Star Trek: Phoenix-X
"Acquisitioned"
The Phoenix-X treks through the vast sea of stars after a day of fierce space battles. Cell makes his way down to Deck 4, Seifer's quarters.
Seifer: "Captain? Since when do you leave the bridge?"
Cell, in the doorway: "Sorry, Commander, but the comms are down, and we need to talk about how a head-butting contest with the Rasiinians turned into a starship fire-fight."
Seifer, cleaning up: "Do we have to? My head is still ringing from the impacts. Ugh."
Cell: "Fine. But what are those?"
He points to a bunch of items on the floor, which have fallen off the shelf.
Seifer: "Oh these are some of the collectables I've accumulated over the years. Each one has a specific back-story of how I got it and a level of meaning that relates to my uniqueness."
Cell: "As a Changeling, I've never seen the need for things and such. What a complete waste of time!"
Seifer, picks them up: "Yeah, I've wasted a lot. And I've got a lot of these; perhaps too many... A pre-Surak Vulcan bracelet I stole at an auction; the Stone of Vol, an artifact only the a tenth as powerful as the Stone of Gol; an Albeni meditation crystal which is sometimes an embryonic lifeform-- and, this, a Ressikan flute from this probe that was just handing them out."
Cell, picks up the flute: "That's interesting. Well, I suppose you don't really need this one."
Seifer: "You're probably right. But, possessions and all; am I right?"
Cell: "I'll take it off your hands."
Seifer, grabs the other end of it: "Actually, now that you bring it up, it is part of the collection."
Cell, pulls back: "But clearly you don't care about it."
Seifer, strengthens grip: "Well, maybe I should learn."
Cell: "Give it."
Seifer: "No."
Cell: "I'm giving you a direct order."
Seifer: "Get your own."
They fight for it until Seifer points passed Cell's shoulder into the corridors.
Seifer: "Oh, look, an insubordinate Ensign."
Cell, turns around and steps out: "Dammit, I hate those."
Ensign Dan, walking by: "What? I'm on my way to a meeting about stuns'ls."
Cell: "You're relieved!"
He turns back to find he's let go of the flute and Seifer's door has closed.
Cell: "Foiled again by that humanoid-scum. Well, he can forget being invited to the ship hacky-sack after-work-meet-up!"
#Armond: "Bridge to Cell. We're getting a distress call from a Gallamite colony."
Cell: "Um, I thought comms were down? There is a serious plot hole here."
#Armond: "Seifer ordered us to tell you that so you wouldn't trouble him for at least an hour."
Cell: "That son of a--!! No, my therapist says that just because Archer and Tucker said it, it doesn't mean I should--- I'll just transport him to the brig or something."
Later, the Prometheus-class Phoenix-X approaches a rogue asteroid with two habitable domes on it; one of which has a giant obstruction smashed into it. Cell enters the bridge and hails.
>Modin: "So, wait, your ship is the twenty-fifth in its line? That makes no sense."
Cell: "There was this whole transwarp testing phase.... vessels kept blowing up.... a Pakled happened; there was a flashback about it. Anyway, you're the one that called us! How dare you criticize my ship."
>Modin: "No, you are right. I can see you know transparent skulls. --Well, we're a small group but are branched with many of us being archeologists. We acquired a boulder believed to belong to the ancient Vulcan J'Kah and upon transporting it passed one of our domes, a gravity displacement surge resulted in its collision."
Cell: "Whoa, whoa. How does someone just own a giant boulder?"
>Modin: "Apparently J'Kah would Vulcan-bless them regularly and hand out pieces. We don't ask questions. --As for the dome, the atmosphere was partially compromised before shields sprung up in only half the sections. We need you to tractor it out and assess casualties."
Cell: "Hmm. A piece of that boulder would make a great personal collectable with meaning. We accept this mission and all the experience points that go along with it."
>Modin: "We don't have those, or any clue of what you mean?"
Cell: "Never mind. Just have your injured prepare for my arrival. If they're groping around in pain, have them grope less. It kind of upsets some of the crew."
>Modin: "Very well. Modin out."
Armond: "Sir, if the Commander were here, he'd insist he go down there in your place-- as per protocol."
Cell: "Good thing I beamed him to the cargo bay, inside one of those barrel-shaped containers."
Armond: "What?"
Cell: "Err-- I mean, he's out buying Lobi crystals from the Orion Syndicate."
Later, an away team of Cell, Lox and Kayl beam into the shielded section of the smashed dome. They fire phasers to cut out parts of boulder that have people half-trapped underneath it.
Toggav: "Ugh! My legs being under this thing is the worst! I once sat through dinner with my mother-in-law, and it no longer is that bad."
Cell: "Here, let me help you out, as is the style of Starfleet officer behaviour in the present."
The Captain lifts the boulder piece enough to free the guy. Kayl and Lox run off to help others.
Toggav, gets up: "Thank you so much. Luckily my legs were not crushed, so sex won't be off the table with the wife. By the way, she has the hottest, most voluptuous brain humps you've ever seen through a transparent skull."
Cell: "Alright, so I'll just grab a piece of this rock here then-- in memorandum of your continuing regular intercourse."
He picks one up.
Toggav, puts his hand on it: "Whoa there, snatchy-Rasmussen; you can't just take a piece of history. We're studying that."
Cell: "What? Technically all rocks in the galaxy are historical. This barely even covers an archival-fraction of this asteroid!"
Toggav: "Rules are rules. We're grateful for your assistance, but these materials, murderous and deserving of humanoid-to-inanimate-object-vengeance as they are, must be painstakingly catalogued and placed on rickety old shelving units for all to appreciate from afar-- another room, to be specific."
Cell: "Give it to me!"
Toggav: "No!"
They struggle over it until the Phoenix-X tractor-beams the giant boulder away from them, enough to distract Cell and allow Toggav to run away.
Toggav: "So long sucker! Hope your opaque head gets you a date!"
The Phoenix-X places the boulder next to the shielded and smashed dome, beams the away team back, turns and jumps to warp. Later, Cell sits in his ready room, spinning a padd around on his desk.
Cell: "I'm not sure why Sisko did this? It's so dizzying."
His bell rings and Seifer enters.
Seifer: "Everything looks great with the colony-- well, except for the deaths and all. Additionally, one of the scientists wanted me to give you something."
He takes out a disc that projects a hologram of Toggav giving him an obscene gesture.
Cell: "Ugh. Just throw it out-- Out of an air-lock this time; None of that tossing things on the transporter platform, like everyone does now."
Seifer: "Sure. Oh, by the way, During my time in the cargo cay, I found this in the mess. It's a piece of junk from our Gorlan encounter-- that time we accidentally sent a whole species back in time and into the Mirror Universe? If I recall, the leader was so grateful for bringing some kind, any kind, of a change to their mundane existence, that he threw this out at us just before disappearing forever."
He holds a stick up.
Cell: "Hm. I think it's a Gorlan prayer stick. Not that I go for things like that. --Just leave it on the desk, and I'll take care of its air-lock tossing."
Seifer: "Are you sure? I mean, I'm headed there right now. It seems impractical to duplicate similar tasks--"
Cell: "Just go! You're forgetting my edited version of Starfleet regulations where crew are not allowed to explain things to me anymore."
Seifer: "Ah. Right-- that Federation clone of the Ferengi Rules of Acquisitions."
Cell: "Um. I'm pretty sure ours predates our awareness of theirs. Plus, why."
Seifer: "You just broke your own rule."
Cell: "Dammit! Remind me to update those to omit me. Also, let's secretly distribute them to other ships."
He nods and then leaves. Cell picks up the prayer stick and examines it. Somehow, having it come to him, effortlessly, adds to its meaning. He then places it on the shelf.
THE END
