Gotens: So I said to the blue guy, you want to go warp? Destablelize the second generator!!
(Kayl and Gotens laugh)
(On Flortarios III, in the White House of Commons, in the Conference Room. Daniel explains the position of the Ixion. He hears snoring. Daniel turns around and sees Ensign Dan sleeping with his head down on the table)
Daniel: Um— Ensign Dan.
Ensign Dan: ZZzz...
Daniel: Ensign.
Ensign Dan: ZZzzz...
(Daniel, embarrassed, walks over to Ensign Dan. He shakes the Ensign's shoulder)
Daniel: Ensign!!
(Ensign Dan pulls his head up)
Ensign Dan: Huh?
Menrow: Pay attention, Ensign.
Ensign: Yes, sir.
(On the Phoenix-X, in the Mess hall)
Ensign Billy: Well, there ya'll are.
Gotens: ...And then the creature tried to bite at me— Oh, hey, Ensign.
Billy: The Cap'n told me to tell you to get down to the planet. You're late for your meeting.
Gotens: Hey, you know your hairstyle reminds me of a young officer I met while posted on Flortarios III? For, you see, it was in my third host, I was posted down on the planet during the—
Billy: Sir?
Gotens: During the quarrels, Ensign. Well, there we were, under attack from giant maple syrup orange projectiles and...
(Meanwhile, on Flortarios III, in the White House of Commons, in the Conference Room)
Daniel: Well, now that the formal stuff is over. We can now make our way into the Reception Lounge.
(Everyone gets up and heads out the other door. Daniel stays back)
Daniel: Ensign, what are you doing!?
Ensign Dan: Well, your tone of voice was sooo boring and—
Daniel: You are embarrassing me. The other Captains aren't going to take me seriously now.
Ensign Dan: Don't worry about it, I'll patch things up with them. Let's go to the Reception Lounge.
(He leaves, motivated)
Daniel: What? Arrgh.
(In the Reception Lounge)
McCary: Ah, Ensign. I've been wanting to meet with you. I am Captain McCary of the Tsunami.
Ensign Dan: You know, my Captian isn't really incompetent. He really is a serious Captian. Admittedly, he has his faults. Like the time he banned shoes because the carpets were getting scuffed...
(Meanwhile, over by Daniel and Commander Jarell, Daniel hears Ensign Dan)
Daniel: Uh, can you excuse me for a minute?
Jarell: Of course.
(He walks over to Ensign Dan and pulls him away)
Daniel: What are you doing now?!
Ensign Dan: I'm trying to patch up your reputation.
Daniel: I don't need you messing with my anything. I want you to not get caught up in a conversation and just observe!
(Ensign Dan nods then walks around the room. Daniel goes back to Commander Jarell)
(On the Phoenix-X, Deck 3, Billy and Gotens walk to the transporter room)
Gotens: So, I says to him, I says, "The left way is the hardest way." But he hated being says'd to! Hated!
Billy: Uh, the Transporter room is this way, Commander.
Gotens: Oh, yeah. Then when he approached me with his own says...
(In the transporter room, Billy pushes Commander Gotens into the right spot on the transporter)
Commander: So, I got fed up and phasered the rock...
(Billy transports the Commander)
(On Flortarios III, in the White House of Commons, Reception Lounge, Commander Gotens beams in)
Gotens: The rock didn't explode! It just got bigger! So what we did was—
Daniel: Commander, so good of you to make it.
Gotens: Yeah, but you don't understand the colour of the rock. It emitted a weird...
(But Captian Daniel notices Commander Melyot approaching Ensign Dan)
Daniel: Oh, no. Ensign Dan is going to make me look like a fool if he talks with him, especially if he's a Klingon!
(He walks over to Melyot)
Gotens: I babysat a Klingon once. This was in my third host, Laumar, you see. I was on mind-altering painkillers and unknowingly agreed...
(On the other side of the room)
Samya: You know, that Phoenix-X crew acts really weird. We're under their command? As if!
McCary: It seems so. Who is that man over there, chatting away so much? He is like a more intense Calvin Hutchison.
Ensign Dan: I'm trying to patch up your reputation.
Daniel: I don't need you messing with my anything. I want you to not get caught up in a conversation and just observe!
(Ensign Dan nods then walks around the room. Daniel goes back to Commander Jarell)
(On the Phoenix-X, Deck 3, Billy and Gotens walk to the transporter room)
Gotens: So, I says to him, I says, "The left way is the hardest way." But he hated being says'd to! Hated!
Billy: Uh, the Transporter room is this way, Commander.
Gotens: Oh, yeah. Then when he approached me with his own says...
(In the transporter room, Billy pushes Commander Gotens into the right spot on the transporter)
Commander: So, I got fed up and phasered the rock...
(Billy transports the Commander)
(On Flortarios III, in the White House of Commons, Reception Lounge, Commander Gotens beams in)
Gotens: The rock didn't explode! It just got bigger! So what we did was—
Daniel: Commander, so good of you to make it.
Gotens: Yeah, but you don't understand the colour of the rock. It emitted a weird...
(But Captian Daniel notices Commander Melyot approaching Ensign Dan)
Daniel: Oh, no. Ensign Dan is going to make me look like a fool if he talks with him, especially if he's a Klingon!
(He walks over to Melyot)
Gotens: I babysat a Klingon once. This was in my third host, Laumar, you see. I was on mind-altering painkillers and unknowingly agreed...
(On the other side of the room)
Samya: You know, that Phoenix-X crew acts really weird. We're under their command? As if!
McCary: It seems so. Who is that man over there, chatting away so much? He is like a more intense Calvin Hutchison.
(With Daniel)
Daniel: Um, Commander.
Melyot (turns around): Ah, Captain Daniel.
Daniel: You know, I have my own Klingon exchange officer on my Bridge too.
Melyot: Fascinating! Do go on, please?
(Meanwhile, with Gotens)
Gotens: The little guy bit me! I thought I was going to die of nehret or something. But nevertheless—
Reynolds: Are you alright? Your thoughts seem to be coming at an incredible rate.
Gotens: You know, you're right. I never thought of what the little kid could have been thinking. But then again, it was a Klingon child. They only think of what their next chew toy is—
Reynolds: Commander!
(Daniel notices Commander Morris approaching Ensign Dan)
Daniel: Um, excuse me.
Melyot: But you were about to go on?
(The Captain approaches Morris)
Daniel: Ah, Commander, of the...Tsunami?
Morris: Why, indeed, yes. Thank you for noticing despite no ship-specific markings on me.
(Meanwhile, Ensign Dan gets into a conversation with Lieutenant Commander Esreck)
Ensign Dan: Oh yeah, the Captian trades officers between departments all the time! Mainly for game.
(Another place in the room)
Creeton: I've never really met Captain Daniel. Now I'm glad I haven't. He's going around the whole room like a nervous little nymph.
Menrow: What have we got ourselves into?
(With Gotens)
Reynolds: Help! Somebody. This man needs medical attention.
Gotens: So, I says to her, I says, "You know, you make me sick." She responded with a mad rage for merely being says'd to!
(Everyone walks over)
Daniel: Commander? Are you alright?
Gotens: But why? All I did was speak my mind. I guess misogyny is looked down upon now?
Ensign Dan: Make way! Let me through. Commander Gotens, are you alright?
Gotens: But then again, I could've just used those gymnastic skills I practiced all that life. Every Joined Trill has a past gymnastics expert. It's the law.
McCary: What's wrong with him? He's like an android on hopped-up chroniton-infused warp plasma!
Daniel: Oh no. Ensign, this is an emergency situation. Please get out of the way!
(Other side of room, Creeton and Clingten snicker)
Creeton: Just what we need, the Phoenix-X crew coming to the rescue.
Clingten: Haha, nice!
(They high-five)
(With the crowd)
Ensign Dan: I think I know the problem, sir. Somebody get me some of that fruit over there.
Daniel: Ensign, this is no time for those summer platters you're known for!
Gotens: So, I pressed the button and we lifted off. As expected, we played "Magic Carpet Ride" by Steppenwolf.
Ensign Dan: No, I think I can reverse the effects of that Bajoran Trove. Somebody get me the wine too. The more alcoholic, the better.
Gotens: We even almost flew into the Paramount mountain. That was close!
(Ensign Dan collects more stuff. He takes off his communicator and mixes the ingredients together)
Daniel: Night Gotens! Calm down! Hello??
Reynolds: He's off on another track of mind. He doesn't even know where he is.
(Ensign Dan sends an electric shock through the liquid mixture from the communicator)
Ensign Dan: Here, drink this, Commander.
(He holds it up to Gotens, who takes a sip and continues talking)
Gotens: And when we... Umm...
Daniel: Commander?
Gotens: What was I saying? Something about crashing a jury-rigged missile into a movie studio? Where am I?
Daniel: You're in the White House of Commons. He's alright everybody!
(Everybody applauses)
Samya: Good work, Ensign.
Menrow: Excellent job, Ensign.
(They shake Ensign Dan's hand)
McCary: I was wrong about you Daniel. You've got a great crew.
Daniel: What do you mean by "wrong?" Also, thanks?
Gotens: What is happening? I could have sworn I was on the verge of a storytelling masterpiece? A and B plots were about to intersect unexpectedly?
Reynolds: You're confused, Commander. Sit down for a second and we'll explain.
Creeton: You know, that Phoenix-X crew isn't really that bad.
Iviok: Harumph!
Daniel: I guess you're not that much of a nuisance after all, Ensign.
Ensign Dan: Thanks and you're not that much of a Captian.
Daniel: That's not how that exchange goes! You're relieved!
(Minutes later, Mellinook breaks out of the heating vent and holds the phaser rifle to the crowd)
(With the crowd)
Ensign Dan: I think I know the problem, sir. Somebody get me some of that fruit over there.
Daniel: Ensign, this is no time for those summer platters you're known for!
Gotens: So, I pressed the button and we lifted off. As expected, we played "Magic Carpet Ride" by Steppenwolf.
Ensign Dan: No, I think I can reverse the effects of that Bajoran Trove. Somebody get me the wine too. The more alcoholic, the better.
Gotens: We even almost flew into the Paramount mountain. That was close!
(Ensign Dan collects more stuff. He takes off his communicator and mixes the ingredients together)
Daniel: Night Gotens! Calm down! Hello??
Reynolds: He's off on another track of mind. He doesn't even know where he is.
(Ensign Dan sends an electric shock through the liquid mixture from the communicator)
Ensign Dan: Here, drink this, Commander.
(He holds it up to Gotens, who takes a sip and continues talking)
Gotens: And when we... Umm...
Daniel: Commander?
Gotens: What was I saying? Something about crashing a jury-rigged missile into a movie studio? Where am I?
Daniel: You're in the White House of Commons. He's alright everybody!
(Everybody applauses)
Samya: Good work, Ensign.
Menrow: Excellent job, Ensign.
(They shake Ensign Dan's hand)
McCary: I was wrong about you Daniel. You've got a great crew.
Daniel: What do you mean by "wrong?" Also, thanks?
Gotens: What is happening? I could have sworn I was on the verge of a storytelling masterpiece? A and B plots were about to intersect unexpectedly?
Reynolds: You're confused, Commander. Sit down for a second and we'll explain.
Creeton: You know, that Phoenix-X crew isn't really that bad.
Iviok: Harumph!
Daniel: I guess you're not that much of a nuisance after all, Ensign.
Ensign Dan: Thanks and you're not that much of a Captian.
Daniel: That's not how that exchange goes! You're relieved!
(Minutes later, Mellinook breaks out of the heating vent and holds the phaser rifle to the crowd)
Mellinook: Everybody, attention! You are now in a classic hostage situation, like so many before. Go to that corner for typical hands-up proceedings. This is a legal hold-up.
(Pablokinya breaks out of the vent with another rifle)
Pablokinya: Yeah! Also, where's the President?
Mellinook: The President is the one without the Federation uniform, you idiot!
Pablokinya: Why are you snapping at me? We're the good guys?
(Captain Daniel shapeshifts into an exact figure of the President)
Pablokinya: There he is. Got him.
Creeton-Daniel: I'm afraid you have the wrong person.
Mellinook: Huh? There are two of them?
Creeton-Daniel: No! There is only one!
Pablokinya: Let's grab both of them.
Mellinook: Forget it. Grab the Prime Minister. They're basically interchangeable.
(The Creeton-Daniel slips behind the crowd and changes into the Prime Minister)
Clingten-Daniel: Here I am.
Creeton: Yeah, there he is.
Pablokinya: Uhh. What the H-E-double hockey sticks is going on here?
Ensign Dan: What a wimp! Just say it. Hell!
Iviok: Yeah! I think I'm starting to like you, Ensign.
Mellinook: Shut up!
(Iviok grunts. Ensign Dan gives a squeak trying to prove his manliness to Iviok)
Pablokinya: Anyways...
Iviok (imitating): Anyways...
(The crowd laughs)
Pablokinya: Stop laughing at me!
(He shoots the roof, then everyone gets quiet)
Mellinook: Everyone, shut up. Do I need to remind you that this is a classic hostage situation? Also, we still have to figure out who is the real leader.
#Armond: Captain, we've detected phaser fire down there. Is everything okay?
Clingten-Daniel: Not now, Lieutenant Commander.
Pablokinya: Aha! He's not the real one.
(He shoots Clingten-Daniel)
Mellinook: Take the Prime Minister.
Pablokinya: Got him.
Mellinook: Let's make one thing clear. You interfere with the Dominion, you pay.
(He activates a remote transporter and beams the three out. Captain Daniel shapeshifts back into himself from a pool of polymorphic liquid. He immediately contacts the Phoenix-X to locate the recent beam out and have short-range sweeps of the planet and everything leaving it)
Daniel: They couldn't have gone far. The dampening fields on this planet limits transporters. Everyone, get back to your ships. Keep orbit around Floritarios III until I get back to mine with new orders.
Creeton: What happens to the Prime Minister?
Daniel: We will take care of it. For the moment, President Creeton, I want guarded in your quarters. Have your men posted everywhere. We cannot afford to have you gone too. Do not accept any legal hostage application forms.
Creeton: You don't have to illicit me twice.
Gotens: We need to get back to the ship.
(They all beam back to the Phoenix-X)
(On the Phoenix-X, Bridge)
Daniel: Armond, report.
Armond: We've got a recent transport with a Dominion signature.
Daniel: To where?
Armond (checks): It's to a Jem'Hadar heavy raider!
#Armond: Captain, we've detected phaser fire down there. Is everything okay?
Clingten-Daniel: Not now, Lieutenant Commander.
Pablokinya: Aha! He's not the real one.
(He shoots Clingten-Daniel)
Mellinook: Take the Prime Minister.
Pablokinya: Got him.
Mellinook: Let's make one thing clear. You interfere with the Dominion, you pay.
(He activates a remote transporter and beams the three out. Captain Daniel shapeshifts back into himself from a pool of polymorphic liquid. He immediately contacts the Phoenix-X to locate the recent beam out and have short-range sweeps of the planet and everything leaving it)
Daniel: They couldn't have gone far. The dampening fields on this planet limits transporters. Everyone, get back to your ships. Keep orbit around Floritarios III until I get back to mine with new orders.
Creeton: What happens to the Prime Minister?
Daniel: We will take care of it. For the moment, President Creeton, I want guarded in your quarters. Have your men posted everywhere. We cannot afford to have you gone too. Do not accept any legal hostage application forms.
Creeton: You don't have to illicit me twice.
Gotens: We need to get back to the ship.
(They all beam back to the Phoenix-X)
(On the Phoenix-X, Bridge)
Daniel: Armond, report.
Armond: We've got a recent transport with a Dominion signature.
Daniel: To where?
Armond (checks): It's to a Jem'Hadar heavy raider!
Gotens: That's heavy.
Daniel: What?!? How many are there?
Armond: Oh, just one. Sorry if my excitement led you on.
(Meanwhile, on the U.S.S. Dropzone)
Jarell: Captain, we have Captain Daniel's discoveries. All the other ships have been briefed.
Samya: And so?
Jarell: There was a Jem'Hadar heavy raider in the system, but only for a moment. It sent a message to you.
Samya: Let's hear the message.
#Mellinook: Captain Samya. I've noticed that you were the most attractive of the Starfleet officers, so I wanted you to inform your shapeshifting leader that he is to expect a fleet of about twenty heavy raiders and attack fighters to meet your aggression. That will teach you guys to never mess with the Dominion. This is also a response to the recent turning of the tides we suspect is due to your Captain Sisko. I would most likely hate to terminate you, lovely, but all's fair in love and war.
Jarell: That's the end of the transmission.
Samya: Uggh!! On top of betraying his people, he's also sexist? I'm going to enjoy kicking his gluteus maximus! Inform the rest of the fleet.
(On the Phoenix-X)
Wallace: Bye-low, Starfleet memba! Phoenix-X out. Captain, what do we do now?
Daniel: Open a channel to Task Force Epsilon.
Wallace: Open.
Daniel: This is Captain Daniel of the Phoenix-X. I'm sure everyone knows what has transgressed. As you may already be reading, there is a fleet of twenty heavy raiders and attack ships en route to the Flortarios system while we are only seven. Well, ten if we are in multi vector mode, but that's a different story. Therefore, we will lure them closer to the binary stars and fight them there. As we all know, Jem'Hadar starships are susceptible to gravimetric disturbances.
Daniel: What?!? How many are there?
Armond: Oh, just one. Sorry if my excitement led you on.
(Meanwhile, on the U.S.S. Dropzone)
Jarell: Captain, we have Captain Daniel's discoveries. All the other ships have been briefed.
Samya: And so?
Jarell: There was a Jem'Hadar heavy raider in the system, but only for a moment. It sent a message to you.
Samya: Let's hear the message.
#Mellinook: Captain Samya. I've noticed that you were the most attractive of the Starfleet officers, so I wanted you to inform your shapeshifting leader that he is to expect a fleet of about twenty heavy raiders and attack fighters to meet your aggression. That will teach you guys to never mess with the Dominion. This is also a response to the recent turning of the tides we suspect is due to your Captain Sisko. I would most likely hate to terminate you, lovely, but all's fair in love and war.
Jarell: That's the end of the transmission.
Samya: Uggh!! On top of betraying his people, he's also sexist? I'm going to enjoy kicking his gluteus maximus! Inform the rest of the fleet.
(On the Phoenix-X)
Wallace: Bye-low, Starfleet memba! Phoenix-X out. Captain, what do we do now?
Daniel: Open a channel to Task Force Epsilon.
Wallace: Open.
Daniel: This is Captain Daniel of the Phoenix-X. I'm sure everyone knows what has transgressed. As you may already be reading, there is a fleet of twenty heavy raiders and attack ships en route to the Flortarios system while we are only seven. Well, ten if we are in multi vector mode, but that's a different story. Therefore, we will lure them closer to the binary stars and fight them there. As we all know, Jem'Hadar starships are susceptible to gravimetric disturbances.
Gotens: Like, we're talking about that in our off-hours?
Daniel: Now, I want the U.S.S. Jenova, on the other hand, to remain here, at Flortarios III, to keep an eye out for that cloaked heavy raider. Protect the President at all costs. We will confront the Dominon fleet and demand the return of the Prime Minister. Phoenix-X out.
(Meanwhile, on the U.S.S. Hijinx)
Lane: Commander Reynolds, I simply must report—
Reynolds: Yes, I know. The Dominion fleet. I'm a Betazoid, remember?
(Meanwhile, on the U.S.S. Hijinx)
Lane: Commander Reynolds, I simply must report—
Reynolds: Yes, I know. The Dominion fleet. I'm a Betazoid, remember?
(Beat)
Reynolds: Wait. Dominion? Oh, no. Inform the task force. Add more red to the red alert!
(Halfway out in the Flortarios system, on the Phoenix-X, in a turbolift)
Gotens: You know, I'd really like to see the corrupt government take seriously the legal underground.
Daniel: When their lawful leader defects to the villainous Dominion, said-underground's legality comes into question. Also, did you know that Jem'Hadar ships are weak to gravimetric disturbances?
Gotens: No. I did not know that. Interesting.
(They arrive at the Bridge)
Daniel: Report!
Armond: The Hijinx has detected a fleet of twenty Jem'Hadar heavy raiders and attack ships entering the Flortarios system.
Gotens: Think of it as a test for our task force.
Ensign Dan (drinks a Bajoran Trove): I'll think of it as our death wish of our task force.
Daniel: You are out of order, Ensign!
Ensign Dan: At least my body can stay in order.
Daniel: Are you on that mind-altering beverage again? Stop that!
Ensign Dan: Hey, you wanna take this outside?
Daniel: I'll take you on anytime anywhere!
Ensign Dan: Fine!
Armond: Jem'Hadar heavy raider, decloaking.
(The Ensign and Captian are suddenly beamed out)
(On the Jem'Hadar heavy raider Lyngon-2752, Bridge. Ensign Dan and Captian Daniel are beamed into a forcefield)
Daniel: Come on, let's fight! Or are those ridges on your nose clogging the air to your brain?
Ensign Dan: Not as much as yourrrr... Wait. Where are we?
Meloneus: Ugh!? It's you, Phoenix-X!
Ensign Dan: Duh.
Daniel: Who are you!? Wait a minute. You're that kidnapping guy. Meloneus?
Meloneus: You will address me as Gul Meloneus, Commander of the 24th and a half Order! I was trying to beam you and Gotens as I have a newly bubbled and additional grudge against him.
Ensign Dan: Also, since when do Jem'Hadar ships have cloaking devices?
Meloneus: We're trying it out with this fleet, obviously!
Daniel: Listen, no one has an additional grudge against a member of my crew without my written approval! With the exception of Ensign Dan.
Ensign Dan: Aw, thanks, Captain.
(On the Phoenix-X)
Gotens: Can you beam them back?
Kayl: Negative. Their shields are up.
Gotens: That reminds me, put our shields up.
Armond: Commander, I'm not reading the Dominion fleet anymore. They've cloaked!
Gotens: Cloaked? They must've adapted the technology for the Alpha Quadrant.
BOB: Don't forget, the Dominion is susceptible to gravimetric disturbances.
Armond: One just decloaked in front of the Crucial. More are decloaking, firing and re-cloaking again. The Hijinx is being attacked. The Tsunami is too??
Ensign Dan: Aw, thanks, Captain.
(On the Phoenix-X)
Gotens: Can you beam them back?
Kayl: Negative. Their shields are up.
Gotens: That reminds me, put our shields up.
Armond: Commander, I'm not reading the Dominion fleet anymore. They've cloaked!
Gotens: Cloaked? They must've adapted the technology for the Alpha Quadrant.
BOB: Don't forget, the Dominion is susceptible to gravimetric disturbances.
Armond: One just decloaked in front of the Crucial. More are decloaking, firing and re-cloaking again. The Hijinx is being attacked. The Tsunami is too??
(The Dropzone and a Jem'Hadar heavy cruiser speed by, firing at each other)
Gotens: Hey. Hail that guy!
(On the Lyngon-2752)
Gotens: Hey. Hail that guy!
(On the Lyngon-2752)
>Gotens: Meloneus, it's you.
Meloneus: Took you long enough! It is I, Gul Meloneus of the 24th and a half Order.
Ensign Dan: I'm so glad we've established that.
>Gotens(teases): Meloneus... I know.
Meloneus: Know what?
>Gotens: I know that your ship is weak to gravimetric disturbances.
Eighth Tegon'Ven: What!? Oh my Founder!! Aaahhhhh!!!
(The Eighth runs around in circles. Fourth Dreg'ru phasers him)
>Gotens: Exchange me—
Meloneus: No exchanges this time! I'm quite happy with what I got right now. Your gelatin Captain and the Prime Minister of Flortarios III. Two very high-ranking people.
Ensign Dan: Hey, what about me?
>Gotens: So, that's what you're doing with a Dominion starship in the Alpha Quadrant. You're going to take revenge. Twenty-seven years ago, my last host, Rikonen, helped the Federation oppose you on the conflict on Flortarios III until said-me triggered an alien interference that pushed us both out? I guess that makes sense, but not as much sense as those gravimetric disturbances make.
Meloneus: Now, we have one of the leaders from that planet. I wanted you, but I guess I'm going to have to settle.
Meloneus: Took you long enough! It is I, Gul Meloneus of the 24th and a half Order.
Ensign Dan: I'm so glad we've established that.
>Gotens(teases): Meloneus... I know.
Meloneus: Know what?
>Gotens: I know that your ship is weak to gravimetric disturbances.
Eighth Tegon'Ven: What!? Oh my Founder!! Aaahhhhh!!!
(The Eighth runs around in circles. Fourth Dreg'ru phasers him)
>Gotens: Exchange me—
Meloneus: No exchanges this time! I'm quite happy with what I got right now. Your gelatin Captain and the Prime Minister of Flortarios III. Two very high-ranking people.
Ensign Dan: Hey, what about me?
>Gotens: So, that's what you're doing with a Dominion starship in the Alpha Quadrant. You're going to take revenge. Twenty-seven years ago, my last host, Rikonen, helped the Federation oppose you on the conflict on Flortarios III until said-me triggered an alien interference that pushed us both out? I guess that makes sense, but not as much sense as those gravimetric disturbances make.
Meloneus: Now, we have one of the leaders from that planet. I wanted you, but I guess I'm going to have to settle.
Ensign Dan: What? Do you not see me? I'm right here! At least notice me if you're going to capture me and put me in this crappy force field—
(The communication cuts out as the ship's Vorta walks over)
Osh: Hey! Meloneus! What are you doing? Stop being crazy! Did you sign some kind of treaty?
Osh: Hey! Meloneus! What are you doing? Stop being crazy! Did you sign some kind of treaty?
Meloneus: I'm joining us with the Flortarian underground while taking home a prize.
Ensign Dan: I'm flattered you feel that way.
Daniel: Ensign, why don't you have a phaser on you!?
Ensign Dan (turns): You banned them from me on the Bridge after I accidentally stunned a Vulcan Ambassador. Why don't you shape-shift one?
Daniel: I can't! It wouldn't have any phaser energies.
(The Phoenix-X fires photon torpedoes at the Lyngon-2752)
Ensign Dan: Great, he's going to kill us now.
(Suddenly, another Jem'Hadar ship, the heavy cruiser Hinxen-3921, swings around to join the fight)
(On the Phoenix-X)
Gotens: I have to take a Bajoran Trove. There must something I'm missing. Armond, initiate multi-vector attack separation mode Alpha-3-4.
BOB: What about the gravimetric disturbances?
Gotens: That's gonna have to wait.
(The Phoenix-X separates into three and attacks. The Vector Alpha attacks the Lyngon-2752 and Vector's Beta and Gamma attack the Hinxen-3921)
(Meanwhile, on the outer edge of the Flortarios System, on the Tsunami. The Bridge is damaged and messy)
Morris: Shields down to ten percent!
McCary: I don't normally indulge this, but perhaps today is a good day to die.
#Computer: Warning, hull stress at seventy-five percent.
(The Bridge shakes from another polaron shot)
(Three Jem'Hadar heavy raiders fly around the Tsunami, firing torpedoes. The Hijinx then intercepts and fires on two of them)
(On the Hijinx)
Ensign Dan: I'm flattered you feel that way.
Daniel: Ensign, why don't you have a phaser on you!?
Ensign Dan (turns): You banned them from me on the Bridge after I accidentally stunned a Vulcan Ambassador. Why don't you shape-shift one?
Daniel: I can't! It wouldn't have any phaser energies.
(The Phoenix-X fires photon torpedoes at the Lyngon-2752)
Ensign Dan: Great, he's going to kill us now.
(Suddenly, another Jem'Hadar ship, the heavy cruiser Hinxen-3921, swings around to join the fight)
(On the Phoenix-X)
Gotens: I have to take a Bajoran Trove. There must something I'm missing. Armond, initiate multi-vector attack separation mode Alpha-3-4.
BOB: What about the gravimetric disturbances?
Gotens: That's gonna have to wait.
(The Phoenix-X separates into three and attacks. The Vector Alpha attacks the Lyngon-2752 and Vector's Beta and Gamma attack the Hinxen-3921)
(Meanwhile, on the outer edge of the Flortarios System, on the Tsunami. The Bridge is damaged and messy)
Morris: Shields down to ten percent!
McCary: I don't normally indulge this, but perhaps today is a good day to die.
#Computer: Warning, hull stress at seventy-five percent.
(The Bridge shakes from another polaron shot)
(Three Jem'Hadar heavy raiders fly around the Tsunami, firing torpedoes. The Hijinx then intercepts and fires on two of them)
(On the Hijinx)
Reynolds (hails): Losing your cool, McCary.
Lane: Commander, there's a Jem'Hadar raider on an intercept course with the Tsunami.
Reynolds: Suicide? Aim rapid quantum torpedo bursts at that one ship!!
Andrea: Okay, okay, you don't have to yell.
(On the Tsunami)
McCary: Fire phasers at it! Fire anything!
Ralph: Can I fire them?
McCary: Oh, fine.
Ralph: Yay!
(The Hijinx destroys the Jem'Hadar heavy raider, raining its debris passed the Tsunami. The remaining two raiders then split between both Federation ships, with the one following the Hijinx coming dangerously close)
(On the Hijinx)
Reynolds: Move us out of the way!
(The Hijinx moves to the left but the Jem'Hadar raider drives through its warp nacelle)
Andrea: Warp drive offline!
Lieutenant Bo: I'm getting casualties from Decks 4 through 6.
#Scoootee: Caupteen, I jooost caaaaaun't dooo it.
Reynolds: Who are you? Never mind. Reroute power from the warp core to the shields.
#Scoootee: Hoookay.
(Suddenly, the Crucial comes in and destroys the last two Jem'Hadar heavy raiders)
Menrow: I want in on this!
Lane: Commander, there's a Jem'Hadar raider on an intercept course with the Tsunami.
Reynolds: Suicide? Aim rapid quantum torpedo bursts at that one ship!!
Andrea: Okay, okay, you don't have to yell.
(On the Tsunami)
McCary: Fire phasers at it! Fire anything!
Ralph: Can I fire them?
McCary: Oh, fine.
Ralph: Yay!
(The Hijinx destroys the Jem'Hadar heavy raider, raining its debris passed the Tsunami. The remaining two raiders then split between both Federation ships, with the one following the Hijinx coming dangerously close)
(On the Hijinx)
Reynolds: Move us out of the way!
(The Hijinx moves to the left but the Jem'Hadar raider drives through its warp nacelle)
Andrea: Warp drive offline!
Lieutenant Bo: I'm getting casualties from Decks 4 through 6.
#Scoootee: Caupteen, I jooost caaaaaun't dooo it.
Reynolds: Who are you? Never mind. Reroute power from the warp core to the shields.
#Scoootee: Hoookay.
(Suddenly, the Crucial comes in and destroys the last two Jem'Hadar heavy raiders)
Menrow: I want in on this!
Meloneus: They know about... the thing.
Osh: What thing?
Meloneus: The gravimetric disturbances!
Osh: Oh my Founder. This is the end for us all!
Meloneus: Well, I wouldn't go that far.
Daniel (addresses a Jem'Hadar on the top section of the bridge): Hey! The forcefield is gone!
Ensign Dan (turns): What? No, it's not—
Daniel (right-hand morphs into a spike): Now it's your turn to die...
(Fourth Dreg'ru gets scared and fires his polaron rifle at the Captian and Ensign)
Ensign Dan: AAaaaaahhhhh!!!
(The shot takes out the force field. The Captian's arms then turn into whips. He flings them around the necks of two nearby Jem'Hadar and they fall to the ground)
Daniel: Wow. They will clone just anybody nowadays.
Meloneus (turns): What the—?
Daniel (punches Meloneus in the face): Also, how does this feel for gelatin?
Osh (tackles Ensign Dan): You little—
(Back at Flortarios III, the Jenova fires quantum torpedos at an approaching Jem'Hadar heavy cruiser, the Hinxen-5732)
First Ya'Matla: Reroute power from the secondary ketracel espresso machines to the polarons for that extra umph!
(He inhales the air)
First Ya'Matla: Oh, Eighth, I have to confess, I... I love you!
Eighth Rik'Takran: And, I love you too!
Second Zo'Kran: Sir?
First Ya'Matla: Yes?
(In the small fighter)
Clingten: Those Jem'Hadar did a 180.
Pablokinya: No kidding, old man. What is happening to them and why hasn't it affected us?
Clingten: Bajoran Trove deluge. All Flortarian parents have their children inoculated from it.
Pablokinya: That part is good. But, ever since the age of the Keeper, society has deteriorated.
Clingten: Perhaps taking part in this authorized kidnapping will be more eye-opening than I thought.
Pablokinya: Now I get to hold you hostage at the Underground where we get to insult you, bring up issues that make you think and poke you with sticks. Also, do you like embarrassing inquiries?
Meloneus (turns): What the—?
Daniel (punches Meloneus in the face): Also, how does this feel for gelatin?
Osh (tackles Ensign Dan): You little—
Ensign Dan (knees Osh): Are we being a brave little Vorta today?
(Meloneus escapes as the Phoenix-X reassembles into one whole ship. Daniel shapeshifts to look like Meloneus and taps on the control deck)
(Meloneus escapes as the Phoenix-X reassembles into one whole ship. Daniel shapeshifts to look like Meloneus and taps on the control deck)
>Gotens: Captain, is that you?
Meloneus-Daniel: Figured I'd use his likeness to command his fleet to stop, but it looks like the other raiders are on a communications blackout.
>Gotens: I delved my memories and Meloneus is a selfish rank-opportunist with an aversion to Bajoran Trove-like chaos.
Ensign Dan (taps on the upper controls): Of course!
Meloneus-Daniel: Ensign, what are you doing?
Ensign Dan: I'm attempting to create a virus.
>Gotens: On who's orders?!
Ensign Dan: Sir, with all due respect, we're running out of time!!
Meloneus-Daniel (pauses and turns): On mine. Ensign, try creating an internal virus that the Lyngon-2752 can transmit to all the other Jem'Hadar raiders.
Ensign Dan: Aye, sir.
>Gotens: It sort of won't work if all their shields are up.
Ensign Dan (continues tapping): I was sort of hoping you guys could fix that for me.
(Jem'Hadar Fifth Gru'Kron suddenly breaks through the concealed door. Daniel tackles him to the floor and starts fighting)
Meloneus-Daniel (punches): I got your gravimetric disturbance right here!
(On the Phoenix-X)
Gotens: Try to create a subspace package that will attract itself to a Jem'Hadar ship.
BOB: We may need said shield frequencies to allow bleed-through.
Gotens: Okay, Armond, you get on that.
Armond (slaps communicator): Transporter Room 5, one to beam over to that Jem'Hadar raider.
(He transports over there)
>Armond: Where's defense control?
>Ensign Dan (brings his head up): Well, don't look at me.
BOB: You can access defense control on the deck to the left of the Ketracel-espresso machine.
>Armond: Ah! I can modify the package so that as soon as the shields weaken from a phaser or torpedo shot, it will seep through.
>Daniel (reverts form): Do it.
(Orbiting Flortarios III, on the Jenova)
Gondi: Captian, the Jem'Hadar heavy cruiser is still on the other side of the planet.
Iviok: Take us around and hail them.
Gondi: They are not responding.
Iviok: Hold status.
Gondi: They've cloaked, sir. Captain! A Jem'Hadar heavy raider behind us is decloaking!
Melyot: Raise shields! Fire torpedoes! This is a good day to die!
Gondi: Yes, sir! Die, sir!
(On the nonactive cloaked heavy raider, Tengyek-3879, in front of the Jenova)
Mellinook: Excellent.
Pablokinya: You betrayed us! What does the Dominion have to do with anything??
Mellinook: Read the room, man. Our little war between our underground rebellion and the government pales in comparison to the Dominion.
Pablokinya: You monster!? You sorry little grav—
Mellinook: Guards, take this lawfully engaged scoundrel away. Everyone else, prepare for Cardassia Prime. Oh, and watch out for our gravimetric disturbances.
(Halfway out in the system, on the Phoenix-X)
>Ensign Dan: Done.
Gotens: Transporter Room 5, beam the three back to the Bridge.
(Captain Daniel, Armond and Ensign Dan rematerialize)
Daniel: What did you do?
Gotens: And did it have anything to do with gravimetric disturbances?
Ensign Dan: I programmed the virus to reroute a gaseous Bajoran Trove through their ventilation systems so they'll be as delirious as Commander Gotens. They will be too overwhelmed with emotion to operate their ship.
Ensign Dan (taps on the upper controls): Of course!
Meloneus-Daniel: Ensign, what are you doing?
Ensign Dan: I'm attempting to create a virus.
>Gotens: On who's orders?!
Ensign Dan: Sir, with all due respect, we're running out of time!!
Meloneus-Daniel (pauses and turns): On mine. Ensign, try creating an internal virus that the Lyngon-2752 can transmit to all the other Jem'Hadar raiders.
Ensign Dan: Aye, sir.
>Gotens: It sort of won't work if all their shields are up.
Ensign Dan (continues tapping): I was sort of hoping you guys could fix that for me.
(Jem'Hadar Fifth Gru'Kron suddenly breaks through the concealed door. Daniel tackles him to the floor and starts fighting)
Meloneus-Daniel (punches): I got your gravimetric disturbance right here!
(On the Phoenix-X)
Gotens: Try to create a subspace package that will attract itself to a Jem'Hadar ship.
BOB: We may need said shield frequencies to allow bleed-through.
Gotens: Okay, Armond, you get on that.
Armond (slaps communicator): Transporter Room 5, one to beam over to that Jem'Hadar raider.
(He transports over there)
>Armond: Where's defense control?
>Ensign Dan (brings his head up): Well, don't look at me.
BOB: You can access defense control on the deck to the left of the Ketracel-espresso machine.
>Armond: Ah! I can modify the package so that as soon as the shields weaken from a phaser or torpedo shot, it will seep through.
>Daniel (reverts form): Do it.
(Orbiting Flortarios III, on the Jenova)
Gondi: Captian, the Jem'Hadar heavy cruiser is still on the other side of the planet.
Iviok: Take us around and hail them.
Gondi: They are not responding.
Iviok: Hold status.
Gondi: They've cloaked, sir. Captain! A Jem'Hadar heavy raider behind us is decloaking!
Melyot: Raise shields! Fire torpedoes! This is a good day to die!
Gondi: Yes, sir! Die, sir!
(On the nonactive cloaked heavy raider, Tengyek-3879, in front of the Jenova)
Mellinook: Excellent.
Pablokinya: You betrayed us! What does the Dominion have to do with anything??
Mellinook: Read the room, man. Our little war between our underground rebellion and the government pales in comparison to the Dominion.
Pablokinya: You monster!? You sorry little grav—
Mellinook: Guards, take this lawfully engaged scoundrel away. Everyone else, prepare for Cardassia Prime. Oh, and watch out for our gravimetric disturbances.
(Halfway out in the system, on the Phoenix-X)
>Ensign Dan: Done.
Gotens: Transporter Room 5, beam the three back to the Bridge.
(Captain Daniel, Armond and Ensign Dan rematerialize)
Daniel: What did you do?
Gotens: And did it have anything to do with gravimetric disturbances?
Ensign Dan: I programmed the virus to reroute a gaseous Bajoran Trove through their ventilation systems so they'll be as delirious as Commander Gotens. They will be too overwhelmed with emotion to operate their ship.
Daniel: That's the stupidest, most insanely idiotic idea ever! You're re-relieved!
Ensign Dan: Thank you, sir.
Gotens: Well, there's nothing to do now but wait.
Ensign Dan: Thank you, sir.
Gotens: Well, there's nothing to do now but wait.
Daniel (notices): Did you drink Bajoran Trove during a space battle??
(The Phoenix-X sits in space, peacefully. The dead body of an astronaut floats by. Suddenly, a Jem'Hadar heavy raider decloaks in front of them)
Daniel: Full photon and quantum torpedo bursts.
(They fire torpedoes)
Armond: No hits.
(The Jem'Hadar heavy cruiser Lyngon-1098 maneuvers around the Phoenix-X, firing polaron beams and quantum torpedoes)
Armond: We're almost out of torpedoes.
Kayl: Shields down to 63%.
Daniel: They're learning from watching us. I have a feeling multi-vector would just be a waste of time.
Gotens: What?
Daniel: They want us to split into three. Haven't you noticed they always show up in pairs of twos?
Gotens: Which means there could be another cloaked ship around here...
Kayl: Shields 45%.
Daniel: Red, let's see if your maneuvering capabilities are as good as your records say.
Red: Aye, Captain. Today is a good day to fly!
Daniel: Wallace, tactical control.
Wallace: Aye sir.
Daniel: Kayl, full sensor readings.
(The Phoenix-X turns around as the Lyngon-1098 fires at it and follows behind. The other Jem'Hadar raider, the Lyngon-1134 decloaks far in front of them. The Phoenix-X weaves to the left as two torpedoes miss)
(The Phoenix-X sits in space, peacefully. The dead body of an astronaut floats by. Suddenly, a Jem'Hadar heavy raider decloaks in front of them)
Daniel: Full photon and quantum torpedo bursts.
(They fire torpedoes)
Armond: No hits.
(The Jem'Hadar heavy cruiser Lyngon-1098 maneuvers around the Phoenix-X, firing polaron beams and quantum torpedoes)
Armond: We're almost out of torpedoes.
Kayl: Shields down to 63%.
Daniel: They're learning from watching us. I have a feeling multi-vector would just be a waste of time.
Gotens: What?
Daniel: They want us to split into three. Haven't you noticed they always show up in pairs of twos?
Gotens: Which means there could be another cloaked ship around here...
Kayl: Shields 45%.
Daniel: Red, let's see if your maneuvering capabilities are as good as your records say.
Red: Aye, Captain. Today is a good day to fly!
Daniel: Wallace, tactical control.
Wallace: Aye sir.
Daniel: Kayl, full sensor readings.
(The Phoenix-X turns around as the Lyngon-1098 fires at it and follows behind. The other Jem'Hadar raider, the Lyngon-1134 decloaks far in front of them. The Phoenix-X weaves to the left as two torpedoes miss)
Armond: Shields at 15%.
Ensign Dan: Yup. We're dead.
(The Lyngon-1134 heads for the Phoenix-X in the front as the Phoenix-X changes course to intercept it. The Lyngon-1098, behind the Phoenix-X, accidentally fires torpedoes at the Lyngon-1134 in front. As soon as the Lyngon-1134 gets close, the Phoenix-X splits into multi-vector mode, separating into three, evacuating the line of fire before the two Jem'Hadar raiders intercept into each other and explode on impact)
Daniel: Good work, people. Put us back together.
Wallace: Aye, sir.
Gotens: Red, set course to Flortarios III.
Daniel: Engage.
Red: Engaging, sir.
Ensign Dan: Yup. We're dead.
(The Lyngon-1134 heads for the Phoenix-X in the front as the Phoenix-X changes course to intercept it. The Lyngon-1098, behind the Phoenix-X, accidentally fires torpedoes at the Lyngon-1134 in front. As soon as the Lyngon-1134 gets close, the Phoenix-X splits into multi-vector mode, separating into three, evacuating the line of fire before the two Jem'Hadar raiders intercept into each other and explode on impact)
Daniel: Good work, people. Put us back together.
Wallace: Aye, sir.
Gotens: Red, set course to Flortarios III.
Daniel: Engage.
Red: Engaging, sir.
(Back at Flortarios III, the Jenova fires quantum torpedos at an approaching Jem'Hadar heavy cruiser, the Hinxen-5732)
First Ya'Matla: Reroute power from the secondary ketracel espresso machines to the polarons for that extra umph!
(He inhales the air)
First Ya'Matla: Oh, Eighth, I have to confess, I... I love you!
Eighth Rik'Takran: And, I love you too!
Second Zo'Kran: Sir?
First Ya'Matla: Yes?
Second Zo'Kran: I love the Eighth!
Tenth Ukon'Ret (stands): What!?
(They all start fighting)
(On the Jenova)
Gondi: The ship has ceased fire and it is spinning around in circles?
Iviok: What?
Doyanis: You must also know, the Flortarios Underground is protesting the illegal disappearance of their legal kidnapping and attempting to seize control of the government as a result.
Iviok: Does the Phoenix-X know we're defending a world where the kidnappers are the victims??
Doyanis: Captain. The Hinxen-5732's warp core is destabilizing!
(The Hinxen-5732 explodes)
(They all start fighting)
(On the Jenova)
Gondi: The ship has ceased fire and it is spinning around in circles?
Iviok: What?
Doyanis: You must also know, the Flortarios Underground is protesting the illegal disappearance of their legal kidnapping and attempting to seize control of the government as a result.
Iviok: Does the Phoenix-X know we're defending a world where the kidnappers are the victims??
Doyanis: Captain. The Hinxen-5732's warp core is destabilizing!
(The Hinxen-5732 explodes)
(Halfway between halfway through the system and Flortarios III. The cloaked heavy cruiser Tengyek-3879, from Flortarios III, starts going on impulse to 1000 kilometers away from the planet. A Jem'Hadar small craft fighter leaves a distracted Tengyek-3879)
(In the small fighter)
Clingten: Those Jem'Hadar did a 180.
Pablokinya: No kidding, old man. What is happening to them and why hasn't it affected us?
Clingten: Bajoran Trove deluge. All Flortarian parents have their children inoculated from it.
Pablokinya: That part is good. But, ever since the age of the Keeper, society has deteriorated.
Clingten: Perhaps taking part in this authorized kidnapping will be more eye-opening than I thought.
Pablokinya: Now I get to hold you hostage at the Underground where we get to insult you, bring up issues that make you think and poke you with sticks. Also, do you like embarrassing inquiries?
Clingten: Do I??
(On the cloaked Tengyek-3879)
First Krek'Ona: All clear to go to warp.
(The ship's Vorta, Posh, speaks to Melinook)
Melinook: He's gone!?! You are supposed to the most apocalyptic threat since the Borg!
Posh: You know you're not in any form of authority here, right?
Third Ekin'Tosi: Sir, our ventilation system is activated.
Melinook: I swear I will have my revenge on Pablokinya! Aarrggghhh!!! I'm so mad!!
(Melinook takes a phaser and shoots Ekin'Tosi. Everyone in the room starts acting weird)
Two Hundreth Ren'Zon: Why, this isn't the Bridge of a heavy cruiser. It's the platform for the Mulan setting on the Disney Planet!
Sixth Dez'Rik (runs around): I'm naked!! Wooooooooo, yeah baby!
Eleventh Creg'Tog (soft voice): I know there are no such things as a female Jem'Hadar, but I will become one! Doctor!
Fifth Yen'Dron: Five little Jem'Hadars jumping on the deck. One jumped off and said...
Ninth Cret'Zan (jumps on the Fifth): What the heck!
Posh: It's obvious that there is a drug being poured in. Luckily, Vortas aren't affected by most drugs and poisons.
(Posh goes into the Ready Room)
Posh (starts doing gymnastics): It's always been my dream to make Regionals!
(The Tengyek-3879 goes to warp and heads for Cardassia)
(On the Phoenix-X)
Armond: The virus is working, the ships have stopped firing. Some of them are self-destructing?
Daniel: For the record, that was not intentioned. Call our task force back.
(In the Jem'Hadar small fighter)
Clingten (sips his drink): This is not bad.
Pablokinya: Kind of nice we can't be affected by it.
Clingten: To corrupt-people privilege!
Pablokinya: Sure. Anyway, here we are, Flortarios III. The land of the imprisoned and gravimetric disturbances.
(On the Phoenix-X, Bridge)
(On the cloaked Tengyek-3879)
First Krek'Ona: All clear to go to warp.
(The ship's Vorta, Posh, speaks to Melinook)
Melinook: He's gone!?! You are supposed to the most apocalyptic threat since the Borg!
Posh: You know you're not in any form of authority here, right?
Third Ekin'Tosi: Sir, our ventilation system is activated.
Melinook: I swear I will have my revenge on Pablokinya! Aarrggghhh!!! I'm so mad!!
(Melinook takes a phaser and shoots Ekin'Tosi. Everyone in the room starts acting weird)
Two Hundreth Ren'Zon: Why, this isn't the Bridge of a heavy cruiser. It's the platform for the Mulan setting on the Disney Planet!
Sixth Dez'Rik (runs around): I'm naked!! Wooooooooo, yeah baby!
Eleventh Creg'Tog (soft voice): I know there are no such things as a female Jem'Hadar, but I will become one! Doctor!
Fifth Yen'Dron: Five little Jem'Hadars jumping on the deck. One jumped off and said...
Ninth Cret'Zan (jumps on the Fifth): What the heck!
Posh: It's obvious that there is a drug being poured in. Luckily, Vortas aren't affected by most drugs and poisons.
(Posh goes into the Ready Room)
Posh (starts doing gymnastics): It's always been my dream to make Regionals!
(The Tengyek-3879 goes to warp and heads for Cardassia)
(On the Phoenix-X)
Armond: The virus is working, the ships have stopped firing. Some of them are self-destructing?
Daniel: For the record, that was not intentioned. Call our task force back.
(In the Jem'Hadar small fighter)
Clingten (sips his drink): This is not bad.
Pablokinya: Kind of nice we can't be affected by it.
Clingten: To corrupt-people privilege!
Pablokinya: Sure. Anyway, here we are, Flortarios III. The land of the imprisoned and gravimetric disturbances.
(On the Phoenix-X, Bridge)
Red: Did we ruin the Jem'Hadar? They seemed ruined.
Armond: The Jenova, Dropzone and Crucial are self-repairing but the Tsunami needs to go to Starbase 55. The Ixion is rescuing the afloat Hijinx.
BOB: A pretty good first run for Task Force Epsilon.
Ensign Dan (sips his drink): Did you know that this Bajoran Trove drink helps Bajorans concentrate too?
Daniel: Maybe that explains your sudden good work. By the way, I want this drink scrubbed completely from our replicator database. That is an order.
Daniel: Maybe that explains your sudden good work. By the way, I want this drink scrubbed completely from our replicator database. That is an order.
Gotens (crosses arms): Too bad we couldn't use the technology of gravimetric disturbances.
Daniel: I know and it's such an interesting concept too.
Daniel: I know and it's such an interesting concept too.
>Creeton (on screen): Captain, there's been a lot of bloodshed down here. Only the rescue of the Prime Minister could curb it??
Gotens: You must understand, Mr. President— Can I call you that?—
>Creeton: Only when I'm wearing my stars and strips pyjamas.
Gotens: —Most of those ships are set to self-destruct if the computer notices the circumstances. The PM could've been killed on any one of those ships.
>Creeton: This is a disappointment. If he's gone, I couldn't possibly take on his capacity and become the most powerful man on the planet. Wait. Could I? Is this my illegitimate opportunity? Wohoo!
>Creeton: Only when I'm wearing my stars and strips pyjamas.
Gotens: —Most of those ships are set to self-destruct if the computer notices the circumstances. The PM could've been killed on any one of those ships.
>Creeton: This is a disappointment. If he's gone, I couldn't possibly take on his capacity and become the most powerful man on the planet. Wait. Could I? Is this my illegitimate opportunity? Wohoo!
Daniel: Ohhh, yeah. I forgot about him. I mean, we were just leaving to inspect all the Jem'Hadar ships.
Gotens: This is all my fault, Captain. Twenty-seven years ago, the entity keeping this world in order was released by my temporally sporadic last host. With the creature gone, the Flortarians succumbed to insanely high levels of corruption.
Armond: Sirs! We're reading the approach of a Jem'Hadar small craft fighter with the Prime Minister aboard! Two life forms. He's with one of the people who kidnapped him!!
>Creeton: D'oh! Oh well. That should put things back to regular Flortarian unscrupulousness.
Daniel: Tractor them. Commander, go see if the Prime Minister is okay.
Gotens: On it. Red, Kayl, you're with me.
(On the Jem'Hadar small fighter, Pablokinya puts down his drink and holds a phaser to the PM's head. The Away Team beams aboard, squished in the little space)
Pablokinya: Let me down to the surface or I'll shoot!
Gotens: Did you even submit a kill form for approval?
Pablokinya: In fact, I did!
Kayl: Well then what can we do? And why are there so many of us?
Pablokinya (burps): Well, if our places were switched I'd use the gravimetric dis—
Gotens: Listen. There's a balance between law and order and what makes sense. Corruption is a societal cry for help.
Clingten: What are you talking about?
Gotens: You never needed an alien entity keeping your order. It was always within your people. Don't you see?
Clingten (hiccups): It was?
Pablokinya: Yes, and it still is.
Clingten (picks up his glass): Join me in the White House of Commons where we will sort out these high-level issues.
Pablokinya (picks up his glass): Okay, as long as I get to bring all my lawyers and some party hats.
Clingten: Whatever you need. We'll solve our predicament. And make sure to bring more of this wonderful drink!
#Daniel: Commander, is everything okay there?
(Pablokinya and Clingten toast their drinks)
Gotens: Yes, Captian. Everything's fine.
>Creeton: D'oh! Oh well. That should put things back to regular Flortarian unscrupulousness.
Daniel: Tractor them. Commander, go see if the Prime Minister is okay.
Gotens: On it. Red, Kayl, you're with me.
(On the Jem'Hadar small fighter, Pablokinya puts down his drink and holds a phaser to the PM's head. The Away Team beams aboard, squished in the little space)
Pablokinya: Let me down to the surface or I'll shoot!
Gotens: Did you even submit a kill form for approval?
Pablokinya: In fact, I did!
Kayl: Well then what can we do? And why are there so many of us?
Pablokinya (burps): Well, if our places were switched I'd use the gravimetric dis—
Gotens: Listen. There's a balance between law and order and what makes sense. Corruption is a societal cry for help.
Clingten: What are you talking about?
Gotens: You never needed an alien entity keeping your order. It was always within your people. Don't you see?
Clingten (hiccups): It was?
Pablokinya: Yes, and it still is.
Clingten (picks up his glass): Join me in the White House of Commons where we will sort out these high-level issues.
Pablokinya (picks up his glass): Okay, as long as I get to bring all my lawyers and some party hats.
Clingten: Whatever you need. We'll solve our predicament. And make sure to bring more of this wonderful drink!
#Daniel: Commander, is everything okay there?
(Pablokinya and Clingten toast their drinks)
Gotens: Yes, Captian. Everything's fine.